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Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

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Dulcinea
Weekend Warrior

Member since 3/08

2530 total posts

Name:
Dulcinea

Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

How do you respond to a coworker who emails to thank you for your hard work yet at the same time criticizes you for supposedly giving her an attitude?

Her words are pretty much:
- I feel like you're blaming me for something
- thanks for all your hard work on my project
- I don't like the tone of your emails lately .. I hope it doesn't happen again?

Just a bit of background, I work as a project manager and one of my responsiblities is coordinating projects so they get executed and launch on time. Needless to say I busted my *** off the past 3 weeks on this one project and did all the work myself with little support from this woman.

The project remains on target because of my diligence despite repeated attempts to get her to help. She typically provides vague answers or no answers so I took it upon myself to do everything and just email her periodically to review my work to make sure I'm heading in the right direction...

To top it off, I received the nasty email from her right before I was about to head home after another long day of working on her project. What a way to start a weekend!

Posted 7/26/08 12:15 AM
 
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janet
WITH LOVE MY ANGEL MISS YOU!!!

Member since 5/05

12823 total posts

Name:
janet

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

it's people like this i just want to Chat Icon Chat Icon i will be nice. i am sorry you do all the work and no "dues" paid to you that is just not rightChat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon next time tell her to "remember when I did this for you well let's see if you can do this one without my help" i think her tone will change .

sorry some people have to be so thanklessChat Icon

Posted 7/26/08 12:29 AM
 

ladolcevita
LIF Infant

Member since 6/08

286 total posts

Name:
TA

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

honestly - I'm not sure I'd reply. I really have no patience for someone who can't talk through something like this and hides behind email.

If you feel you need to respond I'd say "thanks for recognizing my efforts - I appreciate it. I also noted your comments on what I'll label "professionalism" and I take this seriously. I'll schedule time for us to talk through so I can understand where the disconnect is happening. It's certainly not my intent to make you feel bad. We work to hard to get caught up in nonsense so I appreciate you raising your frustrations."

Then plan time to talk to her and push her to give you EXAMPLES of the points she raises. I'd also make sure she knows in the future you'd prefer is she speaks to you direct because an email on a Friday afternoon like that does not feel good.

Any how... too bad she does not know better. Show her by example this time but following your meeting ensure you document specifics. Day/time of meeting; specifics discussed and agreed next steps. You never know when you may need this.

Finally... don't let her ruin your weekend. You know what you do and what you deliver be secure with that. Sometimes I have found it's the coworkers insecurity that makes them behave badly. You're better than that.

Posted 7/26/08 1:45 AM
 

Dulcinea
Weekend Warrior

Member since 3/08

2530 total posts

Name:
Dulcinea

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Thanks to both for responding. It does me feel better to vent and also to hear some comforting words and advice.

I actually forwarded the email to my boss before I left for the day because it upset me so much. He is the consummate diplomat so will probably advise me on how to respond.

Thanks ladolcevita for your sound advice about emailing and suggesting a chat with her.

Posted 7/26/08 2:01 AM
 

Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard

Member since 5/07

6710 total posts

Name:
Diana

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Posted by ladolcevita

honestly - I'm not sure I'd reply. I really have no patience for someone who can't talk through something like this and hides behind email.

If you feel you need to respond I'd say "thanks for recognizing my efforts - I appreciate it. I also noted your comments on what I'll label "professionalism" and I take this seriously. I'll schedule time for us to talk through so I can understand where the disconnect is happening. It's certainly not my intent to make you feel bad. We work to hard to get caught up in nonsense so I appreciate you raising your frustrations."

Then plan time to talk to her and push her to give you EXAMPLES of the points she raises. I'd also make sure she knows in the future you'd prefer is she speaks to you direct because an email on a Friday afternoon like that does not feel good.

Any how... too bad she does not know better. Show her by example this time but following your meeting ensure you document specifics. Day/time of meeting; specifics discussed and agreed next steps. You never know when you may need this.

Finally... don't let her ruin your weekend. You know what you do and what you deliver be secure with that. Sometimes I have found it's the coworkers insecurity that makes them behave badly. You're better than that.



WOW!! This was awsome.. Great great advice!!Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/26/08 7:25 AM
 

Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A

Member since 7/05

32475 total posts

Name:
Susan

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

passive aggressive much?

Posted 7/26/08 9:09 AM
 

SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!

Member since 3/06

32345 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

her mistake was putting what she said in writing.

1. save the email

2. I would speak to my boss about it first thing Monday morning.

but before you do, I would outline everything you said and how the project would not be on track if it weren't for your diligence.

she's a piece of work! Chat Icon

Posted 7/26/08 9:20 AM
 

LightUpOurLife
Totally in love

Member since 8/06

12785 total posts

Name:
Bonnie-Jean

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Is it your project or hers? What would happen if you did nothing to the project?

Posted 7/26/08 11:10 AM
 

PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!

Member since 12/05

17450 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Very passive agressive. IMO the "niceness" sugar coated what she was really trying to tell you. Like a few others suggested....dont respond back but rather hold onto the email.

Posted 7/26/08 11:17 AM
 

2BEANS
wow time is going fast.

Member since 9/07

16106 total posts

Name:
Tina

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Posted by dilb712

Posted by ladolcevita

honestly - I'm not sure I'd reply. I really have no patience for someone who can't talk through something like this and hides behind email.

If you feel you need to respond I'd say "thanks for recognizing my efforts - I appreciate it. I also noted your comments on what I'll label "professionalism" and I take this seriously. I'll schedule time for us to talk through so I can understand where the disconnect is happening. It's certainly not my intent to make you feel bad. We work to hard to get caught up in nonsense so I appreciate you raising your frustrations."

Then plan time to talk to her and push her to give you EXAMPLES of the points she raises. I'd also make sure she knows in the future you'd prefer is she speaks to you direct because an email on a Friday afternoon like that does not feel good.

Any how... too bad she does not know better. Show her by example this time but following your meeting ensure you document specifics. Day/time of meeting; specifics discussed and agreed next steps. You never know when you may need this.

Finally... don't let her ruin your weekend. You know what you do and what you deliver be secure with that. Sometimes I have found it's the coworkers insecurity that makes them behave badly. You're better than that.



WOW!! This was awsome.. Great great advice!!Chat Icon Chat Icon



totally agree!!!

Posted 7/26/08 11:44 AM
 

Dulcinea
Weekend Warrior

Member since 3/08

2530 total posts

Name:
Dulcinea

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Posted by BJandDan

Is it your project or hers? What would happen if you did nothing to the project?



She's the Client from a different division and I'm the PM in charge of coordinating between her and the team doing the work.

So far its been like pulling teeth getting info or input from her. Others on my team expressed how difficult and impossible she is to deal with.

If I didn't do anything the launch date would slip and my reputation will be on the line. Sometimes I've been forced to remind her in a professional way that if she's not delivering the project will slip. She probably feels that I, a lowly PM, is in no position to 'remind' her that she's not doing her part. Hence her comment about 'blaming her'...

Posted 7/26/08 12:14 PM
 
 

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