Nanny Situation

Sorry so long!! I went back to work about a month ago. When I went back my mom and MIL split watching DS. My MIL doesn't live nearby, but was off for the summer so she was just temporarily helping us out until our PT nanny started.

We hired a PT nanny for 2 days and today was her first full day. Prior to this, she came for a few hours when DS was off and a half day when my MIL was watching DS. MIL left for about an hour when she was there. This was for "training" and to see how things were done. Last week, she came for 2 hours when my mom was there and then she watched him by herself for the rest of the day.

The nanny works and lives with another family the days she does not work for us. The other family has 2 young sons that she has watched since the youngest was DS's age. She came highly recommended by the other family.

We left her a schedule and went over everything.

When she watched him while my MIL was there she didn't heat up the bottle (we heat his bottles) and she didn't burp him.

During the time she watched him for most of the day by herself, she did not follow our feeding schedule. She gave him an extra bottle in the afternoon, only vegetables for dinner (no cereal) and fed him his dinner about an hour early. She claimed that he was hungry and needed to eat sooner than the schedule.

After these 2 incidents, we sat her down and VERY clearly explained to her the schedule and that it had to be followed. We typed up a very clear schedule. We also went through everything else.

Today was her first full day. She called DH at about 2:30 and told him that she gave DS tylenol for teething. The problem is that while he has been teething for about a month now, it really hasn't been bad - there are no teeth ready to come up any day now.

I'm upset because I am worried that the underlying issue is that she doesn't know how to deal with DS when he cries I almost feel like she is quick to shove a bottle in his mouth or give him Tylenol when he doesn't need either. I know another issue could be that the other family does things differently. Maybe they are quick to do those things.

Sorry for the ramble, but I just don't know what to do. I am not happy but am not sure if I am overreacting.

Any advice

Message edited 7/23/2010 5:39:21 PM.

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Did she follow the rest of the schedule today? Maybe the other family is quick to give Tylenol? I would talk to her about how you handle teething. It might be hard for her to soothe DS right now bc they're still getting to know each other and didnt have much time together prior to this so I'd give it some time for them to get to know each other but I'd clarify how you feel about the Tylenol and bottles etc as well as tips on soothing him and see how next week goes. I'd have her write down EVERYTHING including what she does to entertain him (time in exersaucer, tummy time etc., reading books etc) just to see what type of things she's doing with him.

It's a HARD adjustment having a nanny and it takes some time to make all of your wishes/style of parenting clear. But I also wouldnt give it too long. If it seems like she's just not following things previously discussed, I'd look to replace her sooner rather than later. I have had nanny issues in the past and most of it is because I didnt address situations quickly enough...

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you are not overreacting, your child, your rules

I think you need to let her know that if she cannot follow your schedule, guidelines, you will need to find someone else

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Thanks so much for your responses!! This is just so hard

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I think she should have called BEFORE giving tylenol, instead of after.

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I don't know .... I think that you have to allow your babysitter a certain amt of discretion. I think she should be able to deviate from the feeding schedule if the baby is extremely fussy etc. I also remember Aiden crying hysterically when he was about 7 months old for about a half an hour straight. We called the doctor and he told us it was most likely teething and to give him some Tylonel. We started to give him Motrin/Tylenol when we saw he was teething and fussy.

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Thanks for everyone's responses - I really appreciate it!

I feel like I am partly to blame with regards to the Tylenol situation. When she met with us to go over everything, she asked us what we did when he was teething. We told her that we gave him these freezer rings. She asked if we ever gave him Tylenol and we said we only gave it to him once (maybe twice) at night when it got really bad, but we really didn't like to give it to him. I thought we made it very clear that it was rare. We did not tell her to call us before she gave it to him but will have to clarify this with her. We also showed her where the Tylenol was and the proper dose for him - but that was because I wanted her to know where it was in case of an "emergency", i.e. if he came down with a fever, etc.

My gut feeling is that the other family she works with does things differently than we do and that we really have to explain how we want things done.

Even before we hired anyone, we looked into having nanny-cams installed in our house. I think we are going to go have them installed.

I do not at all think my son is being mistreated, etc. but if I don't feel like this is a good "fit" after another week or two, we are going to have to look for someone else

Message edited 7/24/2010 3:57:49 PM.

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I went through this when i first went back with DD and i let her go...it is crucial to feel comfy...my nanny of past year and half is excellent and follow everything perfectly