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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Thursdays QOTD
do you and husband agree on disciplinary methods?
My husband believes in spanking...I don't...I'd rather not introduce the child to the concept of hitting as a solution to a problem. I'm a big fan of the nanny 911 techniques but DH thinks thats a fantasy world
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Posted 5/27/10 9:08 AM  |
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Exarina
My Two Girls
Member since 12/09 1249 total posts
Name:
Lisa Marie
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
Well the fact that if I hit my child and she/he goes to school and tells the teacher or my neighbor hears and calls child services and can potentially have my child taken away from me I will have to refrain from hitting my child.
I totally agree with HITTING for disciplinary reasons but unfornatley with social services being so strict I would not chance my child being taken away from me.
My sister's son fell and had a big black and blue on his head and my sister had to go talk to the principal about it....they thought she was beating him and he's only 3 years old.
But yes we both agree that a spanking is called for at times...just probably won't do it at an old age. We both beleive in speaking to the children not yelling.
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| Posted 5/27/10 9:22 AM |
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CallaLily
Thank you, Saint Gerard!
Member since 10/07 4937 total posts
Name:
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
DH and I agree with on disciplinary techniques. We will spank but also use other strategies.
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| Posted 5/27/10 10:29 AM |
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MrsFein09
We are so in Love with you!!!
Member since 10/09 2470 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
We agree on our disciplinary techniques...I will be the bad cop and he will be the good cop.
But seriously we do agree. I am tough and feel that a spank now in then is ok but will try other methods first. I never got hit as a kid but the fear of it alone kept me in line. I would hope that we can instill the same type of respect in out LO's lifes
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| Posted 5/27/10 11:01 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
DH and I are 100% on the same page. Always have been...............for years and years and years before we ever had a child. 
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| Posted 5/27/10 11:03 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
do you and husband agree on disciplinary methods?
My husband believes in spanking...I don't...I'd rather not introduce the child to the concept of hitting as a solution to a problem. I'm a big fan of the nanny 911 techniques but DH thinks thats a fantasy world
This is not directed at your post specifically but I am just so surprised that so many people would still spank their kids. It is not an effective method of getting your children to behave at all. All it does it help the parent to relieve their aggressions and frustrations with a situation and I personally don't think it's fair to assert yourself on a child so small and helpless. There are better ways to redirect your children and teach them to behave. You need to set up a system of rewards and consequences and I can tell you..........it works.
I've been a teacher for years and I've been able to get 30+ kids ages 5-11 behave perfectly. I never have to yell or get agitated because they know what is expected of them, they know if they choose to do something wrong there will be consequences, and they know that I will follow through with those consequences. My classroom has always run smoothly with some of the most well behaved kids in the school. Being a teacher and managing a classroom of kids is not much different than being a parent and managing your own children. The same rules apply............children need to know what is expected of them, they need routines so they know what to expect day to day, they need to know what the consequences are for poor behavior, and they need to be praised when they do good. It's very simple. And as a parent you need to be consistent 100% of the time. The second you don't follow through or you make empty threats your kids have you.
Hitting a child accomplishes absolutely nothing! All you are doing is teaching your children an inappropriate reaction to a situation and that it's okay to hit when you're angry which is going to be a real problem when you're trying to teach them not to hit other kids. Monkey see, monkey do..........you need to be a role model for your children. Also, you are instilling an unhealthy fear of you in them. Children should not fear you. They should respect your authority as a parent but respect is a two way street. Just as you expect respect from your children as a parent you should in return respect your children as people too.
Hitting is NOT a method to get your children to behave. Children shouldn't do the right thing because they are afraid of you, they should do the right thing because it's what is expected of them and because basically......it's the right thing to do. It's your job as a parent to praise your kids accomplishments and good behaviors and to redirect them and give consequences for poor behavior. However, those consequences should not be a beat down. It should be giving a child time to think about what they did and then maybe having them lose a privilege or something they enjoy. For example, if your DC isn't sharing his video game then he gets a time out and he loses video games for that day. The last thing a child wants is to lose anything and if they know that every time they misbehave they have something to lose they will be more aware of their behavior and doing the right thing. Alternatively, when children know they will be praised and rewarded for doing the right thing they are more inclined to behave because a child wants nothing more than to make their parents proud.
Anyway, that's just my 2 cents. You can't say time outs, reward charts, consequences, behavior charts, rule charts, etc. don't work because ANY good child rearing and behavior book will tell you that these are the methods that are most effective. You won't ever find a professional that will say hitting is the appropriate way to discipline your child because quite simply, it isn't.
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| Posted 5/27/10 11:25 AM |
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MrsDeVito
Gio's gonna be a big brother!
Member since 7/09 4671 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
DH and and I are completely on the same pafe as far as disciplining. We both agree that hitting/spanking isn't really effective, however if my 2 or 3 year old goes to run in the street after being told no, I will spank lightly. I DO want them to fear runningin the street and I just do not believe you can explain to a 2 or 3 year old the concept of getting hit by a truck and dieing, IMO at that age they do not have the maturity to understand something like that.
I don't have my own experience to base this on, but I have seen it in practice with my niece. She is on eof the most well behaved children I have ever seen. She is 3 years old and since she could speak she has always said please and thank you, says excuse me instead of interupting adults, and has always been disicplined with time outs which BIL and SIL have been SO consistent with. I mean she has been taken to the corner of a restaurant for a time out. She also always has to apologize for what she did. Like when she was put in time out in the restaurant, when she came back to the table she had to say sorry to all of us for disrupting our dinner. With all that being said, she has still been spanked a handful of times for doing things that could cause harm to herself. She completely understands there being actions for consequences but at only 3 does not always get that certain things can hurt you. She got a light tap on the bottom once for trying to run into the street after being told numerous times it was dangerous, she could get hurt, she could get hit by a car. She didn't get it. If for now being afraid of getting a little spanking if she runs in the street keeps her from doing it I think it's ok.
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| Posted 5/27/10 3:33 PM |
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
I will definitely be the disciplinarian. DH always jokes that the kids will like him more because he'll be fun. Honestly, I'd like to be fun with my kids HOWEVER I will not be a pushover. I think it is important to hold kids to a certain standard - respect and manners are huge in my book. I expect a lot from my students and I will be the same with my own.
As far as spanking, I can go either way on that issue.
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| Posted 5/27/10 5:13 PM |
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DaisyGirl
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1650 total posts
Name:
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
We are on the same page- I will be the bad cop and he will be the good cop. Just the way we are, there's no way I'll get to be the good cop! We won't be spanking our kids, just a personal preference.
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| Posted 5/27/10 5:16 PM |
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MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!
Member since 8/09 6631 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
We don't believe in spanking, but I will be the bad cop I know that now. My MIL, I love her to death, but she coddled all her boys, still does actually.
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| Posted 5/27/10 6:17 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
see my thing is this...I got my butt BEAT as a child...and when I say beat...I mean belt marks, slapped across the face, stomped on, kicked...bloody noses...it was BAD. most of the time it was over not doing homework / failing classes.
All that being said I don't feel being beaten helped my behavior...I just got sneakier about what I did.
I'm not saying a little light smack on the hand or light pat on the tush is the worst thing in the world...I just can't help but think theres gotta be a better & maybe more effective way to teach children and get results. Obv. I'm not a parent yet so it could be naive of me to even say that...but i'd really like to research different methods and techniques and try them when I'm a parent
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| Posted 5/28/10 12:12 AM |
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AMPirate
Missing our peanut :(
Member since 11/09 1678 total posts
Name:
Antoinette
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
I was also very surprised at how many people said that they would spank their kids. I promise I am not judging or anything like that but I just want to say that I feel like everything can be handled without ever having to hit a child.
I work with children with special needs and my job primarily involves using proven behavioral techniques to change the children's behavior in a particular way. Its all about being consistent, following through, not making empty threats or promises, and that the children need to know clearly what is expected and what the consequences of their actions are. You can do all of this without ever needing to raise your voice, let alone be physical. I save raising my voice for a situation where a child is in physical danger, like going into the street or about to touch a hot stove. The less you are able to yell, the more effective it is when you do have to do it.
I know I don't have kids of my own yet, but the kids I teach are like my kids and I know it can be done.
Just my two cents, for what it's worth 
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| Posted 5/28/10 12:41 AM |
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Nik211
my little monkey<3
Member since 5/08 3303 total posts
Name:
Nik
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
we agree 100% but we'll see what happens when we actually have a child that needs to be disciplined
as far as spanking goes i don't know how i feel about it working as a means of discipline...what i do know is that spanking can lead to a parent taking out anger and frustration on a child when they are "spanking" them and that is NOT COOL...
i know that my mom took her anger out on me physically - and couldn't control herself once she started spanking/hitting me out of her own anger...
i will never spank or hit EVER
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| Posted 5/28/10 1:00 PM |
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
DH and i are definitly on the same page when it comes to discipline. He got spanked as a child, shoes thrown at him etc...which he jokes about now, i on the other hand got spanked twice in my life, and always had the fear of more..........DH was a lot sneakier and did more "bad"things after that (from what im aware of), i on the other hand was always afraid of getting caught- thus we agree if it keeps a little fear in the child that a spanking would occur, but only occur IF needed!
we do not have chldren yet, but i have a little sister who i have helped raise and i honestly can say she is the best behaved child i have ever seen! Heres an example of parenting that we agree on: When my little sister was about 5 years old, we were in Florida, and she was in the bathroom trying on my makeup. When we asked her what she was doing and if she needed help, she told us she was going to the bathroom and didnt need help. Makeup was allllll over the bathroom and all over her!my other sister and i went into the bathroom and saw this, were furious (she is my half sister-her mother did not feel the need to discipline her over this which we disagreed with) For lieing to us, we went into the bathroom closed the door behind us, sat on the floor and told her none of us were leaving until she apologized for lieing to us and helped us clean up the mess. She was only 5, and it took her about 15 minutes of crying to finally see that she is not allowed to lie and that saying she was doing one thing, but doing something else was lieing, but by the end she was hugging us, cleaning uip and now at 10 years old, she remembers that specific night well and she has not lied to either of us since. DH and I know that these days people are always rushed and feeling a need for a quick fix to any issue, as we are with many things due to busy schedules, but we agree that if it means spending a half hour waiting as LC cries it out and understands that losing a toy, or not getting dessert, or helping clean up, then that is much more worth it than physically hitting or spanking our LC.
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| Posted 5/28/10 1:32 PM |
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
We both believe that an occasional spanking may be necessary depending on the situation, but then again I guess I cannot say for sure what we will do until we have a child of our own.
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| Posted 5/28/10 2:00 PM |
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DaisyGirl
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1650 total posts
Name:
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Re: Thursdays QOTD
Posted by AMPirate
I was also very surprised at how many people said that they would spank their kids. I promise I am not judging or anything like that but I just want to say that I feel like everything can be handled without ever having to hit a child.
I work with children with special needs and my job primarily involves using proven behavioral techniques to change the children's behavior in a particular way. Its all about being consistent, following through, not making empty threats or promises, and that the children need to know clearly what is expected and what the consequences of their actions are. You can do all of this without ever needing to raise your voice, let alone be physical. I save raising my voice for a situation where a child is in physical danger, like going into the street or about to touch a hot stove. The less you are able to yell, the more effective it is when you do have to do it.
I know I don't have kids of my own yet, but the kids I teach are like my kids and I know it can be done.
Just my two cents, for what it's worth
ITA- you said what I wanted to say much better than I could have!
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| Posted 5/28/10 5:16 PM |
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