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casey31
Mommy of 3!
Member since 5/05 2967 total posts
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Mommy to two boys and a girl
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Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Hi ladies! I hope its okay- I also posted on the school-age board too.
Just hoping for some advice.
DS was born 11/29. We just moved to Kings Park- they have full day kindergarten. He JUST makes the cutoff for this coming September. The cutoff is 12/1.
We have a DD who is 2.5 years and another baby coming in July.
DS is in 4 year old morning pre-school 4 days a week in Northport. I asked his teacher, should we hold him back? That is the trend with Oct/Nov boys. She said no- he is bright and on-par with the other boys in the class- she said he will be bored if we have him redo 4 year old curricullum. He can write his name, play a game of war with cards, knows all his letters, numbers, etc. I asked about socially and maturity- she said he is the same as the other boys. He is 50th percentile for height but VERY skinny.
What to do? I feel in my heart he is ready for kindergarten. I feel that if he does another 4 year old morning program in Kings Park then he will be bored and its almost cruel for him to watch Scooby Doo all afternoon instead of learning in school. But with a new baby on the way how much could my MIL (or a nanny) and me really spend teaching him in the afternoon? I work part-time but the days I would be home with my three children I still have to monitor e-mails.
I feel like he will excel in kindergarten but I'm scared of the teen years- being younger than the others for resisting peer pressure, etc.
Perhaps I can put him in a full-day 4 year old program- but darn the money! With possibly a nanny for the new baby and morning preschool for DD. Then what if he is really bored once he gets to public kindergarten? Of course we will find the money if that's what is best.
I would sincerely appreciate any thoughts you might have- thanks so much!
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Posted 1/20/11 12:18 PM  |
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SHOPAHOLIC
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1712 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
If it were my son I would put him in kindergarten. Good luck with your choice
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| Posted 1/20/11 12:23 PM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
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Momx100
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
I would put him in kindergarten. It sounds like he is ready for it!
DH is a November baby. He was held back (I think he didn't have a choice bc of age cutoff). Later on, he ended up skipping a grade and is back to his right grade.
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| Posted 1/20/11 12:26 PM |
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Melissa77
Mommy of 3
Member since 8/08 2872 total posts
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Melissa
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
I would put him in Kindergarten. My DD is a 10/31 baby and started kindergarten this year and is doing awesome. Plus out of 18 kids in her class, I know at least 5 of them had Sepetmber, October or November birthdays. And honestly, you do not know how he will grow and mature being he is only 4 now so I would try not to worry about those things.
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| Posted 1/20/11 12:32 PM |
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Goobster
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:)
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
I would put him in K, no doubt about it, esp from everything you told us.
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| Posted 1/20/11 12:34 PM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
If he is on par with the curriculum then this is a no brainer. He will adjust just fine. Push him on! 
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| Posted 1/20/11 12:39 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
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M
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
I would give him and you the gift of another year.. I have an October baby too and he is a BIG boy! I kept him back though..
He is 4 feet tall and about 67 lbs.. he is SOLID...
We put him into K based on his former teacher's recommedation (same as what yours said to you) and it was alot for him IMO...maturity-wise, he was not ready...He is advanced in math, knew all his letters, numbers, and sounds and even recognized words and numbers by looking at them but IMO I was more concerned with the pressure he would get and his emotional development... for me that was it.. I ended up putting him back and doing K again and it has been the best decision I've ever made.. My boy is confident and although he is somewhat ahead of most of his fellow classmates, I'm okay with that because he LOVES school and enjoys doing his HW...
Every kid is different.. You will get a million different responses but only YOU know your child.. Good luck with your decision!
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| Posted 1/20/11 12:41 PM |
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mamabear
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Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
my DD is younger, but it is a question we face as well, because she is a 12/1 baby. My bday is actually 11/29. I wasn't held back, and I thrived, educationally, in school. I was a little shy and don't know if that would have been better if i had waited a year. I think I still would have been shy because that is my personality.
That said, I would like to hold my DD back. She is very quick and I don't think she would have a problem with learning and performing. But, I have spoken with a close friend who is a teacher and a parent of a Dec baby, and she said she is holding her DS back because that is the trend and she always sees a difference in the nov/dec babies either academically, socially or both. Also, my other DD is a Jan baby. They are only 13mths apart, and I would like for them to be 1 year apart, and not 2 years apart, in school. And, I know this is a long way down the road, but when it comes time for college, I think I would be more comfortable sending an 18 year old off to college rather than a 17 year old.
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:17 PM |
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Sp4747
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Member since 7/05 752 total posts
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Stephanie
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
If you hold him back you will be delaying his entire life by a year. I have 3 kids and it is hard in the beginning so if he can go to kindergarten I would send him.
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:23 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
I think you and I have already discussed this but I am 95% sure I am holding C back a year. Reason being that she would not make the cut-off in any other district. Like M, she is very bright- know which words rhyme, can write her name etc when I compare her to kids whose birthday is the previous January I feel that she is not on par with maturity.
Another mom also made a good point to me. In the rest of the U.S. the cut-off is usually Sept 1 or something which means parents are holding their August kids back a year (I even know a late July b-day who is being held back a year in MA). When she gets to college, because of this trend C can easily be like 1.5 years younger than many kids. I know its a long way off but I do think about the social impact of being the youngest by such a large margin.
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:32 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
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Mama Cranky
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Posted by MST9106
If he is on par with the curriculum then this is a no brainer. He will adjust just fine. Push him on!
Same here-especially if you and his teachers think he is ready. No reason to hold him back in my book.
Some kids need an extra year, but it doesn't sound like yours does.
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:36 PM |
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DBJ808
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Member since 6/09 1039 total posts
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Dana
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
I was actually a kindergarten teacher AT Kings Park until this September when I had DS. I am a huge advocate of waiting a year for those babies who have later birthdays IFFFFFFFF they are not quite developmentally ready (socially, emotionally academically). It just starts school off on a negative note because the poor child just wasn't ready and struggles to fit in, adjust, and keep up. I think waiting until a child is ready so they enjoy school is more important than the actual delay. However, it seems as if your child is right on par and ready based on what you have written. It seems holding him back might actually hinder his progression since he is right on course. I understand your reasoning too though. You certainly have plenty of time to make this decision and plenty of time for DS to grow (it is amazing how much they learn and mature in a few short months at this age). If you have any questions at all, feel free to FM me.
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:39 PM |
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maybesoon
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Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
I can't imagine why you would hold him back and have him repeat the same thing over again? To me that makes no sense at all so , kindergarten ! My BDAY is 12/26 and I started Kindy when I was 4, totally fine
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:42 PM |
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Goobster
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Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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:)
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Posted by stickydust
When she gets to college, because of this trend C can easily be like 1.5 years younger than many kids. I know its a long way off but I do think about the social impact of being the youngest by such a large margin.
My siblings and I ALL just made the cut offs. My DD just makes the cut off and I am glad about that. Being the youngest in my class, I have never experienced any sort of negative impact in being the youngest one in my class (educationally or socially).
Maybe I am uneducated on the matter but I never even gave it a second thought. What sort of impacts are associated with being the youngest in your class?
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:47 PM |
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littlebeanz
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Member since 7/10 1667 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
My son actually misses it by 2 weeks, Im not planning on testing him to get in early. My husband thinks he will have an advantage at sports, scholarships, be taller etc...BUt with that said, your son doesnt miss it, so I wouldnt hold back if hes actually ready!
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:50 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Posted by Goobster
Posted by stickydust
When she gets to college, because of this trend C can easily be like 1.5 years younger than many kids. I know its a long way off but I do think about the social impact of being the youngest by such a large margin.
My siblings and I ALL just made the cut offs. My DD just makes the cut off and I am glad about that. Being the youngest in my class, I have never experienced any sort of negative impact in being the youngest one in my class (educationally or socially).
Maybe I am uneducated on the matter but I never even gave it a second thought. What sort of impacts are associated with being the youngest in your class?
I think in our generation it was not such a trend to hold kids back so there was not as big an age difference as you are seeing now. MY DD had a bday in mid Dec and only a few school districts have cutoffs Dec 31st including ours. I think that now because people are holding kids back earlier and earlier you will have kids that are 18 months older than, for instance, my DD. That is a BIG difference socially and emotionally. With such an age difference, from a social aspect, it may be difficult to be the last to develop during puberty, the last one to drive, the last one to turn 21 etc.
I don't know I have been stressing about this for 3 years now in anticipation.
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:57 PM |
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casey31
Mommy of 3!
Member since 5/05 2967 total posts
Name:
Mommy to two boys and a girl
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Thank you so much ladies for replying! I love our parenting board!
I actually spoke with the principal of the Kings Park school- told her my dilemma. She was SO nice.
We are going to register him and then have him evaluated in June- which they do with all the incoming kindergarteners. She said he sounds like he is ready. She said if he scores 80% or higher we should put him in. In the meantime, I am still going to research and put the deposit down on a full day 4 year old program- if we lose the money, so be it. We will make our decision over the summer.
Deep down I know he will thrive in kindergarten. But, I still feel so anxious about the teen years. What if he really ends up being close to 1.5 years younger then other children that WERE held back at 15, 16, 17? I want him to be mature and secure in himself when he has to make decisions about drugs, drinking and driving. I think I am just more scared about having an adolescent boy. 
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:57 PM |
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Salason
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Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Posted by stickydust
I think you and I have already discussed this but I am 95% sure I am holding C back a year. Reason being that she would not make the cut-off in any other district. Like M, she is very bright- know which words rhyme, can write her name etc when I compare her to kids whose birthday is the previous January I feel that she is not on par with maturity.
Another mom also made a good point to me. In the rest of the U.S. the cut-off is usually Sept 1 or something which means parents are holding their August kids back a year (I even know a late July b-day who is being held back a year in MA). When she gets to college, because of this trend C can easily be like 1.5 years younger than many kids. I know its a long way off but I do think about the social impact of being the youngest by such a large margin.
I've been thinking about this as well. DS is 10/18 and we had never intended to hold him back bc he's academically advanced (per his teachers). DH is also an 11/29 bday and is adamant that it never affected him negatively. But his cousin is 2 mos older than him (August) and their cutoff is 9/1 so SIL is holding her back. And his other cousin is 14 mos older than him (also August, also held back with the 9/1 cutoff) will be in DS' grade. Seems so bizarre to me and it's starting to sway me because while DS is very bright, I dont think he's nearly as socially mature as either of these cousins and his peers in general and I'm afraid of how that will impact him.
I wish I had advice but I'm struggling with the same issue
Message edited 1/20/2011 2:04:20 PM.
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| Posted 1/20/11 1:59 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Posted by casey31
Deep down I know he will thrive in kindergarten. But, I still feel so anxious about the teen years. What if he really ends up being close to 1.5 years younger then other children that WERE held back at 15, 16, 17? I want him to be mature and secure in himself when he has to make decisions about drugs, drinking and driving. I think I am just more scared about having an adolescent boy.
This is exactly my problem with C. I feel she can handle K but I worry about teenage years and puberty etc. as she is so petite. I feel Middle School can be so difficult.
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| Posted 1/20/11 2:00 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Personally, I would hold him back. He will be in a classroom with children who are turning 6 the following week. There is a HUMONGOUS difference between a 4 year old and a 6 year old. HUGE.
I am a firm believer that NYS needs to change the cut offs across the board, make it a statewide thing, not a district thing, and that it should be September 1. As a former teacher, I firmly feel that each child walking into a kindergarten classroom should already be 5 years old. My oldest is a Sept. baby, and had he been born in October or later, he would have been held back.
However, its your decision, you know your child best.
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| Posted 1/20/11 2:01 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
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M
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Posted by stickydust
Posted by casey31
Deep down I know he will thrive in kindergarten. But, I still feel so anxious about the teen years. What if he really ends up being close to 1.5 years younger then other children that WERE held back at 15, 16, 17? I want him to be mature and secure in himself when he has to make decisions about drugs, drinking and driving. I think I am just more scared about having an adolescent boy.
This is exactly my problem with C. I feel she can handle K but I worry about teenage years and puberty etc. as she is so petite. I feel Middle School can be so difficult.
Ditto.. but for me it's more of an issue because I have a son..
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| Posted 1/20/11 2:28 PM |
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mamallama
<3 <3 <3
Member since 9/07 5035 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
I will be holding back my sons - they are Nov 10th.
Personal choice
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| Posted 1/20/11 2:46 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
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Diana
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
This post just gave me tons to think about when the time comes.
Tyler is 10/15 and I never really gave it much thought before reading this.
Another plus for us would be that we would have less time paying for two in college if we did hold him back 
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| Posted 1/20/11 2:53 PM |
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FranM
And so it goes....
Member since 9/05 2217 total posts
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Posted by casey31
...What to do? I feel in my heart he is ready for kindergarten. I feel that if he does another 4 year old morning program in Kings Park then he will be bored and its almost cruel for him to watch Scooby Doo all afternoon instead of learning in school....
I think you answered your own question.
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| Posted 1/20/11 2:56 PM |
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Goobster
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Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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:)
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Re: Question about holding back for kindergarten- sorry- long
Posted by MrsGmomof3
Personally, I would hold him back. He will be in a classroom with children who are turning 6 the following week. There is a HUMONGOUS difference between a 4 year old and a 6 year old. HUGE.
I am a firm believer that NYS needs to change the cut offs across the board, make it a statewide thing, not a district thing, and that it should be September 1. As a former teacher, I firmly feel that each child walking into a kindergarten classroom should already be 5 years old. My oldest is a Sept. baby, and had he been born in October or later, he would have been held back.
However, its your decision, you know your child best.
Wow. I never knew there was such a trend to hold back.
I really didn't know people had a choice on the matter. I didn't realize you can hold back your DC voluntarily. But by doing so it really creates a much larger gap in the classroom setting, what was less than one year for your DC is now 1.5 years over another child. That doesn't seem right to me.
No flames please. Just my thoughts. I think if the school system is going to allow this, they should come up with a different cutoff date to even things out better so people dont keep holding their kids back, further widening the age differences in a class.
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| Posted 1/20/11 3:02 PM |
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