Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

How do you respond to a coworker who emails to thank you for your hard work yet at the same time criticizes you for supposedly giving her an attitude?

Her words are pretty much:
- I feel like you're blaming me for something
- thanks for all your hard work on my project
- I don't like the tone of your emails lately .. I hope it doesn't happen again?

Just a bit of background, I work as a project manager and one of my responsiblities is coordinating projects so they get executed and launch on time. Needless to say I busted my *** off the past 3 weeks on this one project and did all the work myself with little support from this woman.

The project remains on target because of my diligence despite repeated attempts to get her to help. She typically provides vague answers or no answers so I took it upon myself to do everything and just email her periodically to review my work to make sure I'm heading in the right direction...

To top it off, I received the nasty email from her right before I was about to head home after another long day of working on her project. What a way to start a weekend!

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

it's people like this i just want to i will be nice. i am sorry you do all the work and no "dues" paid to you that is just not right next time tell her to "remember when I did this for you well let's see if you can do this one without my help" i think her tone will change .

sorry some people have to be so thankless

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

honestly - I'm not sure I'd reply. I really have no patience for someone who can't talk through something like this and hides behind email.

If you feel you need to respond I'd say "thanks for recognizing my efforts - I appreciate it. I also noted your comments on what I'll label "professionalism" and I take this seriously. I'll schedule time for us to talk through so I can understand where the disconnect is happening. It's certainly not my intent to make you feel bad. We work to hard to get caught up in nonsense so I appreciate you raising your frustrations."

Then plan time to talk to her and push her to give you EXAMPLES of the points she raises. I'd also make sure she knows in the future you'd prefer is she speaks to you direct because an email on a Friday afternoon like that does not feel good.

Any how... too bad she does not know better. Show her by example this time but following your meeting ensure you document specifics. Day/time of meeting; specifics discussed and agreed next steps. You never know when you may need this.

Finally... don't let her ruin your weekend. You know what you do and what you deliver be secure with that. Sometimes I have found it's the coworkers insecurity that makes them behave badly. You're better than that.

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Thanks to both for responding. It does me feel better to vent and also to hear some comforting words and advice.

I actually forwarded the email to my boss before I left for the day because it upset me so much. He is the consummate diplomat so will probably advise me on how to respond.

Thanks ladolcevita for your sound advice about emailing and suggesting a chat with her.

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

passive aggressive much?

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

her mistake was putting what she said in writing.

1. save the email

2. I would speak to my boss about it first thing Monday morning.

but before you do, I would outline everything you said and how the project would not be on track if it weren't for your diligence.

she's a piece of work!

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Is it your project or hers? What would happen if you did nothing to the project?

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Very passive agressive. IMO the "niceness" sugar coated what she was really trying to tell you. Like a few others suggested....dont respond back but rather hold onto the email.

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker

Posted by dilb712

Posted by ladolcevita

honestly - I'm not sure I'd reply. I really have no patience for someone who can't talk through something like this and hides behind email.

If you feel you need to respond I'd say "thanks for recognizing my efforts - I appreciate it. I also noted your comments on what I'll label "professionalism" and I take this seriously. I'll schedule time for us to talk through so I can understand where the disconnect is happening. It's certainly not my intent to make you feel bad. We work to hard to get caught up in nonsense so I appreciate you raising your frustrations."

Then plan time to talk to her and push her to give you EXAMPLES of the points she raises. I'd also make sure she knows in the future you'd prefer is she speaks to you direct because an email on a Friday afternoon like that does not feel good.

Any how... too bad she does not know better. Show her by example this time but following your meeting ensure you document specifics. Day/time of meeting; specifics discussed and agreed next steps. You never know when you may need this.

Finally... don't let her ruin your weekend. You know what you do and what you deliver be secure with that. Sometimes I have found it's the coworkers insecurity that makes them behave badly. You're better than that.

WOW!! This was awsome.. Great great advice!!

Re: Need Advice - Shocking Email from Coworker