Surrogate

If you were considering being a surrogate for someone, what thoughts/questions/concerns would you have and pose to yourself before saying yes or no?

Re: Surrogate

If it was a friend or family member, all I would need to know is that he/she needed me to do it.

If it was a stranger, there would be a whole other host of questions, starting with medical history and why.

Re: Surrogate

I would only do this for my sister

Re: Surrogate

I think it depends on the relationship to the person.

I have a friend who actually had two people volunteer to be surrogates for her....I think there is nothing more amazing!

Re: Surrogate

A girl I work with has had a surrogate baby in August for a woman whom she met through a charity. She had a wonderful experience and is a real inspiration for me. Would I do it, probably not. Would I do it for my sister...maybe, if she asked me.

I admire these women, but I am not sure if I would want to be one.

Re: Surrogate

It would definitely depend on the relationship I have with the person. I have told a few friends that I would have absolutely no problem carrying for them...no questions asked.

As for someone I don't know...I would need serious background checks....health related questions...etc etc...there's a whole host of things I would need to investigate before agreeing to do it for someone I don't know.

Re: Surrogate

My sister had cancer 13/14 years ago. She had jokingly said to me, I would have to carry a baby for her. I told her I would give her my eggs and do whatever else I could to help her but I wasnt pushing a kid out for her! She ended up having her own child.
Looking back at it now, and having gone thru a wonderful pregnancy myself, I would do it for her if she needed it. Or another family member for that matter... But Tick Tock - Im getting old!!!!
A stranger, I dont know...

Re: Surrogate

I would do it in a heart beat! For a family or any of the wonderful women who have to go through Infertility!

Eventhough I had to do IVF to get pregnant, I had an easy pregnancy for twins! I loved being pregnant and I think Infertility is the cruelest thing in the world!

Re: Surrogate

I'd do it in a heartbeat for my sister, that's probably the only person though.

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i don't know if i could ever do this.

ETA: if i did, i would have to know that i was truly done having children.

Message edited 2/5/2009 9:11:59 AM.

Re: Surrogate

I have considered this briefly....

You have to be careful, if you dont knwo the person and they divorce while you are pregnant I think you have to raise the baby...I could be wrong...I would only do this for a family member!!!

Re: Surrogate

I would do it. For a family member or a friend, no hesitation. I'd even probably do it for a stranger too.

Questions/concerns:
Hmmm that's hard. I would have a contract set up first and foremost. The one thing i would want is for my maternity clothes to be paid for. Not a crazy amount or anything, but i shouldn't have to pay out of pocket for it, you know? I would also want any medical expenses taken care, including copays and medications/prenatals.

Not sure how it works with work and maternity leave (since it's not your baby), but i would want my salary for the maternity leave if i was out.

But if you're talking about ethical/moral concerns, well i wouldn't have too many. I know how much i've loved having a child and i couldn't imagine what it feels like to not be able to do that.

Keep in mind that i can be good at separated myself from the situation and you'd need to be able to do that for this. It's not really your place to question whether or not someone would be a good parent or why they're doing it or so forth. You're sole purpose is to just carry that baby and to keep it healthy.

Re: Surrogate

How involved do I plan on being once the baby is born? How much involvement can I handle during the pregnancy (visits, report, updates, etc)? After all, it may be their baby but it's your body.

ETA - If you are referring to yourself, I think it's wonderful that you are considering that.

Message edited 2/5/2009 10:01:13 AM.

Re: Surrogate

I was very close to doing this for someone in CT but NY state doesn't have very friendly surrogate laws. I would do this for anyone in a heartbeat.

I would love to make someone's dream come true.

My questions would be all the meds and poking I would have to do to myself. It would be through IVF so I'd have to inject myself etc. That wouldn't stop me, I'd still do it for someone who is soooooooo desparate to have a baby.

eta: I would only do it through a lawyer.

Message edited 2/5/2009 10:30:01 AM.

Re: Surrogate

Posted by aliwnec10

I would do it. For a family member or a friend, no hesitation. I'd even probably do it for a stranger too.

Questions/concerns:
Hmmm that's hard. I would have a contract set up first and foremost. The one thing i would want is for my maternity clothes to be paid for. Not a crazy amount or anything, but i shouldn't have to pay out of pocket for it, you know? I would also want any medical expenses taken care, including copays and medications/prenatals.

Not sure how it works with work and maternity leave (since it's not your baby), but i would want my salary for the maternity leave if i was out.

But if you're talking about ethical/moral concerns, well i wouldn't have too many. I know how much i've loved having a child and i couldn't imagine what it feels like to not be able to do that.

Keep in mind that i can be good at separated myself from the situation and you'd need to be able to do that for this. It's not really your place to question whether or not someone would be a good parent or why they're doing it or so forth. You're sole purpose is to just carry that baby and to keep it healthy.

Re: Surrogate

Who is aksing?
What is MY health like?
How will this affect my life, work, family etc?

Re: Surrogate

Posted by aliwnec10

I would do it. For a family member or a friend, no hesitation. I'd even probably do it for a stranger too.

Questions/concerns:
Hmmm that's hard. I would have a contract set up first and foremost. The one thing i would want is for my maternity clothes to be paid for. Not a crazy amount or anything, but i shouldn't have to pay out of pocket for it, you know? I would also want any medical expenses taken care, including copays and medications/prenatals.

Not sure how it works with work and maternity leave (since it's not your baby), but i would want my salary for the maternity leave if i was out.

But if you're talking about ethical/moral concerns, well i wouldn't have too many. I know how much i've loved having a child and i couldn't imagine what it feels like to not be able to do that.

Keep in mind that i can be good at separated myself from the situation and you'd need to be able to do that for this. It's not really your place to question whether or not someone would be a good parent or why they're doing it or so forth. You're sole purpose is to just carry that baby and to keep it healthy.

Re: Surrogate

I would do it in a heartbeat. Whether it was for a family member or a stranger. I def know I would would be able to detach myself from the situation.

As PP listed I would just be concerned about medical bills, and I would want to know what was going to happen with doctors visits...etc.

Re: Surrogate

Posted by MsKitty1274

Posted by aliwnec10

I would do it. For a family member or a friend, no hesitation. I'd even probably do it for a stranger too.

Questions/concerns:
Hmmm that's hard. I would have a contract set up first and foremost. The one thing i would want is for my maternity clothes to be paid for. Not a crazy amount or anything, but i shouldn't have to pay out of pocket for it, you know? I would also want any medical expenses taken care, including copays and medications/prenatals.

Not sure how it works with work and maternity leave (since it's not your baby), but i would want my salary for the maternity leave if i was out.

But if you're talking about ethical/moral concerns, well i wouldn't have too many. I know how much i've loved having a child and i couldn't imagine what it feels like to not be able to do that.

Keep in mind that i can be good at separated myself from the situation and you'd need to be able to do that for this. It's not really your place to question whether or not someone would be a good parent or why they're doing it or so forth. You're sole purpose is to just carry that baby and to keep it healthy.

I too feel I would be able to separate myself. I know this person very well (it is family, but do not want to say much here yet) and I know that she cannot carry a child. I know the love to have a child of my own and if I can help her achieve that, then I want to do whatever I can.

I am not concerned with medical expenses, b/c our insurance has no co-pays. Never thought about having maternity clothes paid for.

Re: Surrogate

Since I've looked into it before, you should be aware of any legal pitfalls that may occur. NY doesn't recognize surrogacy. You would be giving birth to "your own child". If you were married, that child would be considered your husband's child.

Then you'd put your child up for adoption & the person who you served as a surrogate for would have to "adopt" their own biological child. That means they'd have to go through home studies, get certified by NY just as if they were adopting any child.

I'd want a lawyer to represent my rights - to see if giving birth in a surrogate-friendly state (I think PA is one) would leave me open to NYS penalities.

I'm out of the game being 40 yo but before that there were issues I grappled with other than the vast legal issues. Here are the things that crossed my mind:

Could you give up a baby that you gave birth to? (a no brainer yes if you're considering it IMO)
How does your family feel about you going through a pregnancy/birth? Every pregnancy is different, you may have a difficult one the next time.

What if the child had medical issues & the other party refused them?

I would need to be on the same page with raising a child as the person I was doing it for. Not totally as no one ever is but I would need to know it's a good home with a couple that has a relatively solid relationship.

There would be an assumption that pregnancy related expenses would be covered (maternity clothes, any medical expenses)

How would your maternity leave affect your job? Economy isn't great now. What if you were to lose your job & needed to interview pregnant? I would think most employers would look past a pregnancy, but they may delay hiring you until you've given birth. Will the surrogates cover your finances?

What if the couple broke up? You have no say in it but let's say it was for a gay couple. I'm a very strong proponent of gay marriage & legal rights. However, the biological parent is the one that gets custody of the child - the other person is SOL unless the bio parent is agreeable. I've seen a distant relative of mine lose her 2 year old twins to her ex-partner.