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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by MommaTo3Dogs1Boy
i 100% agree with you that we shouldn't buy a house but right now, that's our only option. we can't rent because we have 3 dogs and a baby. no one is going to rent to us. our only other option besides to live with his parents is to get rid of 1 or 2 of our dogs and there is no way in hell i'll do that. i'd live in the streets before i gave them up. so really, i have no other option. i feel trapped and it's really making me depressed
as far as it's her house.. yes it is, but what gives her the right to walk into my room without asking? just because it's her house doesn't mean i have to give up my privacy!
get a lock...but then in the end you may not get your mother/daughter house.
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Posted 7/17/09 1:35 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MommaTo3Dogs1Boy
All of My Dreams Came True
Member since 2/09 1989 total posts
Name:
Kimmie
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
i would love to buy my own place even if its smaller and not in the ideal location, but we don't really have anything saved for a down payment. so i don't know. i gotta figure something out because i'm gonna die! well not really haha..
and some people will rent with pets, but i have 3 dogs and one is a pitbull mix. :(
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| Posted 7/17/09 1:38 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
I would have a sit down with her.
I am learning something so new about grandmothers....their lives really either revolve around these babies or they don't.
Your MIL, in a good way, sees him as her baby too. What a gift you have given her! She gets to relive a special part of her life that she hasn't seen in years.
Lay it out. Maybe there is an hour you can give her each day? Maybe it can be your hour to shower? chores? eat?
I think she is just trying to find her way.
If you give her "her" own hour, and ask for privacy the rest of the time maybe she will fall back.
Disney..ehh. You will be there with 10000 people. I don't think it will matter if she tags along. Atleast you will get family photos of the three of you.
this is from someone who's MIL is a deadbeat, yet I still paid her way into disney...not for me, but for DH. He deserved a day to share with his mother and baby.
good luck!
we lived in my mother's house for 5 years. We saved a ton, but it had its times. The worst position to be in is the middleman though. Your DH is in a tough spot. Trying to be respectful, yet keep his wife happy.
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| Posted 7/17/09 1:38 PM |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Will your Inlaws be footing most of the upfront cash for the m/d house purchase or are you going in with equal contributions?
If they are putting up a little more or will hold most of the equity in the house, then I'd also be prepared for that to be held over your heads.
I'm in no way trying to be negative, but I think you should think beyond the money at this time since your stress levels will always be high based on how your MIL is.
Maybe you can look for a small home or condo. I bet with some good research there has to be a place out there that will accomadate your family and animals.
Message edited 7/17/2009 1:40:59 PM.
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| Posted 7/17/09 1:40 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
I would do some research to get outta there and NOT buy a house w/the inlaws....that would make me INSANE...
Hopefully things will be okay till you find a solution....I would never give up my dogs either 
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| Posted 7/17/09 1:48 PM |
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asecretmommytobe09
My little pumpkin is here!!!!
Member since 10/08 3369 total posts
Name:
Katie
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Posted by lovemy2boys
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by KateDevine
You live in her house, she probably thinks she is trying to help you, her heart is in the right place, if it is really bothering you, then have DH speak to them so that WW III doesn't ensue..
I agree. And, if you feel this way now, should you really be buying a mother/daughter with them?
You need to rethink buying this house , my MIL is much the same and I know it wouldn't work out with all of us in the same home. She feels like she has every right to jump in and help , it will get worse if you buy a home w her
hell friggin yeah! MY MIL is the same way, and while i know she means well. i have to say its overwhelming and i dont live with her lol. My DH god bless him thinks his mom is an angel, when she is not, she picks the baby up with out asking, she grabs him right when i come in, the other day i walked in, and she was gonna pick up and i said no leave him hes quite. we are going there today. im aggravated already lol.
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| Posted 7/17/09 1:48 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Honestly, as much as it sucks, it doesn't sound like you have too many options. You're saying you don't have the cash to buy on your own, yet renting isn't feasible with 3 dogs.
Personally, I would not buy a house with her. I would continue with the current scenario and save every penny that you can, so you can buy your own house.
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| Posted 7/17/09 1:49 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
All of these are dog friendly
http://longisland.craigslist.org/search/apa?addThree=wooof
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| Posted 7/17/09 1:50 PM |
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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
I would talk to her - gently, but firmly.
It does sound like you have a decent relationship - can you just say to her pretty much everything you've written here - that you want to be able to exerience this stuff as a new mom and on your own. Bring up specific examples - like 'the other night at 2am, when you came in b/c of cries - I kind of wanted to figure it out on my own - without you watching me. It made me uncomfortable.'
Good luck!!!
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| Posted 7/17/09 1:51 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Posted by nrvbrd
All I want to say is for the sake of your marriage and your sanity, DO NOT buy a house with your inlaws.
It seems as though the writing is on the wall already as to how things will be.
I agree 100%
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| Posted 7/17/09 2:02 PM |
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Posted by ddunne2
Posted by MrsDrMatt
Oh boy, I am NOT going to be popular here but since you asked....
Since you are living in HER house, she can have a bbq, come and go as she pleases etc without asking you. If you don't like it, move out. I know it sounds harsh but its the only solution. I also WOULD NOT under any circumstances buy a house with them.
i know you want to save money for a house but sometimes things take a little longer than we want them to take.
Life is filled with hard choices so either accept the nosey MIL or accept the fact that it will take longer to own a house.
Sorry I sound harsh.....
By the way, your baby is precious.
I completely agree. I know how annoying MIL's can be, but unfortunately you are in her house so if she wants to come into the room in her house where the baby and you are, she has every right. As long as she is not walking in when you are changing or nursing or something, then you can't fault her for wanting to help. You are setting yourself up for a life full of frustration and resentment towards your DH if you buy and M/D house with them. Money should not be your only motivation at this time. If it takes you five more years to buy a house on your own which will give you a lifetime of peace and privacy than its the way to go. Even if you have your own front door and own home, your home will still be attached to MIL in a M/D and you can't not expect her to swing by or whatever. I think you have to have realistic expectations that come along with living in a mother/daughter house situation.
ITA 1000%
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| Posted 7/17/09 2:20 PM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Posted by MommaTo3Dogs1Boy
i 100% agree with you that we shouldn't buy a house but right now, that's our only option. we can't rent because we have 3 dogs and a baby. no one is going to rent to us. our only other option besides to live with his parents is to get rid of 1 or 2 of our dogs and there is no way in hell i'll do that. i'd live in the streets before i gave them up. so really, i have no other option. i feel trapped and it's really making me depressed
as far as it's her house.. yes it is, but what gives her the right to walk into my room without asking? just because it's her house doesn't mean i have to give up my privacy!
Yes people rent to families with animals. Sure its much tougher but doable. Times are tough for people right now so maybe landlords who wouldn't allow pets in the past will now allow them.
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| Posted 7/17/09 4:17 PM |
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staceyd
LIF Adult
Member since 8/08 2052 total posts
Name:
stacey
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Posted by Janice
I would have a sit down with her.
I am learning something so new about grandmothers....their lives really either revolve around these babies or they don't.
Your MIL, in a good way, sees him as her baby too. What a gift you have given her! She gets to relive a special part of her life that she hasn't seen in years.
Lay it out. Maybe there is an hour you can give her each day? Maybe it can be your hour to shower? chores? eat?
I think she is just trying to find her way.
If you give her "her" own hour, and ask for privacy the rest of the time maybe she will fall back.
Disney..ehh. You will be there with 10000 people. I don't think it will matter if she tags along. Atleast you will get family photos of the three of you.
this is from someone who's MIL is a deadbeat, yet I still paid her way into disney...not for me, but for DH. He deserved a day to share with his mother and baby.
good luck!
we lived in my mother's house for 5 years. We saved a ton, but it had its times. The worst position to be in is the middleman though. Your DH is in a tough spot. Trying to be respectful, yet keep his wife happy.
I agree with this post 100%....
IT could be worse... but I understand why you are ready to explode... I think sitting her down and setting some ground rules would be the first thing... she has to respect your wishes, and you have to respect hers... the "her" time with the baby is an awesome idea.. I would use it to go to the gym, mani, pedi, etc... gives you time for yourselves....
as for disney... she should respect your idea of going one day on your own... or at least a morning... that is only fair.. there are some things you are going to want to do that are special to you, dh, and ds... and she has to understand that... and dh has to help you tell her that
good luck with everything....
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| Posted 7/17/09 4:22 PM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
I hate to say it, but somebody put it the best "either put up or shut up"
If its her house, then she has the right to have company over, has the right to visit, has the right to do anything she wants.
My only answer is maybe DH and you sit down with her and say can we have privacy from 5-8PM at night. Start with baby steps. Don't flip, it will make things work.
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| Posted 7/17/09 4:26 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Posted by MrsDrMatt
Posted by MommaTo3Dogs1Boy
i 100% agree with you that we shouldn't buy a house but right now, that's our only option. we can't rent because we have 3 dogs and a baby. no one is going to rent to us. our only other option besides to live with his parents is to get rid of 1 or 2 of our dogs and there is no way in hell i'll do that. i'd live in the streets before i gave them up. so really, i have no other option. i feel trapped and it's really making me depressed
as far as it's her house.. yes it is, but what gives her the right to walk into my room without asking? just because it's her house doesn't mean i have to give up my privacy!
Yes people rent to families with animals. Sure its much tougher but doable. Times are tough for people right now so maybe landlords who wouldn't allow pets in the past will now allow them.
ITA. We have a dog and we are renters, and have lived in three different houses with her and no one ever had a problem. And one place we looked at just asked for a little extra security cash.
Honestly, its an excuse, if you REALLY want a change, find your own place to live
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| Posted 7/17/09 4:30 PM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Posted by Karen
Personally, I would not buy a house with her. I would continue with the current scenario and save every penny that you can, so you can buy your own house.
ITA.
I think it is the worst possible option to buy a house with them. It will drive you crazy, and even worse, may have a detrimental affect on your marriage.
Have you actually looked HARD for a place to rent? You can rent a house, not just an apartment. There are many places out there for families with pets.
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| Posted 7/17/09 4:48 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
Ask around
My landlord had a two story house.. with a really nice first floor apt. I know he'd prolly rent to three dogs if you asked him and worked out deposit mabye. He's a dog lover himself.
If you want more info FM me.
The apt is in Huntington btw.
Good Luck!!!
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| Posted 7/17/09 5:27 PM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: WWYD re: MIL (long)
If I had a choice...give up one of my dogs or live with my MIL for the rest of my life...you'd bet that dog would be gone.
But I know how you love your pets.
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| Posted 7/17/09 5:27 PM |
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