| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 |
BellaRock
I am all the Me I will ever Be
Member since 5/06 9746 total posts
Name:
She who shall remain nameless
|
WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
OK so this will be long.
I was on the phone with my mom today when she said she got a text from her brother. He was asking if it was ok for his son, his girlfriend and her kids to come over on Christmas day.
Some background. Me and that cousin don't get along at all. About 4 years ago we got into a huge fight. He called me a "Biotch" and got all in my face. We were shouting in each others face. It got insane. I completely lost my cool and forgot my poor DS was even there. It terrified him to see this man almost attack mommy. It got close to throwing blows. My husband had to pull us apart and then they got into it.
So that happened. He acted like it was nothing and never apologize and thought we would go back to being cousins. Not happening. I can't stand looking at him and my DS is scared of him because of what happened.
So back to today. Now my uncle wants him to come on xmas. I told my mom to say no. She says she can't say no. That's her brother, her nephew. So I said well then if he comes I am not coming.
She gets all upset says shes not in the mood for all this nonsense. That he wont show up anyway. Ok fine. I know my mom. She will lie and say he's not there and when I show up I bet he will be there.
So my question is, if he is there, should I just drop off the gifts and leave or just deal with his @ss being there? My DH is dead set on leaving if he is there. I just want to enjoy xmas with my mom and sister, even my uncle. Just not his son.
Aye nothing like the holiday.
|
Posted 12/23/10 11:11 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
I would go, and if they are there, I would say Merry Christmas to my mother, and tell her goodbye.
My mother would never put me in that position, and if she did, I sure as heck wouldn't be ruining my Christmas day in his company.
If your mother wants her CHILD to be there on Christmas, then she can tell her NEPHEW that he is not welcome.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:14 AM |
| |
|
Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
I think you need to stand your ground. You can't tell others what to do nor can you control how others act.
I think this is your domain and I wouldn't let the presence of others dictate what you really want to do which is be with your family.
Go, stay, enjoy, ignore....
btw-I understand why your mom doesn't want to say no. Not all families can get along but you are family.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:15 AM |
| |
|
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by Blu-ize
I think you need to stand your ground. You can't tell others what to do nor can you control how others act.
I think this is your domain and I wouldn't let the presence of others dictate what you really want to do which is be with your family.
Go, stay, enjoy, ignore....
btw-I understand why your mom doesn't want to say no. Not all families can get along but you are family.
I am w/ you on this one.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:17 AM |
| |
|
headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by neener1211
I would go, and if they are there, I would say Merry Christmas to my mother, and tell her goodbye.
My mother would never put me in that position, and if she did, I sure as heck wouldn't be ruining my Christmas day in his company.
If your mother wants her CHILD to be there on Christmas, then she can tell her NEPHEW that he is not welcome.
Totally, 100% agree. I don't know your relationship with your mom but SHAME on her for putting you in this position 
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:21 AM |
| |
|
headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by Blu-ize
I think you need to stand your ground. You can't tell others what to do nor can you control how others act.
I think this is your domain and I wouldn't let the presence of others dictate what you really want to do which is be with your family.
Go, stay, enjoy, ignore....
btw-I understand why your mom doesn't want to say no. Not all families can get along but you are family.
I disagree, only because of what happened. He got in her face so badly that he scared her son. He's an adult and should have known better (OP already admitted she should have too). I would be livid with my mom for nothing considering me and my feelings before those of her brother and nephew.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:22 AM |
| |
|
MrsMC107
LIF Toddler
Member since 1/10 451 total posts
Name:
Meg
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
While I can understand that you've had issues with your cousin in the past..and I dont know the reasons behind it...I say let by-gones be by-gones.
Life is too short...
(My cousins got into a huge blow out years ago and only last year were they able to all be in the same room with each other for the holidays...you wouldnt believe how much it ate at my grandmother that her family was fighting for all those years)
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:23 AM |
| |
|
julesrbf
Baby Girl
Member since 6/09 3882 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by neener1211
I would go, and if they are there, I would say Merry Christmas to my mother, and tell her goodbye.
My mother would never put me in that position, and if she did, I sure as heck wouldn't be ruining my Christmas day in his company.
If your mother wants her CHILD to be there on Christmas, then she can tell her NEPHEW that he is not welcome.
I agree with this, word for word.
Sorry your mom is putting you in this position though. And your uncle.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:24 AM |
| |
|
PrettyPeonies
GAW my baby boy <3
Member since 8/10 3874 total posts
Name:
Pino
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by Blu-ize
I think you need to stand your ground. You can't tell others what to do nor can you control how others act.
I think this is your domain and I wouldn't let the presence of others dictate what you really want to do which is be with your family.
Go, stay, enjoy, ignore....
btw-I understand why your mom doesn't want to say no. Not all families can get along but you are family.
I think that this is fantastic advice and completely agree. I am kinda in the same position as you. My step mother and I no longer talk, due to a big fight. She & my father are going to be at my SIL for X-Mas Eve. I am so anxious to be in the same room as her b/c she literally makes my skin move. My therapist basically gave me the same advice that Blu-ize gave you.
Go, smile, enjoy YOUR family. If this person tries to antagonize you, simply excuse yourself w/a smile on your face. Dont give anyone permission to upset you!!!
Good Luck!!!!
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:24 AM |
| |
|
PrettyPeonies
GAW my baby boy <3
Member since 8/10 3874 total posts
Name:
Pino
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by Blu-ize
I think you need to stand your ground. You can't tell others what to do nor can you control how others act.
I think this is your domain and I wouldn't let the presence of others dictate what you really want to do which is be with your family.
Go, stay, enjoy, ignore....
btw-I understand why your mom doesn't want to say no. Not all families can get along but you are family.
I disagree, only because of what happened. He got in her face so badly that he scared her son. He's an adult and should have known better (OP already admitted she should have too). I would be livid with my mom for nothing considering me and my feelings before those of her brother and nephew.
I completely see your point but she is prepared now. I highly doubt she will allow anyone to speak to her & her DH in front of DC like that again. She cant erase what happened so why continue to punish herself for it? She wants to be w/her Mom and yes, I agree that her Mom shouldnt put her in this position but what is she & DH really accomplishing by not staying?
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:28 AM |
| |
|
iamme
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/10 495 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
maybe i'm in the minority here, but i would not go. simply for the sake of your ds. this man, family or not, scared the crappola out of your son, and put him in danger. who is to say he wouldn't do it again?
i would never allow my son's christmas to be ruined like that...again.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:30 AM |
| |
|
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by Blu-ize
I think you need to stand your ground. You can't tell others what to do nor can you control how others act.
I think this is your domain and I wouldn't let the presence of others dictate what you really want to do which is be with your family.
Go, stay, enjoy, ignore....
btw-I understand why your mom doesn't want to say no. Not all families can get along but you are family.
I disagree, only because of what happened. He got in her face so badly that he scared her son. He's an adult and should have known better (OP already admitted she should have too). I would be livid with my mom for nothing considering me and my feelings before those of her brother and nephew.
She said she lost her temper and was acting wild herself so w/o having been there BOTH parties could be wrong here.
If I TRULY felt unsafe then no I would not go. But if I was in someones face and they were in mine--then are they wrong? am I ? are we both? KWIM?
Message edited 12/23/2010 11:32:42 AM.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:31 AM |
| |
|
headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by DiamondGirl
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by Blu-ize
I think you need to stand your ground. You can't tell others what to do nor can you control how others act.
I think this is your domain and I wouldn't let the presence of others dictate what you really want to do which is be with your family.
Go, stay, enjoy, ignore....
btw-I understand why your mom doesn't want to say no. Not all families can get along but you are family.
I disagree, only because of what happened. He got in her face so badly that he scared her son. He's an adult and should have known better (OP already admitted she should have too). I would be livid with my mom for nothing considering me and my feelings before those of her brother and nephew.
She said she lost her temper and was acting wild herself so w/o having been there BOTH parties could be wrong here.
If I TRULY felt unsafe then no I would not go. But if I was in someones face and they were in mine--then are they wrong? am I ? are we both? KWIM?
I guess I just got the impression that he started the fight and got in her face, and she got so upset that she yelled back... it's the idea that her DS is scared of him that gets to me. 
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:34 AM |
| |
|
alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
IMO I would go. It was a fight between 2 adults and while he shouldnt have called you a B, you both escalted the situation. So you are both at fault to a point.
I would go and be an adult about it. You don't have to sit and talk to him all you have to do is be in the same room.
I didnt speak to my sister for over a year and we were still in the room together during holidays.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:35 AM |
| |
|
JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by neener1211
I would go, and if they are there, I would say Merry Christmas to my mother, and tell her goodbye.
My mother would never put me in that position, and if she did, I sure as heck wouldn't be ruining my Christmas day in his company.
If your mother wants her CHILD to be there on Christmas, then she can tell her NEPHEW that he is not welcome.
Ita with this.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:35 AM |
| |
|
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by headoverheels
I guess I just got the impression that he started the fight and got in her face, and she got so upset that she yelled back... it's the idea that her DS is scared of him that gets to me.
I hear ya but by her own admission she was so enraged she forgot her son was there so I dare say if he had kids they would be scared of her kwim?
A good way to subside her son's fear would be to go and have a peaceful Christmas where no adults act out of line and enraged.
I don't know, again I was not there, I can only picture it and then take a guess as to what I would do, but of course I wasn't there and it is not me so what the heck do I know
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:38 AM |
| |
|
CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
I think 4 years is a lot of time. Hopefully cooler heads will prevail all around.
I would go and if things start up, wish everyone a merry Christmas and leave.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:40 AM |
| |
|
NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by alli3131
IMO I would go. It was a fight between 2 adults and while he shouldnt have called you a B, you both escalted the situation. So you are both at fault to a point.
I would go and be an adult about it. You don't have to sit and talk to him all you have to do is be in the same room.
I didnt speak to my sister for over a year and we were still in the room together during holidays.
ITA, life is too short to hold onto grudges. I would be the bigger person and let it go, I think it can also be an important lesson to your son about forgiveness.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 11:46 AM |
| |
|
emilylives
biking
Member since 12/09 2163 total posts
Name:
Emily
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by NinaLemon
Posted by alli3131
IMO I would go. It was a fight between 2 adults and while he shouldnt have called you a B, you both escalted the situation. So you are both at fault to a point.
I would go and be an adult about it. You don't have to sit and talk to him all you have to do is be in the same room.
I didnt speak to my sister for over a year and we were still in the room together during holidays.
ITA, life is too short to hold onto grudges. I would be the bigger person and let it go, I think it can also be an important lesson to your son about forgiveness.
I agree!
|
| Posted 12/23/10 12:08 PM |
| |
|
BellaRock
I am all the Me I will ever Be
Member since 5/06 9746 total posts
Name:
She who shall remain nameless
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by DiamondGirl
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by Blu-ize
I think you need to stand your ground. You can't tell others what to do nor can you control how others act.
I think this is your domain and I wouldn't let the presence of others dictate what you really want to do which is be with your family.
Go, stay, enjoy, ignore....
btw-I understand why your mom doesn't want to say no. Not all families can get along but you are family.
I disagree, only because of what happened. He got in her face so badly that he scared her son. He's an adult and should have known better (OP already admitted she should have too). I would be livid with my mom for nothing considering me and my feelings before those of her brother and nephew.
She said she lost her temper and was acting wild herself so w/o having been there BOTH parties could be wrong here.
If I TRULY felt unsafe then no I would not go. But if I was in someones face and they were in mine--then are they wrong? am I ? are we both? KWIM?
I guess I just got the impression that he started the fight and got in her face, and she got so upset that she yelled back... it's the idea that her DS is scared of him that gets to me.
When the fight happened we were at my sisters. I didn't say hello to him when he first got there instead it was like half hour after he got there and he took it to heart. I didn't say hello because I was busy at the grill. The whole day he kept making snarky remarks about me having an attitude so finally I turned around and bowed and said I am so sorry I didn't say hi to you king E. He then got up off his chair ran toward me got in my face and said next time you should have manners instead of acting like a stank @ss upity b!tch!! Then it went to sh!t from there.
I will admit that I didn't act the best. I could have ignored him. But I guess sometimes you can only ignore the snark so much. He has kids but she adores me and she even says her dad was a nut job that day. Shes 15. My son at the time was 4. Up until that day he never been around any kind of shouting match.
Message edited 12/23/2010 12:16:57 PM.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 12:11 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by neener1211
I would go, and if they are there, I would say Merry Christmas to my mother, and tell her goodbye.
My mother would never put me in that position, and if she did, I sure as heck wouldn't be ruining my Christmas day in his company.
If your mother wants her CHILD to be there on Christmas, then she can tell her NEPHEW that he is not welcome.
Totally, 100% agree. I don't know your relationship with your mom but SHAME on her for putting you in this position
100000% agree. Oh hell no. If my mama ever did that do me, I'd be pisssed until Easter.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 12:13 PM |
| |
|
maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
I would not go, sorry but who needs drama on christmas day. I woudl rather juts stay home w/ my immediate family
|
| Posted 12/23/10 12:13 PM |
| |
|
nraboni
Uggh...
Member since 10/09 6905 total posts
Name:
Nicole
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by NinaLemon
Posted by alli3131
IMO I would go. It was a fight between 2 adults and while he shouldnt have called you a B, you both escalted the situation. So you are both at fault to a point.
I would go and be an adult about it. You don't have to sit and talk to him all you have to do is be in the same room.
I didnt speak to my sister for over a year and we were still in the room together during holidays.
ITA, life is too short to hold onto grudges. I would be the bigger person and let it go, I think it can also be an important lesson to your son about forgiveness.
I agree with this too.
Just go and be polite. Say hello and goodbye. There is no need for the small talk inbetween but I wouldn't not say anything to them because that will just cause an even more tension filled day.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 12:16 PM |
| |
|
BellaRock
I am all the Me I will ever Be
Member since 5/06 9746 total posts
Name:
She who shall remain nameless
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Thanks everyone for the advice. I don't think if I show up there will be another blow out. We've been in the same place briefly before. I always leave.
My moms house is tiny so there will be no avoiding him. I am going to go early to be with my mom. If he shows up I will give it a try but if the tension gets crazy or I just can't deal with him I am out of there. My son is 8 now and while he is still afraid of him I know that if I keep him away from my cousin and in the playroom with his other cousins he should be ok and if he is uncomfortable we will leave.
On a side note, my mom always does crap like this. She plays favorite and my sister is her only favorite. She doesn't think about anyone's feeling much.
|
| Posted 12/23/10 12:16 PM |
| |
|
brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD? Re Christmas day and family
Posted by CrankyPants
I think 4 years is a lot of time. Hopefully cooler heads will prevail all around.
I would go and if things start up, wish everyone a merry Christmas and leave.
DEF!
|
| Posted 12/23/10 12:20 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 |
