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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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WWYD Child Care Situation
I am so upset, crying at my desk at work...I apoligize in advance this is long..
I am FTWM just came back from maternity leave as of last week. DS is 3yo goes to preschool 3 days a week for 4 hours. DD is 6 months old. We live 2 blocks from my parents house my mom never has worked raised me & my brother. She always said she would watched my kids so I can work. We do not pay her she would never take the money and they are very well. I knew taking care oif 2 kids would be hard on her. We enrolled DS in school and FIL picks up and drops him off. I drop them off every morning at 8am DH usually picks them up at 430 unless he works OT which is not that often. Yesterday DH got off the train went across the street to buy 2 steaks which took 10 minutes my mom was "livid" that he didnt come straight to get them. DH was very upset he thinks 10 minutes is not a big deal. I feel like she is helping us out and we should be more considerate. Now DH thinks I should just quit my job and not deal with anyone. I would love to stay home but I know if I leave I will never be making this much money again. I am in a position without a college degree. I could of took a leave of absance for 4 years but that window is closed since I already returned to work. We do not need my salary to live it is money that is going all into savings. What would you do?
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Posted 2/7/13 10:27 AM  |
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cantwait84
LIF Infant
Member since 5/08 106 total posts
Name:
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WWYD Child Care Situation
If it were me. I would have a heart to heart with mom about whether or not she really wants to do this. Maybe u can split the time so that she only watches the kids 2 or 3 days a week instead of 5 days?
Good luck!
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:34 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
I was going to suggest maybe an alternate day care or sitter a few days a week- so your mom isn't so overwhelmed.
Since your salary is not really needed to live on, maybe paying for childcare part time woudl be a good compromise?
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:36 AM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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WWYD Child Care Situation
I would def. talk to my mom about it. IMHO, 10 mins is not a big deal at all. I understand it's a long day for her but he was picking up something to eat not having a beer at a bar, KWIM? Just sit with her and talk it out.
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:37 AM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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WWYD Child Care Situation
was this a one time thing? maybe she just had a really rough day with the kids and the lateness just set her off...
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:38 AM |
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nicopico13
that year flew!
Member since 11/09 3008 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
It sounds like your mom is very overwhelmed watching both kids. I don't think stopping to pick up dinner before getting them is a huge deal, it's so much easier to stop quick by yourself. Maybe you should talk to your mom and see if she really wants to do this everyday.
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:38 AM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Monday & Wednesday's are the days DS is not in school. Yesterday happen to be one of those days he didnt nap all day & like most 3yo was on the go. This was the 1st time this happened but I only came back to work last week. DH was very upset because he was picking up dinner not hanging out & he feels like she just started & is already complaning. I understand 2 kiids are hard to deal with but DS will be in 5 days prek starting septemeber. I also try to make it easier by having FIL drop off & pick up DS so she doesnt have to leave the house with both. This morning she was fine but I know this is like a rubber band & it will snap soon.
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:43 AM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Would you be able to afford to pay someone else for childcare? It sounds as though your mom is overwhelmed. Good luck!
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:48 AM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
If she was that mad over 10 minutes, she's probably just overwhelmed watching both kids. Maybe she doesn't want to be tied down all day every day. Like others said, splitting the week between her and a hired sitter is the best bet.
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:49 AM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Yes we can afford child care but as many of you know it is very difficult to find someone you are happy with. Also I feel like it would be like an insult to my mom. I think we will have a talk with her. MIL works so they can not share days. The reason I am upset is because I could of stayed home longer & my position would of been on hold. Not once did she say don't go back. I just wish I knew what the right thing to do is. I dont want to regret leaving my job but I dont want my mom to hate me either. Thank you for your replies!
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:52 AM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by NervousNell
I was going to suggest maybe an alternate day care or sitter a few days a week- so your mom isn't so overwhelmed.
Since your salary is not really needed to live on, maybe paying for childcare part time woudl be a good compromise?
Since the situation is so new, there will definitely be some "road bumps" along the way. You all just have to get used to the new routine, etc. Speak to your mom calmly and discuss the situation again. I think offering to get a babysitter a couple of days a week might really help - or your mom might be insulted!  Good luck - but don't just go quitting your job over this one incident! 
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:54 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by NervousNell
I was going to suggest maybe an alternate day care or sitter a few days a week- so your mom isn't so overwhelmed.
Since your salary is not really needed to live on, maybe paying for childcare part time woudl be a good compromise?
This. Because I wouldn't quit my job. Not just the money but all the work you put into it. We are a different generation. Its not like we must stay home to raise the kids just because we can or even want to.
I think this was just a bad day type thing. I think everyone needs to cool off and then revisit the situtation. Maybe 2 was a little too much that day. It could be a number of things that sorta added up, you know?
Perhaps alternate care is a good idea especially as you can afford it.
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:55 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Sorry,
I think your DH or you should just go & pick the kids up straight.
Your mom is doing you guys a favor.
If it were me, I'd see this as taking advantage of her (doing chores while she watches kids).
I know it's not a HUGE crime, but I get ticked off when my DH stops for a milk/food/a haircut on his way home when it's his turn to pick up the kids. I don't do this when my mom or his mom is watching (unless we spoke about it in advance).
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| Posted 2/7/13 10:57 AM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
I don't want to sound like a terrible mother but I was excitied about coming back to work. Just to get up & get dressed & go somewhere. I don't know about anyone else but for me to be a SAHM was very difficult. I guess it is silly to quit over one insident but DH is still chewing my head off to just quit so we dont have to deal with my mom or FIL. Not that he has given us any problem but we are holding up everyone's schedule.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:00 AM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by nycgirl
Sorry,
I think your DH or you should just go & pick the kids up straight.
Your mom is doing you guys a favor.
If it were me, I'd see this as taking advantage of her (doing chores while she watches kids).
I know it's not a HUGE crime, but I get ticked off when my DH stops for a milk/food/a haircut on his way home when it's his turn to pick up the kids. I don't do this when my mom or his mom is watching (unless we spoke about it in advance).
I agree she is doing you a huge favor but I don't think of it as taking advantage though. My MIL watches my kids. If I have to pick up milk, eggs, whatever..it's just easier and much QUICKER to just go before I get them. I don't think I am taking advantage of her. I totally understand that it's a long day for her. She already has them in their coats waiting for me. but an extra 10 mins is not a big deal. sometimes I get caught in traffic. it happens. IMHO 10 mins to run an errand is not a big deal. I am not out with my gfs shopping. that's how I look at it
Message edited 2/7/2013 11:04:41 AM.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:01 AM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Mariabella
I don't want to sound like a terrible mother but I was excitied about coming back to work. Just to get up & get dressed & go somewhere. I don't know about anyone else but for me to be a SAHM was very difficult. I guess it is silly to quit over one insident but DH is still chewing my head off to just quit so we dont have to deal with my mom or FIL. Not that he has given us any problem but we are holding up everyone's schedule.
not a terrible mother. AT ALL. I feel the same way. And don't quit over this. Just talk to her.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:03 AM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by computergirl
If she was that mad over 10 minutes, she's probably just overwhelmed watching both kids. Maybe she doesn't want to be tied down all day every day. Like others said, splitting the week between her and a hired sitter is the best bet.
This, we split the week with family care and a center so the burden isn't too much on the family member (who watches for free as well).
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:07 AM |
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
First off, I think DH needs to say his his sorry to your Mom. DH knows if he is going to be a minute late he is to call my Mom and let her know. I feel like my Mom is doing us a favor and we owe her that much.
And it may just be that you Mom was having a bad day. I know when I call to check in I can hear it in my Mom's voice sometimes that she's tired, frustrated, whatever. It's hard work!! So ask your Mom if it was a bad day or if it's too much and go from there.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:08 AM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
I agree about DH apoligizing but in his defense he is the type of guy to just think of something & do it. It's not like he planned to go to the store for steak. (I had chicken cutlet ready). I feel maybe she is overwelmed. My mom is the type of person where her house is alwasy immaculante & dinner is on the table for my dad everynight. She is very old fashioned but she is only 45. As many of you know those things are hard to do with 2 little kids.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:13 AM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Mariabella
I agree about DH apoligizing but in his defense he is the type of guy to just think of something & do it. It's not like he planned to go to the store for steak. (I had chicken cutlet ready). I feel maybe she is overwelmed. My mom is the type of person where her house is alwasy immaculante & dinner is on the table for my dad everynight. She is very old fashioned but she is only 45. As many of you know those things are hard to do with 2 little kids.
My MIL is the same way. Can you work from home some days to break up the week?
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:16 AM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Working from home is not an option. I just feel like as we all know our kids are not little forever & as soon as my soon starts kindergarden her life would get easier. I know they are my responsibility but I dont think its that big of a deal if you dont do your excessive cleaning as often. I wish that was my only problem!
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:24 AM |
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LadyS
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/11 382 total posts
Name:
Vicki S
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by forevermylilgirls
Posted by nycgirl
Sorry,
I think your DH or you should just go & pick the kids up straight.
Your mom is doing you guys a favor.
If it were me, I'd see this as taking advantage of her (doing chores while she watches kids).
I know it's not a HUGE crime, but I get ticked off when my DH stops for a milk/food/a haircut on his way home when it's his turn to pick up the kids. I don't do this when my mom or his mom is watching (unless we spoke about it in advance).
I agree she is doing you a huge favor but I don't think of it as taking advantage though. My MIL watches my kids. If I have to pick up milk, eggs, whatever..it's just easier and much QUICKER to just go before I get them. I don't think I am taking advantage of her. I totally understand that it's a long day for her. She already has them in their coats waiting for me. but an extra 10 mins is not a big deal. sometimes I get caught in traffic. it happens. IMHO 10 mins to run an errand is not a big deal. I am not out with my gfs shopping. that's how I look at it
I don't think your DH was taking advantage of your mom, but I do think he could've maybe given her a head's up that he was going to be a few minutes late. I currently SAH and I know I get really ticked off at DH when he gets home even a few minutes late without telling me in advance. I expect him through the door at a certain time and if he left the office late or decided to stop by the store, I would appreciate a head's up letting me know. On a super overwhelming day, the last hour of watching a fussy DD alone can feel like an eternity to me so I can totally understand your mom getting upset that he was late.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:27 AM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by LadyS
Posted by forevermylilgirls
Posted by nycgirl
Sorry,
I think your DH or you should just go & pick the kids up straight.
Your mom is doing you guys a favor.
If it were me, I'd see this as taking advantage of her (doing chores while she watches kids).
I know it's not a HUGE crime, but I get ticked off when my DH stops for a milk/food/a haircut on his way home when it's his turn to pick up the kids. I don't do this when my mom or his mom is watching (unless we spoke about it in advance).
I agree she is doing you a huge favor but I don't think of it as taking advantage though. My MIL watches my kids. If I have to pick up milk, eggs, whatever..it's just easier and much QUICKER to just go before I get them. I don't think I am taking advantage of her. I totally understand that it's a long day for her. She already has them in their coats waiting for me. but an extra 10 mins is not a big deal. sometimes I get caught in traffic. it happens. IMHO 10 mins to run an errand is not a big deal. I am not out with my gfs shopping. that's how I look at it
I don't think your DH was taking advantage of your mom, but I do think he could've maybe given her a head's up that he was going to be a few minutes late. I currently SAH and I know I get really ticked off at DH when he gets home even a few minutes late without telling me in advance. I expect him through the door at a certain time and if he left the office late or decided to stop by the store, I would appreciate a head's up letting me know. On a super overwhelming day, the last hour of watching a fussy DD alone can feel like an eternity to me so I can totally understand your mom getting upset that he was late.
yes...exactly. giving her a heads up. that's what it's about. a phone call saying..I am picking up a few steaks. will be home 10 mins late..is this ok? just a heads up.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:29 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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WWYD Child Care Situation
I would put my kids in daycare a few days a week to take soem of the burden off of the parents.
My DS is in daycare 3 days and My MIL watches one day and FIL watches one day. I think it would be a lot to have them watch 2 kids and for such long days. We are out of the house for 12 hrs. If I have to run errends after work I either go home and get my DS then go out or wait for DH to go home and have him stay with DS while I go get the errands done.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:43 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Family help can be tricky. If you can afford it, can you hire childcare?
If I'm having a rough day the boys, I get pissed if DH stops unnecessarily for errands. I would rather him come home sooner than later. DH picks up the boys from school everyday. When I'm on my way home, I always call him. If we need something, I call to see if I should pick it up on the way home. 9 out of 10 times DH says he prefers me to come home without stopping.
I could see your mom getting annoyed at your DH for getting steak. It doesn't sound like he even bought it to share with them.
Message edited 2/7/2013 11:44:20 AM.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:43 AM |
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