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Coworker advice

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LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7271 total posts

Name:

Coworker advice

My team at work consists of 3 women (not including me) and one man. We generally get along. The women, and one of them in particular, frequently say things like “you look exhausted, tired, terrible, not ok, bad, awful” insert random insult. It’s not a one off, it happens all the time. I do not hear them do this to each other. I certainly do not do it to them.

FTR, I’m not a supermodel but I wouldn’t consider myself heinous. Regardless, even if I were an ogre, it’s unusually cruel, not to mention unprofessional, to constantly critique a coworker’s appearance.

I have no intention of going to HR or anything like that but I’m honestly getting fed up. Any advice on how to put a stop to this?

Posted 11/21/23 12:40 PM
 
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult

Member since 9/15

1060 total posts

Name:

Coworker advice

That is annoying!

How about replying with something like "Really? Was that necessary?" Or something sarcastic like "I was going for 'death warmed over', but thanks." Or "I guess you must have failed kindergarten -- if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

It's hard to indicate tone in writing. But, I think whatever you say, it has to indicate that she's being stupid and it's just tiresome to you.

Hope that helps.

Posted 11/21/23 1:20 PM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Re: Coworker advice

I think I would just say back: yeah you look like shit too and roll my eyes and walk away.

Posted 11/21/23 3:32 PM
 

thewinterone
You make me happy

Member since 5/05

2473 total posts

Name:
cause you are gray.

Re: Coworker advice

I would definitely give back some version of:
I'm aware you think so, because you constantly let me know.
What a witch!

Posted 11/21/23 4:44 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

4429 total posts

Name:
Karen

Coworker advice

Since you work in a close team, I would just take her aside or wait until you are alone and just tell her that it hurts your feelings. Hopefully she is not realizing it is bothering you that much or that she is saying that much and it will be resolved. I wouldn't be giving her a snarky remark back because you will start unneeded drama.

Posted 11/21/23 6:25 PM
 

lima19
LIF Infant

Member since 5/19

105 total posts

Name:

Coworker advice

That is so rude of your coworker. I have one of those, too unfortunately. It really makes me self conscious for the rest of the day. I have never confronted her, but if you can, I think that's the right thing to do, esp because you are a small team. I would usually respond that I was tired because I was, but it annoyed me. My coworker finally stopped saying it, but who knows, maybe I don't look tired anymore. ?? It's an odd thing to say to someone. I hope you have more courage than me and can actually say something.

Posted 11/22/23 11:49 AM
 

lpg21
LIF Infant

Member since 9/21

340 total posts

Name:

Re: Coworker advice

My boss says this to me all the time "you look tired" like gee thanks...

Posted 11/22/23 12:05 PM
 

Lucky09
2017!

Member since 1/06

7535 total posts

Name:
DW

Coworker advice

I get this all the time too from a coworker. Also asks me how my weightloss is going when I purposefully try not to discuss that at work or call attention to weight. Next time I am going to say something like "yeah, I am tired, but what would make you say that"?

Posted 11/22/23 4:01 PM
 

klingklang77
kraftwerk!

Member since 7/06

11486 total posts

Name:
Völlig losgelöst

Coworker advice

I hate these type of comments. I usually say “thanks, I slept great, but maybe you need to get your eyes checked out.”

Posted 11/22/23 5:09 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7271 total posts

Name:

Coworker advice

Thanks. I’ve tried the snark. I’ve said things like “thanks for letting me know I look like shit” and “sorry I’m so offensive to look at.” Right over their heads. The only one who does catch on is the male coworker and he isn’t the problem. I might have no choice but to say “listen, maybe you don’t realize, but you’re being super rude.”

I know this is trivial in the grand scheme of things but it is so beyond obnoxious. At first I would just laugh at how absurd it was but when you hear it enough you start to think “Am I that horrendous?”

Posted 11/23/23 12:15 AM
 

Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!

Member since 12/10

2943 total posts

Name:

Re: Coworker advice

Someone at my job did this to me once. My kids were all under 3 at the time (I have 3) so I think she was trying to say like oh you look tired. I shot back right away and said gee I thought I looked nice today (which I actually thought I did). Guess I better work on my makeup skills! She said no, no you look great. I said apparently not. lol. She never said a word about my appearance ever again.

Posted 11/26/23 12:11 PM
 

Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!

Member since 12/10

2943 total posts

Name:

Re: Coworker advice

Posted by LuckyStar

Thanks. I’ve tried the snark. I’ve said things like “thanks for letting me know I look like shit” and “sorry I’m so offensive to look at.” Right over their heads. The only one who does catch on is the male coworker and he isn’t the problem. I might have no choice but to say “listen, maybe you don’t realize, but you’re being super rude.”

I know this is trivial in the grand scheme of things but it is so beyond obnoxious. At first I would just laugh at how absurd it was but when you hear it enough you start to think “Am I that horrendous?”



Yeah if you have already tried that approach, then best thing is probably just to be direct. Even if you say something like I don’t think you realize but these comments make me feel incredibly bad about myself or I can’t get it out of my head all day so I would appreciate if we just left my appearance out of it.

Posted 11/26/23 12:13 PM
 
 

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