Tell me my DH is wrong

So DH and I have been diligently saving for a house for the past few months and we're doing well. We're thinking we could be in a house by this fall.

Then this morning, I was talking to DH about how little we've traveled and how I'd love to one day see Europe... I've barely been outside the country. I just want to be able to see some other countries before kids come into the picture and get the traveling out before we settle down and start a family. So DH says to me that since we're getting a house we probably won't be able to travel. Now, this isn't the first thing he has said we can't do because of a house... we have nixed a summer and wedding anniversary trip b/c we're saving and preparing for a house. I mentioned the possibility of him switching careers (because there is something he really, truly is passionate about) but he won't do it because he won't take the pay cut b/c of the house.... now no traveling...

I've always wanted a house and was eager to buy, but now I'm second guessing myself. There's a lot of things I want to do and now I feel like once we get a house we'll be living soley for the house and that's it.... and it's making me really think if I want a house...

Please tell me DH is wrong and just because you own a home doesn't mean you have to put everything else on hold. I mean lots of people balance both, right?

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

It depends on how much extra money you have. He's right in that plenty of people are house poor and cannot afford any other luxuries. If you buy a house where you can afford payments on only one of your salaries (as we are doing), then that should guarantee that you will have extra money for travel and fun!

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

DH and I didn't want to be "house poor" and have ALL our money go into the house every month. We wanted to still go on vacations, out to dinner, etc so we figured out a price range that was comfortable for us.

If you get a house you can hardly afford, then yes you won't be able to do anything else but pay for the house.

It's one reason we moved to FL. Our mortgage and taxes are less than what we were paying in rent. Yes, we're doing a lot of renovations, but we factored that into what we can afford.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

I can't tell you he is wrong......

Play time is over.......

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

It depends.

I thing your DH is wrong if you buy a house that does not have payments and maintenance costs that stretch your budget.

Your DH is right, obviously, if you buy something that you struggle to pay for each month or if you buy something that does not permit you to save each month as well as pay the mortgage and maintenance costs.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

if you are really set on buying a house, then i can't tell you that your DH is wrong.

my DH and i are renting a house now but we hope to buy it in a year or two, so any vacation plans we may have are on hold, and we aren't spending $$ on anything that's not a necessity. that's because we REALLY want to own a home, and we are willing to make sacrifices to make it happen.

if you aren't really that concerned with owning a home now, then you and your DH need to sit down and talk about your priorities, which i guess for you include having your DH change jobs and travel more.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

There are still other factors, even if the $ is there. I find it very hard to go anywhere, mostly because of my dogs. When I got married OOS, I actually had someone housit for 5 days! It is rough but worth it, IMO

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Message edited 6/18/2008 9:09:29 AM.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Go to Europe! Live for today! You never know what tomorrow will bring.

You'll still get the house when you're supposed to. So maybe it'll be a month or two later but keeping your relationship happy and exciting is well worth waiting a few more months for a house!

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

It depends on what kind of house you buy. We always purchase houses that are WAY below what we can afford. My current mortgage is about 15% of our take home pay. That way we can still save money and go on trips.

We always buy fixer upper homes that are priced well below market, and do most of the renovations ourselves, which helps save A LOT of money.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

You may not travel for awhile. Depends what % the house is of your income and if you'll have enough leftover. Only you know the answers to that based on the house you pick out. True you don't want to be house poor, but you also can't always have it all right now. You may have to compromise in the house (smaller, less updated, further out) or travel (cheaper, shorter, less often) department.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

How much is a trip to Europe? 5K for both of you? (I'm only going by what Wheel of Fortune says their packages are worth, btw... )

If 5K prevents you from buying a house, you probably shouldn't be buying that house anyway.

There is no "right" or "wrong", but everything needs to be balanced out, and budgeted. DW and I never went traveling much, since we saved up to buy a house, and now we are talking about going on short trips/cruises when DC are a few years older, and going on "dream" trips when DC are in college. That's a long time to wait.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

I wouldn't say he's WRONG .......In his mind, this is what needs to be done, an everything else comes second to that ........I personally don't think that's much of a way to live your life, but everyone has different priorities -

I think he's wrong to dictate where all of your money goes UNLESS you BOTH decided that this house purchase was your first and ONLY priority

I will tell you to go on vacation and do what you want to BEFORE getting the house. DH and I purposely bought something lower in our price range so we could continue our lifestyle even after buying the house .......but it's still not as simple as it used to be. Now, it's WELL...... do we want to put in the deck this summer? OR take that vacation type of thing -

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

We are totally house rich and bank poor. We still do things though. I don't live in my house 24/7 and never go anywhere. We are always doing something even if it's a lot of small things.
You will go to Europe sooner or later and you will also become a homeowner. It will all happen. Which one do you want to happen first?

I think more importantly your DH should decide if her is going to change careers nor not. I would decide that asap before you buy a house.

GL!!!!!

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Thanks everyone for the feedback... we definitely both want a house. We're looking at houses that aren't huge, or out of our price range because we don't want to be struggling the whole time.

I think my main fear is that we'd be living for the house. Yes, I'd love to travel and do fun things like go to dinner, but it doesn't all need to be done tomorrow.... I just want to know that just because we get a house doesn't mean that all that stuff stops forever, you know? I know DH doesn't want me to have unrealistic expectations, but I just would like to know that people do balance a home and travel/vacations and even kids when the time comes! I absolutely don't mind sacrificing stuff for a home now, because it's something we both want... but in the future, i'd like to know that if we'd like to take a trip to Europe or we'd like to get a new car or go out on a weekend trip with friends, I'd like to know it's all still possible.

You guys are totally right... its' about getting a house thats in budget and doesn't cause financial strain, which is good because that's how we were thinking...

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

you need to buy a house that is REALISTICALLY in your budget, so that you will have the extras to do tings like travel.

I don't know your situation... may be that is not possible for you. but sit down and crunch numbers and come up with a maximum number you are comfortable with (also factor in taxes, insurance, utiliities, etc.)

I would go on my trip now before you buy a house. once you have that responsiblity and if you have kids, it gets harder to do extra things.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

I would take a house over travelling any day of the week.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

I know a lot of people misunderstood what you were asking. Sometimes I think that not having a house is the way to go since I love my lifestyle right now. A family member suggested this to me: a way to get a good idea is to figure out approximately what your mortgage payment will be a month. Then project your utilities for the month. Add on money for "emergencies" per month and then subtract what your current monthly living expenses are...bank the difference (as if it doesnt exist) and see what kind of lifestyle this affords you. Sometimes people are not realistic. They "think" something is in their budget but dont take into consideration other factors...like it costs more to heat a house than it does an apartment, maintenance costs, repairs, etc.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong

Buying a house does not mean things will be tight forever. We bought a house last year knowing that vacations would not be an option for awhile, but we were ok with that. We still go out to dinner and buy ourselves things. We also know that it will start to be easier in the next few years, as we start earning more, and things start to be paid off. And kids are in the plan as well.

As long as you know you can afford the payments, and you are comfortable with the lifestyle you will have, then things will be ok.

Re: Tell me my DH is wrong