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Pooka
Oh Happy Day!!
Member since 11/06 5689 total posts
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Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Long story but I'll try to shorten it up for ya:
A guy friend from work and his wife just recently had a baby. They used a midwife and doula. I'd first like to mention that I have nothing against midwives or doulas. This was their decision and I supported them. When his wife went into labor she had a specific birth plan that she wanted to follow (water birth with no medications and no doctors). Unfortunately, due to complications in her birth, the doctors had to intervene, she needed medications, and she was asked to have a C-section. She refused multiple times and ended up having the baby naturally. Baby was born unable to breath with the cord around her neck and she aspirated miconium (sp?) because mom was in labor for 2 days and the baby was in distress (mom desperately tried to have a water birth). Baby stayed in the NICU for a week and underwent antibiotics. THANKFULLY, baby and mom are healthy and there don't appear to be any problems.
With that being said, my co-worker (the husband on the mom) was told yesterday about my induction scheduled for Monday. Apparently he had a few "choice words" about me being induced and said "well, I guess that's the difference between a midwife and a doctor. Her doctors are just trying to get her money from the insurance company." When he was told that my baby dosen't appear to be making his own arrival (although I pray he will) he rolled his eyes and said "well, she should just stay pregnant until he comes on his own if there are no complications."
This got me really angry!!! I supported him and his wife and their decision to use a midwife even though it is a different form of medical practice than DH and I chose. I just can't believe that he feels so compelled to make a comment about my pregnancy when he knows very little about pregnancy (his wife really didn't keep him informed and he was not really invovled in asking questions). Am I wrong?
Vent over
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Posted 9/9/08 5:41 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
you are not wrong, he has a lot of nerve saying anything about your pregnancy/ delivery especially since his didn't go well at all. They could have lost thier baby because they were too stubborn to listen to their doctor. he really has some set, and he should mind his own business.
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| Posted 9/9/08 5:44 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
WOW, that is some nerve. I mean really. See what waiting did for him, they risked the health of the mother and the baby. You are doing what is best for you, its sad he could not keep his mouth shut!
Nothing against doing it the ALL natural way.
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| Posted 9/9/08 5:44 PM |
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Blissful
Ultimate Expression of LOVE
Member since 6/08 4985 total posts
Name:
Maria
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
WOW....people should really learn to keep their mouths shut........
Your decision about YOUR birth is YOURS and YOURS alone......
That being said, I am using a midwife.....and if I go late tehy will try as hard as they can to stimulate labor to progress naturally... DTD, nipple stimulation, accupuncture etc.
If I don't begin labor naturally they will request and induction,, which HAS to be in a hospital (meaning I won't get my home birth) but this is meant for my safety and tha safety of the baby. Statistics show that allowing to go beyond 42 weeks of gestation possesses serious risks and potentially fetal demise...... My midwife group will make you sign legal paperwork if you refuse induction after 42 weeks......
ETA: without all of the medical information you also can't say that her decision to NOT have a c-section was a result of the baby's time in NICU.....So it is also not fair for you to judge them and their decisions without having all of the information........ JMO
Message edited 9/9/2008 5:57:52 PM.
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| Posted 9/9/08 5:55 PM |
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
He has no idea what he is talking about. He THINKS he does, but he doesn't. I would be pizzed off if I were you too, because those comments are basically saying what you are planning to do, and what your Dr's are recommending, is wrong.
Sorry to crash the pregnancy board, but I had to respond to this!!!!!
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| Posted 9/9/08 5:59 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
i hate ignorance,
i wish you woulda said something
it woulda been totally excused by your current situation lol
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| Posted 9/9/08 6:12 PM |
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Dragonfly75
I love Hypnobabies
Member since 3/06 2333 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
I just have to say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, both in your judgement against him and his against yours.
First off, you really don't know what happened in the delivery room and why they made the decisions they did, so I think it's best to avoid implying that they put their child's life at risk for the sake of a natural birth.
Also, he has no right to say how and when you should have your baby.
People tend to take their birth choices very personally and it sounds to me like the two of you have very different views, so it's probably best just to avoid the subject with him.
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| Posted 9/9/08 6:24 PM |
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Stephybaby
Love my two girls!!
Member since 11/07 1966 total posts
Name:
Stephy
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
he's a moron and should keep his comments to himself!!!
sorry, I have no patience lately for stupidity!!!
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| Posted 9/9/08 6:30 PM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
I would be pizzed off! What you and your husband decide to do is YOUR decision as a couple. Everyone should respect it. Some people just don't know how to keep opinions to themselves.
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| Posted 9/9/08 6:33 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
How rude!!! People should keep their opinions to themselves. Not to mention if I were him I wouldn't have been so quick to comment after letting his baby suffer for 2 days in distress because of some stupid birth plan. In the end, you do what you need to for a healthy delivery and my goodness............you are in no way rushing anything so don't let him make you feel bad. People really have nerve!!!
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| Posted 9/9/08 8:05 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
You are not wrong! I can't stand peple who think their life choices are better than everyone else! screw them!!!
XOXOXO
BOTB
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| Posted 9/9/08 8:14 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Posted by Dragonfly75
I just have to say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, both in your judgement against him and his against yours.
First off, you really don't know what happened in the delivery room and why they made the decisions they did, so I think it's best to avoid implying that they put their child's life at risk for the sake of a natural birth.
Also, he has no right to say how and when you should have your baby.
People tend to take their birth choices very personally and it sounds to me like the two of you have very different views, so it's probably best just to avoid the subject with him.
I agree.
It's common for babies to swallow meconium & it's even more common to have the cord around their neck. My friend is a L&D nurse & said they see it all of the time.
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| Posted 9/9/08 9:10 PM |
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Pooka
Oh Happy Day!!
Member since 11/06 5689 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Posted by Blissful
ETA: without all of the medical information you also can't say that her decision to NOT have a c-section was a result of the baby's time in NICU.....So it is also not fair for you to judge them and their decisions without having all of the information........ JMO
I just wanted to add that I did not include all of the information I have on this post b/c then it would be a very very long post. I do have all of the informationg based on what the father (my co-worker) told me. From what he reports, the baby's time in the NICU was directly related to the mother's refusal to have a C-section.
I am not judging them. I am total suppoort of her desire to have the specific birth she wanted. It is very unfortunate that it didn't work out the way she wanted. I have not judged them and that is why I was so upset to hear that he was so obviously judging me and the fact that I have to be induced.
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| Posted 9/9/08 9:46 PM |
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snowflake08
Love my boys!!!
Member since 8/07 5148 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
he's an a$$ - period.
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| Posted 9/9/08 10:09 PM |
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Blissful
Ultimate Expression of LOVE
Member since 6/08 4985 total posts
Name:
Maria
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Posted by Bubbs
Posted by Blissful
ETA: without all of the medical information you also can't say that her decision to NOT have a c-section was a result of the baby's time in NICU.....So it is also not fair for you to judge them and their decisions without having all of the information........ JMO
I just wanted to add that I did not include all of the information I have on this post b/c then it would be a very very long post. I do have all of the informationg based on what the father (my co-worker) told me. From what he reports, the baby's time in the NICU was directly related to the mother's refusal to have a C-section.
I am not judging them. I am total suppoort of her desire to have the specific birth she wanted. It is very unfortunate that it didn't work out the way she wanted. I have not judged them and that is why I was so upset to hear that he was so obviously judging me and the fact that I have to be induced.
I can understand you not posting more information and maybe thinking you have it all but really only a medical professional can say whether or not the mothers decision was cause for what happened to teh baby.
Also, remember this is a public forum and some women on here have know a lot about natural child brith and midwives while others know very little. The way you posted the information was leading to believe that the woman let her baby "suffer" just because she wanted to follow a strict regimented birth plan.
NO MIDWIFE would EVER put a mother or babys health at risk. And YES, physicians are more likely to push for c-sections, I've seen in first hand working in L&D> THis is not to say that a c-section was not in order here but that you nor I can make that decision and it is unfair for you to portray this mother as reckless and careless for the sake of a birth plan. I don't think that is fair to her! JMO!
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| Posted 9/9/08 11:01 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Posted by Bubbs
This got me really angry!!! I supported him and his wife and their decision to use a midwife even though it is a different form of medical practice than DH and I chose. I just can't believe that he feels so compelled to make a comment about my pregnancy when he knows very little about pregnancy (his wife really didn't keep him informed and he was not really invovled in asking questions). Am I wrong?
Vent over
Did you say this to him? I would of, that wasn't right! 
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| Posted 9/9/08 11:05 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Posted by MelToddJulia
Posted by Bubbs
This got me really angry!!! I supported him and his wife and their decision to use a midwife even though it is a different form of medical practice than DH and I chose. I just can't believe that he feels so compelled to make a comment about my pregnancy when he knows very little about pregnancy (his wife really didn't keep him informed and he was not really invovled in asking questions). Am I wrong?
Vent over
Did you say this to him? I would of, that wasn't right!
I agree.
I would have told him "I respected your decision and you should do the same" And left it at that.
And FTR...I didn't think you were judging anyone. You gave us a shortened version of the events and that's how I took it. 
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| Posted 9/9/08 11:17 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
I definitely think he should have kept his comments to himself...
Two nights before my induction my aunt called my mom and begged her to persuade me not to have an induction because Cervadil causes brain damage  (completely not true). Well basically her and her DIL scared the cr@p out of me making me think I was going to damage my child for life. I wound up staying up all night on the internet and calling my doctor the next day to make sure it was safe--which it totally is.
People always have something to say. Whether it's welcome or not. Ultimately you have to do whats best for your family. And you need not explain your decision to anyone!
BTW I had a wonderful, safe, successful induction. I wish you the same Good Luck!
Message edited 9/10/2008 7:36:05 AM.
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| Posted 9/10/08 7:31 AM |
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WhitneyL
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/07 645 total posts
Name:
Whitney
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Excuse me...
I'm all in favor of people doing what they feel is best for themselves and their children...however...
people whose insistent selfish wishes cause their child harm, illness and distress when it clearly could have been avoided should NOT be passing judgement on ANYTHING you do or dont do with your child. You are an intelligent, educated and well informed woman who loves her child deeply and knows and wants what is best for him. How DARE he make comments about you and your decisions when his and his wife's LACK of action could have seriously harmed their own child.
That's all i have to say about that.
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| Posted 9/10/08 7:58 AM |
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Pooka
Oh Happy Day!!
Member since 11/06 5689 total posts
Name:
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Posted by Blissful
NO MIDWIFE would EVER put a mother or babys health at risk. And YES, physicians are more likely to push for c-sections, I've seen in first hand working in L&D> THis is not to say that a c-section was not in order here but that you nor I can make that decision and it is unfair for you to portray this mother as reckless and careless for the sake of a birth plan. I don't think that is fair to her! JMO!
I appreaciate your feedback but for some reason I feel compelled to respond (or many even defend) where I was coming from in my originaly post.
I never, ever wanted to portray that this mother or father was reckless or carless for the sake of her birth plan. I don't doubt for one second that they love their baby with all of their heart and soul. I respect their decision to use a midwife and I supported their decision and birth plan even though it was very different than mine. I also don't have any negative thoughts about their midwive. From what the father reported, she was supportive and wonderful to the couple throughout the birth process. Because of my support, I was very surprised to get such a negative response from the father regarding my birth plan/dr's recommendations.
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| Posted 9/10/08 8:20 AM |
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Blissful
Ultimate Expression of LOVE
Member since 6/08 4985 total posts
Name:
Maria
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Posted by Bubbs
Posted by Blissful
NO MIDWIFE would EVER put a mother or babys health at risk. And YES, physicians are more likely to push for c-sections, I've seen in first hand working in L&D> THis is not to say that a c-section was not in order here but that you nor I can make that decision and it is unfair for you to portray this mother as reckless and careless for the sake of a birth plan. I don't think that is fair to her! JMO!
I appreaciate your feedback but for some reason I feel compelled to respond (or many even defend) where I was coming from in my originaly post.
I never, ever wanted to portray that this mother or father was reckless or carless for the sake of her birth plan. I don't doubt for one second that they love their baby with all of their heart and soul. I respect their decision to use a midwife and I supported their decision and birth plan even though it was very different than mine. I also don't have any negative thoughts about their midwive. From what the father reported, she was supportive and wonderful to the couple throughout the birth process. Because of my support, I was very surprised to get such a negative response from the father regarding my birth plan/dr's recommendations.
Oh I appreciate what you say! Like I said in my first post...People should learn to keep their mouth shut. Everyone should have the birth that theywant and make their own decisions based on what is right for them without third party views!
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| Posted 9/10/08 9:32 AM |
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sweetpea
xoxo
Member since 7/06 2467 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
people should keep their comments to themselves. i give you credit b/c i probably would have tackled the guy if he said that to me!!!
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| Posted 9/10/08 9:36 AM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Whoa. What right does anyone have to say about anything anyone else does??? I hate that, so frustrating.
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| Posted 9/10/08 9:38 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
Posted by Mssissy
Posted by MelToddJulia
Posted by Bubbs
This got me really angry!!! I supported him and his wife and their decision to use a midwife even though it is a different form of medical practice than DH and I chose. I just can't believe that he feels so compelled to make a comment about my pregnancy when he knows very little about pregnancy (his wife really didn't keep him informed and he was not really invovled in asking questions). Am I wrong?
Vent over
Did you say this to him? I would of, that wasn't right!
I agree.
I would have told him "I respected your decision and you should do the same" And left it at that.
And FTR...I didn't think you were judging anyone. You gave us a shortened version of the events and that's how I took it.
Same here.
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| Posted 9/10/08 10:12 AM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Some people have a lota nerve (VENT)
You are not wrong and I would be pisssed too if someone was talking shiit about me and my medical decisions. All you can do is try and remember this: "Opinions are like asssholes. Everyone has them," and keep it movin'. 
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| Posted 9/10/08 11:31 AM |
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