Working Moms, trying to figure something out

So, I am supposed to go back the first week of November and I can't stop thinking about it. Since day one, I have wasted hours crying about going back.

If I wait to go back until January, we would literally be barely scraping by. It would be so hard. . . and then the day is going to come anyway right?

So, I should just get it over with and go back. AnnaMaria is going to be with my mom and DH, the two people who love her as much as I do. And what happens in January when I STILL don't want to go back?

So, I am just thinking out loud I guess - I should just go back and deal with it because I would just waste the extra two months worrying about the inevitable PLUS having to worry about money.

Ok, this post was pointless LOL

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Do you want a perfect mother to answer this question - let me know before I start REALLy typing away....

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

I am in the same boat as you. I was supposed to go back in November. I decided pretty much right after she was born that I wanted to stay home longer, so I am going back at the end of January. The financial part suuucks because I haven't been paid for any of it, so it is definitely a stretch to stay home those extra 2 months. Only you can decide what's right for you, but you are lucky she will be in SUCH good hands when ever you go back.

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

It's like ripping a band aid... and being with your mom (at least IMO) is the best case scenario right? You'll get through it so I'd do it sooner rather than later if it will have a huge financial impact

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

On the other hand, you'll be into a routine by January if you go back in November....

In all seriousness, once you do get used the schedule & routine, it does get easier. You will feel out of sorts for some weeks but then well...you get bathroom breaks AND lunch hour where you can go out & eat!

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

I'm non-working so maybe my opinion is useless here, but I will say during maternity leave I too cried hour after hour at the very thought of the looming return date. Ultimately decided not to return with DH in agreement, that's fine. Then I felt guilty about how many hours I spent crying for nothing. In hindsight it wasn't "wasted" time, it was part of my process for figuring out my next step.

Here's my $0.02 which you can take or throw out as it suits . If it were *me* - and my DH was 100% supportive of it, I'd do a delayed return - thats a great "perk" and not many employers offer it! I wouldn't be fazed by another month or two of low income - as long as expenses are met that's all recoverable. That dip in income is not without its "gains" in other areas - a little more time with precious Annamaria; a more relaxed time to share her with your family and friends over the holidays - her first! Is it delaying the inevitable? Sure. But so what??? It won't MORE to go back on Jan 6 vs. Nov 6, kwim? They will both suck - equally.
So I vote delayed return (again contingent on meeting expenses AND dh's support)...

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

the wasted hours and time are KILLING me! i feel like i was planning my return from my hospital bed in recovery! I wish I wasnt like this!

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Do you want a perfect mother to answer this question - let me know before I start REALLy typing away....

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Posted by nrthshgrl

On the other hand, you'll be into a routine by January if you go back in November....

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Honestly, I would wait. As long as you sit down with your hubby and go over the finances and make sure you CAN, even if it means skimping on things for a couple months. As long as you can afford it, I would absolutely, hands-down, wait until January. Like a PP said, you will have more of a routine down by then. I made it a point to enjoy absolutely every little second I possibly could with my sweet little boy before going back to work. I didn't go back until I was legally required to. Of course, you will always wish you had more time, but if you CAN have a little more, I would most definitely take it. IMO, These early months are so priceless and I wanted to soak up every minute of it. In the meantime, DON'T THINK ABOUT GOING BACK TO WORK!! Not even for a second! Way easier said than done, I know. But seriously, just savor every second in the present with your sweet little girl and don't live in the future, or you'll miss the time you have together now!

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Thank you everyone for answering, having a hard night here!

Going to head to bed now

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

It will be hard to go back regardless, but if you CAN stay longer, do it.

I had a preemie who spent the first month of his life in the hospital. I went back to work when he was 3 months old, but only returned part time. I started off working 3 days a week and after a month went to 4 days a week. 2 months after that (when DS was 6 months old), I went back full time. I wasn't paid for this time off, and it definitely hurt us financially, but I just couldn't NOT take more time with him if I had the chance to. I felt like it was the best balance for us - getting a paycheck (albeit a smaller one), while still having extra time with DS.

Working 3 days a week felt like the best of both worlds to me. I wish I could still have that schedule.

If you can swing it, I'd say wait and return in January. They are only this little once. And so many people don't even have the option to stay home longer (paid or unpaid). If it's going to put a huge strain on you financially, maybe you could return in December instead of January. Is that even an option?

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

If scraping by wouldn't be THAT detrimental to your financial health, I would do it. You won't ever get that time back. With both pregnancies I took 12 weeks and each time I though 16 weeks would be ideal.

If it will be a major strain for you - then I would go back.

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

I just went back to work in Sept and I made it so much worse than it is. Don't get me wrong, it still totally sux, but DD is with DH when I am at work. I just get into the office, do what I have to do, and get the heck home. There is no playing around. You sort of go into auto-pilot. Then when I am home, I spend every minute with her and the weekends are our time. It will be tough at first, but you can do it.

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

what would you be giving up if you wait til Jan? Would you be ging back to work with no time?

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Posted by Salason

It's like ripping a band aid... and being with your mom (at least IMO) is the best case scenario right? You'll get through it so I'd do it sooner rather than later if it will have a huge financial impact

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Posted by Linda1003

Posted by Salason

It's like ripping a band aid... and being with your mom (at least IMO) is the best case scenario right? You'll get through it so I'd do it sooner rather than later if it will have a huge financial impact

I agree with this!!

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

I know how you feel.
I had to go back after 8 weeks due to having ZERO leave time at my new job.
I cried SO much. I debated. I tried to figure out how we could scrap by if I took just one more week, just 2 more weeks off- unpaid.
But the bottom line is- the longer you wait, the harder it will be. It's jut delaying the inevitable.
I say- just do it according to schedule. You will see how quickly you all adjust.
And you are very lucky that you don't have to bring your DD to daycare or a babysitter- you have your mom and DH watching her so you know she is always in good hands.
I can't tell you how much more relaxed I am on the days DD is home with my DH rather than at daycare.

It's going to be hard to be away from her all day of course- but you'll appreciate her even more when you get home after a hard day and get to see her smiling face! It totally wipes out any stress or bad day you had at work!

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

I know exactly how you feel. I went back to work after Labor Day. Every time I thought about leaving DD during the month of August, I would tear up. When I went to take her out of her crib on her first day of day care, I started crying. I don't know how I was even able to put on make up that morning.

All that said, the second day of drop off was much better, but I was dying for the weekend to come by Thursday. The next week got easier. There are definitely days when I miss DD terribly and can't wait to get home. There are days when I feel guilty because I only see her for a few hours. At the same time, she is having a blast at day care. Her teachers are fantastic, and I am so excited for the experience she is having.

Only you know when you will be ready to return to work. For me, it was better to jump right back in on my scheduled day.

They call is work-life balance for a reason. You are constantly trying to balance everything. It's going to be tough no matter what, but you'll get through it.

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Posted by nov04libride

Posted by Linda1003

Posted by Salason

It's like ripping a band aid... and being with your mom (at least IMO) is the best case scenario right? You'll get through it so I'd do it sooner rather than later if it will have a huge financial impact

I agree with this!!

I agree. I was in the same boat, and sucked it up and went back in Nov. Esp. since she'll be in such good hands!

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

man..i dreaded going back to work. I actually bought myself a 2 week extension with my boss in exchange for not working at home (which he would have revoked anyway).
I was not ready to go back..those 2 weeks really helped. and honestly, it wasnt so bad going back.

the first few days I was so busy catching up with everyone that they flew by. and you're lucky your DC is with grandparents, DH, etc...thats very comforting.

i wouldnt delay until january.

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

My opinion:

If you NEED to continue working for financal reasons anyhow....then go back when you should ....you have only to be sad about leaving her and not ALSO about $$$$ then!!




If there is a possibility of you being a SAHM or working PT then arrange that now.

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

go back in November.

I thought it was hard then, but the more interactive she gets the more difficult it will be.

but you'll already BE back so your routine will be established.

while it sucked going back at 6 weeks, it would have destroyed me to go back at 3 months, 6 months...shoot, I cried out the door this morning

they would have had to pry me out if today would have been my first day.

Message edited 9/21/2011 1:40:34 PM.

Re: Working Moms, trying to figure something out

Why don't you do something inbetween? You could take 4 months... its what I did.