What to

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Message edited 2/21/2006 8:52:33 PM.

Re: What to

what does your dh think of this

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That who cares as long as we get a house...

He's been controled by her his whole life...so this is nothing new to him

Message edited 1/11/2006 8:18:01 PM.

Re: What to

Well....imo what i would do is keep the money that you got back. If she insists on getting her part back, give it and never ask for it again. That will stop the control part of it. Does it s u c k. YES. But if that what it takes to lead your own life they way you want, maybe that is what you have to do.

BUT i will be honest, i do not agree witht he throwing of rings at yoru DH. IMO that is very disrespectful to your marriage. You were angry but imo that you should never do

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i know you don't want to hear this, but i would just give her her money back and walk way. IF her giving you money comes with the condition that she has a say, then her money would be no good with me. if that is her personality, then you really cant have both- her money and your own freedom.

But, i'm also very set in the mindset of us doing it on our own. i don't like to feel like i owe anyone anything, or gave anyone a reason to hold something over my head. You know how your mother in law is, and she's not going to change. i would cut my monetary losses, and leave it alone.

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Marissa...
first advice take a long deep breath...then
remember you are married to your dh not your MIL. Everyone that has one knows what goes on. Okay, with that said forget throwing the ring back...you are married and you have a child. You MIL is your issue right now. As far as the check...keep it. Its yours. Dont get into it with his mother. Let him get into it with her. I think it was you that I was going back and forth with about inlaws. What I try to do is limit my time. I dont think they know how to accept a new person into their lives as their child. (some may, many dont). I think you should let your DH learn to deal with his mother and you set limits on how hard she is going to emotionally burn you. Like I said, if you limit your time with her you wont get burnt. You and DH are a team. Stay solid.

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I think I too would be willing to take the financial hit and give it back to her. Ultimately, you and your DH need to make it without her.

Frankly I wonder if she is trying to instigate a fight with you- she is probably thinking that you will dig in your heels about giving the money back. I would not give her the satisfaction.

Doing this will give you two advantages- you will feel proud of yourselves for doing it on your own, and you will be taking away the thing she wants most- to have a say in how her adult son and his wife live their lives.

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Your right its not the right way to handle thing...but this D word... is not a threat...something Im sooo really thinking about it...

I can not and will not continue fighting with him because of this woman...and he if chooses to let her come between us ALL THE F-ing time...then what am I supposed to do?

If we were just newlyweds w/o a child... Im not so sure Id be here..

Ohh shes getting her half back...But Dh dosent respect my decision...to not take what they may offer when it comes time to buy the house...

It just ***** for had this not of been the deal...we may have gone on with the wedding...

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I hope that you are just angry by saying his mother makes you want to get a divorce. If you feel that way truly then you need to see the reality of your marriage and see if you both are still in love. BUT if its his mom that you are angry with, then you need to seperate the 2 issues. Maybe you might want to try marriage counseling as well. What I have learned over the course of my relationship is that "we" (DH and I) are a couple not his family, my family and us. You both need to strive together to make things work. Especially since you brought a baby into your lives.

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so sorry that you are going through this. Your MIL sounds like this is going to be a neverending problem. The house she helps you to pay for, she will always feel welcomed to.

I am also one who would give the money back and say f it.

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Its so hard to be happy with him...when he's my direct link to her...

I know it sounds so nasty...and its not meant that way 100%... but when she gets me going, it hard not to resent those who make her be in my life...and that connection is my DH...

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well if i were you i would concentrate more on moving and getting away from her!

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I want to move far far away from her.... and I KNOW my marriage will be 10000 times better when she isnt around ALL the time...

(in case you're all forgetting Dh and I have no alone time...becuase our weekends are always spent spending at least 1 day with them)

The plans was to move...and if shes controlling where we go...we will be living next door


Dh just isnt listening to me.... I will not be coming with him...if the house is picked out or paid for by his parents...

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And because of that he says Im a brat....

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Posted by Princessmaris

I want to move far far away from her.... and I KNOW my marriage will be 10000 times better when she isnt around ALL the time...

(in case you're all forgetting Dh and I have no alone time...becuase our weekends are always spent spending at least 1 day with them)

The plans was to move...and if shes controlling where we go...we will be living next door


Dh just isnt listening to me.... I will not be coming with him...if the house is picked out or paid for by his parents...

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I through the rings...after he called me a brat...So he is saying im a brat because Im ungrateful because I wont take the offer...(aka I wont let them control my life as usual)

When it comes to my son....I usually have words with her... anything else I let Dh deal with...and since he dosent do sh!t about it usually...

I just get more and more resentful...

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Seriously..I would give your mom all babysitting shifts and cut her out. Not to hurt anyone but to save your marriage. New lines need to be drawn. Was she a problem while the 2 of you were dating?

I haven't spoken to my MIL for years...I hate it, but I also don't speak to DH about her either. It is his mother, and I don't try to understand his love for her, but I just block her out.

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I've read all your posts on your MIL and I think that giving the money back is the best thing you can do. I also agree that you should take all babysitting days away from your MIL. I cannot judge you on the ring throwing...you were angry...I can feel your pain. Moving away from her is going to be the best advice you can get right now. The further you are from her the better your marriage will be. You DH needs to realize who his "family" is and see who hurting...

's to you, Marissa.

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Posted by monkeybride

I agree. Toxic people need to be out of your life especially now that you have a child. He should not be in an environment where his parents are fighting all the time. I feel that children are very sensitive to this having grown up in a hole like this.

My mother went through this same exact type of situation with my grandmother (my dad's mom) and my parents did end up divorced. Try not to let her ruin your marriage for your child's sake. If your issues are with DH that's one thing but to let her cause you two to separate is letting her win.

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All I know is the ONLY and I mean the ONLY time we fight...is over her.....and it sad..





My son is gonna grow up to hate her.....if she dont cut her crap....Anyone who makes your mommy sad or your parents fight, as a child, you grow to hate!

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