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AllyMally
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/13 881 total posts
Name:
Alyson
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I am so fing mad right now
My sister got engaged in Nov. We were all excited. My daughter is 4 adn my son is 2. We made it a point to not tell my daughter so that my sister could. SHe is at the age that getting married is magical and I wanted my sis to see that and she was so excited to tell her. She asked her to be a flower girl and went on and on about her dress and so on. Then said she wanted my son her God Son, to be the ring boy. Great I was stoked for my kids and she asked me to be one of her bm's. I am not 25wks pg and it's rough, but whatever. My step mom, her mother, just informed me it should be a great kid free night for us as the wedding is now kid free and not even kids IN THE WEDDING. WTF?!?!?! I called her and said what is going on. I guess she has decided there would be to many kids and now is doing without. Ummmmmm WTF. I explained that's fine but she has to tell Greenlee she isn't in the wedding anymore and she refused! I explained it was up to her since she asked her to tell her she changed her mind. I'm not taking the heat for this cluster fluke. She said it was my job as her mother to tell her no. How do I tell her no and then go be a part of the wedding? I am seriously so pissed off right now. She is 4 years old and has talked about this for months and is so excited! I am almost ready to say f this. Not to mention my Mom won't watch all 3 kids for the entire day so my husband will have to stay home for the wedding until my Mom can come for bedtime. I am so over this and we haven't done shitt for the wedding yet. SHe has a venue but no church, no person to marry them, no dresses and so on. Plus she went to look at wedding dresses and bm stuff and didn't ask me because I was pg so I can't fit into anything anyway. Yea no shitt, but I would still like to be a part of my little sisters day. WTF do I do now? Do I back out? DO I really have to tell my daughter? I am livid right now!
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Posted 1/24/14 12:06 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
That is not right what she did, but I wouldn't bail on your sisters wedding. I would explain to your daughter in very gentle terms that her aunt had made a mistake and they weren't allowed to have children in the wedding now. It is a cruel thing she has done.
I'm confused if it is your sister getting married how come your mom would watch the kids - shouldn't she be at your sisters wedding. I would try and find someone to watch the kids for the day so you can enjoy it with your dh.
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| Posted 1/24/14 12:11 AM |
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MrsSpring
I'm a lucky mama
Member since 1/10 7585 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Does she mean she will still have your kids in the wedding party during the ceremony but after they don't stay for the reception?
I understand it would be too much if they invited every kid but I think just having your kids at the ceremony and maybe cocktail hour wouldn't be that big deal. Would that be an option? Then your mom could get them.
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| Posted 1/24/14 4:46 AM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by MrsSpring
Does she mean she will still have your kids in the wedding party during the ceremony but after they don't stay for the reception?
I understand it would be too much if they invited every kid but I think just having your kids at the ceremony and maybe cocktail hour wouldn't be that big deal. Would that be an option? Then your mom could get them.
This. I had my then 3 1/2 year old niece in my wedding as the flower girl. I could never imagine not. Our wedding was a Saturday night and didn't start until 8pm. It was such a long day for her with pictures, etc. She changed into pjs after the ceremony and stayed for another few minutes during the cocktail hour and then someone came to get her so she could go to bed. We didn't invite any kids to our wedding but having m niece I the cermemony was completely diff.
I would be pissed too....especially since she's bit willing to tell her she can't be in it. What's the big deal if she just has your kids in the ceremony and then they leave.
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| Posted 1/24/14 6:45 AM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
I had no idea where your post was heading and that was the LAST thing I thought you were going to say. I am livid for you and your kids. As a mother YOU should tell your kids??? No. As a mother you should tell them that their will always be a-holes out there and this is one. I could not go through with being in her party, NO WAY!!!! I would go without dh to wedding and he babysit and be one. What a sh!tty thing to do to your family.
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| Posted 1/24/14 7:00 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by MrsO
That is not right what she did, but I wouldn't bail on your sisters wedding. I would explain to your daughter in very gentle terms that her aunt had made a mistake and they weren't allowed to have children in the wedding now. It is a cruel thing she has done.
I'm confused if it is your sister getting married how come your mom would watch the kids - shouldn't she be at your sisters wedding. I would try and find someone to watch the kids for the day so you can enjoy it with your dh.
As she stated in the post, they have different mothers.
She sounds like a brat, and I would be fuming mad. What a rotten thing to do to a child!
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| Posted 1/24/14 7:06 AM |
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iluvmynutty
Mom to E&M
Member since 12/08 1762 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
What if they just participate in the ceremony as the flower girl and ring bearer then went home before the reception? This way the can still be in some of the pictures, feel like they participted in the wedding and the wedding can still be pretty much child free.
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| Posted 1/24/14 7:14 AM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by iluvmynutty
What if they just participate in the ceremony as the flower girl and ring bearer then went home before the reception? This way the can still be in some of the pictures, feel like they participted in the wedding and the wedding can still be pretty much child free.
I think this is a GREAT idea!!!! Maybe bring that up to her. I think it is up to HER to tell your daughter, not you
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| Posted 1/24/14 7:20 AM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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I am so fing mad right now
Wow. What a ****** thing to do. I understand not wanting kids at the reception but to cut them out completely and to not invite you shopping bc are pregnant is effed up. I'm sorry you are going through this. People can be such douches.
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| Posted 1/24/14 7:33 AM |
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babyface10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/11 804 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by Diane
Posted by iluvmynutty
What if they just participate in the ceremony as the flower girl and ring bearer then went home before the reception? This way the can still be in some of the pictures, feel like they participted in the wedding and the wedding can still be pretty much child free.
I think this is a GREAT idea!!!! Maybe bring that up to her. I think it is up to HER to tell your daughter, not you
This. I had my little cousins in the BP. They were there for the getting ready the pictures the church and then their mom took them for food before the cocktail hour and they were then picked up and she could enjoy the night.
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| Posted 1/24/14 7:34 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by Diane
Posted by iluvmynutty
What if they just participate in the ceremony as the flower girl and ring bearer then went home before the reception? This way the can still be in some of the pictures, feel like they participted in the wedding and the wedding can still be pretty much child free.
I think this is a GREAT idea!!!! Maybe bring that up to her. I think it is up to HER to tell your daughter, not you
I agree. Brides get very self centered. Tell her that your girl talks about it all the time & sees herself as cinderella. Maybe she can still see herself in the picture.
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| Posted 1/24/14 7:43 AM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
I would talk to her again. Like somebody else said.... See if you compromise since she already asked your kids to be in the wedding. maybe your kids can still be in the wedding ceremony, and just not stay for the reception ( or maybe get them something to eat at the cocktail hour and then take them home). I think this would be perfect because the wedding would still be child free for the most part, but your daughter can still wear her pretty dress and be involved. Unless- are their other kids in the family that would expect to be in the wedding, too?? Maybe your sister doesn't want like 6 flower girls? Either way, what she did wasn't right  This is why you always wait before you ask anybody to be in the wedding.
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| Posted 1/24/14 8:24 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
I would be beyond pissed! I also think that having a wedding child-free is fine, but I think it's sh1tty that she decided that after asking your dd. our wedding was child-free with the exception of the flower girl and ring bearer. No one had an issue with that.
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| Posted 1/24/14 8:28 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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I am so fing mad right now
I get being mad but whether you tell your daughter or she does you as a mom will have to handle the fall out. If she is goign to be upset you are still the one that will have to deal with the emotions so I would just tell her.
And IMO because you are upset about the flower girl issues you are letting it spill into the rest of the wedding. Who cares if she doesn't have anything booked. That is her issue not yours. And honestly I wouldn't pick a PG BM to try on dresses because it will not give an accurate picture of what a dress would look on anyone else.
In the end its your sister and is it worth causing WWIII over this? IMO its not.
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| Posted 1/24/14 8:44 AM |
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Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by alli3131
I get being mad but whether you tell your daughter or she does you as a mom will have to handle the fall out. If she is goign to be upset you are still the one that will have to deal with the emotions so I would just tell her.
And IMO because you are upset about the flower girl issues you are letting it spill into the rest of the wedding. Who cares if she doesn't have anything booked. That is her issue not yours. And honestly I wouldn't pick a PG BM to try on dresses because it will not give an accurate picture of what a dress would look on anyone else.
In the end its your sister and is it worth causing WWIII over this? IMO its not.
I agree completely! I would not bail out of my sisters wedding over this. You would regret it in the future. In the end, the kids will be momentarily disappointed but they will get over it as kids always do. I definitely don't think this is worth ruining a relationship over it.
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| Posted 1/24/14 8:57 AM |
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Waste06
Waste not, want not
Member since 6/06 7219 total posts
Name:
Lois Mom Mommy Mama Ma
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Bring your daughter as your +1.
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| Posted 1/24/14 10:02 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by alli3131
I get being mad but whether you tell your daughter or she does you as a mom will have to handle the fall out. If she is goign to be upset you are still the one that will have to deal with the emotions so I would just tell her.
And IMO because you are upset about the flower girl issues you are letting it spill into the rest of the wedding. Who cares if she doesn't have anything booked. That is her issue not yours. And honestly I wouldn't pick a PG BM to try on dresses because it will not give an accurate picture of what a dress would look on anyone else.
In the end its your sister and is it worth causing WWIII over this? IMO its not.
So what if she is PG, she should still be part of the "fun" of trying on dresses. Completely rude to exclude her sister.
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| Posted 1/24/14 10:05 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by alli3131
I get being mad but whether you tell your daughter or she does you as a mom will have to handle the fall out. If she is goign to be upset you are still the one that will have to deal with the emotions so I would just tell her.
And IMO because you are upset about the flower girl issues you are letting it spill into the rest of the wedding. Who cares if she doesn't have anything booked. That is her issue not yours. And honestly I wouldn't pick a PG BM to try on dresses because it will not give an accurate picture of what a dress would look on anyone else.
In the end its your sister and is it worth causing WWIII over this? IMO its not.
So what if she is PG, she should still be part of the "fun" of trying on dresses. Completely rude to exclude her sister.
I never included any of my BP. Its not needed to take the whole gang. IMO its not a big enough deal to quit the weeding and make WWIII.
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| Posted 1/24/14 10:14 AM |
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HeyJude
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 820 total posts
Name:
p
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Message edited 4/25/2014 8:59:33 AM.
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| Posted 1/24/14 10:20 AM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
Posted by MrsSpring
Does she mean she will still have your kids in the wedding party during the ceremony but after they don't stay for the reception?
I understand it would be too much if they invited every kid but I think just having your kids at the ceremony and maybe cocktail hour wouldn't be that big deal. Would that be an option? Then your mom could get them.
This. I had my then 3 1/2 year old niece in my wedding as the flower girl. I could never imagine not. Our wedding was a Saturday night and didn't start until 8pm. It was such a long day for her with pictures, etc. She changed into pjs after the ceremony and stayed for another few minutes during the cocktail hour and then someone came to get her so she could go to bed. We didn't invite any kids to our wedding but having m niece I the cermemony was completely diff.
I would be pissed too....especially since she's bit willing to tell her she can't be in it. What's the big deal if she just has your kids in the ceremony and then they leave.
Me word for word.
Long day for my 4yo niece. I got lots of toys to occupie her. Gave her a bitty baby American doll as her gift. Once she got dressed this girl was magical. But I had a LOT to occupie her during the day (and so did mom)
She went dressed to the CH and changed to PJ's for the reception. I did not invite children to the wedding, however I would NEVER tell my siblings that the kids could not come. I recognized the HUGE burden that would cause them. And I had a babysitter with a separate room at the venue to watch the 4 kids anyway.
I didn't want children at the wedding...a LOT of kids. But I WANTED my nieces and nephews there. Not only because I just wanted them there, but because it would be a burden to my siblings to figure out what to do with them.
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| Posted 1/24/14 10:22 AM |
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buttercup
St. Jude pray for us...
Member since 1/11 2951 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
I think its totally messed up and I'm sure your sister is a great person, when the Bride is in bride mode, nothing can deter her, so I think maybe you should break to your DD on your terms, in a gentle way. Maybe your sister can reconsider having her nieces and nephews there..pose it to her like this, right now you don't want them there because they are small children but 10 years, 15 years or even 5 years down the line, when you look at those pictures, how would you feel not having them there when they were that little, to share one of the most special days? I think she will get it. Don't miss your sister's wedding..and hopefully you both can come to an agreement.
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| Posted 1/24/14 10:37 AM |
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AllyMally
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/13 881 total posts
Name:
Alyson
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I am so fing mad right now
I did ask why they wouldn't just have the kids in the wedding and then they could go home. Besides my daughter and son their other 2 god children were in the wedding and have been taken out as well. There will be no one under 18 allowed. I am so mad for the other 2 because they are 11 and 12 and are just devestated.
She is my step sister so we have different Mom's. Our parents married when she was 5 and I was 10 so for over 20 years she has been my little sister. The god mother to my son and the MOH in my wedding. Yes I am 25wks pg and no I didn't want to try on dresses, but to at least get an opinion would be nice or heck to see her try dresses on! Every.single.person. was invited but me. It's just horse shitt. I am beyond hurt.
I know it shouldn't matter in the end what is done or not done, but the underlying issue is she is a princess and has a budget. My fear, as is my parents, is that she will buy everything and pick everything out and not be able to afford a minister or wedding site since she wants it at a catholic church that is so expensive it makes my head hurt. This wedding is turning into such a cluster already. The shower we are planning is so big! I offered to have it at my church since they will give me the auditorium for free and with my MOm's help and some others we could do all the food. I dabble in catering. She threw a fit because it has to be at this certain place. We're talking $1000 for all we want to do vs almost $3000 for her choice. Not a chance and she is now refusing to go to her shower. Then there is the bachlorette party. She wants Vegas. Myself and 3 other bm's said we just can't afford that nor can we leave our kids since my new son will be roughly 4 months old and they also have young kids. She now doesn't want anything.
It's just all this me me me stuff and while I do understand that it's just beyond realistic at this point. I want to be a part of it, but not at the expensive of our relationship ending because of the crapp happening!
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| Posted 1/24/14 2:55 PM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Holy cow, what a spoiled brat your step-sis is.
Seriously at this point, I would just want to be a guest and not a part of the wedding.
Easier to skip out when you have to, to be with your children.
Less stress for you also.
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| Posted 1/24/14 3:03 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
Oh come on !! Anyone w/ a brain knows you can't ask a 4 year old girl to be a flower girl and then change your mind !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could understand not having your kids at the wedding at all, IF that was her decision from the beginning, OR she hadn't talked to the kids about the wedding yet - but you can't tell a little girl she's going to get all dressed up like a princess and then turn around and say "nah, changed my mind"
Is there any way she can just go to Church?
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| Posted 1/24/14 3:09 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am so fing mad right now
I'm not going to get into the details of my lunatic sister and the entire mess that was her wedding from the planning to the a$$ she married. Too long of a story. But like you, she pi$$sed me off beyond belief over quite a few things so I walked away from ALL of it. I attended her wedding, against my better judgement, but I bailed on EVERYTHING else.
I backed out of her BP, I didn't help her look for dresses for herself or anyone else, my DD wasn't in the wedding, I planned nothing, did nothing, and 4 years later.........I don't regret any of it. At the time, she deserved nothing from me.
My advice, back out of all of it, go as a guest and nothing more and leave everything else to her and her bridal party. It's not worth your aggravation. What she did was very hurtful and I don't blame you for being upset. 
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| Posted 1/24/14 3:16 PM |
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