my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

I am officially flipping a S***!

My MIL has been absolutely awful this holiday season.

Issue #1: we are celebrating christmas eve dinner with my in-laws, and christmas day early dinner with my family. My MIL got upset that we won't do christmas morning breakfast with them as well. We now have a child and we decided to do christmas morning on our own and start our own traditions with our child as a family of 3. We told her she will just have to understand that, and she backed off.

issue #2: We offered to host christmas eve, and also invited my parents. I am one of 4 siblings, all of who have christmas eve plans in their in laws. My parents have nowhere to go and live down the block. My in laws got very upset with us and said it wasn't fair to invite my parents because we are spending christmas day with them. They want their time with DD and don't want to share it. Aside from the fact that I was pissed off because WE are hosting and they shouldn't dictate who we invite, we just told my parents that they can't come and they took it really well. They decided to do a quiet dinner at a restaurant together instead.

issue #3: DD is 4.5 months and has been sleeping through the night for the last month, and finally got into a routine! She gets her bedtime bottle and goes to bed at 7/730. We told my in-laws they are welcome to come by on christmas eve as early as they want, we will eat around 4, do presents and dessert, and call it night so we can put DD to bed. They said they were unhappy with that, and don't want to plan to come by until 5/530, and don't want to eat until 630pm. Dh is the only one of his siblings with a baby, and got really upset that his parents weren't respecting the timing due to the baby. He was about to go off on his mom when I decided to reach out to my SIL and see if she would host instead, so that we can just head out when we need to put DD to bed and not have to kick anyone out of the house. She agreed and we didn't have to involve MIL and get in an argument.

and finally issue #4: We offered to pay and cater 2-3 trays of food for christmas eve for my SIL as a thank you for hosting for us. We agreed upon a restaurant around here, and my SIL decided to tell my MIL all about the plans we made for dinner. MIL got upset and reached out to me to tell me that she will be cooking everything and bringing it over because the food from that specific restaurant is too greasy. She kind of threw it in my face that she would be cooking and made it sound like I inconvenienced her into doing it.


I literally can NOT do one thing right by this woman. wtf.

I am so looking forward to DD's first christmas, but she is putting such a damper on everything. I really tried to convince myself for a while that I was reading into things and not to worry about it, and I'm avoiding any and all conflict because the holidays should be a happy time. But at this point, I am convinced that she is doing this on purpose to make our lives miserable because she is jealous that my parents see my child more than she does (they babysit once a week).

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

I understand your MIL wanting special time with you and DD especially if your parents get a lot of time with her. However, I think you are being very accommodating and if your MIL prefers to cook then let her cook but she shouldnt act like its anything other than her choosing to do so of her own free will.

my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

I am pretty laid back, I let both sets of grandparents get away with A LOT, and tend to not let much of what they do bother me. But, WHAT?!? They knew your parents would be alone on Christmas Eve and still had the nerve to tell you they didn't want them there? Those are your parents and YOUR house!!
I hate that "I don't want to share" thing that people do. My MIL tried that once, when my oldest was a baby, and I put her right in her place. My son is not a toy or a beverage- we don't share him. He is my child and he is not here solely to entertain the grandparents. Lastly, who dictates what time someone else has dinner at their house?
I'm sorry, but I am livid for you! That is ridiculous

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

the more you give in, the more she will demand from you. pick and choose your battles but from what you're saying, shes being completely selfish. You had to uninvite your PARENTS?!! really?....REALLLY????

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Message edited 12/12/2016 4:20:39 PM.

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

She's upset that she doesn't have complete control anymore. I don't mean that she is controlling, but she sounds like one of those matriarch types .

You are giving in too much to her already. Eventually something is going to have to be said. It's your house and you can do what you want. I'd invite my parents back, TBH.

my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

they are moving to Florida soon and have been really milking that. They keep trying to get away with alot because they are leaving soon. They will be here for every christmas though, and for 4-5 months out of the year so its pretty unfair. It's dd's first christmas and we want it to be special.

it's honesly so dumb that they say they want their time, but then refuse to come by until 5/530. Instead of coming in the afternoon to spend time with her while she's awake, they are only getting like 2 hours with her and it's when shes super fussy because shes tired!!!

my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Do it at your house, invite your parents, put the baby to bed at her normal bedtime.
MIL needs a reality check, really a kick in the arse in my book.

I wouldn't want to deal with that nonsense and would tell her, fine, Christmas Eve is off, have a nice evening on your own.

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Message edited 12/12/2016 4:35:39 PM.

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

At this point going forward I would NOT even concern myself with them. Do what works for you. They are not entitled to your daughter, they are very rude for trying to bully you into excluding your parents from Christmas Eve, forcing them to be by themselves and they are very selfish for trying to control the time of the holiday at the expense of a 4 1/2 month old. Your house your rules, your DD, your rules. They should be grateful you let them see her at all. I would be firm and put my foot down with them ASAP regardless of the fact they they are moving to Florida for part of the year.

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

She sounds truly awful.

I also have an overbearing, controlling MIL (she is living out of the country now, but that's only a recent change) and I can tell you that as long as you give in to her, she will always expect you to bend for her.

The stuff about your parents is severely fcked up. What a miserable person she must be.

Good luck. Do what's best for you and your family.

my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

It's a mind game. They keep changing things to see how much they can control what you do and, unfortunately, they are in the lead. Since your plans are already in place, go along with it for xmas but don't let her do it again.

Message edited 12/12/2016 4:48:30 PM.

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Sorry. I could have written this.

We've pretty much had or still have the same issues.

All I can say is try not to let it bother you. If you need to leave to put the baby down, do so. If you stick to your guns they will get it, eventually.

Other than a few details, I would have thought you were talking about my mil. Sorry, you aren't alone in dealing with selfishness. I finally got DH to see the truth, that's helped me a lot.

Try not to let her win by ruining your time.

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

What a miserable person! I would not give in. I would tell them Christmas eve is back on the way you had originally planned it at your house because that is what is best for your DD. Then I would invite my parents. Why should they be alone on Christmas eve because of your miserable mil??? If she complains tell her she is free to not accept the invitation and celebrate with her other kids. Some people are unreal.

Whatever you do, def don't keep giving into her going forward. She will just keep demanding more unreasonable things from you.

my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

I'm going to keep with the christmas eve plans at my SIL's... We are leaving right at 7pm, though. I won't let them get in the way of the schedule we have going with dd. They wanted more time with her, so I provided a reasonable plan here at our house. They complained and got their way with the time for dinner at SILs house, but that doesn't mean we will keep dd there late. They are losing out in the end. As much as they say they want more time with dd, they aren't keeping DD the focus in all of this at all and it's really sad.

my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Wow. You are letting her get away with way too much. I would not stand for any of that. She can't tell you who you can and can't invite to your own house, especially your parents! You should invite your parents to your SIL's house.

my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

WOW, I only read your first two issues because I got so mad I couldn't read anymore. Why on earth would you let your MIL dictate to you who you can invite in your home and how can you let your PARENTS spend Christmas eve ALONE , when they live a block away from you, at a restaurant???!!!! That is terrible, and your parents probably feel absolutely awful. I would never be able to look my mom in the eye after that. Obviously your parents are good people and that's why they said nothing. Disgusting. Well you MIL won, so don't expect her to change!!

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

The fact that she is ok with your parents being alone, at a restaurant in the same area just goes to show how gross of a person she is......terrible.

I wouldn't expect this to change when they move either.....the next thing will be "we live in florida we never get to see her" when they are in town...

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

You are being very accommodating, but she sounds very controlling and selfish, and she will get only worse if you accept her demands. Please don't let her ruin your memories of your daughter's first Christmas, but I'd put a foot down and establish that your house, your rules (about who you invite, what time you would serve dinner, etc). Sorry you have to deal with such non sense.

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Posted by babyfever24

The fact that she is ok with your parents being alone, at a restaurant in the same area just goes to show how gross of a person she is......terrible.

I wouldn't expect this to change when they move either.....the next thing will be "we live in florida we never get to see her" when they are in town...

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

Re: my MIL is insane!!!! ugh

To what everyone else said about your parents being alone for Christmas. That is the worst part.

Growing up, my mom had such a big heart (she passed away suddenly a few years ago-I miss her every day). She always felt bad for people, we always had a random person at our house for thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever. It used to piss my sister and I off so much. Then it became a running joke, like nobody ask the mailman if he has plans for Christmas bc then he will be invited over! Lol. As we got older, we just accepted this is how it is (my dad had given up years ago on trying to get her not to invite to people).

One year it was actually just our family, and we all said it was weird. :). Needless to say the whole world (neighbors and all) were always invited and we sort of loved the open door policy.

The point is holidays should be for everyone, especially all family. I'm sorry, but I would reinvite your parents. Life is short. I think everyone should be there.