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Re: #metoo
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
Please tell me NOT#metoo is something you came up with and it isn't trending. Please. Because if this is a thing and we are countering women who have been harassed and/or assaulted the world is in worse shape then people really will fight over anything.
If you haven't been a victim that's great. I'm glad. But not being a victim means this isn't about you and your story serves no purpose to the millions of women who have faced harassment or assault. The rare woman who hasn't been a victim should be supporting and showing empathy towards those who have.
No its not a thing and I am not engaging in victim-blaming. Yes, I know full well I am fortunate not have been subjected to harrassment but I have seen it first hand when I used to go out for happy hour and 3 of my coworkers, one looked like a ringer for Reese Witherspoon (petite thin blond) and another was much taller and resembled Oprah Winfrey, the blond got catcalled and approached at a bar 10x more than me and the other coworker. That was my personal observation - yes men are pigs, and yes men can still harrass you if you are covered from head to toe, but I don't consider men complimenting me on my appearance, or giving me side glances at a bar to be "harrassment". I don't equate those experiences to actual rape or assault victims who have truly experienced trauma. The latter is what I think about when I see "#Metoo" - hence why I say "dont count me in that group" because I was never raped or actually assaulted.
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Posted 10/16/17 3:33 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
I get where you are coming from. While I have not personally been assaulted, I've probably been harassed but not to the level that it really affected me. That being said, I believe every woman who says they were harassed and/or assaulted, and my personal experience does not detract in any way from their feelings and/or their trauma.
ETA: The proper response is not "NOT #metoo" but it should be "I'm sorry that that happened to you and I am thankful it did not happen to me."
Message edited 10/16/2017 3:37:30 PM.
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| Posted 10/16/17 3:35 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
Posted by Chai77
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
I'm glad you escaped victimization, but to imply women who have been assaulted give off the "vulnerable vibe" is kind of unfair imo. I don't think I am a vulnerable type yet I have been assaulted as well as harassed.
None of it is ok and no one deserves it no matter his or her appearance, personality, clothing etc.
Yeah, glad you are seemingly only one out of two women who have escaped being sexually harassed in this world... my fault for being beautiful and thin and dressing fashionably
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| Posted 10/16/17 3:47 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: #metoo
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
I can assure you that I do NOT give off a vulnerable vibe. On the contrary, most people think I'm pretty tough, have no problem telling someone to f*ck off and wouldn't think twice about punching a guy in the nuts if necessary.
I've been groped, grabbed, pinched and worse.
But I'm tall and thin and like to look "girly" so I guess it's my fault.
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| Posted 10/16/17 4:38 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: #metoo
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
I can assure you that I do NOT give off a vulnerable vibe. On the contrary, most people think I'm pretty tough, have no problem telling someone to f*ck off and wouldn't think twice about punching a guy in the nuts if necessary.
I've been groped, grabbed, pinched and worse.
But I'm tall and thin and like to look "girly" so I guess it's my fault.
I have a resting bitchface that can stop a clock. I am WELL known as a bitchh in many circles. Well known. I don't make eye contact with anyone when walking on the street or in Penn Station or the mall or anywhere. If I'm sitting alone at a bar waiting for my girlfriend , I wont' even look up. I just play on my phone until she or the group arrives to avoid any conversation with assholess.
I have been known to yell at guys, stare them down, call them assholes if I catch them looking at me.
And I've still been subject to inappropriate stuff- from the time I was young until now that I'm old! LOL
I don't think it has a think to do with how tough or "non vulnerable" you come across.
Men are just pigs. Regardless
Message edited 10/16/2017 4:46:21 PM.
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| Posted 10/16/17 4:44 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
Like Whoopi Goldberg talked about on The view today. Nuns have been sexually assualted and I dont think you can dress anymore conservatively than that.
Its not about the vibe. Its about the power.
Consider yourself lucky not to have ever been on the receiving end of an assault. Verbally or physically.
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| Posted 10/16/17 4:48 PM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: #metoo
One time a boy in 7th grade grabbed my ass and I picked up a chair and threw it at him. The teacher did not report me. He got after school detention, and I felt no shame. I should not have, and I knew that. That teacher made me feel strong, and I remember the look of satisfaction on her face when I took the matter into my own hands. It was an interesting dynamic in that classroom at that moment.
One time I was buying tea in a bodega and a man behind me grabbed my ass. I was 15. I threw my hot tea on him and ran.
One time I was recovering from a bilateral mastectomy and someone from my past messaged me to ask me how big my boobies were. I made sure to put him on public blast -- his wife, family and employer ended up finding out about it.
One time I was at a party sitting in a chair and a guy came up to me with his penis hanging out of his pants, in his hand. I pulled out the knife I often carried and told him that he best leave the party or I would cut it off.
One time I was groped while at a concert. That guy got my steel-toe boot to his shin and then was punched by a guy friend of mine.
And there have been a lot of times...a lot of times...of just walking down the street or sitting on the subway and some asshat makes a comment. A nasty, gross, unprovoked comment.
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| Posted 10/16/17 4:49 PM |
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Re: #metoo
Posted by PearlJamChick
One time a boy in 7th grade grabbed my ass and I picked up a chair and threw it at him. The teacher did not report me. He got after school detention, and I felt no shame. I should not have, and I knew that. That teacher made me feel strong, and I remember the look of satisfaction on her face when I took the matter into my own hands. It was an interesting dynamic in that classroom at that moment.
One time I was buying tea in a bodega and a man behind me grabbed my ass. I was 15. I threw my hot tea on him and ran.
One time I was recovering from a bilateral mastectomy and someone from my past messaged me to ask me how big my boobies were. I made sure to put him on public blast -- his wife, family and employer ended up finding out about it.
One time I was at a party sitting in a chair and a guy came up to me with his penis hanging out of his pants, in his hand. I pulled out the knife I often carried and told him that he best leave the party or I would cut it off.
One time I was groped while at a concert. That guy got my steel-toe boot to his shin and then was punched by a guy friend of mine.
And there have been a lot of times...a lot of times...of just walking down the street or sitting on the subway and some asshat makes a comment. A nasty, gross, unprovoked comment.
Wow, I am sorry all those things happened to you. That really is unacceptable. As I said, I am lucky that I have not been subjected to that type of harrassment. No man ever dropped their pants in front of me (unless he was my BF/DH), and no man ever physically touched me in a way that was obviously inappropriate.
What I HAVE been subjected to, however, is random catcalls and random compliments ("Hey beautiful, you have a nice smile/face/butt/hair/whatever - come here and give me more of that baby"). I have had random guys try to chat me up at parties or bars. ALL those events however, do NOT rise to the level of harrassment for me. Random comments from a-hole guys at construction sites or on sidewalks, in bars -- that stuff doesnt bother me, and I have no issues punching them in the balls if I have to. I however will NOT post "#MeToo" because I feel it minimizes the real trauma of true rape/sex assault victims.
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| Posted 10/16/17 4:56 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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#metoo
I was walking up the stairs of Penn Station, carrying my work bag and my breast pump tote. One in each hand. I was wearing pants, a button down, and a sweater. Walking with a friend I ran into on the train.
A man walking down the stairs reached over and squeezed my breast. Just reached out and grabbed it. I was f-cking shocked that some pig in a crowd of hundreds would have the audacity to do this. But as many times as I tell this story, I find SO MANY other women who this happened to. Who are these men that feel they have the right to do this?? It's appalling.
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| Posted 10/16/17 4:56 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10314 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: #metoo
I haven’t been or felt harassed. But I know that is the minority and none of this surprises me. It’s so sad what happens to women and the horrible emotions you all went through.
Women have come a long way but there still so much more work to do.
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| Posted 10/16/17 6:18 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
Posted by PearlJamChick
One time a boy in 7th grade grabbed my ass and I picked up a chair and threw it at him. The teacher did not report me. He got after school detention, and I felt no shame. I should not have, and I knew that. That teacher made me feel strong, and I remember the look of satisfaction on her face when I took the matter into my own hands. It was an interesting dynamic in that classroom at that moment.
One time I was buying tea in a bodega and a man behind me grabbed my ass. I was 15. I threw my hot tea on him and ran.
One time I was recovering from a bilateral mastectomy and someone from my past messaged me to ask me how big my boobies were. I made sure to put him on public blast -- his wife, family and employer ended up finding out about it.
One time I was at a party sitting in a chair and a guy came up to me with his penis hanging out of his pants, in his hand. I pulled out the knife I often carried and told him that he best leave the party or I would cut it off.
One time I was groped while at a concert. That guy got my steel-toe boot to his shin and then was punched by a guy friend of mine.
And there have been a lot of times...a lot of times...of just walking down the street or sitting on the subway and some asshat makes a comment. A nasty, gross, unprovoked comment.
Wow, I am sorry all those things happened to you. That really is unacceptable. As I said, I am lucky that I have not been subjected to that type of harrassment. No man ever dropped their pants in front of me (unless he was my BF/DH), and no man ever physically touched me in a way that was obviously inappropriate.
What I HAVE been subjected to, however, is random catcalls and random compliments ("Hey beautiful, you have a nice smile/face/butt/hair/whatever - come here and give me more of that baby"). I have had random guys try to chat me up at parties or bars. ALL those events however, do NOT rise to the level of harrassment for me. Random comments from a-hole guys at construction sites or on sidewalks, in bars -- that stuff doesnt bother me, and I have no issues punching them in the balls if I have to. I however will NOT post "#MeToo" because I feel it minimizes the real trauma of true rape/sex assault victims.
This.
But now i have 2 DDs to worry about. My 14 yo just told me a guy made a move on her which made her uncomfortable and that she has been asked many times to "hook up" and I seriously dont even know where to begin to protect my girls!
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| Posted 10/16/17 6:42 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: #metoo
You can't say "I'm not victim blaming", but then imply we bring it upon ourselves somehow... that IS victim blaming. Some men are pigs, plain and simple.
I will not post on FB #metoo because I have spent years separating myself from that and refuse to let the people in my life view me as a victim now. It's no ones f***ing business but my own. I wasn't even going to comment here but the PP who is clearly victim blaming set me off.
Message edited 10/19/2017 9:56:41 AM.
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| Posted 10/16/17 8:05 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
I fit this and have been on many occasions. from coworkers to random guys. I'm not a weak woman by any means, vulnerable would be the LAST world anyone would use. it happens to MANY women, every single day. #IAM #MeToo
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| Posted 10/16/17 8:06 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7632 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: #metoo
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
I don't like what this implies. It almost sounds like since I am fit and predominantly wear dresses and skirts, I am setting myself up for harassment. Yeah - no thanks! There is no reason I should be harassed at work.
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| Posted 10/16/17 8:28 PM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
Posted by NervousNell
I have a resting bitchface that can stop a clock. I am WELL known as a bitchh in many circles. Well known. I don't make eye contact with anyone when walking on the street or in Penn Station or the mall or anywhere. If I'm sitting alone at a bar waiting for my girlfriend , I wont' even look up. I just play on my phone until she or the group arrives to avoid any conversation with assholess.
I have been known to yell at guys, stare them down, call them assholes if I catch them looking at me.
And I've still been subject to inappropriate stuff- from the time I was young until now that I'm old! LOL
I don't think it has a think to do with how tough or "non vulnerable" you come across.
Men are just pigs. Regardless
this
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| Posted 10/16/17 8:49 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: #metoo
Deleted for second thoughts and privacy
Message edited 10/17/2017 1:20:43 AM.
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| Posted 10/16/17 10:48 PM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: #metoo
Posted by Pumpkin1
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
I get where you are coming from. While I have not personally been assaulted, I've probably been harassed but not to the level that it really affected me. That being said, I believe every woman who says they were harassed and/or assaulted, and my personal experience does not detract in any way from their feelings and/or their trauma.
ETA: The proper response is not "NOT #metoo" but it should be "I'm sorry that that happened to you and I am thankful it did not happen to me."
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| Posted 10/16/17 11:00 PM |
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sourpatchkids
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/12 728 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
I don't know how I feel about this whole #metoo thing. I feel like it's putting catcalling and rape victims in the same category. From what I understand, it can also be triggering for victims of sexual abuse. Idk, I know it's supposed to expose the magnitude of the problem, but something about it bothers me. Please no flames, just sharing how I feel.
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| Posted 10/17/17 12:27 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: #metoo
Posted by sourpatchkids
I don't know how I feel about this whole #metoo thing. I feel like it's putting catcalling and rape victims in the same category. From what I understand, it can also be triggering for victims of sexual abuse. Idk, I know it's supposed to expose the magnitude of the problem, but something about it bothers me. Please no flames, just sharing how I feel.
I get what you're saying, but from my perspective I think it's trying to show that none of this behavior is normal or OK. How often are women cat called, or touched/kissed without consent, or spoken inappropriately to, and nothing is done about it. Nothing is said. I'm sure a majority of teenage boys think that behavior is totally harmless. Whistling at a girl, telling her she has a nice butt/rack, putting their hands on her in the hallway at school...I'm sure it happens at every HS on a daily basis. We have to teach our kids better.
I don't think anyone is trying to put rape on an equal playing field to catcalling. It's not. But none of it is ok and should not be considered normal under any circumstances. Girls and women have to know that, and know they can speak up for themselves without fear.
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| Posted 10/17/17 8:32 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
I was sexually harassed at work by my manager when I was in my early 20s. He would just say sexually suggestive things ALL THE TIME, not grope me or anything. A co-worker (who was male by the way) and a witness to it all started writing down all of the comments. I am not sure why we even started writing them all down but then another girl in her early 20s was put on the client. She had reported him to HR after some incidents with him and asked to never work with him again. Not only did HR do nothing to him, they put her on a client with him again! But the worst part was, they lived in the same building in the city and he would threaten to give her bad reviews unless she hooked up with him (which obviously she wouldn't). When me and my co-worker found that out we went to the head of HR and reported him. He ended up getting fired (from what I hear with severance and they helped set him up with a job at a client). It honestly didn't affect me at ALL, we thought he was kind of pathetic actually, but just seeing what it did to this other girl I knew I had to report it and get him fired. Everyone takes these things differently. I feel like that's why some people don't even realize that some of the things that happen are so grossly inappropriate.
In fact, this came up at a group dinner last year and people were telling their stories about getting sexually harassed at work and I was like "whew thank god that never happened to me…." and then I remember "oh yeah it actually DID happen to me!" I had completely forgotten because I don't think of myself as a victim but this guy did victimize people.
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| Posted 10/17/17 8:50 AM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
Posted by sourpatchkids
I don't know how I feel about this whole #metoo thing. I feel like it's putting catcalling and rape victims in the same category. From what I understand, it can also be triggering for victims of sexual abuse. Idk, I know it's supposed to expose the magnitude of the problem, but something about it bothers me. Please no flames, just sharing how I feel.
I understand where you're coming from but I do like that for many, it is making it easier to talk about it. A huge part of the problem imo is the shame in talking about it. How often do victims stay silent until someone else speaks out? Breaking that cycle is a big part of changing things.
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| Posted 10/17/17 9:43 AM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: #metoo
Let's add the endless slew of unsolicited dikc pics that have become the norm in our society. Why has it become almost the norm for a creep to snap a pic of his morning wood and send it to someone he barely knows, just met, and that hasn't asked to see it, and act like it's totally normal behavior? Nobody wants to see your crusty dikc!
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| Posted 10/17/17 11:17 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: #metoo
Posted by MC09
Let's add the endless slew of unsolicited dikc pics that have become the norm in our society. Why has it become almost the norm for a creep to snap a pic of his morning wood and send it to someone he barely knows, just met, and that hasn't asked to see it, and act like it's totally normal behavior? Nobody wants to see your crusty dikc!
LMAO @ crusty dickk.
To be honest, a dickk is not an attractive thing to begin with.
The female body is beautiful, the male- ehhh- it's utilitarian but it's nothing I want to look at and say , yeah that is just so attractive!
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| Posted 10/17/17 11:26 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: #metoo
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I am going out on the limb here and admit I have never been harrassed or sexually assaulted. I think its because I don't give off the vulnerable vibe other women might (?). I've always been a little on the heavy side (weight), dress very conservatively (suits for work, and I've always hated skirts and anything "girly") and generally act like a total b#$%$ to guys who piss me off. So yea, count me in w/ the "NOT #metoo" crowd.
I can assure you that I do NOT give off a vulnerable vibe. On the contrary, most people think I'm pretty tough, have no problem telling someone to f*ck off and wouldn't think twice about punching a guy in the nuts if necessary.
I've been groped, grabbed, pinched and worse.
But I'm tall and thin and like to look "girly" so I guess it's my fault.
this is my exact response.
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| Posted 10/17/17 11:43 AM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: #metoo
Posted by MC09
Let's add the endless slew of unsolicited dikc pics that have become the norm in our society. Why has it become almost the norm for a creep to snap a pic of his morning wood and send it to someone he barely knows, just met, and that hasn't asked to see it, and act like it's totally normal behavior? Nobody wants to see your crusty dikc!
Is this really a thing? Ugh, there is something really wrong with a guy to think that a woman would really want to see that.
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| Posted 10/17/17 11:44 AM |
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