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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by neener1211
I shouldn't have read that article. I have tears streaming down my face. I just don't understand why someone would do this, no less write it for all to see. I don't understand her or her husband's rationalizations. It actually makes me angry.
I agree..
I'm not knocking anyone who has to go through that procedure since it's something devastating to have to do BUTTT usually people who do selective reduction in relation to fertility treatments only do so to protect their lives and give some of the babies a chance of survival. The reason she did it IMO was totally selfish...and to top it off didn't she do research on fertility treatments and multiples? IDK...the article portrayed both her and her husband to be very cold IMO. I'm disgusted.
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Posted 8/17/10 2:38 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by jacquig
Posted by neener1211
I shouldn't have read that article. I have tears streaming down my face. I just don't understand why someone would do this, no less write it for all to see. I don't understand her or her husband's rationalizations. It actually makes me angry.
I agree..
I'm not knocking anyone who has to go through that procedure since it's something devastating to have to do BUTTT usually people who do selective reduction in relation to fertility treatments only do so to protect their lives and give some of the babies a chance of survival. The reason she did it IMO was totally selfish...and to top it off didn't she do research on fertility treatments and multiples? IDK...the article portrayed both her and her husband to be very cold IMO. I'm disgusted.
Yeah that kind of disturbed me to that she blamed the doctor for giving her a shot that increased the risk of multiples with her IUI. My SIL is doing those shots and she is well aware of the chance of twins and while it's not huge it's there more so than your random pregnancy.
I just don't know. I'm really not judging. People have done far worse things in this world and they believed this was the best choice but I'd really love for the article to have more insight on how she is doing now after the experience. 
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| Posted 8/17/10 3:06 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
The story made me sick.
The world we live in disturbs me more and more...we have turned into such a "me" society, it is sickening...
Yes I am pro life. But i have always been able to sympathize with women who have to make the decision to abort b/c of truly hard reasons.
THIS is not one of them. Not at all. It wouldn't "fit in" to their lifestyle..her marriage "couldn't handle" twins????
Nothing like people making it work...facing these things head on like adults. NOPE, let's get rid of an inconvenience. This article disturbed me on so many levels, I truly feel sick.
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| Posted 8/17/10 3:09 PM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
wow   
its a personal decision but in this situation, the thought would NEVER, IN A MILLION YEARS enter my head  
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| Posted 8/17/10 3:19 PM |
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casey31
Mommy of 3!
Member since 5/05 2967 total posts
Name:
Mommy to two boys and a girl
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by Bxgell2
Really disturbing story. I'm pro-choice all the way, but personally, I could never do what she did; particularly after already having a child, knowing what that fetus would turn into, I couldn't eliminate it for the reasons they did. And the part where they actually selected ONE fetus based on its gender - there is just something so unsettling about it.
But, I suppose that's the purpose of pro-choice - allowing everyone to make their own decisions about their bodies and families, for whatever reason
Very well written. I agree completely.
ETA: I completely understand selective reduction for health/medical complications. This was done for convenience.
Message edited 8/17/2010 3:24:54 PM.
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| Posted 8/17/10 3:20 PM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
wow...
im not against anyone's right to choose or to have an abortion if necessary..but this did not seem necessary.
her husband's rationale ****** me off. if this article is to garner smpathy for her, well poor job done there.
I think their reasoning behind it is terrible. You think most of us here could afford to have twins??..or afford the kids we have..probably not..but we chose to have them and wouldnt change a thing. We all make it work in the end.
ETA:
I had an IUI on clomid. I knew the chance of multiples were greater. We also have twins on my fathers side and my maternal grandmothers side. So i knew it was a very real possibility. I would have fainted if they told me twins, but i'd pick myself up and move on. I would never even think to selectively kill one.
Message edited 8/17/2010 3:33:14 PM.
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| Posted 8/17/10 3:31 PM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
The possibility of multiples was made clear to me BEFORE any treatments were done. After inquiring about what selective reduction was and how it was done, I knew that wasnot an option. I didn't want to have multiples, but I would have considered them a blessing regardless.
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| Posted 8/17/10 3:40 PM |
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tara73
carseat nerd
Member since 11/09 3669 total posts
Name:
Buttercup
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by SweetTooth
I am pro-choice myself, but do not agree with this woman's choice at all.
I think it was completely selfish. She did fertility treatments, and anyone doing fertility treatments knows there is a chance for multiples.
She KNEW this, but instead of doing the 1 embryo transfer like her dr. suggested, she did an IUI with four follicles. Yes, the chances were slim, but they were still there.
If she didn't want twins, then she shouldn't have done the procedure (the IUI). Or she could have done unmedicated IUI.
This wasn't an accident, and there was no danger to either the mother or the babies. This was purely a case of "I don't want two."
Maybe I am more sensitive to it because I have twins - through the same procedure. I KNEW going into it that it was a possibility, and we prepared ourselves for that.
Agreed.
I think it's the fact that she did do fertility treatments, wanted to get pregnant and then decided to reduce with no medical reason to do so that makes me so sickened. I feel almost like it was an abuse of the system, if that makes sense. I understand reductions for medical reason or high order multiples. This just reeks of selfishness to me.
I'm all about pro choice even though it's really not for me because I'm not the one who has to live with the decision. I've never judged any friend or person for having an abortion or not having one, this situation just seems to hit me differently. This woman, based on how the article is written, really seems to regret her decision to "reduce", yet at the same time is trying to justify it in spite of her guilt and seems to be trying to pin it on her husband.
The whole article leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth and I don't feel this was a good representation of the majority of folks who have to do selective reductions for.
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| Posted 8/17/10 3:46 PM |
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OrganicMama
So in love with my little man!
Member since 6/08 5172 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by MetsGirl07
i was actually faced with Selective reduction myself
not many people knew, but i originally got pregnant after IVF with Triplets.
so the first time i went to my perinatologist, he automatically said this is not good reason being, baby B's egg split, and the one that split was much smaller. he said that we should think about reducing to 2.
my body could not physically handle it, especially because i have incompetent cervix on top of that.
now i would NEVER reduce twins to one...
but then when i was faced with triplets and baby C was alrleady not looking good.. i was going to reduce
however, god had other plans and baby C didn't make it by the next appt.
i hate saying this, but glald it happened that way, so i didnt have to go through that.
i was so distraught over that time.. it was awful, and to have 2 losses already it just really damaged me
but the point is.. some people i really feel that they don't have a choice.
I understand reductions for THESE reasons. When the entire pregnancy and your own health is at risk......but I can't fathom reducing because you just don't want twins. It's really sad, and she's going to have to live with her decision. It really seemed like the husband pressured her, and I could see her resenting him for it.
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| Posted 8/17/10 3:54 PM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
I am pro choice and do not agree at all with what she did, but I will fight for her right to make that decision.
The part that bugs me the most is that if your marriage can not withstand twins, then you shouldn't even be having one child. Having twins does not cause the demise of a marriage, two people that should not be together cause a divorce. Also blaming the Dr is sickening. She knew it was possible and if she was not open to that possibility she should never have gone that route.
I could not imagine only having one of my boys, the thought makes me want to vomit.
This husband and wife are so selfish and I really feel for the 2 children they have.
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| Posted 8/17/10 4:13 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by Michelle
I am pro choice and do not agree at all with what she did, but I will fight for her right to make that decision.
The part that bugs me the most is that if your marriage can not withstand twins, then you shouldn't even be having one child. Having twins does not cause the demise of a marriage, two people that should not be together cause a divorce. Also blaming the Dr is sickening. She knew it was possible and if she was not open to that possibility she should never have gone that route.
I could not imagine only having one of my boys, the thought makes me want to vomit.
This husband and wife are so selfish and I really feel for the 2 children they have.
I agree with this WORD FOR WORD.
The first thing I thought when I started reading it was- if you can't afford it, and times are tough, and your marriage can't withstand it- why are you even trying for a second baby?
And you know this will be a possibility when doing IVF.
I am totally pro choice, I try not to judge anyone because you never know what it is like to walk in their shoes etc- but this is out of control horrendous!
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| Posted 8/17/10 4:15 PM |
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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by Ophelia
I am pro choice b/c I feel it is right. that doesn't mean I agree with the choices people make.
exactly.
I like this.....as someone who suffered from IF and transfered 5 embryos (with the understanding that we would reduce for anything over 3)
I seriously could not imagine being put in that position.
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| Posted 8/17/10 4:24 PM |
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bella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 1871 total posts
Name:
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
I am pro choice yet I agree with many posts here, she seemed to be somewhat pressured by her husbands wishes.... my BIGGEST question is why was nothing else considered....why not give birth and give one up for adoption if you are ADAMANTLY opposed ot raising twins?????????? You could be giving an amazing gift to someone that would do ANYTHING to have a child....
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| Posted 8/17/10 4:46 PM |
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stayandjohn
Our life is complete
Member since 5/05 5909 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by maybebaby
The story made me sick.
The world we live in disturbs me more and more...we have turned into such a "me" society, it is sickening...
Yes I am pro life. But i have always been able to sympathize with women who have to make the decision to abort b/c of truly hard reasons.
THIS is not one of them. Not at all. It wouldn't "fit in" to their lifestyle..her marriage "couldn't handle" twins????
Nothing like people making it work...facing these things head on like adults. NOPE, let's get rid of an inconvenience. This article disturbed me on so many levels, I truly feel sick.
Well said and I agree 100%
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| Posted 8/17/10 4:47 PM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
I wish I never read that article. I could never, ever, ever, rationalize that. I feel sick
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| Posted 8/17/10 5:01 PM |
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
I stopped reading the article based on everyone's comments.
I hope her kids never read it.
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| Posted 8/17/10 5:06 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
 I can't even imagine.
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| Posted 8/17/10 5:26 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by Momma2Be
This story left me with a knot in my stomach. Like most of the previous posters, I am pro-choice but after having DS I don't think I could personally ever go through with an abortion.
To selectively reduce (in this specific case where there was no medical reason) just seems unfathomable to me. How can you possibly choose? How would you live with yourself, looking at the one child that was born knowing he/she had a twin that you chose to terminate? The way she chose the gender of the surviving child really disturbed me for some reason.
I feel her reasons were very selfish, I believe her husband was not ready for a second child and she should have probably waited for him to be on board 100% before trying IVF.
Overall, this story made me so sad and the pic of the baby hugging the 'ghost' of the twin made me want to
I agree with this. As someone who went through IVF was asked about selective reduction(we refused except in dire medical emergency) I think what she and her husband did is horrible. They obviously did not think about the ramifications of their decision. IVF is not made for people who want to "throw away" a baby, which IMO is what she did. No medical reason, just oh that would be inconvenient.
I am probably towards the harsher end of the spectrum as we chose not to do any genetic testing either. we only had ultrasounds
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| Posted 8/17/10 5:47 PM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
The liberal, pro-choice part of me wants so bad to find a redeeming quality in this woman's actions...and I just can't.
I whole-heartedly, 100% disagree with the reasoning behind her choices, her actions, and her feelings afterwards. So selfish to me...
It takes about 30 seconds to google Gonal-F...and know the effects of it.
As a pro-choice woman who consciously votes regarding a woman's right to choose it makes me nauseous to know that the rights I fight for are being utilized in this manner.
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| Posted 8/17/10 6:01 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
This is just awful.
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| Posted 8/17/10 6:08 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
While I completely disagree with her reason for reduction, it doesn't matter what I think. She has that choice and should be able to make it.
I think it was horrible and I would never be able to live with myself if I was her, but it's her right to choose and I support that.
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| Posted 8/17/10 6:27 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
Posted by casey31
Posted by Bxgell2
Really disturbing story. I'm pro-choice all the way, but personally, I could never do what she did; particularly after already having a child, knowing what that fetus would turn into, I couldn't eliminate it for the reasons they did. And the part where they actually selected ONE fetus based on its gender - there is just something so unsettling about it.
But, I suppose that's the purpose of pro-choice - allowing everyone to make their own decisions about their bodies and families, for whatever reason
Very well written. I agree completely.
I also agree.
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| Posted 8/17/10 6:31 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
I cannot fathom being able to live a happy life after making such a decision. I can't imagine these people living happily ever after with their two children, or getting a good night's sleep ever again. I would bet this couple is divorced within a few years - too much resentment and doubt. All my opinions, my train of thought. I honestly find this beyond disgusting and can only imagine, not knowing what these people have, that people with less have made a good life for three children. This infuriates me. You wanted a baby and were doubly BLESSED. You were handed a challenge and in my opinion, failed horribly.
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| Posted 8/17/10 6:50 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
I couldn't read the whole thing b/c this woman just seems so selfish and pathetic to me. That said, she was already pregnant - why not just have the baby and give it up for adoption instead of killing it?
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| Posted 8/17/10 6:53 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
Name:
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Re: One Woman's Story on Selective Reduction
I think it's disgusting. Talk about selfish and having zero respect for life. Ugh, gross.
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| Posted 8/17/10 7:05 PM |
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