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spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
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A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
As many said, it all depends on that is meant by IT ALL. If IT ALL is a successfully career as a law firm partner or, to stay closer to my own field, an owner of a huger design firm with fortune 500 clientele, all while being an amazing mom who makes every recital, every baseball game, spends long quality hours with the kids and bakes cookies with them on the weekend, than NO, it is definitely absolutely not possible to have it all. You will either be dedicating yourself to a powerful position like that or to your kids.
However, if you are fortunate enough to simply love what you do for a living, without trying to climb up too high up the corporate ladder where you would have to sacrifice your family in order to stay up where you are, than it is very doable.
I happen to love what I do for a living. Lucky me, because if I didn't, my life would have been truly truly miserable. I HAVE to work, it's not the choice I made. It's just a reality of life. I am a graphic designer and I love it, so when I come to work and have a great project to work on, I am happy.
Am I at the same time happy that I see my son for less than 3 hours a day? NO! Do I often feel guilty and ashamed that I haven't arranged my life in a way where I wouldn't have to go to work every day after having kids? YES. Would I give up my job to be a SAHM if we could afford it? IN A SECOND.
Basically, because of the laws of this country, you have to make a lot of sacrifices one way or another. We were allowed to enter work force and go all the way to the top. Unfortunately, during that process it was forgotten that we are still women and need to procreate and raise our children, or at least to participate in their daily lives from time to time...
So I guess you can have it all, but that ALL needs to have some limits Hmmm...
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Posted 1/23/07 8:41 PM  |
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mommy2bella
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by WhatNow
However, if you are fortunate enough to simply love what you do for a living, without trying to climb up too high up the corporate ladder where you would have to sacrifice your family in order to stay up where you are, than it is very doable.
See, I would like to continue advancing in my industry...right up to the top.
And I believe I can do both...
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| Posted 1/23/07 8:44 PM |
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BaroqueMama
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me
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by mommy2bellabean
Posted by WhatNow
However, if you are fortunate enough to simply love what you do for a living, without trying to climb up too high up the corporate ladder where you would have to sacrifice your family in order to stay up where you are, than it is very doable.
See, I would like to continue advancing in my industry...right up to the top.
And I believe I can do both...
I have to agree that you can absolutely do both. And I think that the more women who believe that and still make time for their family, then the more likely that we can change what the perception of "having it all" is. We are not victims of society, and we do how the power to overcome what is "typical" and expected of us as working moms. If someone doesn't make it to the top of their career, I don't think they should blame having children, I think they should blame themselves for not figuring out a way to make both work. I honestly believe that where there's a will, there's a way. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be at the top of your career AND a mother. You CAN have both. I know women who do and are very satisfied and happy.
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| Posted 1/23/07 8:48 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
It's a silly term. No one can "have it all" in any given situation. Any decision means sacrifices and opportunity costs.
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| Posted 1/24/07 7:46 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
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Beth
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by mommy2bellabean
Posted by WhatNow
However, if you are fortunate enough to simply love what you do for a living, without trying to climb up too high up the corporate ladder where you would have to sacrifice your family in order to stay up where you are, than it is very doable.
See, I would like to continue advancing in my industry...right up to the top.
And I believe I can do both...
I have to agree that you can absolutely do both. And I think that the more women who believe that and still make time for their family, then the more likely that we can change what the perception of "having it all" is. We are not victims of society, and we do how the power to overcome what is "typical" and expected of us as working moms. If someone doesn't make it to the top of their career, I don't think they should blame having children, I think they should blame themselves for not figuring out a way to make both work. I honestly believe that where there's a will, there's a way. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be at the top of your career AND a mother. You CAN have both. I know women who do and are very satisfied and happy.
I find this a little disturbing... I don't blame my daughter for not being able to "make it to the top" in my career - I blame the laws in this country and the field in which I work. So you're telling me I should "blame myself" for not figuring out a way to make both work? Ok, then tell me, in a field where the only feasible way to make partner and make it to the top of my field is to bill 2200 hours a year, work through the night and work weekends on a regular basis, how should I make both work? Granted, I"ve DECIDED the hours aren't worth it and that's part of the reason why I applied for a government job - the substance of the work is more interesting, and I can lead a successful career without working insane hours. But, in an ideal world, I SHOULDN'T have had to MAKE that choice. And I truly DO NOT believe that it's my fault for not figuring out a way for it to work at a big firm while being a good mommy.
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| Posted 1/24/07 8:36 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by mommy2bellabean
Posted by WhatNow
However, if you are fortunate enough to simply love what you do for a living, without trying to climb up too high up the corporate ladder where you would have to sacrifice your family in order to stay up where you are, than it is very doable.
See, I would like to continue advancing in my industry...right up to the top.
And I believe I can do both...
I have to agree that you can absolutely do both. And I think that the more women who believe that and still make time for their family, then the more likely that we can change what the perception of "having it all" is. We are not victims of society, and we do how the power to overcome what is "typical" and expected of us as working moms. If someone doesn't make it to the top of their career, I don't think they should blame having children, I think they should blame themselves for not figuring out a way to make both work. I honestly believe that where there's a will, there's a way. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be at the top of your career AND a mother. You CAN have both. I know women who do and are very satisfied and happy.
I find this a little disturbing... I don't blame my daughter for not being able to "make it to the top" in my career - I blame the laws in this country and the field in which I work. So you're telling me I should "blame myself" for not figuring out a way to make both work? Ok, then tell me, in a field where the only feasible way to make partner and make it to the top of my field is to bill 2200 hours a year, work through the night and work weekends on a regular basis, how should I make both work? Granted, I"ve DECIDED the hours aren't worth it and that's part of the reason why I applied for a government job - the substance of the work is more interesting, and I can lead a successful career without working insane hours. But, in an ideal world, I SHOULDN'T have had to MAKE that choice. And I truly DO NOT believe that it's my fault for not figuring out a way for it to work at a big firm while being a good mommy.
Sorry I "disturbed" you I guess we all have our different outlooks on things.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:02 AM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
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:)
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by prncssrachel
Absolutely. And if that's what a woman wants, why SHOULDN'T she have it? We are all humans with needs, wants, desires, etc. I need to work. I want to work. I am a mother, but I am also a person, and I feel that satisfying myself personally will make me a better mother. It just so happens that working is satisfying to me. If staying home was satisfying to me, I'd find a way to do that.
well said rachel  Although Im in this middle world of SAHM and working here and there  so I cant seem to commit to either side
but I ABSOLUTELY agree that mommy being happy means its having it ALL in the sense of EVERYTHING that makes it work and makes the family happy.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:17 AM |
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JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
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Jen
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
I am about to embark on becoming a working mother.
I already know that I will try to give my best to my job and the baby, but I feel like there is going to be an imbalance.
There is no way I am going to be able to give it my all at work (like I do now) and handle a baby at the same time.
I will die trying though!
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:19 AM |
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JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by mommy2bellabean
Posted by WhatNow
However, if you are fortunate enough to simply love what you do for a living, without trying to climb up too high up the corporate ladder where you would have to sacrifice your family in order to stay up where you are, than it is very doable.
See, I would like to continue advancing in my industry...right up to the top.
And I believe I can do both...
I have to agree that you can absolutely do both. And I think that the more women who believe that and still make time for their family, then the more likely that we can change what the perception of "having it all" is. We are not victims of society, and we do how the power to overcome what is "typical" and expected of us as working moms. If someone doesn't make it to the top of their career, I don't think they should blame having children, I think they should blame themselves for not figuring out a way to make both work. I honestly believe that where there's a will, there's a way. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be at the top of your career AND a mother. You CAN have both. I know women who do and are very satisfied and happy.
I find this a little disturbing... I don't blame my daughter for not being able to "make it to the top" in my career - I blame the laws in this country and the field in which I work. So you're telling me I should "blame myself" for not figuring out a way to make both work? Ok, then tell me, in a field where the only feasible way to make partner and make it to the top of my field is to bill 2200 hours a year, work through the night and work weekends on a regular basis, how should I make both work? Granted, I"ve DECIDED the hours aren't worth it and that's part of the reason why I applied for a government job - the substance of the work is more interesting, and I can lead a successful career without working insane hours. But, in an ideal world, I SHOULDN'T have had to MAKE that choice. And I truly DO NOT believe that it's my fault for not figuring out a way for it to work at a big firm while being a good mommy.
I am an attorney too and I left a firm because of the billable hrs. Government jobs give you a lot more leeway for bringing up kids.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:23 AM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by prncssrachel
I have to agree that you can absolutely do both. And I think that the more women who believe that and still make time for their family, then the more likely that we can change what the perception of "having it all" is. We are not victims of society, and we do how the power to overcome what is "typical" and expected of us as working moms. If someone doesn't make it to the top of their career, I don't think they should blame having children, I think they should blame themselves for not figuring out a way to make both work. I honestly believe that where there's a will, there's a way. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be at the top of your career AND a mother. You CAN have both. I know women who do and are very satisfied and happy.
i REALLY think that this varies by profession, and i don't think its possible to make a generalization on the topic. Different feilds require completely different investments and sacrifices to 'get to the top', and though it may be possible to do it while you have kids, there's a huge difference between simply having children And being a great parent. Honestly, my 'dream' position would be Chief of Surgery. Can you tell me that that is honestly possible while ALL ALONG being a great parent? i think its idealistic if i were to think that.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:28 AM |
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anon
where's winter?
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xxxxxxx
Message edited 2/12/2007 2:35:20 PM.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:28 AM |
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alisonggg
Cutie
Member since 3/06 4749 total posts
Name:
a
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by anon
no
my feelings on this topic are similar to Bxgell2's
mine as well
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:34 AM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
I think have it all is a relative term.
I feel like I have what I want to have in my life. I work full time at a job I love and have two boys. I have a found a great balance between the two for my family with the help of a wonderful husband who works different hours then I do. He is home with our children at 1:00 pm. If not for him, I would probably not be as happy. I feel that when I get home I enjoy the time I have with my family and feel it is quality time, versus more time being home and focusing on other things.
So I feel like I have it all, but I know that my situation is not having it all to someone else.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:36 AM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
yep...
Message edited 1/24/2007 9:38:28 AM.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:37 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by alisonggg
Posted by anon
no
my feelings on this topic are similar to Bxgell2's
mine as well
Mine too. I think many of us will make large sacrifices in our careers, and while I am sure we will all think our children are worth it, it will entail great sacrifice for most of us.
And I have read these responses about people making it work...But it is all with great sacrifice. People working opposite hours so that someone is home with the baby but they rarely see their spouse, people who are single mothers much of the time while the husbands work constantly...There is no ideal here, and it's wonderful that people feel their situation is best for them...
Message edited 1/24/2007 9:40:29 AM.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:37 AM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
what is "having it all"
do we all have to define ourselves in terms of our work, how much money we make, and the "stuff" we have?
I don't really know if that is how I want to define myself as a person and as a mother, and I certainly don't want to teach my daughter that either.
I don't define my choices in terms of good or bad- they just are- and they are where I am at the moment.... I don't want to look forward and I don't want to look backwards- I just want to be in the present and enjoying my daughter here and now....
I also don't want to be perpetually brow beating myself that I should have a bigger house, be a better more fabulous mother, etc etc- b/c I know that negative energy isn't going to get me anywhere.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:45 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by prncssrachel
Posted by mommy2bellabean
Posted by WhatNow
However, if you are fortunate enough to simply love what you do for a living, without trying to climb up too high up the corporate ladder where you would have to sacrifice your family in order to stay up where you are, than it is very doable.
See, I would like to continue advancing in my industry...right up to the top.
And I believe I can do both...
I have to agree that you can absolutely do both. And I think that the more women who believe that and still make time for their family, then the more likely that we can change what the perception of "having it all" is. We are not victims of society, and we do how the power to overcome what is "typical" and expected of us as working moms. If someone doesn't make it to the top of their career, I don't think they should blame having children, I think they should blame themselves for not figuring out a way to make both work. I honestly believe that where there's a will, there's a way. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be at the top of your career AND a mother. You CAN have both. I know women who do and are very satisfied and happy.
I find this a little disturbing... I don't blame my daughter for not being able to "make it to the top" in my career - I blame the laws in this country and the field in which I work. So you're telling me I should "blame myself" for not figuring out a way to make both work? Ok, then tell me, in a field where the only feasible way to make partner and make it to the top of my field is to bill 2200 hours a year, work through the night and work weekends on a regular basis, how should I make both work? Granted, I"ve DECIDED the hours aren't worth it and that's part of the reason why I applied for a government job - the substance of the work is more interesting, and I can lead a successful career without working insane hours. But, in an ideal world, I SHOULDN'T have had to MAKE that choice. And I truly DO NOT believe that it's my fault for not figuring out a way for it to work at a big firm while being a good mommy.
Sorry I "disturbed" you I guess we all have our different outlooks on things.
Well, you did. I think ignoring the very real obstacles that we face as a group is not going to get us ANYWHERE in our fight for "having it all". And I also think it's very easy to make blanket statements and judgements without understanding the practicalities outside of your own field. I don't think it's any coincidence that even in this day most working women work in fields that are typically less demanding - i.e. a teacher, administrator, professor. That's what my mother did - she had a very successful career as a professor and raised 3 children at the same time. But was that her choice? No, actually, she wanted to be an attorney. I guess I'm living her dream, which is telling as to how far we HAVE come, but at the same time, there are still obstacles that I must face and certain sacrifices and compromises I must make in this field. Do you know how many female partners are at my firm? Hmmm, I think they total 8%, and I guarantee that if you ask all the women who work here they would LIKE to be partner, but it's just not feasible while raising children. There's simply NO WAY I can compete with the two associates at my office - one has no children and the other has children but his wife is a SAHM, which is typical of this industry, in this area. The associate who just made partner billed almost 3000 hours this past year - do you know what that means in practical terms? Working from about 6am-10pm every night, plus weekends. How, Rachel, can I be the best mommy I can be, while achieving partner, if I'm working from 6am-10pm? Now, yes, I'm making my field "work for me" so to speak, by finding a job in an area that isn't quite as demanding, and judges your performance by your skills, not the number of hours you work. But, the point I'm trying to make is that this is not HAVING IT ALL. Having it all is not having to make that choice to move to another area - to be able to make partner and be an incredible mommy at the same time, and in this country, in certain professions, we're not there yet, and the longer we blame one another and ignore the true obstacles, the longer it will take to get there.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:45 AM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by Bxgell2
And I also think it's very easy to make blanket statements and judgements without understanding the practicalities outside of your own field. I don't think it's any coincidence that even in this day most working women work in fields that are typically less demanding - i.e. a teacher, administrator, professor.
That is a bit insulting, saying that others jobs are not as demanding.
While I may work overtime during tax seaons and have to spend more time in my office, I would never assume that being a teacher who maybe works less hours at the school, does not bring work home, grading papers, doing lesson plans etc.
While I may or may not agree with what Rachel says about having it all, I would never insult her or any others choice of professions, and if they are demanding or not.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:54 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by Michelle
Posted by Bxgell2
And I also think it's very easy to make blanket statements and judgements without understanding the practicalities outside of your own field. I don't think it's any coincidence that even in this day most working women work in fields that are typically less demanding - i.e. a teacher, administrator, professor.
That is a bit insulting, saying that others jobs are not as demanding.
While I may work overtime during tax seaons and have to spend more time in my office, I would never assume that being a teacher who maybe works less hours at the school, does not bring work home, grading papers, doing lesson plans etc.
While I may or may not agree with what Rachel says about having it all, I would never insult her or any others choice of professions, and if they are demanding or not.
I teach as a professor part-time and I agree with Beth--it is definitely a career better suited to having children. It's not a put-down...It's just on the basis of number of days off and number of hours required to be on campus, it is infinitely easier than a lawyer or doctor. That doesn't mean I don't spend tons of hours grading and correcting, but it is definitely different than my brother the lawyer who spends 15 hours in the office a day, because he needs that many billable hours to make partner.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:58 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by Michelle
Posted by Bxgell2
And I also think it's very easy to make blanket statements and judgements without understanding the practicalities outside of your own field. I don't think it's any coincidence that even in this day most working women work in fields that are typically less demanding - i.e. a teacher, administrator, professor.
That is a bit insulting, saying that others jobs are not as demanding.
While I may work overtime during tax seaons and have to spend more time in my office, I would never assume that being a teacher who maybe works less hours at the school, does not bring work home, grading papers, doing lesson plans etc.
While I may or may not agree with what Rachel says about having it all, I would never insult her or any others choice of professions, and if they are demanding or not.
I'm sorry I insulted you or anyone else, but let's look at the realities here. I would never DREAM of saying that anyone's job is more important than anyone else's - in fact, the profession I admire most is the teaching profession, partly because I grew up with a mother as a professor, partly because I know the stamina and strength it requires and partly because I admire the daily impact a teacher makes on the world around him/her. BUT, with that said, we cannot ignore that different professions make different demands. While I'm sure there is work to be done after the school day, it's not the same as someone who works on the trading floor, someone in court, or someone working in a hospital until the wee hours of the morning. I lived with a teacher for 5 years - yes, it's demanding, but in terms of hours, literally, just the hours, it's not the same - a lot of that work can be done at home whereas mine cannot. I'm not making judgments as to which profession is more important, more rewarding, or what not... just in terms of pure hours, there ARE differences.
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| Posted 1/24/07 9:59 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by Michelle
Posted by Bxgell2
And I also think it's very easy to make blanket statements and judgements without understanding the practicalities outside of your own field. I don't think it's any coincidence that even in this day most working women work in fields that are typically less demanding - i.e. a teacher, administrator, professor.
That is a bit insulting, saying that others jobs are not as demanding.
While I may work overtime during tax seaons and have to spend more time in my office, I would never assume that being a teacher who maybe works less hours at the school, does not bring work home, grading papers, doing lesson plans etc.
While I may or may not agree with what Rachel says about having it all, I would never insult her or any others choice of professions, and if they are demanding or not.
I teach as a professor part-time and I agree with Beth--it is definitely a career better suited to having children. It's not a put-down...It's just on the basis of number of days off and number of hours required to be on campus, it is infinitely easier than a lawyer or doctor. That doesn't mean I don't spend tons of hours grading and correcting, but it is definitely different than my brother the lawyer who spends 15 hours in the office a day, because he needs that many billable hours to make partner.
Exactly the point I'm trying to make - THANK YOU!
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| Posted 1/24/07 10:00 AM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by Michelle
Posted by Bxgell2
And I also think it's very easy to make blanket statements and judgements without understanding the practicalities outside of your own field. I don't think it's any coincidence that even in this day most working women work in fields that are typically less demanding - i.e. a teacher, administrator, professor.
That is a bit insulting, saying that others jobs are not as demanding.
While I may work overtime during tax seaons and have to spend more time in my office, I would never assume that being a teacher who maybe works less hours at the school, does not bring work home, grading papers, doing lesson plans etc.
While I may or may not agree with what Rachel says about having it all, I would never insult her or any others choice of professions, and if they are demanding or not.
I agree. I never imagined how much work a teacher has, and I completely admire any teacher-moms because I STILL cant bring myself to send out a resume  With my boys being so small, im still in a middleground where Im comfortable with working part time. but with the market being so tough, I probably would taken an opportunity if it crossed my path.
It's wrong to say that any job is more or less demanding. There are so many aspects of every job that others (who are not in that position) have NO clue about. and Ive seen secretaries to VPs, CEOs, who work 20 times as hard as their bosses. so it's not always the title and high profile of a position.
I agreed with Rachel in that you have it ALL if you are happy. and ALL is different to each one of us. and if mommy is happy and has ALL that she wants, then YES she has it all.
Personally, I also beleive in SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE. It's hard enough to raise kids while working part time, so I can imagine how much harder it will be while working full time, but it's a jump im eventually VERY willing to take 
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| Posted 1/24/07 10:02 AM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by Michelle
Posted by Bxgell2
And I also think it's very easy to make blanket statements and judgements without understanding the practicalities outside of your own field. I don't think it's any coincidence that even in this day most working women work in fields that are typically less demanding - i.e. a teacher, administrator, professor.
That is a bit insulting, saying that others jobs are not as demanding.
While I may work overtime during tax seaons and have to spend more time in my office, I would never assume that being a teacher who maybe works less hours at the school, does not bring work home, grading papers, doing lesson plans etc.
While I may or may not agree with what Rachel says about having it all, I would never insult her or any others choice of professions, and if they are demanding or not.
I teach as a professor part-time and I agree with Beth--it is definitely a career better suited to having children. It's not a put-down...It's just on the basis of number of days off and number of hours required to be on campus, it is infinitely easier than a lawyer or doctor. That doesn't mean I don't spend tons of hours grading and correcting, but it is definitely different than my brother the lawyer who spends 15 hours in the office a day, because he needs that many billable hours to make partner.
I agree. Some jobs are better suited for raising a family. And i don't think it's a put down to say that- because many women chose those jobs based on that simple fact.
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| Posted 1/24/07 10:04 AM |
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Woodsy
LIF Infant
Member since 6/05 241 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
I am actually writing an article on the issue of working lawyers. I do think that women can "have it all" (even lawyers). In fact, I think I come pretty close to having it all as I have a job that I love and a wonderful family.
It has a lot to do with your employer. When my DS was born, I was working as a Litigator at one of the largest law firms in the world. I was miserable and did not work with any woman partners who (in my view) successfully managed both. I hated the commute, I hated the work and I hated the attitude that the firm had toward working mothers.
About a month after returning from maternity leave, I jumped ship to a smaller firm 2 miles from my home in NJ. It was the best thing I could have done. They even matched my NY salary, which amounted to a raise since I no longer had to deal with commuting costs or NYC tax.
This firm is really amazing. They do not expect associates to bill 2200 hours to make partner. They stress the importance of quality work--not the quantity of work. They are very pro family, advocate flex time and permit P/T attorneys to become partner. I am very confident that I have the opportunity to become partner here.
So, I think whether you can "have it all" depends upon your employer's attitude and policies and I don't think that lawyers are automatically excluded from having it all because of the career demands associated with that position. I don't think it is the government's place to dictate legislation on these issues. My law firm realizes that in order to attract and retain quality female associates, their policies must be family friendly. Hopefully, more employers will start to understand this and follow suit.
In my view, in order to successfully manage career and family and therefore have it all, it is crucial that: (1) you have a employer who is supportive of working women; (2) a husband who helps out; and (3) a great day care provider. I feel blessed to have these 3 elements and think that there is no impediment to me having it all....
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| Posted 1/24/07 10:07 AM |
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LInative
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 1977 total posts
Name:
Cassie
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Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?
Posted by Sassyz75
what is "having it all"
do we all have to define ourselves in terms of our work, how much money we make, and the "stuff" we have?
I don't really know if that is how I want to define myself as a person and as a mother, and I certainly don't want to teach my daughter that either.
I don't define my choices in terms of good or bad- they just are- and they are where I am at the moment.... I don't want to look forward and I don't want to look backwards- I just want to be in the present and enjoying my daughter here and now....
I also don't want to be perpetually brow beating myself that I should have a bigger house, be a better more fabulous mother, etc etc- b/c I know that negative energy isn't going to get me anywhere.
Wow I could not agree with you more. If you're happy w/where you are in life, don't you already "have it all"??
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| Posted 1/24/07 10:08 AM |
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