I need opinions...

... please tell me if I'm being a psycho pregnant woman. This Saturday is my baby shower. My niece just turned 1 over the weekend- my husband's family and extended family are all very caddy and in my opinion rude. They are highly judgmental and opinionated. So whenever the family is together and sees my niece- the world stops for her- we can't talk about anything but her. My SIL also makes it a point to only talk about her and make a big scene about her. I had casually mentioned to my DH I thought it was rude for my SIL and his family to assume they can just bring a 1 year old to the shower (I don't know if they assume she is going? But they haven't mentioned to me or my mom about her going or not going? So for right now given who they are I assume she's coming?) when I am with my husband's family they down right ignore me, especially if BIL and SIL are around and of coarse my niece. My husband is kind of the black sheep in his family at times for reasons unknown to the both of us and they definitely baby his brother. I definitely feel like an outsider in the family. For instance we went to my in laws for dinner last Sunday and my niece and BIL and SIL were there. We were all sitting at the table and I started a conversation with my MIL who was right next to me, my SIL shouts from across the table about something about my niece and my mother in law just immediately ignores me and responds to my SIL- DH witnesses the whole thing and said something then and there. Now this is an all the time thing, being ignored and what not, but whatever I don't see them much. I want them to be involved in my twins life, I have grandparents alive that don't give a damn, and I'm hoping they will step up and be good to my boys as they are to my niece. Now, for my shower, is it wrong to not want my niece there? I mean she's 1. And when DHs family is around, they completely are fixated with her and my SIL. The world has to stop spinning and we can only talk about her. Is it wrong to want one day for my and my boys? DH thinks I shouldn't have him say something because it will start a huge fight. He has more of the personality that he'd rather everyone else be happy- which is great but what about me? I'm kind of hurt he doesn't see it my way but then again am I wrong? I mean it's not like my mom invited my niece- she's a baby! I would never in a million years think of bringing my babies to an event like this and if the tables were turned and I was in my SIL shoes and she was having a baby shower I would want the family focused on her because it's about her and her baby, it wouldn't and shouldn't be about me and my kids and bringing them there would just put the focus on them. Idk I hate hormones

Re: I need opinions...

Bad advice.

Listen to everyone else. ;)

Message edited 10/26/2016 12:01:04 PM.

Re: I need opinions...

She's 1. I am the opposite and wouldn't expect the mother to leave her home. You will be so overwhelmed with all your friends and family that you won't even notice her. I don't even think it's your niece that you don't want there, it's your sil lol. Some people just need a lot of attention. That says more about them, than you. Are they rude? Probably. That shouldn't affect the way you feel about yourself. Don't let it get to you, especially at your shower.

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I need opinions...

Lol I think it's reasonable that this bothers you but honestly, it sounds like the issue is deeper than your neice. Personally, I don't think asking your neice to stay home is the right answer per se but it's definitely your day and you have to do what will make you happy. Overly gushing over a baby is annoying but it is what it is, it's what some parents and grandparents do. But I get the sense in your situation the real issue is feeling left out in general and your DH may want to consider having a conversation with his parents and explaining his and your feelings about being the "black sheep" and feeling ignored by his parents. It sounds to me thats what's driving the resentment. As far as the SIL, there's one in every family! I feel for you, it's annoying, sorry you have to deal with this during such a special time!!!!! No real advice other than do your best to ignore her.

Also, from my experience, people and relatives often bring babies or children (especially girls) to baby showers too. I think it's more common to do then say a bridal shower or more formal event. But again, it's your day so if you don't want children their just make sure it's known now and across the board.

I need opinions...

Pregnancy hormones can be rough.

Currently, I'm due tomorrow, and my sil is also preggo-dhs brothers wife. Her shower is in December, and I have a 2 year old dd. I would never assume she's invited, because I never assume that she's invited anywhere unless it specifically states so, but I have to admit I would be taken back if she wasn't (I actually haven't received my invitation yet).

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And I would not recommend you or anyone else tell them to leave your neice at home. You will get soooooo much Sh!t for it for yearsssss. You need all the positive energy. If they're told that your neice is not invited, man.... Good luck! It'll cause so much drama and tension that you def will have issues leading up to your shower. Donttttt do it.

I need opinions...

Yeah, I wouldn't tell them to leave her home. You're just going to cause more problems. If this baby's mom and grandmother do nothing but gush over her, who cares? You still have your family and friends there.

My SIL also thinks the world revolves around her and her kids. She's a selfish POS and doesn't know what to do with herself now that I have the only girl in the family and it's my DD the whole family gushes over. Now I just sit back and laugh at her temper tantrums. Point is, your MIL may be obsessed with your niece now, but that could completely change once your boys are here. So, don't sweat it.

Re: I need opinions...

Don't let anyone or anything ruin this time for you

You can't get it back! If she comes and they gush. Let them

That doesn't mean it's not about you and the boys. It is! Everyone there so there for you and the twins

Enjoy! Enjoy and enjoy!

Re: I need opinions...

Posted by Lara&Aidansmommy

Posted by luvbuffet

She's 1. I am the opposite and wouldn't expect the mother to leave her home. You will be so overwhelmed with all your friends and family that you won't even notice her. I don't even think it's your niece that you don't want there, it's your sil lol. Some people just need a lot of attention. That says more about them, than you. Are they rude? Probably. That shouldn't affect the way you feel about yourself. Don't let it get to you, especially at your shower.

Perfectly said!! Enjoy YOUR day

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You can only control your actions and reactions. For your friends and family the day will be about you. Don't sit near your SIL or MIL. So what they talk about the baby? Focus on enjoying yourself rather than focus on them. They are not the only guests. Enjoy your day for you. I would not say anything about the baby at all because long term it will cause more problems than it is worth.

Re: I need opinions...

I think you're overthinking it. It's your day and many more people will be there, aside from your MIL, SIL and niece, who will be gushing over you.. I'd let them bring the niece, rather than risking offending them and starting a rift in the family. It's not worth it.

Your husband is stuck between two sides and it's not really fair to expect him to take sides if you have a problem with your MIL.

I also think that one day soon you'll have two twins that everyone will gush over and all of that gushing over your niece will make sense to you.

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Re: I need opinions...

Posted by Pomegranate5

Posted by luvbuffet

She's 1. I am the opposite and wouldn't expect the mother to leave her home. You will be so overwhelmed with all your friends and family that you won't even notice her. I don't even think it's your niece that you don't want there, it's your sil lol. Some people just need a lot of attention. That says more about them, than you. Are they rude? Probably. That shouldn't affect the way you feel about yourself. Don't let it get to you, especially at your shower.

All of this!!

Regardless of what your SIL is doing, your baby shower WILL be all about you and the babies.

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My kids are the only grandkids for both sides of grandparents. They definitely gush over them. Both my brother and BIL are not married and don't have kids. They are glad their parents are not bothering them and focusing on the grandchildren.

You will be surrounded by YOUR family and friends at your shower. Don't let your in-laws bother you.

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I need opinions...

As someone who has been told that their child is not welcome, don't do it. Just let your niece be there. Yes it is your day. And there will be people there to celebrate you. And those will people will think your SIL is the bad guy for bringing your niece. Let the chips fall on their own. Saying something will cause more damage to your family.

Re: I need opinions...

Posted by jlm2008

Posted by NYCGirl80

I think you're overthinking it. It's your day and many more people will be there, aside from your MIL, SIL and niece, who will be gushing over you.. I'd let them bring the niece, rather than risking offending them and starting a rift in the family. It's not worth it.

Your husband is stuck between two sides and it's not really fair to expect him to take sides if you have a problem with your MIL.

I also think that one day soon you'll have two twins that everyone will gush over and all of that gushing over your niece will make sense to you.

This exactly, and I don't even have kids! I'm sure once people are gushing over your kids, you wan't be jealous anymore. Actually, I really hope that you are not jealous over a BABY, I'm guessing that you don't get along with your inlaws? FWIW, I'm the first one to say children do not belong at most events, but not for a Baby Shower!!! I also would never bring a child somewhere where they weren't invited, but why would you not invite your baby niece to your baby shower . In any case, try not to stress too much and enjoy your day. I'm sure once you have kids you will probably feel differently about whole situation anyway.

Re: I need opinions...

worst case, his family ends up being caddy at the shower. Best case, they aren't. Either way you still have your family and friends that will be there to make it about you. Surround yourself with them. Sit with people who make you feel good about yourself.
When it comes time to open gifts, half the people will be really into it, and the other half will be chatting away and you'll be lucky if they even notice you are opening their gift. It's just the dynamic of a shower.
Be in control of you and make your own fun!

Message edited 10/26/2016 10:17:45 AM.

Re: I need opinions...

Posted by MrsB12614

Posted by jlm2008

Posted by NYCGirl80

I think you're overthinking it. It's your day and many more people will be there, aside from your MIL, SIL and niece, who will be gushing over you.. I'd let them bring the niece, rather than risking offending them and starting a rift in the family. It's not worth it.

Your husband is stuck between two sides and it's not really fair to expect him to take sides if you have a problem with your MIL.

I also think that one day soon you'll have two twins that everyone will gush over and all of that gushing over your niece will make sense to you.

This exactly, and I don't even have kids! I'm sure once people are gushing over your kids, you wan't be jealous anymore. Actually, I really hope that you are not jealous over a BABY, I'm guessing that you don't get along with your inlaws? FWIW, I'm the first one to say children do not belong at most events, but not for a Baby Shower!!! I also would never bring a child somewhere where they weren't invited, but why would you not invite your baby niece to your baby shower . In any case, try not to stress too much and enjoy your day. I'm sure once you have kids you will probably feel differently about whole situation anyway.

Hahahaha no certainly not jealous over my niece- she's great. Our tumultuous relationship goes I think beyond what I wrote. To be honest SIL is extremely pissed we are having a baby, well babies. I got pregnant when my niece was 6 months old. When we told them, she wasn't happy and said that we should have waited a while so that her daughter could have time to be the only grandchild. My SIL has really changed over the last few years- we used to be close, but with her she's been highly opinionated and negative. They won't come to our house because she feels they should have bought a house first when my DH texted them to come over, Now we don't bother. I'm also not going back to work full time and she's pissed. This time last year they begged my mother in law to quit her job to watch their kid, when MIL and FIL (who had the final say) didn't quit they were pissed because then they had to "waste" money on childcare according to SIL and they weren't making their life easier. So when I said I would be home most of the time and the days I do work my mom will have them she told me that my children will be "developmentally delayed" if they don't go to day care- I work as a BCBA so I think I would know developmentally what's appropriate. It's things like that. she HAS to make it a point to upset me, she used her baby to really make me upset when she found out we were having to see a fertility specialist.
But I gave it thought last night. I read each of your posts and opinions carefully. I'm not going to have DH say something, he's got enough issues with their family. They already don't like me much from what I sense and DH knows how I feel. This will be my one baby shower and one pregnancy and I just can't let them get to me because I won't get that day back.