what do you think you would do- with poll

I haven't even had an ultra screen yet, I will in a few weeks, but I've been giving it some thought. If the test showed, without any doubts, that your child would have downs syndrome, what would you do?
I can kind of see two sides to this. On the one hand, it must be really tough not only for the child, but also for a marriage to deal with such serious health issues. It can a lot more of a financial burden than having a healthy child. But on the other hand, it can be a more mild case and the child can have a fairly normal life.
I'm adding a poll, so feel free to just respond to that if you're more comfortable.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

I put other because those tests will not tell you 100% whether your child will have Down's and they have a high percentage of false positives. I am going today to get tested for this and even if it comes back with a good chance both of them have it, i highly doubt I would abort them. IT would be a very emotional roller coaster though for the rest of the pregnancy.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

personally, I'd want to terminate. I think to have a child with such issues is cruel. What kind of quality of life does this child have? To be made fun of and looked all their lives....

DH on the other hand would continue the PG, he is very much against termination. If the issue came up, I think we'd think long and hard about it.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

I would continue with the pregnancy. There is a reason I was meant to have a child with special needs, thats what I would think...but its a personal choice. I've known several family friends whose children had downs-they are sweet, loving children who definitely have a purpose in this world. Would i wish for it? No. Its a hard hard time taking care of a child with down's as well as the medical issues that arise out of it as well (heart defects, asthma, obsesity) but I'd do the best I could.

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Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

Message edited 3/15/2006 9:45:06 AM.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

i would base my decision on the results of an amnio.

if i would not potentially terminate, i would not have certain tests even performed.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

No test is 100%... We could not terminate a pregnancy. Our belief is if we are meant to have a child with special needs then we will.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

One of the very reasons we opted out of this test was because regardless of the results, I would not have an aminio nor would I ever terminate the pregnancy. As maybebaby said, if I'm blessed with a child, regardless of complications, metal defects or not, I am still blessed with this child. This is MY child regardless and I have been given this wonderful opportunity to be this child's mother. There must be a reason some of us are different and maybe it helps to bring more tolerance and understanding and compassion to this world and that is never a bad thing.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

I would seriously consider terminating after an amnio, though I can't say for sure what my ultimate decision would be. As long as it was before the 2nd trimester. I can't even bear the thought of a 2nd trimester abortion.

Message edited 3/15/2006 9:47:55 AM.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

It's a tough decision, that I hopefully don't have to think about. I wouldn't want to terminate, however, I don't think I am emotionally strong enough to deal with such demanding needs.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

We just had the Nuchal Translucency test done last week.

We also struggled with deciding if we should even do the test and if GF it came back with bad results what we would do?

We decided that even though we weren't sure what we would do, we would still want to be prepared should something be wrong.

Good Luck

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

I know of 2 people personally that were told that their child would be born with birth defects or downs syndrome. They continued the PG and when the children were born, they were perfectly healthy babies.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

I just wanted to add that I know of a couple who was told their baby was going to be born with some type of abnormality as well as heart defects. To me, the situation did not sound that severe... I would have probably continued the pregnancy if it was me. Of course I didn't know all the details but it was confirmed with an amnio. She was over 20 weeks pg and they chose to terminate.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

I voted I would terminate too if it was prior to the quickening (2nd trimester). I've worked with mentally disabled, downs,etc. Honestly, I'm just not that good of a person to handle this. For me that grief would be too great.

I'm not sure who has seen the Welcome to Holland essay but for those going through this, here was one good analogy.

Welcome To Holland
by
Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

Posted by dandr10199

Posted by nrthshgrl

I voted I would terminate too if it was prior to the quickening (2nd trimester). I've worked with mentally disabled, downs,etc. Honestly, I'm just not that good of a person to handle this. For me that grief would be too great.

I'm not sure who has seen the Welcome to Holland essay but for those going through this, here was one good analogy.

Welcome To Holland
by
Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Beautiful Essay. OK, now I am crying.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

Sorry I really try not to post about things like this on the pregnancy board but since it was asked. I know it's the elephant in the middle of the room.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

I said other because I don't know what I would do. I would have to be in the situation to decide.

For example, my friend found out at 6 months that her baby may have DS and the only way to find out would be an amnio and she declined because of how harmful it is for both her and the baby. She felt it was way to far along in her pregnancy to abort the baby.

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My DH and I had all tests possible (short of amnio because all others were normal) because we knew we would terminate if a test like an amnio showed that there was definitely Downs, Trisomy 18, spinda bifida, etc.
We truly believe in quality of life and would not want to bring a disabled child into this world.
To each his own. I commend parents who are able to do such a thing. Having my daughter here and healthy reaffirms my decision. I cannot bear to see her cry when I **** boogers out of her nose so to know my child could possibly be in constant pain and suffer would destroy me.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll

When I have my triple screen, I will be at 16 1/2 weeks. I am very torn as to what I would do. I took all my genetic tests this past Monday and don't get my results for another month. If any of the tests came back positive, I would probably go for the Amnio. More to rule out the possibility of a real positive than anything else.
DH says terminate, I am really not sure what I would do though. I really hope I and all of you do not have to face these type of decisions personally.

Re: what do you think you would do- with poll