Living in fear

So we have a meeting scheduled with my team in our city office today. (midtown)
One of the girls is complaining that she doesn't want to come in to NYC because of what happened yesterday.

I am having a hard time understanding this train of thought.

If it's not safe to come in today, then to be honest it will NEVER be safe to come in. Things are actually SAFER after an incident. The amount of police presence I saw in Penn Station alone was much higher than normal- even officers from Homeland Security, which I have never seen in Penn before.

My thought is, ok so then when WILL it be safe? Next week?
No.
Next month?
No.

It's never safe. Not really.
And not just in NYC. Shit can happen ANYWHERE.

It's just that the farther in time you get from an incident or attack, the safer you might "feel". But IMO that is complacency.

I know for a fact this girl will be in NYC next week like nothing ever happened.
So to me it just seems BS that she wont' come in today, but will come in next week. Like next week will be any safer.
And if our meeting had been scheduled for yesterday, or the attacker had waited until today, you would have been here, without a second thought, when it happened.
So I don't get the logic.... it's like closing the barn door after the cow runs away kind of thing.

If you are going to live your life like that you better build a shelter under your home and get in it now and stay there.

Just a random vent....

Living in fear

I don't get the fear. I was in the city once with my MIL when a terror alert level was raised. She started freaking out even though it was raised because of a threat to the subway, and we weren't even taking the subway. She was talking about who would raise my son (my husband was with us), and then asked us why we weren't worried about it. I had to explain that can't live my life in fear of some unknown potential threat. No where is "safe." Schools aren't safe, churches aren't safe, concerts aren't safe, bike path's aren't safe, public transportation isn't safe, your house isn't safe, work isn't safe, etc. It's something I can't control, because it's about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can take a million flights, and never be on the one that gets hijacked, so I have take one flight and that's the one that gets hijacked.

Message edited 11/1/2017 9:54:25 AM.

Re: Living in fear

I always think of the French when something like this happens. After a truck ran down dozens, they gathered outside with a sign that said “not afraid”

You can’t live in fear. And yes it is safer now My dh drives a train for a living I didn’t even think to tell him to stay home. You can’t live like that

Re: Living in fear

I work in Grand Central- if I lived in fear, I'd have to quit my job. It's unreasonable and sounds like an excuse.

Re: Living in fear

Re: Living in fear

Does your company have an employee assistance program that her boss could refer her to?

Re: Living in fear

Re: Living in fear

If I lived in fear, I would never leave my house.

I can't live like that. I can be cautious and aware of my surroundings, but I cannot control what happens.
I want to go on vacations, I can't worry that the plane might crash or be hijacked.
I work in the city and commute by LIRR. I could work on LI, but then I would have to drive and who's to say that I wouldn't get into a car accident.

I worked in the Empire State Building the first time the Towers were bombed in 1993. Was I freaked out, of course, but life went on.
When 9-11 happened, I was really freaked out. That took some time to get over, but life went on.
The blackout, and so on.

Tying this in to the other post about holding grudges - life is too unpredictable to waste on stupid shit.

Living in fear

I think about that story last year where a young mother walked her son to the bus stop. The son got on the bus but as she was walking home, a drunk driver jumped the curb and killed the mom. You can't live in fear that you'll die from random acts because it can happen any time, any place.

The only way I've been changed by all the violence is that I now tend to sit at the back of a movie theater so I can leave quickly instead of in the middle rows where there's no escape.

Re: Living in fear

I find that people have strange ways of thinking about things. I worked downtown on 9/11. I went back to work the following Monday and worked downtown or in the city for the next 7 years. At some point I had a trip to London planned and there was a bomb that killed a handful of people there that took place not to long before I was scheduled to go. My mom thought I should cancel the trip…. I thought it was so odd considering I worked in Manhattan where the largest terror attack ever took place. People are strange with things like this but I agree, there's no completely safe time anywhere. You can't live life like that. She probably just doesn't want to work today and is using this as an excuse which is gross if you ask me.

Re: Living in fear

Message edited 11/1/2017 10:52:14 AM.

Re: Living in fear

Re: Living in fear

Posted by LuckyStar

Then I remind myself that no one in the city wants a bunch of LIers visiting anyway

Re: Living in fear

Re: Living in fear

Re: Living in fear

We live close to where the events happened. DH works near Grand Central. That bike path we have walked, biked many times for leisure or going to any sports practice for DS. I was very shaken yesterday. DS was frustrated he couldn't go trick or treat when he first heard the news... and then he was worried that something could happen to any of us.

Today I woke up very early to the sound of helicopters. Part of me was hoping for school to be off, because I just wanted to have DS at home. During the day I had some errands around there and it was very quiet, few people. I decided to give myself some time to be sad, because I feel very vulnerable. This is the place where I feel safe, where my family has lots of activities. The fields, the path, the schools, the neighborhood. I felt sad in the morning, yesterday I was afraid. But later when DS came home from school and it was time for one of his practices (not where they always are held, because those fields were close for the investigation), I took him there and went about. This afternoon it felt more "normal". Then I decided that life can't stop, that I can't and I won't live in fear. I did live in fear in my country. Maybe that's why I was feeling shaken, because this is tranquility for me, this is safeness. And it will be continue to feel that way, because I couldn't live in a place if I feel my son is at any risk.

I feel for those families a lot. I'm from South America and have many Argentine friends. Some friends here know someone from that group in some way. They say Rosario, the city they were from, is a "small" city, so always someone knows someone there, one way or the other.

I have to say, though, that this community got very close. Friends being worried for friends, schools communicating to the parents, ourselves here, spent last afternoon night with friends and it felt good to feel community and friends under a tragedy, while being concerned for others.

Re: Living in fear

I think we should use this as a time to practice kindness.

Not everyone handles stress the same way. Exact same incident can illicit opposite responses in different people.

Good for you if you can shake it off and live without fear. It's great that you've never felt debilitated by fear or anxiety or anything else. So take a moment and appreciate that instead of judging someone else because you never know what it's like to be in someone else's shoes.

Re: Living in fear

Message edited 11/1/2017 10:06:47 PM.

Re: Living in fear

If her friends asked her to get together for drinks in tthe city tonight would she turn them down for fear?

Re: Living in fear

Re: Living in fear

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Momma2015

I work in Grand Central- if I lived in fear, I'd have to quit my job. It's unreasonable and sounds like an excuse.

This. And it might be an excuse for this woman but I work on LI now and no one in my office goes to the city, ever. They're all afraid of it. They act like you cross the east river and get mugged. It's bizarre. None of them have even mentioned yesterday's attack yet they all came in crying about Vegas. They talk about 9/11 like it was some kind of show. It's disgusting and whenever it comes up it takes everything in my not to scream that my husband is in the city every day as are my friends and family and up until a few months ago, me.

Then I remind myself that no one in the city wants a bunch of LIers visiting anyway

Message edited 11/1/2017 10:20:46 PM.

Re: Living in fear

Posted by MC09

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Momma2015

I work in Grand Central- if I lived in fear, I'd have to quit my job. It's unreasonable and sounds like an excuse.

This. And it might be an excuse for this woman but I work on LI now and no one in my office goes to the city, ever. They're all afraid of it. They act like you cross the east river and get mugged. It's bizarre. None of them have even mentioned yesterday's attack yet they all came in crying about Vegas. They talk about 9/11 like it was some kind of show. It's disgusting and whenever it comes up it takes everything in my not to scream that my husband is in the city every day as are my friends and family and up until a few months ago, me.

Then I remind myself that no one in the city wants a bunch of LIers visiting anyway

Your coworkers sound like shittty horrible people.

Re: Living in fear

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by MC09

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Momma2015

I work in Grand Central- if I lived in fear, I'd have to quit my job. It's unreasonable and sounds like an excuse.

This. And it might be an excuse for this woman but I work on LI now and no one in my office goes to the city, ever. They're all afraid of it. They act like you cross the east river and get mugged. It's bizarre. None of them have even mentioned yesterday's attack yet they all came in crying about Vegas. They talk about 9/11 like it was some kind of show. It's disgusting and whenever it comes up it takes everything in my not to scream that my husband is in the city every day as are my friends and family and up until a few months ago, me.

Then I remind myself that no one in the city wants a bunch of LIers visiting anyway

Your coworkers sound like shittty horrible people.

Lol they do.
Mine are a bunch of disgusting animals too if you want to know the truth.
I could tell stories that would make your skin crawl

Re: Living in fear

Posted by MC09

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by MC09

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Momma2015

I work in Grand Central- if I lived in fear, I'd have to quit my job. It's unreasonable and sounds like an excuse.

This. And it might be an excuse for this woman but I work on LI now and no one in my office goes to the city, ever. They're all afraid of it. They act like you cross the east river and get mugged. It's bizarre. None of them have even mentioned yesterday's attack yet they all came in crying about Vegas. They talk about 9/11 like it was some kind of show. It's disgusting and whenever it comes up it takes everything in my not to scream that my husband is in the city every day as are my friends and family and up until a few months ago, me.

Then I remind myself that no one in the city wants a bunch of LIers visiting anyway

Your coworkers sound like shittty horrible people.

Lol they do.
Mine are a bunch of disgusting animals too if you want to know the truth.
I could tell stories that would make your skin crawl

Oh my! Please do share! lol

Re: Living in fear

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by MC09

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by MC09

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Momma2015

I work in Grand Central- if I lived in fear, I'd have to quit my job. It's unreasonable and sounds like an excuse.

This. And it might be an excuse for this woman but I work on LI now and no one in my office goes to the city, ever. They're all afraid of it. They act like you cross the east river and get mugged. It's bizarre. None of them have even mentioned yesterday's attack yet they all came in crying about Vegas. They talk about 9/11 like it was some kind of show. It's disgusting and whenever it comes up it takes everything in my not to scream that my husband is in the city every day as are my friends and family and up until a few months ago, me.

Then I remind myself that no one in the city wants a bunch of LIers visiting anyway

Your coworkers sound like shittty horrible people.

Lol they do.
Mine are a bunch of disgusting animals too if you want to know the truth.
I could tell stories that would make your skin crawl

Oh my! Please do share! lol

Sleeping with and dating the boss to get ahead.
Going to strip clubs and "massage" places with vendors.
Hiring younger girls and pitting them against the older girl subordinate you are dating to make her jealous.
The list goes on.
Sick mfers!!!