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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
SO I managed to dodge a playdate situation for the majority of the year last year. DS has a friend - not his BFF but a kid he is friendly with - they are 7. The parents are divorced. I basically do not trust either parent to watch my son as I have seen how they are with their own two kids - running wild, playing on their street with no supervision, the dad is always on the phone doing business and not paying much attention to that the kids are doing etc etc..
Last year the dad mostly kept asking if my DS could come over for a playdate and I managed to always dodge the bullet but here we are second day into school and the text messages are coming for my DS to go and hang out with them.
How do I handle this without basically saying " I would not trust you to watch my DS as you don't do a great job at watching your own".
Ughh...playdates...school..the whole thing is so stressful.
I know its my child, my choice but these kids are going to be together for years in the same school and I really don't want to offend these parents.
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Posted 9/7/16 2:21 PM  |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Playdates - dont'
Maybe suggest a playdate at a neutral location (bowling, etc.) where you will be there?
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:24 PM |
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Can you have the child to your house? Or meet them at a park where you can stay too?
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:26 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
The problem is that I have had the child over to our house several times, we have met at the playground but he wants DS to go and hang out at their house or even suggested going to the beach one evening - that one was an all out No as I don't let my kids near water without me. ....the problem is him going to this kids house. I have heard from another parent who has been over there to pick up their child and her child was out on the road playing unsupervised at age 6 with cars going up and down...
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:36 PM |
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BlessedMomma
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 6163 total posts
Name:
Momma Bear
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Playdates - dont'
Why cant you say that you always stay with DS on playdates and just stay? Make it about you not them.
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:39 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Playdates - dont'
I would probably just make a blanket statement that you're not comfortable with drop off playdates yet. This way they don't take it personally and hopefully don't keep asking.
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:40 PM |
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Message edited 9/7/2016 2:42:01 PM.
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:41 PM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Tell him you are not comfortable leaving the child alone and then find an excuse that blames your child, like "I can't trust him that he won't run out into the street blah, blah blah..." You never want to place blame on the parent or their kid. In the alternative, let him know that you will be staying for the playdate.
Message edited 9/7/2016 2:43:31 PM.
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:42 PM |
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Posted by MrsT809
I would probably just make a blanket statement that you're not comfortable with drop off playdates yet. This way they don't take it personally and hopefully don't keep asking.
I agree with this.
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:42 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
I would just say, sorry, I don't do drop off play dates.
He's only 7, that's still kind of young IMO to be dropped off.
But then again, I don't do play dates at all, so what do I know?
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:43 PM |
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Posted by beachgirl
The problem is that I have had the child over to our house several times, we have met at the playground but he wants DS to go and hang out at their house or even suggested going to the beach one evening - that one was an all out No as I don't let my kids near water without me. ....the problem is him going to this kids house. I have heard from another parent who has been over there to pick up their child and her child was out on the road playing unsupervised at age 6 with cars going up and down...
Ok, I am not flaming you. But this is word of mouth, people like to talk shit about other parents. I would hope that this would have been a one time occurrence, or an accident.
I totally respect that you have reasons you don't want your DS there, and if that's the case, just say No and you don't owe them an explanation. But me personally wouldn't just go by word of mouth.
And to stick up for the dad, my exDH would NEVER have a playdate for my son, and my son misses out on a lot because of that, so idk, maybe give them a chance? But it's your choice.
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| Posted 9/7/16 2:55 PM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by beachgirl
The problem is that I have had the child over to our house several times, we have met at the playground but he wants DS to go and hang out at their house or even suggested going to the beach one evening - that one was an all out No as I don't let my kids near water without me. ....the problem is him going to this kids house. I have heard from another parent who has been over there to pick up their child and her child was out on the road playing unsupervised at age 6 with cars going up and down...
Ok, I am not flaming you. But this is word of mouth, people like to talk shit about other parents. I would hope that this would have been a one time occurrence, or an accident.
I totally respect that you have reasons you don't want your DS there, and if that's the case, just say No and you don't owe them an explanation. But me personally wouldn't just go by word of mouth.
And to stick up for the dad, my exDH would NEVER have a playdate for my son, and my son misses out on a lot because of that, so idk, maybe give them a chance? But it's your choice.
I kind of agree with this. For first time playdates, I tend to stick around just to get a feel for the parents and the interaction between the kids. Also, I know my kid, so if I was dropping him off at a house where the parents are a little distracted or careless, I know my son wouldn't be running off into the street just because his friend is (but my son tends to be overly cautious about everything).
Maybe you could start small... an hour playdate while you run an errand? Either way, at the end of the day, it's your kid and you shouldn't feel bad about not wanting to put him in a potentially precarious situation.
Message edited 9/7/2016 3:05:28 PM.
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| Posted 9/7/16 3:04 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Thanks for your replies. DS goes to other houses for play dates without me so that excuse is not usable.
The "talking shit" reference is unwarranted. It came about during a conversation between myself and another mom and it was factual and she told me because she knows the dad and knew it was going to come up with my DS.
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| Posted 9/7/16 3:42 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Posted by beachgirl
Thanks for your replies. DS goes to other houses for play dates without me so that excuse is not usable.
Right but do they KNOW that you do drop offs at other houses?
If not, you can still use that as your excuse.
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| Posted 9/7/16 3:46 PM |
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DWKS810
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 554 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
I don't know what excuse you can use... but at the end of the day, you need to be comfortable leaving your kid somewhere. You're not going to send your kid to some place you know he/she is going to be at risk. They are your whole world, and if you unfortunately offend a less attentive parent, well, then so be it. I know it sucks, but that's life. It's not worth being friends with them just so you keep being put in this uncomfortable position.
I know it's really not an answer to your question, but hopefully it may help you to not feel guilty about it if they do get offended. As for an excuse, based on your last response... you could say that you used to do drop-offs and had a bad experience with a playdate and since then you have decided to hold off on having drop-off playdates because you're just not comfortable with it. You have the right to change your mind.
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| Posted 9/7/16 4:36 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Thank you. Yes you are right my kids are my WHOLE world and I spend every minute of every day trying to protect them. I just hate offending people.
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| Posted 9/7/16 6:20 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Playdates - dont'
If your not comfortable then just keep making excuses. Eventually they will stop asking.
As an aside, just because other parents are saying something, doesn't mean its true. You can always set ground rules with the parents before going over, no playing in the front, no violent video games, etc.
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| Posted 9/7/16 6:27 PM |
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itsagoodlife
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/15 619 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Posted by beachgirl
SO I managed to dodge a playdate situation for the majority of the year last year. DS has a friend - not his BFF but a kid he is friendly with - they are 7. The parents are divorced. I basically do not trust either parent to watch my son as I have seen how they are with their own two kids - running wild, playing on their street with no supervision, the dad is always on the phone doing business and not paying much attention to that the kids are doing etc etc..
Last year the dad mostly kept asking if my DS could come over for a playdate and I managed to always dodge the bullet but here we are second day into school and the text messages are coming for my DS to go and hang out with them.
How do I handle this without basically saying " I would not trust you to watch my DS as you don't do a great job at watching your own".
Ughh...playdates...school..the whole thing is so stressful.
I know its my child, my choice but these kids are going to be together for years in the same school and I really don't want to offend these parents.
It is your child and you have the choice whether or not to send him on a playdate to someone elses house.
I do have to say though that just because these parents "parent" their child differently than you parent yours, does not mean that they are bad parents. Saying that he "doesnt do a great job watching his own" is your opinion. To each his own and all that. You would NEVER send your kid to my house as my kids are running all over the neighborhood with the other kids on the block and have been since they were in kindergarten. They ride bikes around the block, run amok, scream, yell, play ball in the street... and none of us sits and watches. Windows are open and we listen for our kids. It's very 1980's around here (kids range in age from 5-13 on the block).
He has the right to parent his child his way and you have the right to not send your kid there.
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| Posted 9/7/16 8:27 PM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Posted by MerryChristmas
Posted by MrsT809
I would probably just make a blanket statement that you're not comfortable with drop off playdates yet. This way they don't take it personally and hopefully don't keep asking.
I agree with this.
Me too.
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| Posted 9/7/16 9:01 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Posted by KarenK122
If your not comfortable then just keep making excuses. Eventually they will stop asking.
As an aside, just because other parents are saying something, doesn't mean its true. You can always set ground rules with the parents before going over, no playing in the front, no violent video games, etc.
This
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| Posted 9/7/16 9:26 PM |
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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Personally, I would simply stay for the playdate. At 7 years old, we don't do drop off playdates for DS. It's actually not that I dont trust the other parents, but DS can be a handful and sometimes isn't the best listener, so I like to stay to keep him in line. But I would simply say to the dad that you'd love to set up a playdate. Since it's the first one at your house and DS isnt familiar with it, would you mind if I stayed?
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| Posted 9/8/16 9:06 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
I have a 7yo and he is fairly independent. I let my kids play outside by themselves. We live in a safe cul de sac. We started drop off play dates at the end of kindergarten but I feel comfortable with all the parents. By age 7, I do think kids play on their own. I host often and I let kids do their own thing. Of course I check in on them and give them snacks but I don't watch them the whole time.
Some parents hang around for a few minutes but then they leave for an hour or so.
If you don't trust the parents, you don't have to make excuses. They will eventually take the hint and stop asking.
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| Posted 9/8/16 9:11 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
Posted by Pumpkin1
Maybe suggest a playdate at a neutral location (bowling, etc.) where you will be there?
This is a good idea. Then your kids can still play and you can supervise your child.
I have 2 kids and we have different styles of hanging out with different families. There are kids I do not want in my house but totally fine playing outside at public venues. One mom always wants to host. Some moms seem to only want to drop off at my house and that is fine too. As long as my kid is having fun, I go with the flow.
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| Posted 9/8/16 9:28 AM |
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KaKa2323
Got my miracle
Member since 9/11 1465 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Playdates - dont' "trust" the parent
I don't have any advice, but I dread this when DD gets older. I feel like I'm not going to trust anyone other than family with her, heck I don't even trust half of them. 
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| Posted 9/8/16 9:29 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Playdates - dont'
I'd be honest AND stay
Sure a play date is fine.. sorry for not doing it earlier but I'm very nervous about play dates because I'm not comfortable with her on the street period. at all, ever. never. She knows this (and yes she does). See if I can't trust her to never do this then she can't go anyway. Supervised or not. My kid doesn't go on the street. End of story.
I know folks who've said there's been kids on your street so I don't want to tempt my daughter. So if you don't mind, I'd rather start with a small play date where I can stay and watch.
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Thing is AJ knows she's not allowed near pools (just her feet? NO, walk around? NO,) near a street (to grab the ball? NO, cross over to say hi? NO, just NEVER) the parents I trust know that if she is ever near a pool or a street my daughter will have hell to pay to me and she and I don't keep secrets or lie to each other and if she does, their child loses out on my daughter's friendship. We have backyards. Enjoy those.
Could be why AJ doesn't do a lot of play dates at other's homes.. LOL I'm just so very militant. But hey.. I have one kid. Don't like it? Oh well that's just too damned bad! :)
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| Posted 9/8/16 9:40 AM |
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