SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I know it's really none of my business, but I have been so distracted thinking about this I just need some closure (or advice).

Over the summer my DD went to summer camp. A few times when I went to pick her up there was a lady picking up 2 kids. (One was 2.5 at the time the other just under 4). She always showed up with an infant and was always extremely rude with the 2 young kids she was picking up. I am a parent of 1. Not 3, so I cannot for the life of me imagine what it would be like trying to juggle activities, day care, work, and domestic responsibilities with 3 children. One day though I heard her tell one of the kids to "Shut Up". Another day she was screaming at one of the children for something and when I walked in, the other child moved away from the door as I was walking in. The lady turned her attention from the child she was yelling at to tell the child who moved "Don't you dare move". I also heard other nasty comments from her but those were the 2 I remembered all these months later.

After the summer program was over, my daughter went back to her school program. That was the last I saw of them.

Fast forward to Halloween. DH, DD, and I were all invited to a family party. We showed up and were mingling for a bit. A little while later the 2 children from the summer walk in with a different lady. I recognized the older children right away. Turned out the lady who showed up to the party was none other than, the childrens mother. The lady who I had seen being so incredibly rude to the children was their Nanny. I chatted with the kids mother a while. She is a lovely person. I feel like she wouldn't tolerate her children being spoken to the way I overheard.

Knowing this now I am even more sick than I was over the summer when I witnessed this. I just can't find closure. I feel like it's not my place to mention anything to this lady, but if my daughter was ever treated like this, I would want to know.

UPDATE:
Thanks everyone. I was able to get in touch with the mother of these children through our mutual friend. It was the most nerve racking thing I have EVER done. At first she was a little stand-offish but after revealing some details she started to cry. I did too. She did confide in me and tell me that a couple of times her oldest had said some horrible things to her and she couldn't for the life of her figure out where he had heard such language.
It was a pretty quick conversation. It was clear we both felt it was awkward and wanted it to be over. Before I hung up I did apologize for not telling her sooner and she thanked me for making the decision to call. She did ask if I had shared the story with our mutual friend and seemed relieved that I had not.
I'm so glad that is over. I feel like a weight has been lifted!
Thanks all!

Message edited 11/9/2015 9:33:16 AM.

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Oh wow...I would be sick over it too. I would 100% tell the mother. I know everyone always says MYOB, but this to me is just different. The kids are being abused. Maybe not physically, but emotionally.
Do you know how to reach her?

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Are u positive it's a nanny and not a relative ?

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

This is a different situation. If my kid was being treated like this by their nanny, I would 100% want to know about it. That's so sad. Do you know how to contact this woman or can you talk to your friend who had the party about getting in contact with this woman?

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I would tell the mother. I would want to know if it were me.

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Message edited 11/6/2015 1:03:04 PM.

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I would tell the mother. I know I'd definitely want to know. I am friendly with the mom across the street from me. Her DD and my DS are in 1st grade and wait at the bus stop together in the morning. In the afternoon the nanny waits with me with her two LO's 1 and 2.5. She is so good with them and I can tell the girls love her. This nanny just started the end of the summer... maybe August/Sept.
Anyway, I told the mom one morning how good the nanny is with the girls and she was so appreciative I told her bc she doesn't know when she's not there. If she were bad I'd feel obligated to tell her as well. When a mom isn't there then I feel they need to know (good or bad) what is happening in the kid's lives.

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Tell the mother- think of what this nanny may be doing to these poor children when there is no one around.

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I would 100% mention something to the mother....if ANYONE treated my child like that I would want to know!

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

ITA with everyone! Tell the mother!!

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I would 100% tell the mother...you never know what else could be going on.

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I would want to know if someone saw my children being treated like that on more than one occasion.

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I agree, you should tell the woman. I would start by asking who the woman was and then what you saw.

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Can you ask your friend (the one whose party you were at, who is presumably friends with both of you) if it's the nanny?

Actually regardless of who it is - nanny vs grandma, for example, I'd want to know. You should tell her. Nothing to lose.

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I am a working mom of three small children. It is very very hard to get them to and from school, but it is was paying someone $2-$3k per month to do it, they better be pretty darn nice!

If I were that mom, I would want to know. It will destroy that mom and turn her world upside down if she is completely in the dark and feels the need to find a new Nanny ASAP, but she would probably want to know too.

Not sure how I would go about it though, as it could be her mom or MIL. Regardless it is very awkward!

Good luck

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Sorry that's awful :( It's one thing if it's the mom. She loves them but has obviously lost her patience. But to see the nanny is upsetting. I have stories that bother me even now!! I have seen too many nannies like this one, or completely ignoring the kids. After you see it so often, you kind of become immune to it.

I was at a library class and there was a nanny yanking off this little girls sweater. It was very cold and the kid was hysterical but nanny didn't care. I was giving the nanny looks, she didn't care. I went to the woman running the class and told her why the kid was crying. She said there is nothing that she can say / do and that it's hard watching these caregivers with children.

Another nanny in the city was allowing her older son to really mistreat the little girl she was watching. This girl was in hysterics while this evil boy was basically tormenting her. Took me a while to realize that little girl was NOT hers. I got up and took a picture of the nanny so she saw me and stopped it. Pig.

Sucky situation because these nannies are making so much money and to see certain things just makes you

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I would find out this woman's number, call her and tell her the truth. Wouldn't you want to know???

Nannies snap. We all seen the horrific videos online and read he tragic news stories. Please say something. And who cares if it was a relative. My relative would get murdered if they acted like that to my child.

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

If that is how the caregiver is behaving in public, I'm fearful her behavior towards them is worse when others aren't there to witness. I would hope that if someone ever saw my children being treated in such a manner, they'd relay it to me.

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Re: SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Thanks. I have been thinking about this all day. I cannot just let it go!
I battled with mentioning something about it on Halloween. I struggled with saying something then but I kept thinking why would someone who I just met believe me. We didn't exchange numbers but we do live in the same town so it's just a matter of time before we see each other again.
I'm going to speak to our mutual friend.

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

Definitely say something.

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

usually i'm all about MYOB, no confrontation.... BUT in this case i would say something, Now that you're positive its the nanny. the mom is paying her a ton of money to watch her kids, not verbally abuse them :-/ and like other people said-- if she's talking to them like that when other people are around, who knows what its like at the house :-/ it doesn't necessarily mean the nanny is a horrible monster-- just that she maybe doesn't have the patience to take care of 3 small kids day in and day out.
i would talk to your mutual friend first bc she knows the mom better it sounds like. maybe get an idea of the best way to approach it with her.... but i would definitely say something!!!

SO SICK OVER THIS!!!

I would definitely say something! Remember the Krim story? :(