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MomMom
LIF Toddler
Member since 9/10 428 total posts
Name:
hi
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by computergirl
See I have to respectfully disagree with this. For all intents and purposes, she has the same lifestyle constraints as a SAHM-- the difficulties cooking, cleaning, doing errands, having any personal time. Should she be hustling out to Target to do her shopping at 8 PM at night? It's worse than having a full time job, she doesn't even get paid.
The OP herself said she did not want to be home with her kids. Who says the poor grandmother wants to? She might have had good intentions for offering but the reality is not easy, especially with two!
This makes the most sense.
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Posted 2/7/13 2:09 PM  |
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lcherian
He is the reason!
Member since 2/06 2512 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Could you hire a mothers helper for a few hours a day for your mom?
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| Posted 2/7/13 2:10 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by alli3131
Posted by Mariabella
Thank you for the replies. I need to sit down with her & ask her how she feel. I can tell you that she will never say she doesn't want to watch them & that its too much for her. In my family this is what all grandparents do for their kids to get ahead. DH has always been a little iffy with me working because it means he has to help out a little more. So any chance he gets he always brings up how our life would be easier if I stayed home. By "our" I know he doesn't mean mine but his lol It has only been 2 weeks I will see how it goes.
I would have a serious conversation with DH about this. I would tell him just because you stay home does not mean he gets to do nothing!. You are still taking care of the kids all day long and that IS A JOB!!!!!!
I am not a SAHM one because I love workign and 2 because I would be in a loony bin if I was home all day. There is no way though that I would let my DH thinks his life would be any different if I stayed home.
I agree.. no way staying home should make his life EASIER. Now if you wanted to be a SAHM and it was your desire, sure go for it. But I'm not built to be a SAHM and I dont care how much it would make my husband happier it would not make ME happier to just bow to his wish. If I'm unhappy then by default I'd find outlets of discontent and guess who'd be the number 1 target?? him. So for his sanity and mine, I work.
No way being home would be 'easier' for my husband at all. Its not a free ride to get out of helping out. Frankly I'd expect that portion wouldn't change at all. Since its not like I'd be sitting on my ass all day watching the clouds go by and catching up on soaps. I'd have my hands full with the kids and interacting. PFFT.
Frankly my husband would have MORE responsiblity if I stayed at home as I'd be too tired from being a SAHM to do some of the stuff we split up now. Every time I'm home with AJ he knows I want peace when he gets home and he gets to juggle more with her than normal.
Plus in our house man vs woman chores does not exists. I wont be slaving a way cleaning and keep home while you work because its 'easier for you'... all while taking care of AJ. There's nothing.. NOTHING he can't do and nothing I "should do" or "need to do".
Seems like there's more to this drama.
I think mom had a long day
DH should have called ahead
Things got out of control
Tempers flared.
Again, everyone just needs to calm down.
For me it would be
I'm not quitting
Mom is taking care of the kids
You need to just be a little more considerate
Everyone needs to just calm down if no other reason that for the kids sake.
Message edited 2/7/2013 2:50:14 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/13 2:48 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by NervousNell
I was going to suggest maybe an alternate day care or sitter a few days a week- so your mom isn't so overwhelmed.
Since your salary is not really needed to live on, maybe paying for childcare part time woudl be a good compromise?
I agree -
Maybe your Mom just had a bad day with the kids?
I personally wouldn't quit my job, I am in the same financial position as you - I don't HAVE to work, but my paycheck does A LOT for us as far as saving and extras
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| Posted 2/7/13 2:54 PM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Update: So during lunch DH & I were talking about sending DS 5 days instead of 3 to preschool to give my mom only half days with both. I know to her the baby is easy DS is the one that needs constant attention. He will discuss with FIL if he can take him all 5 days since he was going to do this in september anyway. I told him how I felt that I enjoy working & having all those extra's. He told me it was my decision but that me quiting would always be out backup plan
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| Posted 2/7/13 3:10 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
The biggest thing that stands out to me is your DH's solution to this problem is for you to quit your job.
HUH? 
He was late picking up the kids (yes, it was only 10 minutes, but in the future now he knows to always give MIL a heads up), but his answer to that is for you to quit your job and be there instead?
That's totally dismissive of you and what YOU may want to do. From what you said, you chose to go back to work and it seems as if you want to and you don't want to be a SAHM. Which is totally fine and your DH should respect that and be on board with the decision.
Last time i checked, you both were the parents and if his responsibility is to pick up the kids, then he is the one who should alter his behavior, not you.
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| Posted 2/7/13 3:36 PM |
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jam11308
Member since 11/07 7273 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Otherme
The biggest thing that stands out to me is your DH's solution to this problem is for you to quit your job.
HUH?
He was late picking up the kids (yes, it was only 10 minutes, but in the future now he knows to always give MIL a heads up), but his answer to that is for you to quit your job and be there instead?
That's totally dismissive of you and what YOU may want to do. From what you said, you chose to go back to work and it seems as if you want to and you don't want to be a SAHM. Which is totally fine and your DH should respect that and be on board with the decision.
Last time i checked, you both were the parents and if his responsibility is to pick up the kids, then he is the one who should alter his behavior, not you.
Yes, I completely agree with this...
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| Posted 2/7/13 4:18 PM |
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Melmel821
Love being a mom!
Member since 5/08 2776 total posts
Name:
Melanie
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
I think I would first have DH apologize and just mention he didn't realize it would be an issue. Obviously he didn't. Then I would suggest putting the kids in daycare 2 days a week and your mom can continue to help out the other days. This way she can spend time with them and not get so overwhelmed. Maybe she wanted to run an errand or two and make dinner and got upset, KWIM?
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| Posted 2/7/13 4:39 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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WWYD Child Care Situation
You and your DH can apologize to your Mom tell her it won't happen again but use it as an opportunity to have a heart to heart. Ask her to be honest if she feels that this is too much for her. If she says yes then I would look for alternate care or maybe get alternate care 2 or 3 times a week so your Mom is only watching them a few times. I don't see the big deal about your DH taking an extra 10 minutes but maybe your Mom was having a bad day or maybe it really irked her.
Personally unless you have a huge desire to be a SAHM I would not give up my good job. It may make you resentful in the future. I would not make such a huge rash decision based on one incident. Good Luck.
Message edited 2/7/2013 4:54:45 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/13 4:54 PM |
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StarsStripes
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 1192 total posts
Name:
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WWYD Child Care Situation
Since you don't have to work and your salary is all going to savings, I would weigh the cost of daycare. If your salary will just cover daycare then I would stay home unless you really speak with your mom about the situtation and find a resolution.
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| Posted 2/7/13 4:56 PM |
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ISpoilHim
I think I got this
Member since 11/10 1523 total posts
Name:
K
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WWYD Child Care Situation
When I first returned to work DH and I worked at the same place and a family member watched DS while we worked. We went to work together to save on expenses. On the way home DH would often want to stop and think nothing of it at the time. I always told him no that we have to go home and relieve the sitter. She has a schedule just like we do. He did not see my point. So I said if your relief to leave work was late and did not let you know how would you feel. He told me that he would be pissed. Same thing. From that point on he got it.
Since then I work part time and have DS in daycare. I also care for children of a family member 3 days a week. When it is time for me to go I want to go. I still have DS when I am done. And if DH is not home when I get there to help with DS I am furious. Many times I have said that when he gets home I go off duty. And if he is late I am calling him. PTWM FTWM SAHM it does not really matter. We all have our schedules and when we expect our "day" to end and it doesn't and we don't know why it's frustrating. The kids that I watch (it is a fam of 4 kids ) if the dad is going to be even 5 minutes late he calls. Just to give me a heads up. It's not like I would/could leave the kids home alone but just knowing its going to be an extra 5 minutes helps.
Just trying to give another perspective and I hope that all made sense
Message edited 2/7/2013 4:59:52 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/13 4:58 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Mariabella
Update: So during lunch DH & I were talking about sending DS 5 days instead of 3 to preschool to give my mom only half days with both. I know to her the baby is easy DS is the one that needs constant attention. He will discuss with FIL if he can take him all 5 days since he was going to do this in september anyway. I told him how I felt that I enjoy working & having all those extra's. He told me it was my decision but that me quiting would always be out backup plan
i am curious if this happens and she asks why and you tell her will she end up saying i had a bad day etc
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| Posted 2/7/13 5:06 PM |
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