Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Ugh, I am finding talking with other mommies increasingly difficult! I feel soo judged and damned if I do and damned if I don't. It almost seems no matter what parenting decisions you make, someone looks down at you about it.
A few instances:
What do you mean you didn't breastfeed? (in a nice snotty undertone)
You seriously don't subscribe to the cry it out method? However can you stand it(again in a nice snotty voice)
Or tones about buying something or not buying something or the you paid how much or the why don't you spend extra money and get this version

What I do believe is that I am a mom and I do what is best for my child and me, I don't judge others as I am sure you do what you believe is best for your child as well.

The next point that brings my blood to a boil is this "race" I'm so happy for you that your kid was able to run the new york city marathon at 4 months old while graduating Harvard, really I am. Don't follow it with something like "can your kid do that" cause what my kid can do is that he can hit you in the face with his fisher price hammer.











Agh that felt good. Now if only I had the gaul to say that to someone(s) in person.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

I agree - I find that everyone has something to say about how to raise a child.

I was at my grandmothers funeral three weeks before I had Jack and an aquaintance there asked me if I was breastfeeding - I said no. She then proceeded for the next HALF HOUR to tell me all the benefits of breastfeeding and why I should give it a shot. At a funeral home none the less.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Posted by Diana1215

I agree - I find that everyone has something to say about how to raise a child.

I was at my grandmothers funeral three weeks before I had Jack and an aquaintance there asked me if I was breastfeeding - I said no. She then proceeded for the next HALF HOUR to tell me all the benefits of breastfeeding and why I should give it a shot. At a funeral home none the less.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

I know how you feel.

personally, I understand that am screwing my kid up for life by putting her in daycare

oh, and seriously, when is it OK to talk so openly about what I do with my breast...I ain't Jenna Jameson and it isn't for sale...get yer own....
ETA: for people beeing flockin' morons...

maybe I should tell the I couldn't BF because of all the crack I smoke...

Message edited 7/26/2007 7:16:13 PM.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Posted by DebG

Posted by Diana1215

I agree - I find that everyone has something to say about how to raise a child.

I was at my grandmothers funeral three weeks before I had Jack and an aquaintance there asked me if I was breastfeeding - I said no. She then proceeded for the next HALF HOUR to tell me all the benefits of breastfeeding and why I should give it a shot. At a funeral home none the less.

Thank you, I like knowing I am not alone in this.
Now, I make other people feel bad, especially those that want to pass judgement and don't know my story. I wait for them to finish their preaching as to why I should have and then I say...
"yeah, maybe that would have been nice but I was on so many medications to fight cancer that it really wasn't an option for me and my doctors are the ones who advised me against it"
I used to not be as blunt because it usually makes people feel bad, but now I do it with pleasure...if you are triying to make me feel bad, WHAP! coming back at'cha

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Posted by mommy2bella

I know how you feel.

personally, I understand that am screwing my kid up for life by putting her in daycare

oh, and seriously, when is it OK to talk so openly about what I do with my breast...I ain't Jenna Jameson and it isn't for sale...get yer own....
ETA: for people beeing flockin' morons...

maybe I should tell the I couldn't BF because of all the crack I smoke...

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

People can't help themselves to the point of being totally inappropriate and rude.

I noticed when I was pregrant it was free for all for the comments.

I am tired of having to justify myself. I just don't answer them anymore.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

I wont ramble on as I usually do but I will say that I totally agree to how moms can be so judgemental and I will also say, I have no problem speaking my mind

Deb, youre an awesome mom
thpplrrrr to them

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by DebG

Posted by Diana1215

I agree - I find that everyone has something to say about how to raise a child.

I was at my grandmothers funeral three weeks before I had Jack and an aquaintance there asked me if I was breastfeeding - I said no. She then proceeded for the next HALF HOUR to tell me all the benefits of breastfeeding and why I should give it a shot. At a funeral home none the less.

Thank you, I like knowing I am not alone in this.
Now, I make other people feel bad, especially those that want to pass judgement and don't know my story. I wait for them to finish their preaching as to why I should have and then I say...
"yeah, maybe that would have been nice but I was on so many medications to fight cancer that it really wasn't an option for me and my doctors are the ones who advised me against it"
I used to not be as blunt because it usually makes people feel bad, but now I do it with pleasure...if you are triying to make me feel bad, WHAP! coming back at'cha

Exactly - give me a freaking break. They should only know what you have gone through - and you know what - the fact that it even gets to the point where you almost have to defend yourself is ridiculous.

I'm dead honest when people ask me if I am breastfeeding him. I tell them I am too selfish - which I really am. I look at what all of these BF'ing moms go through on here and give them sooooooo much credit. You really have to be very selfless to do that - and well, I just like that my DH is home all summer and can help out with the feedings when I need a break.

But, people always have opinions about EVERYTHING when it comes to raising a child - and there way is of course the better way.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Posted by smdl

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by DebG

Posted by Diana1215

I agree - I find that everyone has something to say about how to raise a child.

I was at my grandmothers funeral three weeks before I had Jack and an aquaintance there asked me if I was breastfeeding - I said no. She then proceeded for the next HALF HOUR to tell me all the benefits of breastfeeding and why I should give it a shot. At a funeral home none the less.

Thank you, I like knowing I am not alone in this.
Now, I make other people feel bad, especially those that want to pass judgement and don't know my story. I wait for them to finish their preaching as to why I should have and then I say...
"yeah, maybe that would have been nice but I was on so many medications to fight cancer that it really wasn't an option for me and my doctors are the ones who advised me against it"
I used to not be as blunt because it usually makes people feel bad, but now I do it with pleasure...if you are triying to make me feel bad, WHAP! coming back at'cha

Exactly - give me a freaking break. They should only know what you have gone through - and you know what - the fact that it even gets to the point where you almost have to defend yourself is ridiculous.

I'm dead honest when people ask me if I am breastfeeding him. I tell them I am too selfish - which I really am. I look at what all of these BF'ing moms go through on here and give them sooooooo much credit. You really have to be very selfless to do that - and well, I just like that my DH is home all summer and can help out with the feedings when I need a break.

But, people always have opinions about EVERYTHING when it comes to raising a child - and there way is of course the better way.

Add to the list..
- why did you have a c-section?

-

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Posted by anna

I wont ramble on as I usually do but I will say that I totally agree to how moms can be so judgemental and I will also say, I have no problem speaking my mind

Deb, youre an awesome mom
thpplrrrr to them

Message edited 7/26/2007 7:39:04 PM.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Posted by DebG

Posted by anna

I wont ramble on as I usually do but I will say that I totally agree to how moms can be so judgemental and I will also say, I have no problem speaking my mind

Deb, youre an awesome mom
thpplrrrr to them

Speaking your mind is one thing, I personally believe there is a way to speak your mind without staring down the bridge of your nose with me, ya know? It's the tone and the look that make all the difference

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

I absolutely hate it. And unfortunately, I get it ALL the tiime, particularly from the mommies at daycare. Out of a class of 10, Alex is one of two toddlers that go full-time. Everyone else is part-time, and their parents make it QUITE clear to me that they disapprove

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Gotta love the "race"! I was at Gymboree last week, and this mom is looking to try to switch her kid into the next level of classes mid-session, since she's basically on the border where she'd be one of the oldest in this level or one of the youngest in the next level. Ok that's fine, sounds good, but then she had to follow it up with "You know, she's just not challenged enough in this level. She needs MORE". Challenged? In Gymboree? I didn't even realize there were supposed to be challenges!

And I am sick and tired of the SAHM/working divide. I'm a SAHM so I get a lot of "wow, it must be nice to have nothing to do all day". Usually I just let stuff like this go, but there's this one acquaintance I have, a working mom, who is just soooo snide with these type of comments. So I said "Well, I guess you're paying your daycare provider an awful lot of money to do nothing all day....". I felt kind of bad saying that, but she was realllly asking for it!

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

I really just have to say...idiots will be idiots...

My ds was 2 months early so when people ask how old he is and I say 6 months they look at me like I am crazy and then say "God he is so small"---to which I reply --He is huge now since he was only 2-9 at birth! ---that shuts them up usually---except for some who say with the pity face---"IS HE UMMM OK?" or my favorite--"OH MY SO and SOS, SO AND SO HAD A PREEMIE AND HE IS NORMAL SO DONT WORRY"

Just add them to the list of people I am going to smash in the face!

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Here's how I see it....I personally don't judge or give a rats a s s how other people raise their kids and I never comment of give a second thought to what others do in terms of who breastfeeds, who bottle feeds, who stays at home, who works, etc. And I think this stems from the fact that I am confident in my skills as my children's parent. I know what I need to do to raise them well and I try to do it.

Those that choose to look down and judge do so becasue they are insecure about themselves and need to make others feel insubordinate to make themselves feel better.

Ok...I'm off the soapbox!

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Deb, can I just say that I would give my eye teeth to watch JAG throw his hammer at someone. Id be laughing til I cry!

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Deb you are so not alone.....I always think of the snappy reply AFTER I have left

There is a book after Notes from the Underbelly -- it's hysterical -- and deals with this stuff.... I highy recommend it!!

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

I think you get it every time you are doing something different from others around you. I hear it because I (gasp) co-sleep and because I still breastfeed my 8 month old (apparently you're supposed to wean a thriving breastfed baby to formula at the ripe old age of 6 months -- who knew?). I find it pretty easy to ignore because I feel good about the decisions I have made, but it is annoying to feel like I have to justify or explain why I think my choices are best for me and my family.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

It really amazes me how people will not ask questions or make comments about many topics, but when it comes to pregnancy and child rearing, those same people think you're fair game. I'd never ask a woman I barely know if she was bf'ing, or had a c/s. But some people just think it's their right to ask what they want.

ETA: that was a little off topic.

I've been lucky so far; though I have clenched my teeth a few times when I've gotten comments about day care.

Message edited 7/26/2007 9:36:45 PM.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

A good friend of mine always says:

"its every womans god given right to F@&% up there own child"

Seriosuly though, I know all about judgemental mommies, ESPECIALLY considering Im younger than the avg. mom out there... (seriously Ive even got FM for people on this site that had comments like "It must be hard considering your age"

How does my age make motherhood anymore difficult- can someone please tell me that?

I let it go- because in my heart I know, if it was a race, Id be kicking some mommy butt!!!!

I dont need approval from a stranger to know I rock

On the other hand I will say that, I have asked friends (not strangers) if they chose to BF, and if they were unsure, I have discussed the benefits of BFing... Im not trying to judge, rather than just share the wealth of education on the topic.. (as I wish, someone wouldve told me)

I support whatever decisions my fellow mommies chose to make...

So while others have said how inappropriate the BF convo is... I kinda disagree...

Yes- it rude to judge someone for not

but I dont think its rude to ask, and I dont think its rude to discuss its benefits... but like Deb said your tone and attitude says alot!

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Umm...anyone that judges you is INSANE! You're the wonder mom from heaven given all that you're going through.

The judging started when I was pregnant and hasn't stopped. I just go and do what I do...if there was a right way it'd be the law.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

It's like high school. The judgemental crap never stops. It's the same girls telling me what a bad mom I am for working that were telling me I was a freak in high school for my green hair. Tell everyone to kiss your azz because unless they plan on raising your child for you, they have zero business commenting on what you choose to do as a parent.

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!

Uggg... I know exactly how you feel.

"You mean you weaned her from breast feeding ALREADY"- she was six months old and I stopped making enough milk to even feed her.

"You did CIO- you know that damages them forever."

The best was my SIL who coddles her son who is now 12 years old. She treats him like a 3 year old. "You know, you shouldn't pick her up when she is crying- you will spoil her". Ummm... she only cries when something is seriously wrong. Go back to your child...

Re: Toooooooo many judgemental mommies!