Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

I'm looking for completely honest opinions here, so don't hold back! We had invited BIL and his girlfriend as well as another couple that we're friends with over to our house for New Year's Eve. We had them all at our house last year and had a good time. Today, BIL texted my husband and asked if we could do NYE at their parents' house instead. (At this point, he didn't know we had invited the other couple to our house also.) My husband responded and said, "We can't because of the boys." BIL's response was (sarcastic as he often is), "Oh, they have a previous engagement?" So they went back and forth for a while, basically my husband was explaining that they need to go to sleep at a somewhat reasonable hour, and BIL was saying that we are prisoners in our own home and we are making "lame excuses" and he "can't believe we don't realize how ridiculous we sound."
Here's all the info: My ILs live in a ranch. They have a large den with a pullout couch, which is where we have slept the handful of times we spent the night. On the other side of the house is their bedroom, and 2 tiny bedrooms (which used to belong to hubby and BIL when they lived there), neither of which have any type of sleeping surface in them anymore and are mostly used for storage. Our older son is almost 4 and our younger son just turned 2.

Those are the facts. Hit me with your honest opinions!

ETA more info: He wanted to change the location to ILs because ILs asked if we could all come over New Year's Day. BIL and his gf have to work the next day (Thursday), which we do also, and so he doesn't want to be there late Wednesday night. P.S. We never discussed any time for New Year's Day.
The other couple could theoretically go to ILs as well, but it would be a bit weird. Last year, we drank, played board games, watched the ball drop and just had a fun time. While my ILs are very nice and welcoming (and night owls) and would absolutely include our friends, it would be a very different scene. ILs are in their mid 70's, so it wouldn't quite have the same feel.
And no, he does not have children.

Message edited 12/29/2013 11:14:46 PM.

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

More info needed,
Would the other couple be able to/feel comfortable attending at your inlaws?
And
Why does BIL want to change the location?

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Why does bil want to go to your parents house?
Does he have children?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You guys made a plan that involves other people. He is bring the difficult one.

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

I'm guessing that bil doesn't have young kids or kids at all?
Dh and I host everything at our house so we don't disturb dd's schedule. She is almost 3. Everyone understands. They may not like it, but they abide by our rules- family and friends.

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Edited OP to answer questions with more info.

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Honest opinion? You're not making lame excuses. Your children are a priority, and you shouldn't even need to explain.
You probably do have to explain because he doesn't have kids yet, right?
DH and I always roll our eyes when someone says "I don't understand why you just can't _____". They don't get it. Then we laugh and think "haha, just wait"
Have an awesome New Year!

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Sounds like there is no good reason to switch.
If you did switch was your family a BIL going to sleep over? Sounds a bit crowded if not necessary.

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Ahh your NOT being unreasonable at all..you got the ball rolling and opened your home for the party. Its 2 days away and your BIL wants to change the whole plan (which Im sure you have been workingon) why??
I would stay home & do as planned. I personally would host a party so its more convenient & comfortable for my 2 young kids. Have a great time!!

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

IMO I wouldn't care about disrupting my childs schedule for one night. I know a lot of people are very strict with their schedules but I find that because I am lax with DS and his he will go anywhere and sleep anywhere and the next day is barely thrown off.

If I arranged my life around DS I would never leave the house.

Now the other couple you have plans with to me is a valid reason not to change.

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Definitely not unreasonable! You made plans that worked for your family and that your BIL and friends would enjoy as well. I would be annoyed that they're trying to change plans last minute and really annoyed that they're giving you grief about not going along with it.

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Oh so he wants to inconvenience you and your children so he isn't personally inconvenienced? Sure he sounds reasonable . His reason is b/c he doesn't want to stay late at his parents the next day? It doesn't make sense. He can just leave when he wants on NY day. Unless maybe he doesn't want his parents to be alone (which he didn't mention)? I say keep your gtg at your house with the other couple and if BIL comes, he does, if not, whatever.

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

I can't stand people who change agreed upon plans at the last minute to make things more convenient for THEM and then get annoyed when others don't want to jump on the bandwagon.

You're not being unreasonable -

I personally don't think it's a big deal to interrput the kid's for ONE night - but that's IF you had agreed to those plans .........not that he's coming in and changing things at the last minute to accomodate his GF.

Message edited 12/30/2013 9:09:08 AM.

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

My kids are the same age as yours, we stay home on NYE. They are both on a loose schedule, but they won't sleep anywhere else. They would be miserable staying up late. If you had one kid, I would say go. But 2 kids, no way it's not manageable at all. They will set each other off if too tired. Of course BIL would give you a hard time, he doesn't have 2 small children lol

Can your inlaws go over to your house?

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Well, I'm big on routines with my kids and the LAST thing I will EVER disrupt at their age, 5yo and 9 months, is their sleep routine. It just won't happen so to answer your question, no, you're not being unreasonable wanting NYE at your house. Plus, you already had invited people over.

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

I am a big believer with being flexible and not living my life completely around my son's bedtime BUT with that being said the plans were made to be at your house. I do not think that you should change them just to make your BIL easier. If he wants to go to your inlaws house for New Years Eve instead of your house then he is free to do so but I would not change the set plans to accomodate him.

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Thanks for all the replies. I should clarify- we are very lax with our children's schedules when we have things to do. From the time they were infants, we were always of the mindset that they will have a schedule and routine, dictated by them, but they will adapt and adjust if we need to be out somewhere. We have never turned down plans based on their sleep schedule. Just last week, on Christmas, we were at ILs until close to 11. Our older son got a little loopy because he was overtired, but no big deal. Our 2 year old was melting down because he hadn't had a nap that day and all he wanted to do was go to sleep. I felt so bad for him. The issue with NYE is that there literally is nowhere for them to sleep if they wanted to. And what kind of celebration would it be if we have 2 overtired, melting down, miserable small children in the midst?

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Unfortunately I think DH should have led with the fact that you had invited other people over who have accepted the invitation.

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

So....YOU should change YOUR plans/evening/routine to accommodate them? So he should be mad that he wont bend on what HE wants, but you absolutely should?

Your not being unreasonable.

I don't have children, yet understand what parents have to do. I am very accommodating to friends with kids because I know its hard. He is being an ass.

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

I dont think your being unreasonable. People without children do not understand what its like to have children. Do not understand how important routines are. And do not understand that if they dont sleep its you that ends up not enjoying the night or the next day cause then they are cranky. And so are you...

Also anytime anyones parents are there it changes the entire vibe of the party. Its no longer the just you guys hanging out drinking being totally tourselves joking amongst yourselves.

He is being unreasonable...

And the other couple may not want to spend nye with your in laws. They may want to spend it like they did last year since you had fun....

Dont change your plans. If bil wants to spend nye with them then let him. You dont have to.... and what dors ny dayhave to do with nye?

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

Not unreasonable, BIL doesn't have kids and doesn't get it. Also, some kids are much better with switching up their routine than others.

We kept 2.5 yo DD and 11mo DS out past their bedtimes on Christmas Eve. It wasn't even that late, they normally go to bed around 7 and we got home at 845. DD went right to bed and was fine but DS woke up when we took him out of the car and refused to go to sleep for 2 hours. I had things to do and the last thing I wanted was to deal with a screaming baby at 10pm on Christmas Eve.

Keep your plans how they are. I don't know the other couple you invited obviously but I personally wouldn't enjoy hanging out with my friends parents on NYE -unless I already knew them and they were 'cool' parents .

Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

You are not being unreasonable. If he wants to stay with your ILs then let him. You already made plans with another couple so keep your plans and have fun.

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?

You made the plans. Invitees can either accept or decline.
As the other couple, I would feel uncomfortable going to your folks house & it's rude to uninvite!

Re: Need opinions- are we being unreasonable?