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Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

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maybebaby
LIF Adult

Member since 11/05

6870 total posts

Name:
Maureen

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

I did say "partially raise" in the other post and I now feel badly...I can see how it can upset some people. I guess I just feel strongly about ME being home. It isn't for everyone, and I almost did have to use daycare. I don't view it as a bad thing whatsoever, I may start DS in daycare 2x a week so I can work in the office as opposed to at home.

I guess my point though, is while "raise" is maybe not the correct word, if you are indeed putting an infant/toddler in daycare full time, you are entrusting someone else to look after, tend to, take care of...however you want to word it...your child. That's all. Not a bad thing...we all do what is BEST for our children and for us. We are all wonderful mothers who want only the best...and to answer someone elses question, yes I think my DH raises Johnny along with me even though he works...

Posted 4/10/07 1:39 PM
 
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monkeybride
My Everything

Member since 5/05

20541 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Jenhos

I have a question for the SAHM's do you feel like your DH raises your children or just you because you are home?



DH definitely raises her but I would say my percentage of influence is more and he trys to follow my trend but I think maybe that's just a man thing to do anything. The whole mother's instict, ya know?
I spend a lot of time with her but hand her off to DH when he gets home because I think it's very important for them to have time togehter and she adores her daddy. And the two nights that I work he's in charge (even though I direct over the phone) and he makes choices on what she does, disciplines her if necessary, etc.
It may not be 50/50 due to logistics of time but it's really a time effort on our part.

Posted 4/10/07 1:42 PM
 

JD02
LIF Infant

Member since 5/06

344 total posts

Name:
Jen

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by BabyInMarch

I haven't had time to read through all of the previous posts, but I just wanted to say that I am a SAHM and I would NEVER say that sending your kids to day care is having someone else raise your kids! I feel very fortunate to be able to SAH with my son, but I would have no problem sending my DS to day care if I had to. In fact I think there are a lot of advantages to sending your kids to day care. Everyone has to do what works in their situation.



I completely agree with this! My mother owned her own successful business while we were growing up and she did not have to work because my father did well. She loved it and it made her happier. She worked hard, and let me tell you she and my father raised us. Everything I am now is because of my parents, not our babysitter.

Posted 4/10/07 3:00 PM
 

MommyofG
just the girls

Member since 5/05

9461 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Im not reading all pages but I have to disagree and say that I think if your child is spending a great deal 6 hours or more a day with someone else than you or DH they are the ones raising your child.
YOur child is learning from them, when you get your child its late, you feed them, bathe them, bedtime.

the "majority" of thier "learning" time is spent without you. Also you dont really know what QUALITY time your child is getting either.

Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.
That is why you hear all the time, its the early years before they are 5 that are the most important for their personality/learning/bonding/love and skills.

edited to say, my mom worked when I was little and I was raised by babysitters- 3 different ones, I hated it and vowed to NEVER do that to my kids and changed professions to be able to do so later on in life.

Message edited 4/10/2007 3:03:40 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 3:01 PM
 

Pumpkin1
LIF Adult

Member since 12/05

3715 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by girlygrl33

Im not reading all pages but I have to disagree and say that I think if your child is spending a great deal 6 hours or more a day with someone else than you or DH they are the ones raising your child.
YOur child is learning from them, when you get your child its late, you feed them, bathe them, bedtime.

the "majority" of thier "learning" time is spent without you. Also you dont really know what QUALITY time your child is getting either.

Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.
That is why you hear all the time, its the early years before they are 5 that are the most important for their personality/learning/bonding/love and skills.



Thank you, self-appointed Dr. Sears. I disagree whole-heartedly, however, I refuse to make someone else here feel badly over how I have chosen to raise my child. What works for one person may not work for another and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

This thread is only feeding the stereo-types that SAHM's are lazy and that working moms care more about career/money than their children,w hich we all know are untrue.

Posted 4/10/07 3:08 PM
 

Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by girlygrl33

Im not reading all pages but I have to disagree and say that I think if your child is spending a great deal 6 hours or more a day with someone else than you or DH they are the ones raising your child.
YOur child is learning from them, when you get your child its late, you feed them, bathe them, bedtime.

the "majority" of thier "learning" time is spent without you. Also you dont really know what QUALITY time your child is getting either.

Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.
That is why you hear all the time, its the early years before they are 5 that are the most important for their personality/learning/bonding/love and skills.

edited to say, my mom worked when I was little and I was raised by babysitters- 3 different ones, I hated it and vowed to NEVER do that to my kids and changed professions to be able to do so later on in life.



What is with people generalizing today? My day does NOT constitute coming home, feeding and bathing Alex and then going to sleep. I come home and play with her for 3+ hours. We read together, put blocks together, chase each other around the house, run around outside, play with chalk on our driveway and play with the neighbors. And let's not forget, I spend every moment of the weekend with her, doing all of the above. The time we spend is high quality - it isn't just grabbing her at the end of the day after someone else has "raised" her, and then putting her in her pj's and straight to bed. You are HIGHLY misinformed in that regard.

I'm not going to deny that my daughter, to some extent, is being influenced, or, if you want to call it "raised' so be it, by other people, and you know what? That makes me smile from ear to ear. I simply LOVE the fact that she is forming bonds and attachments with other children and adults, and learning how to adapt and react to different people and their different methods of "teaching" and discipline - I truly believe it will serve her quite well once she enters school, and that it makes a dramatic impact on her development.

Personally, I was a daycare baby, and we also had a live-in nanny. I LOVED my experiences growing up and wouldn't change it for the world.

Posted 4/10/07 3:12 PM
 

PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!

Member since 12/05

17450 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Pumpkin1

Posted by girlygrl33

Im not reading all pages but I have to disagree and say that I think if your child is spending a great deal 6 hours or more a day with someone else than you or DH they are the ones raising your child.
YOur child is learning from them, when you get your child its late, you feed them, bathe them, bedtime.

the "majority" of thier "learning" time is spent without you. Also you dont really know what QUALITY time your child is getting either.

Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.
That is why you hear all the time, its the early years before they are 5 that are the most important for their personality/learning/bonding/love and skills.



Thank you, self-appointed Dr. Sears. I disagree whole-heartedly, however, I refuse to make someone else here feel badly over how I have chosen to raise my child. What works for one person may not work for another and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

This thread is only feeding the stereo-types that SAHM's are lazy and that working moms care more about career/money than their children,w hich we all know are untrue.



me too! Really c'mon now! Just because people work does not mean that daycares are raising our child. I think your words are a little harsh. Parents have to do what is best for their families. I am with my dd after 4 everyday and spend that time from 4-10 doing everything for her. Plus we have all weekend together so dont ever tell a working parent that their child is being "raised" by someone else. Thats just ridiculous.

Posted 4/10/07 3:13 PM
 

ddunne2
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

4189 total posts

Name:
Doreen

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Secretmama3

I do not know of any 2 year olds who are in nursery school. Nursery school programs do not start until age 3, before that, its pretty much a daycare setting.

Personally, for OUR FAMILY, its extremely important to me and to my husband that I am the one spending the most time with my children. I could not stomach the thought of someone else feeding, rocking, consoling, interacting with, and BONDING with my children while I was at work 8-10 hours a day.

Where would that leave me? I would get to wake my children up in the morning, drop them at daycare, go to work, pick them up, feed them dinner, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day?

No thank you.

I did not want someone else enjoying my childs moments while I was at work. The most heartbreaking thing in the world, was when my best friend called me in tears because her son had learned to walk while at daycare, and she was not there to see his first steps.




My two year old goes to a true preschool program. It is not a daycare center, so they do exist.

Posted 4/10/07 3:24 PM
 

MommyofG
just the girls

Member since 5/05

9461 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Pumpkin1

Posted by girlygrl33

Im not reading all pages but I have to disagree and say that I think if your child is spending a great deal 6 hours or more a day with someone else than you or DH they are the ones raising your child.
YOur child is learning from them, when you get your child its late, you feed them, bathe them, bedtime.

the "majority" of thier "learning" time is spent without you. Also you dont really know what QUALITY time your child is getting either.

Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.
That is why you hear all the time, its the early years before they are 5 that are the most important for their personality/learning/bonding/love and skills.



Thank you, self-appointed Dr. Sears. I disagree whole-heartedly, however, I refuse to make someone else here feel badly over how I have chosen to raise my child. What works for one person may not work for another and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

This thread is only feeding the stereo-types that SAHM's are lazy and that working moms care more about career/money than their children,w hich we all know are untrue.

Oh your welcome, glad I could help you.

I am not making anyone feel badly and if I did I apologize, if you read correctly I said some families have no choice and its ok.
Yes its my opinion on what I wrote and I am going by my childhood experiences as well. Im not going to sugar coat how I feel or feel I shouldnt say anything just b/c I dont agree with the OP.
who said SAHM's are lazy?
I am not a SAHM, I work P/T.
And why do the moms that work and put their children in daycare think that SAHM's DC dont interact with other people and other children?????? Just b/c they have the title stay at home doesnt mean they literally stay at home.
I take DD out everyday, and she interacts with people everyday as well.

Posted 4/10/07 3:25 PM
 

Pumpkin1
LIF Adult

Member since 12/05

3715 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Bxgell2

What is with people generalizing today? My day does NOT constitute coming home, feeding and bathing Alex and then going to sleep. I come home and play with her for 3+ hours. We read together, put blocks together, chase each other around the house, run around outside, play with chalk on our driveway and play with the neighbors. And let's not forget, I spend every moment of the weekend with her, doing all of the above. The time we spend is high quality - it isn't just grabbing her at the end of the day after someone else has "raised" her, and then putting her in her pj's and straight to bed. You are HIGHLY misinformed in that regard.




Bravo.

Posted 4/10/07 3:25 PM
 

ddunne2
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

4189 total posts

Name:
Doreen

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

As a SAHM, I've seen other SAHM's that do nothing with their kids all day and working moms that come home and spend more quality time with their kids in the evening hours than many SAHM's do all day long. Every coin has two sides and no one should worry about what other moms do or feel is "best". In the same way we are encourage not to compare our kids at every stage of life, mothers should do the same about each other.

Message edited 4/10/2007 3:29:06 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 3:28 PM
 

Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by girlygrl33
Oh your welcome, glad I could help you.

I am not making anyone feel badly and if I did I apologize, if you read correctly I said some families have no choice and its ok.



EXCUSE ME?! I'm opening a huge can of worms, but I can't resist by asking, and what about those families, like myself, that DO have a choice (meaning they CAN afford to have a SAHM) and the choice is for BOTH parents to work?

Wow. It's a shame a few bad judgmental eggs can ruin a good debate.

Posted 4/10/07 3:32 PM
 

FireIslandLove

Member since 5/05

12119 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Ok so by what is being said today, if I don't co-sleep with my children and they're in another room to sleep...does this mean the boogy man is raising my children too???

Sorry just had to lighten this post up a little. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 3:32 PM
 

MommyofG
just the girls

Member since 5/05

9461 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by girlygrl33
Oh your welcome, glad I could help you.

I am not making anyone feel badly and if I did I apologize, if you read correctly I said some families have no choice and its ok.



EXCUSE ME?! I'm opening a huge can of worms, but I can't resist by asking, and what about those families, like myself, that DO have a choice (meaning they CAN afford to have a SAHM) and the choice is for BOTH parents to work?

Wow. It's a shame a few bad judgmental eggs can ruin a good debate.

Um I am one of those moms who can stay home, I choose NOT too. I work 2 days p/t for 4 hours a day- it was my choice to go back b/c I love my job. DH wants me home but he is ok with my 8 hours a week of working.
Its too bad NOT everyone is able to say how they feel!!!!!! would it be a debate is everyone agreed?? Chat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 3:36 PM
 

Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by girlygrl33
Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.



Sorry, but there's no other way of interpreting what you said - for families that have no choice, it's ok to put your child in daycare. So, tell me then, how am I misinterpreting this statement?

Posted 4/10/07 3:49 PM
 

MommyofG
just the girls

Member since 5/05

9461 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by girlygrl33
Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.



Sorry, but there's no other way of interpreting what you said - for families that have no choice, it's ok to put your child in daycare. So, tell me then, how am I misinterpreting this statement?

what is there to misinterpret?

I said some families have no choice and thats ok.
Did I say thats a bad thing? NO


Are you putting words into my mouth or assuming something else?Chat Icon YES
oh oh I should have specified and made the statement that yes yes its ok for families that dont NEED to put their DC in daycare but do, that that's ok too.
Give me a break.

Posted 4/10/07 4:05 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by girlygrl33

Im not reading all pages but I have to disagree and say that I think if your child is spending a great deal 6 hours or more a day with someone else than you or DH they are the ones raising your child.
YOur child is learning from them, when you get your child its late, you feed them, bathe them, bedtime.

the "majority" of thier "learning" time is spent without you. Also you dont really know what QUALITY time your child is getting either.

Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.
That is why you hear all the time, its the early years before they are 5 that are the most important for their personality/learning/bonding/love and skills.

edited to say, my mom worked when I was little and I was raised by babysitters- 3 different ones, I hated it and vowed to NEVER do that to my kids and changed professions to be able to do so later on in life.




Do you have or had your children in daycare? If not, then you don't know what kind of day we lead. My children get up from 5:30-6am. We all get ready AND do other things (computer time, reading). After daycare and school we come home, get dinner, get baths, play games, read, etc. I am not just shuttling my kids places and throwing them in bed. Raising and taking care of a child are 2 different things. WE are giving them morals and ethics, not their teachers.

Posted 4/10/07 4:07 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by girlygrl33

Im not reading all pages but I have to disagree and say that I think if your child is spending a great deal 6 hours or more a day with someone else than you or DH they are the ones raising your child.
YOur child is learning from them, when you get your child its late, you feed them, bathe them, bedtime.

the "majority" of thier "learning" time is spent without you. Also you dont really know what QUALITY time your child is getting either.

Some families have no choice and thats ok. But make no mistake that caregiver is raising your child and your child is being molded from that person at an early age.
That is why you hear all the time, its the early years before they are 5 that are the most important for their personality/learning/bonding/love and skills.

edited to say, my mom worked when I was little and I was raised by babysitters- 3 different ones, I hated it and vowed to NEVER do that to my kids and changed professions to be able to do so later on in life.



What is with people generalizing today? My day does NOT constitute coming home, feeding and bathing Alex and then going to sleep. I come home and play with her for 3+ hours. We read together, put blocks together, chase each other around the house, run around outside, play with chalk on our driveway and play with the neighbors. And let's not forget, I spend every moment of the weekend with her, doing all of the above. The time we spend is high quality - it isn't just grabbing her at the end of the day after someone else has "raised" her, and then putting her in her pj's and straight to bed. You are HIGHLY misinformed in that regard.

I'm not going to deny that my daughter, to some extent, is being influenced, or, if you want to call it "raised' so be it, by other people, and you know what? That makes me smile from ear to ear. I simply LOVE the fact that she is forming bonds and attachments with other children and adults, and learning how to adapt and react to different people and their different methods of "teaching" and discipline - I truly believe it will serve her quite well once she enters school, and that it makes a dramatic impact on her development.

Personally, I was a daycare baby, and we also had a live-in nanny. I LOVED my experiences growing up and wouldn't change it for the world.



Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon
I'm glad that I am not the only mom who actually spends time with my kids everyday. I "see" them about 7 hours out of the day when I work ft. When my kids were younger, they slept 6 hours out of the day that I was home!

Posted 4/10/07 4:09 PM
 

verdila
LIF Infant

Member since 7/05

308 total posts

Name:
me

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

I work 4 days a week and my DD is in daycare on those days. Some weeks it is even less when she is sick. I also take lots of vacation and spend weekends and nights with my DD.

I think she has a good balance of social interaction and family time. Regarding firsts, I saw my daughter crawl for the first time when I was home, maybe she did it in daycare the week before, but they never told me, so to me I didn't feel that I MISSED that milestone.

ETA: I also get home around 6ish and spend at least 2-3 hrs a night with her before bed. And if you are a SAHM, do you really spend all day everyday devoted exclusively to teaching and bonding with your children? If so, then who does the laundry, cleaning, dinner, errands etc.

Message edited 4/10/2007 4:34:46 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 4:27 PM
 

Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man

Member since 2/06

3235 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by Maathy317
Whether you are a SAHM or a working mom, you have a tough job. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do. There shouldn't be any "one versus the other". You are all in this together. Would all of you like to stay home? Of course. Life doesn't work that way.



Ok, sorry to start this back up, but I have a bone to pick here - I hate the assumptions that are made in this debate. "Would you all like to stay home?" For me, NO, I wouldn't. To assume that every mom would like to stay home, and the ones that are working, are doing so against their wishes, that really irks me.



Sorry. Didn't mean to "irk". Go to work and enjoy yourself. Whatever floats your boat.

Posted 4/10/07 5:22 PM
 

PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!

Member since 12/05

17450 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by FireIslandLove

Ok so by what is being said today, if I don't co-sleep with my children and they're in another room to sleep...does this mean the boogy man is raising my children too???

Sorry just had to lighten this post up a little. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon



I co-sleep so i am a better mommy then you Chat Icon
My dd doesnt have to see the boogie manChat Icon hehe...
Laura you crack me up!

Posted 4/10/07 5:25 PM
 

MommyofG
just the girls

Member since 5/05

9461 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Maathy317

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by Maathy317
Whether you are a SAHM or a working mom, you have a tough job. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do. There shouldn't be any "one versus the other". You are all in this together. Would all of you like to stay home? Of course. Life doesn't work that way.



Ok, sorry to start this back up, but I have a bone to pick here - I hate the assumptions that are made in this debate. "Would you all like to stay home?" For me, NO, I wouldn't. To assume that every mom would like to stay home, and the ones that are working, are doing so against their wishes, that really irks me.



Sorry. Didn't mean to "irk". Go to work and enjoy yourself. Whatever floats your boat.

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

you have to specify Chat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 5:25 PM
 

Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man

Member since 2/06

3235 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Obviously, I touched a nerve with some sensitive people. Let me change my answer. For those of you who want, need, desire, crave, long for, hunger and yearn to work, I salute you. I am so sorry I offended anyone by making an assumption. In the future, I will choose my words more carefully.

Message edited 4/10/2007 5:27:36 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 5:27 PM
 

PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!

Member since 12/05

17450 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Maathy317

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by Maathy317
Whether you are a SAHM or a working mom, you have a tough job. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do. There shouldn't be any "one versus the other". You are all in this together. Would all of you like to stay home? Of course. Life doesn't work that way.



Ok, sorry to start this back up, but I have a bone to pick here - I hate the assumptions that are made in this debate. "Would you all like to stay home?" For me, NO, I wouldn't. To assume that every mom would like to stay home, and the ones that are working, are doing so against their wishes, that really irks me.



Sorry. Didn't mean to "irk". Go to work and enjoy yourself. Whatever floats your boat.



This should be the quote of the day Chat Icon Chat Icon
Maathy...I meant it was funny! I love what you wrote....change it back! sorry writing on computers always causes misinterpretations.

Message edited 4/10/2007 5:38:27 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 5:29 PM
 

MrsProfessor
hi

Member since 5/05

14279 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

I really believe in the "it takes a village" idea. I know kids who are in excellent day care or with really good sitters, and they've thrived. No one can ever replace mom and dad, but kids can benefit from other positive adults in their lives.

My mom worked and we spent time with sitters, who were wonderful. We got things from them that we didn't get from our mom, and that was fine. My mom was still first in our hearts, and we grew up knowing that there were MANY people in our lives who loved and cared about us. I hope that I can find something like that for DD when it's time for us to find a day care or sitter for her.

Posted 4/10/07 5:35 PM
 
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