Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Ok so I work at a school psychologist at a charter high school. We serve students who, for endless reasons, could not make it in public schools. Anyway, so today I’m walking down the hall and two students (male and female) were walking behind me, not right behind me but close enough that i can clearly hear what they are saying. So the covo goes:

boy:she is so sexy
girl: She is pregnant!
boy: I dont care, i still think she is sexy.

Being the person that I am, i turn around immediately, and say "do you think i am deaf?" So my blood is boiling, I am ******. The way I feel is that I am a staff member and I deserve to be treated with respect. I don’t need to walk down the hall and feel uncomfortable that students, or anyone are looking at me in that way and making comments so freely. Am I just supposed to blush, feel good about myself, and keep going?

So I decide that I don’t want to get this kid in trouble but I want to scare him. So I talk to the vice principal (whom I am close with) and we decide to have a talk with the student. I walk into the students classroom and ask his teacher what his name is. I dont make a scene but the student sees me and knows what I came in for. Then I go to the front desk to wait for the vice principal to finish what he is doing. So while Im waiting, the students teacher comes to talk to me and says that the student doesnt understand why he would be in trouble but will apologize. I explained to her that I dont need to feel uncomfortable just walking down the hall at work!

Anyway so we call the student to the office with me and Vice Principal. I explain to the student how his comment made me feel, and the student explained that he doesnt understand because he was just paying me a compliment. I told him that the way he did it was inappropriate, because I am a staff member and he is a student. Any even if I was a student, the way he did it was a form of harassment. So the vice principal explained that we will not take things further, but if it happens again we will treat it as it is, sexual harassment.

Ok so my issue: Some teachers have come up to me to ask what happened (word travels fast) and no one really seems to understand my POV. They just say “Oh Ok…that’s it” and leave. Am I over reacting…I really don’t think I did. These students come from rough homes, I know that, but in my opinion that is the reason why we should be more aggressive with teaching them lessons, instead of letting things go because “they don’t know any better”…I guess this is more of a vent than a request for advice…but any input from an outside ear would be cool…thanks!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Just want to add...that I think the teachers here think I am over reacting and hormonal because I am preggers

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Ok this is just my opinion. Yes that comment would have made me very uncomfortable and I feel it is inappropriate to be talking about staff like that. But I probably would have said something to the boy and left it at that. Jmo

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

not at all.. not being hormonal, i think you did the right thing.. you don't want feel uncomfortable working there and this is a "kid" we are talking about and things can get ugly fast.. and he should respect school staff, and his peers.. hopefully its lesson learned.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

I don't think you overreacted at all. Just because the kids in the school have problems doesn't mean they should get away with things that wouldn't fly in a public school environment (which, IMO, this would fall into that category). The kids should be learning boundaries, and the educators should be correcting the very behaviors that likely led the kids to be in a charter school to begin with. I look at it as a corrective measure - not a punishment. I think you did the right thing.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Sorry this may not be what you want to hear but I think you did overreact. He said you were sexy- which is not something that is demeaning. I understand about there being boundaries between students and teachers but I just think that it really was no big deal. If he would have pointed to a body smart and said something then yes, that is sexual harassment. Also these are teenaged boys you are dealing with, I think what he said was extremely clean compared to what most teenaged boys would think. I remember in college we used to call this one Professor "Hottie Professor"behind his back, to us he was hot and there was nothing sexual about it. I think the kid genuinely meant it as a compliment.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

I don't blame you at all. You need to feel comfortable at the workplace. I would have done the same thing. The population you work with usually respond best to 'tough love'.

I'm a School Psychologist also (elementary level), if you ever need to talk feel free to FM me.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Crashing here, but I think you were totally justified in feeling uncomfortable. There was a similar situation in my school with a teacher (who I admit is VERY pretty) and some female students actually made her feel uncomfortable. I am pretty sure something similar happened in her case, where it wasn't taken further than a convo with the AP, but my friend was VERY angry about it and uncomfortable!!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Posted by Larasmommy

Ok this is just my opinion. Yes that comment would have made me very uncomfortable and I feel it is inappropriate to be talking about staff like that. But I probably would have said something to the boy and left it at that. Jmo

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

I didn't read anyone elses response.

I can say that I notice with DH being a teacher that the lack of respect ALL OVER the place is disgusting. Some teachers in his school are in it for the pay check and nothing else. They have no respect for the other teachers, the students or anyone in the building. When there are serious issues they turn a blind eye to them just so they don't have to deal with them. Doesn't matter if it is safety involved, curriculum, anything. If it requires effort, they just don't care.

I don't think you over reacted at ALL. You are an adult, the student is a minor. It's a simple matter of respect and decency. He can think it all he wants, but to voice it and make you uncomfortable is simply not acceptable IMO.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Message edited 10/6/2011 3:23:53 PM.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Posted by Loveme

I don't blame you at all. You need to feel comfortable at the workplace. I would have done the same thing. The population you work with usually respond best to 'tough love'.

I'm a School Psychologist also (elementary level), if you ever need to talk feel free to FM me.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

I think you did the right thing. How else is a student going to learn about respect? I really hope he learned his lesson!

Message edited 10/6/2011 3:28:42 PM.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

It was a good teaching moment for the child especially after you added later that the he has a lot of behavior issues. I used to work with the mentally ill in a day treatment setting (but they were all adults). It's a tricky situation to comment on if you over reacted or not because, as you know, each child, adult is vastly different with what works for them. In this case, being that the VP came to you after to say that this was the right approach for the student, then you should feel validated that you handled it the right way. In no way do I think hormones had anything to do with it and I hate to hear when others try to blame pregnancy hormones on every situation.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

I'm a teacher and that comment would have made me VERY uncomfortable. I think you handled it perfectly! I'm glad that your VP had your back.

I hope you're not beating yourself up about it. You totally did the right thing!

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

ITA with you...I don't know if I would have pursued it with our AP, personally, but I DEFINITELY would have stopped, corrected him, and addressed it as you did in the hallway...

it's similar to a student who thinks he/she is being "friendly" calling me by my first name...NOT ok...be friendly with a smile and nice words, but call me Mrs. Kuehne while you do it...

so if somebody wants to pay you a "compliment" like that, it would be to say, "she's such a pretty woman" or something like that...not disrespectful saying you're sexy RIGHT behind you, as you said, being a STUDENT to a STAFF member...

so I don't think you're wrong for feeling how you do, I just personally wouldn't have gone to that extent unless it was something that happened more than once...

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Crashing, because I myself am a teacher. It is completely, unquestionably, inappropriate for a student to speak that way to or about a teacher. I think you did the right thing. I also would not have written the student up for it, but I think that by going to administration and getting an apology from the student was the right move. As teachers, our job is to TEACH, that also means teaching beahavior that is appropriate and not appropriate. I can understand how you are mad, but wanted to add, you should also feel damn good about your pregnant self that you are looking good

Message edited 10/6/2011 7:22:03 PM.

Re: Sort of NPR...but i would like your input. LONG VENT!!

Thank you all for your input!! At this point I feel pretty good about my decision to deal with him the way I did. I could have dealt with him myself but #1 i didnt want to have to descipline him in public...that could cause more damage with teenagers, and #2 unless a student is a special ed student, most students dont really know who I am exactly, so Im assuming he wouldnt have taken descipline as seriously from me as opposed to the VP, whom he knows as an authority figure. My whole plan was to scare him a bit and teach him a lesson, and Im glad it worked out.

and yes a part of me feels good that a teenager thinks i look good at 8 months preggers but his comment still embarassed me and made me uncomfortable