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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Could you cut down to part time?
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Posted 2/7/13 11:49 AM  |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by forevermylilgirls
Posted by Mariabella
I don't want to sound like a terrible mother but I was excitied about coming back to work. Just to get up & get dressed & go somewhere. I don't know about anyone else but for me to be a SAHM was very difficult. I guess it is silly to quit over one insident but DH is still chewing my head off to just quit so we dont have to deal with my mom or FIL. Not that he has given us any problem but we are holding up everyone's schedule.
not a terrible mother. AT ALL. I feel the same way. And don't quit over this. Just talk to her.
ditto.. I HAVE to work. I am NOT a SAHM, period. No shame in that at all. Its not the law we have to stay at home in order to love our children. I love AJ to death but she has her time and I have mine. Makes our together time more special.
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:54 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by forevermylilgirls
Posted by LadyS
Posted by forevermylilgirls
Posted by nycgirl
Sorry,
I think your DH or you should just go & pick the kids up straight.
Your mom is doing you guys a favor.
If it were me, I'd see this as taking advantage of her (doing chores while she watches kids).
I know it's not a HUGE crime, but I get ticked off when my DH stops for a milk/food/a haircut on his way home when it's his turn to pick up the kids. I don't do this when my mom or his mom is watching (unless we spoke about it in advance).
I agree she is doing you a huge favor but I don't think of it as taking advantage though. My MIL watches my kids. If I have to pick up milk, eggs, whatever..it's just easier and much QUICKER to just go before I get them. I don't think I am taking advantage of her. I totally understand that it's a long day for her. She already has them in their coats waiting for me. but an extra 10 mins is not a big deal. sometimes I get caught in traffic. it happens. IMHO 10 mins to run an errand is not a big deal. I am not out with my gfs shopping. that's how I look at it
I don't think your DH was taking advantage of your mom, but I do think he could've maybe given her a head's up that he was going to be a few minutes late. I currently SAH and I know I get really ticked off at DH when he gets home even a few minutes late without telling me in advance. I expect him through the door at a certain time and if he left the office late or decided to stop by the store, I would appreciate a head's up letting me know. On a super overwhelming day, the last hour of watching a fussy DD alone can feel like an eternity to me so I can totally understand your mom getting upset that he was late.
yes...exactly. giving her a heads up. that's what it's about. a phone call saying..I am picking up a few steaks. will be home 10 mins late..is this ok? just a heads up.
I agree with this. My mom had my older DD the other day (both my girls are with me at the office every day- so sometimes she will pick up DD1 so she isn't bored). She was supposed to drop her back at my office, but she took her to her house instead. She only lives 3 miles from me, so it's not a big deal but I had plans to stop at BJs after work. BJs is close to my office- but opposite direction of home/mom's. So I ASKED her if it would be ok if I ran to BJs for a few things. She was fine with it (especially since I picked up a few things for her too).
Next time he needs to stop he should just give her a heads up and ask if she needs anything while he's at the store.
Good Luck!
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| Posted 2/7/13 11:57 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
I didnt read all the responses but I always call my inlaws or my sister if im going to be late. Not that they would be mad but just a heads up. And what about part time? My inlaws were so gung ho to watch my 3 year old and my one year old and now they have a change of heart they could only do 3 days not a full 5. Right now my sister is watching them but eventually i will be going part time. Good Luck with whatever you decide
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| Posted 2/7/13 12:01 PM |
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RocPin
Life's Beachy <3
Member since 2/08 6765 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by nicopico13
It sounds like your mom is very overwhelmed watching both kids. I don't think stopping to pick up dinner before getting them is a huge deal, it's so much easier to stop quick by yourself. Maybe you should talk to your mom and see if she really wants to do this everyday.
I agree with this. I dont think the 10 minutes it took to pick us food is the problem here. It sounds to me like maybe she is realizing she took on more than she was able to.
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| Posted 2/7/13 12:02 PM |
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wo0shply
LIF Adult
Member since 11/08 2702 total posts
Name:
Tass
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WWYD Child Care Situation
I was going to suggest part time too, maybe if your DH needs to take a little extra time to run errands he could call you mom ahead of time, so she can have a heads up. Like other posters said it could be she was having a difficult time that day.
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| Posted 2/7/13 12:03 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
i can see where your mother is coming from.
she basically is a sahm most of the day.
at 4:30, i no longer think straight. i am done.
i have put my kids in a bath at 5 just to wish away my night. esp in the winter.
we are jealous of anyone with freedom.
she probably wants to pee solo and at that moment was mad that this guy got to shop solo.
your situation is ideal. has your dh ever been home with both kids solo till 4:30? he just needs to realize where your mother's head was at.
don't quit
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:00 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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WWYD Child Care Situation
I would give it a little more time before I start looking for alternate child care. You said you've only been back to work since last week. I would try to give it a few more weeks to see if your mom can get into a good rhythm with the two kids. I think you all need a little time to adjust. If time goes by and she's struggling or it's not working out, then I would try to find something else for two days a week or so. I don't think I'd look to make major changes so quickly.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:12 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Janice
i can see where your mother is coming from.
she basically is a sahm most of the day.
at 4:30, i no longer think straight. i am done.
i have put my kids in a bath at 5 just to wish away my night. esp in the winter.
we are jealous of anyone with freedom.
she probably wants to pee solo and at that moment was mad that this guy got to shop solo.
your situation is ideal. has your dh ever been home with both kids solo till 4:30? he just needs to realize where your mother's head was at.
don't quit
I agree--the OP said she was ready to not be a SAHM after leave, and that's what the grandma is.
I think the DH should have called. Two kids is hard, very hard. Having family watch kids is a luxury, but I would always have a back up plan in case it doesn't work out. IMO 5 days a week is ROUGH on grandparents, and it doesn't work out for most I know. From most of my friends, it seems like watching them 5 days a week turns grandchildren into a chore and responsibiility instead of something they get to enjoy.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:18 PM |
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sleepie76
enjoying every minute
Member since 12/07 3881 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
was it really 10 minutes ?
My husband says things are 10 minutes all the time when they are longer.
drive to store, park, in store, online, back out ..... hard to do in 10 minutes.
Your mom was DONE that day... she didnt want to do 10 extra minutes... I;ve been that mom looking out the window waiting for DH to come home. I would have a heart to heart, make sure she still wants to do it full time.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:23 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by nov04libride
I agree--the OP said she was ready to not be a SAHM after leave, and that's what the grandma is.
Just have to say that I disagree with this. The grandmother is a babysitter - not like a SAHM (who doesn't have evenings, nights, and weekends off).
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:26 PM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Thank you for the replies. I need to sit down with her & ask her how she feel. I can tell you that she will never say she doesn't want to watch them & that its too much for her. In my family this is what all grandparents do for their kids to get ahead. DH has always been a little iffy with me working because it means he has to help out a little more. So any chance he gets he always brings up how our life would be easier if I stayed home. By "our" I know he doesn't mean mine but his lol It has only been 2 weeks I will see how it goes.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:29 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by InShock
Posted by nov04libride
I agree--the OP said she was ready to not be a SAHM after leave, and that's what the grandma is.
Just have to say that I disagree with this. The grandmother is a babysitter - not like a SAHM (who doesn't have evenings, nights, and weekends off).
See I have to respectfully disagree with this. For all intents and purposes, she has the same lifestyle constraints as a SAHM-- the difficulties cooking, cleaning, doing errands, having any personal time. Should she be hustling out to Target to do her shopping at 8 PM at night? It's worse than having a full time job, she doesn't even get paid.
The OP herself said she did not want to be home with her kids. Who says the poor grandmother wants to? She might have had good intentions for offering but the reality is not easy, especially with two!
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:33 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Mariabella
Thank you for the replies. I need to sit down with her & ask her how she feel. I can tell you that she will never say she doesn't want to watch them & that its too much for her. In my family this is what all grandparents do for their kids to get ahead. DH has always been a little iffy with me working because it means he has to help out a little more. So any chance he gets he always brings up how our life would be easier if I stayed home. By "our" I know he doesn't mean mine but his lol It has only been 2 weeks I will see how it goes.
I would have a serious conversation with DH about this. I would tell him just because you stay home does not mean he gets to do nothing!. You are still taking care of the kids all day long and that IS A JOB!!!!!!
I am not a SAHM one because I love workign and 2 because I would be in a loony bin if I was home all day. There is no way though that I would let my DH thinks his life would be any different if I stayed home.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:34 PM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Mariabella
Thank you for the replies. I need to sit down with her & ask her how she feel. I can tell you that she will never say she doesn't want to watch them & that its too much for her. In my family this is what all grandparents do for their kids to get ahead. DH has always been a little iffy with me working because it means he has to help out a little more. So any chance he gets he always brings up how our life would be easier if I stayed home. By "our" I know he doesn't mean mine but his lol It has only been 2 weeks I will see how it goes.
are we married to the same man? 
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:35 PM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Don't get me wrong we do not pay her any money but that does not mean we do not compensate & appreciate her. I go above & beyond for birthdays & christmas with expensive gifts for my parents. When I was on maternity leave they went italy to visit my grandparents they booked there trip through our travel agent of many years & we paid for it without them knowing. They were extreamly upset by this and in return gave me that & more for my daughter's christening. Just the other day DH suggested going on acruise when DD is a little older & us paying for my parents & inlaws for all that they do for the kids. She does have the role of SAHM but in reality my mom did not adjust her life for me she was never the type to go shopping she does not drive.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:41 PM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Probably! lol he is very hands on with the kids but anything home related is out of the question. I can thank MIL for that but that a diff topic all together!
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:43 PM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Mariabella
Probably! lol he is very hands on with the kids but anything home related is out of the question. I can thank MIL for that but that a diff topic all together!
now I seriously know we are married to the same man!!  
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:44 PM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Your mom probably just had a bad day. I would just move on and if you feel in the future it is too much talk to your mom and either make other arrangements or stay home.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:45 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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WWYD Child Care Situation
haha...does she pee?
i love being at home with my kids. i can't imagine anything different. best time of my life.
but there are 2 hours a night that i want to run away if i am at home.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:45 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by alli3131
Posted by Mariabella
Thank you for the replies. I need to sit down with her & ask her how she feel. I can tell you that she will never say she doesn't want to watch them & that its too much for her. In my family this is what all grandparents do for their kids to get ahead. DH has always been a little iffy with me working because it means he has to help out a little more. So any chance he gets he always brings up how our life would be easier if I stayed home. By "our" I know he doesn't mean mine but his lol It has only been 2 weeks I will see how it goes.
I would have a serious conversation with DH about this. I would tell him just because you stay home does not mean he gets to do nothing!. You are still taking care of the kids all day long and that IS A JOB!!!!!!
I am not a SAHM one because I love workign and 2 because I would be in a loony bin if I was home all day. There is no way though that I would let my DH thinks his life would be any different if I stayed home.
I have to disagree here. I actually like to remind DH how much his life WOULD be different if I worked full time. I would need him to help with laundry, meal prep, dishes, cleaning, getting DD to and from a sitter and doctor appointments, etc. Since I stay home, I do take on these things myself 99% of the time. I'm not saying DH comes home and plops on the couch doing nothing, but it doesn't compare to what he'd be doing if we both worked.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:46 PM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Maybe I am over simpliflying the issue,but perhaps in the future your DH could call your mom and say "I am just getting off the train and was going to stop at the butcher to pick up dinner. Do you need me to come get kids right now instead? no?Ok,do you need anything from while I'm there?" A common courtesy really. And probably appreciated by your mom for the heads up. At the end of the day I am watching the clock until DH walks through the door sometimes and 10 minutes could feel like an hour 
Message edited 2/7/2013 1:56:20 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:54 PM |
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Mariabella
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 951 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by alli3131
Posted by Mariabella
Thank you for the replies. I need to sit down with her & ask her how she feel. I can tell you that she will never say she doesn't want to watch them & that its too much for her. In my family this is what all grandparents do for their kids to get ahead. DH has always been a little iffy with me working because it means he has to help out a little more. So any chance he gets he always brings up how our life would be easier if I stayed home. By "our" I know he doesn't mean mine but his lol It has only been 2 weeks I will see how it goes.
I would have a serious conversation with DH about this. I would tell him just because you stay home does not mean he gets to do nothing!. You are still taking care of the kids all day long and that IS A JOB!!!!!!
I am not a SAHM one because I love workign and 2 because I would be in a loony bin if I was home all day. There is no way though that I would let my DH thinks his life would be any different if I stayed home.
I have to disagree here. I actually like to remind DH how much his life WOULD be different if I worked full time. I would need him to help with laundry, meal prep, dishes, cleaning, getting DD to and from a sitter and doctor appointments, etc. Since I stay home, I do take on these things myself 99% of the time. I'm not saying DH comes home and plops on the couch doing nothing, but it doesn't compare to what he'd be doing if we both worked.
I agree, when I was on leave I did it all. Food shopping, errands, dr appt. laundry, cleaning. But I had the time to do all these things. Now working FT its very hard to get a schedule. He is very laid back he keeps suggestion we get a cleaning person as well anything to help him out!
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| Posted 2/7/13 1:59 PM |
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
Posted by Janice
i can see where your mother is coming from.
she basically is a sahm most of the day.
at 4:30, i no longer think straight. i am done.
i have put my kids in a bath at 5 just to wish away my night. esp in the winter.
we are jealous of anyone with freedom.
she probably wants to pee solo and at that moment was mad that this guy got to shop solo.
your situation is ideal. has your dh ever been home with both kids solo till 4:30? he just needs to realize where your mother's head was at.
don't quit
I agree!
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| Posted 2/7/13 2:06 PM |
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MomMom
LIF Toddler
Member since 9/10 428 total posts
Name:
hi
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Re: WWYD Child Care Situation
10 mins can be a lot of time when your patience is thin and I imagine much more for an older person. Find out if your mom really feels up to doing this.
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| Posted 2/7/13 2:07 PM |
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