Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

I lost my mom about two and a half years ago. I think about her all the time and how different things would be for me if I still had her. I am jealous of those people who have their moms close. It always makes me sad to think my children won't know her. I have two dds. One is three and a half and the other is one. I have to say aside from the first six or eight weeks, having a second was way less difficult than I expected. In a lot of ways I feel it isn't much different than having one because you are already used to the challenges that come from having one and it is only a little more difficult with two than one. I also feel that both get easier the older they get. I understand feeling overwhelmed but you have gotten this far, you will be able to do this. I am not a SAHM but I am home alone with the girls on the weekends because my husband works weekends. I will say I do find it to be lonely. What helps for me is planning outings or play dates to keep us a little busy and entertained particularly in the winters when it can be rough being cooped up in the house all the time with the cold weather. You will definitely be able to adapt. Good luck.

Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

my mom had cancer 13 years ago and has been in a nursing home for 9 years (has dementia) so in one sense, it feels like i lost her a while ago. It totally stinks too. The part that really stung was when dc#1 was in the hospital with RSV and it was a hard hard night.

We don't have any help for the most part. My inlaws go to FL for 7 months of the year. When they are here, they take my kids 2 days a week. However that is it. Long story but we don't ask for anything more. When we go out at night, we get a sitter. On the weekends (i work FT), there is no help. My husband works full time and was on rotating schedules for many years, but now is on tues-sat straight days.

We have 3 kids.

It stinks. My one good friend is "aunt nicole" and she helps when we need it. She was there a TON when we had my 1st and my 2nd.

But 95% of the time, it's my husband and I doing it all.

I feel your pain. Sometimes you'll have hard days but you'll also get into a rhythm and figure out the best flow. You just have to learn to manage your time well.

Keep a log of when the baby eats and sleeps. It does help, especially when you're still chasing after another one.

Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

I'm so sorry. I lost my mom soon after my wedding so she wasn't around for my pregnancy or to meet my DD. And, like you, DH's mother is out of the picture. I'm so jealous of friends of mine who can go out for date nights and just have their moms come over to babysit. Or on snow days, their moms can help out in the mornings. Stuff like that. But more than that, I'm jealous that their kids will know and love their grandmas and my kids never will. It's just something I have learned to live with.

My mother lost her own mother young too and I never knew her, and my mother didn't take care of herself psychologically about that, and was sad/depressed for much of her life. She was a fabulous mother, very loving, very fun, just… there was always a sadness and an anger lurking in the background. I always promised myself that I wouldn't do that to myself or my children. So I'm super conscious of it, and occasionally will ask DH if he thinks I'm not acting myself / need help. I don't know if I'd recognize it in myself and I trust him to tell me. And I don't want my child / future children to suffer for me. Sometimes I worry that I'm trying so hard to be okay that it's keeping me from feeling sadness I need to feel. But sometimes I think that that's just me and how I deal with stuff. Sorry I'm rambling, but your situation reminds me so much of my own (I'm even pregnant with #2 now like you) and it brought up a lot of feelings.

Again, I'm so sorry. Know that you're not alone.

Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

to all of you.

Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

Many

I lost my mom unexpectedly 3 weeks before I had my dd. She is 4 now and I have a 17 month old ds. At first it was very overwhelming having 2 and having no help at all. My dd was very jealous of her little brother at first which made the situation that much harder. Now that he's older they really are the best of friends and we have our little routines which makes everything easier. I still miss my mom everyday but now it's more bc I wish she could have met her grandchildren then actually missing the help she could have given me.

Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

Posted by EndlessSummer719

Many

I still miss my mom everyday but now it's more bc I wish she could have met her grandchildren then actually missing the help she could have given me.

Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

Posted by ANewDayHasCome

Posted by EndlessSummer719

Many

I still miss my mom everyday but now it's more bc I wish she could have met her grandchildren then actually missing the help she could have given me.

I think thats a big part of it. Like I'm having yet another child she will never meet. She never met dh, my dd and now another dd.

I'm actually very independent and want to do everything myself so it's not as much about the help as I'm thinking it is. I think that's what I'm blaming it on. With dd I had a baby nurse that I actually had leave early. I have an amazing neighbor, friends, family and a babysitter we trust who is an older mom that's retired

Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

Posted by BaysideForever

Posted by ANewDayHasCome

Posted by EndlessSummer719

Many

I still miss my mom everyday but now it's more bc I wish she could have met her grandchildren then actually missing the help she could have given me.

I think thats a big part of it. Like I'm having yet another child she will never meet. She never met dh, my dd and now another dd.

I'm actually very independent and want to do everything myself so it's not as much about the help as I'm thinking it is. I think that's what I'm blaming it on. With dd I had a baby nurse that I actually had leave early. I have an amazing neighbor, friends, family and a babysitter we trust who is an older mom that's retired

I'm struggling with how I am going to handle this when the time comes, and I think looking at pictures with your LO or telling stories about your mom to your kids might help a little? I am not sure. It's just unfair. It just is.

Re: If you lost your mom, please come in

Lots of hugs for you.

Last month I had a miscarriage. Three weeks later, I lost my mom unexpectedly. My parents watched DD 2x a week. The last 2.5 weeks have been an adjustment. It has really made me think about not having another because she was such a huge help to me. My dad is fine with DD since she's 2.5 and potty trained, but with a newborn he is useless lol. My MIL also works fulltime. So when we do have #2, I don't know how it is going to be. My emotions are still very raw since it has been only a few weeks, but I guess the hurt never goes away.

In just my few weeks, all I can say is continue talking to people about it. Anyone that has offered anything, take them up on it. It's the only way any of us will get through this.