Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Posted by mamabear

Posted by Hofstra26

If it were me.........first, there is NO way in h@ll I would let my MIL (or anyone for that matter) stay with me for 2 months with a new baby in the house. That being said, she's there BUT you're the mom. You do what you think is right. This your baby, not hers. If you're not comfortable with her sitting vigil (weird) with the baby then say so and have your baby in the room with you which is where you want her. Speak up now or you will get very resentful. If what is happening doesn't feel right to you then it probably isn't. Good luck!

ITA. I wanted as much alone time with the baby. I wanted to be the first one DD saw when she would wake up, the first one to comfort her, the one to take care of her at all hours of the night, etc. But not everyone feels that way. And I absolutely wanted DD in my room. I personally think your MIL is breaking some boundaries and getting too close and playing too much of a "parent" role, but that is JMO, and someone else might feel completely different. If you are comfortable with it, it's ok. If you're not, well then, don't hesitate to tell her to back off.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Count your blessings!!!!!! I am PAYING for a baby nurse to stay here for 2 weeks after my c/s to help with the baby and be with her during the night. I would love it if we had my MIL or my mom able to stay with us so I can get sleep and just have her brought in for nursing. So that someone else will do the night time diaper changing burping and rocking when needed.

We did the same for DS and he adjusted just fine when the baby nurse left.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

I'm sorry but my blood is boiling for you!!!
I think this is one of the strangest MIL invasions ever!!!!
I personally think that it's important that us as MOTHERS get to bond and develop a trust with our babies. Grandparents are wonderful but are not the PARENTS.
If you want your baby in your room - I would go through the fires of h e l l to make sure it happened.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Posted by MikesWife

I'm sorry but my blood is boiling for you!!!
I think this is one of the strangest MIL invasions ever!!!!
I personally think that it's important that us as MOTHERS get to bond and develop a trust with our babies. Grandparents are wonderful but are not the PARENTS.
If you want your baby in your room - I would go through the fires of h e l l to make sure it happened.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

If it were me, I would sit her down with your dh and explain that while you appreciate her help, you need some time to bond as a family and it would be best if she headed home. If she doesn't "get" it, then your dh might need to explain it a little more firmly. I personally would not want anyone else feeding my baby at night...that was a special time for me and my dds. During the day, I would let people hold my dd and help out, but during the night, it was our special bonding time. Also, anyone watching me sleep kind of creeps me out, so I really wouldn't want someone doing the same thing for my dd!

ETA: I just read your post about her coming from Poland, etc. I think you need to set boundaries quickly so that she understands you are going to do the feedings, etc. if that is what you want...for me, she would need to stay in her bedroom at night and not come out unless you specially ask for her help.

Message edited 8/26/2009 3:57:39 PM.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

I think it's great that she's willing to take night feedings but to sit & watch the baby all night is strange - and more importantly, really unnecessary.

I don't think I'd be able to handle 2 months of anyone living in my house especially with a newborn.

If you're ok with it, then it's not a problem. If you're not, then you need to say something NOW rather than later. You can say we're taking her in our room tonight and go from there. I'm only telling you to nip this because it will only get worse if you keep it all in.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

I think it's time for you and DH to put your foot down on what you want.
Do it now or it will be MUCH harder later on.

Besides this is time you won't get back with your baby. I absolutely loved waking up with DD in the middle of the night. We had her bassinet right next to me in the bed the first few months. I wouldn't have given up this time for the world.

There's no way I would let my mom or MIL take my child from me when I was sleeping. If I even thought that would be the case, they would be out of my house so fast they wouldn't have time to pack. There are boundaries that you just don't cross.

Good luck. Be firm. YOU are the parent and what you say goes, especially in your home.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

thanx ladies i realllllllly appreciate ur suppport. i cant even pick up the friggin phone to call and bit*ch to my mom bc shes always here!

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Posted by karanthony

Posted by NextStopBabytown

Posted by saraH

Please take your child back, now.

There is no reason for your MIL to sit vigil over you child. It's a bit stange.

ITA!!

There is no way I would ever allow this, take her back soon, that is the strangest thing I have ever heard

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Posted by saraH

Please take your child back, now.

There is no reason for your MIL to sit vigil over you child. It's a bit stange.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

I'm confused here, is she staying up at night to help you with the baby, or staying up all night to watch her sleep and make sure she's ok?

If she's just watching her sleep then it is CREEPY and you need to put a stop to it.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

I dont want to sound judgemental but I am creeped out by this. I have to be blunt, I dont feel it's HER place, I find it to be for her own personal reasons and I think she's going to become too possessive/obsessive in the future if you allow this to go on.

I would stop it asap. It's your baby, she should sleep in your room with you and your DH.

I am lucky if I wanted MIL to visit, let alone stay over, and for so long.

I think it's unnecessary for sure, and definitely for selfish reasons, your DC doesn't need someone staying up to watch their every breath the entire night. Put your baby in YOUR room and you will wake if baby needs you.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Message edited 8/26/2009 4:13:27 PM.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Posted by gabbie83

Posted by mamabear

Posted by Hofstra26

If it were me.........first, there is NO way in h@ll I would let my MIL (or anyone for that matter) stay with me for 2 months with a new baby in the house. That being said, she's there BUT you're the mom. You do what you think is right. This your baby, not hers. If you're not comfortable with her sitting vigil (weird) with the baby then say so and have your baby in the room with you which is where you want her. Speak up now or you will get very resentful. If what is happening doesn't feel right to you then it probably isn't. Good luck!

ITA. I wanted as much alone time with the baby. I wanted to be the first one DD saw when she would wake up, the first one to comfort her, the one to take care of her at all hours of the night, etc. But not everyone feels that way. And I absolutely wanted DD in my room. I personally think your MIL is breaking some boundaries and getting too close and playing too much of a "parent" role, but that is JMO, and someone else might feel completely different. If you are comfortable with it, it's ok. If you're not, well then, don't hesitate to tell her to back off.

i know!!!!!!!!!!!! she did the same thing with my SIL annd brags about it all the time, and i tell her im fine but she insists blablabla............
she came from poland in may for 6 months - she was supposed to be working the whole time, live in, be with us only on the weekends........ it was all fine but what do you know, the day we get out of the hospital she gets into a fight w/ the ppl she worked for and coincidently they fired her/she quit - mutually ---------- and shes a friggin happy camper bc she gets to help me for the remaining 2 months

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

When DH and I brought DS home, MIL stayed with us to help us out for a couple weeks. She offered to help with the night feeds of pumped BM, and as tempted as I was to get my sleep back I said absolutely NOT. She heard DS crying many nights and me and DH going back and forth like zombies trying to figure out what to do with him.

She repeatedly offered to help us at night and I told her that I would rather her help during the day. I told her DH and I needed to figure out how to deal with DS at night from the get go since we won't always have help to rely on at night. She understood and we nipped it in the bud.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

I don't like to judge people, but yes, thats weird and I would nip this in the bud now. Take the baby back into your room and make it a no go zone for her at night.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

Posted by gabbie83

my mom said please bring my granddaughter over tomorrow!!!!! the woman is psycho.
so atleast i feel better that im not the only one with my parents that thinks this is a bit strange.

she goes to sleep at like 6pm so she can wake up at like midnight and take her from me. i literally just want to cry,
did ii mention that my mom was supposed to help me out in the beginning and instead MIL is ;(
im so frustrated ladies, its not even funny.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

honestly you need to put your foot down.
this is your special bonding time with the baby. not hers! she went through it already! you are in charge now.

you can even buy an angel care monitor- it lets you know if the baby stops breathing.

all you have to do is say, "no no, the baby is sleeping in my room, thank you i appreciate your offer"
i mean, really what is she going to do? pry the baby out of your arms?
just approach the situation calmly. do not create a hostile environment for the baby.
as a matter of facct, dont even say anything, just put the baby to sleep in your room. again, what is she going to do? walk in and take her out?
this is ludicris!

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

You really need to tell her tonight that the 'vigil' is over. DD will be in her bassinet from now on, in your bedroom. Also, I would tell her that though you appreciate her help, you would rather have just the three of you at home right now. If she chooses to stay the 2 months at SIL's house, that's fine, just not in your house. It is not normal that she is sitting 'vigil' like your DD is ill (God forbid). I think she is mentally 'off' and needs to leave your house and let you be the MOTHER!! Please do not let this go on. Do not take NO for an answer. This is how it is going to be and that is it. Threaten to stay at your parents' house with DD until she leaves. I totally want to kick her out of your house or you!

Edit: for spelling

Message edited 8/26/2009 5:44:43 PM.

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

start setting boundaries NOW!!!!!!! My MIL is obssesed with my dd and I needed her to know who was in charge. She thought she could do what she wants with my dd and that's no ok!! You don't set boundaries now your in for it in the long run. Hope all works out!!!!

Re: need advice - re:MIL keeping vigil w/ my newborn DD

This is going to sound harsh but I mean in for your benefit.....tell your MIL to shove it. You need to set boundaries now, and put your foot down and stand up to her. Dont wait for DH to do it. If you want YOUR child in YOUR room, then take DD and put her there and tell your MIL tough sh!t.

Im not sure if you dont want her doing it, why you are letting it happen.

She sounds like a nutcase!!!! Good luck!!!!