How would you feel about this?

I'm Jewish, though in fairness I am definitely not very religious. I do, however celebrate all of the holidays and explain to my children what we are celebrating/the meaning of holidays. My DH is catholic, though he is not religious at all either.
Tonight was the first night of Hanukkah and I had to work until 7:30. The kids knew they would have to wait until I got home to light the menorah and get their gifts. But I felt bad that I was going to be late, so I made it a point to make them Hanukkah cookies earlier in the day.
My MIL watches them in the afternoon and feeds them dinner, DH gets home around 7:00. I explained to her that it was the first night of Hanukkah and they could each have one star and one dreidel cookie after dinner.
It turns out that my FIL was also over in the evening and brought the kids chocolate chip cookies. They gave my kids the chocolate chip cookies instead of the Hanukkah cookies I specifically baked for them. I was really annoyed when I heard this and I honestly feel it's pretty disrespectful. I know I'm not going to say anything, because really, what's the point. But I'm just wondering if I'm crazy here. How would you feel?

Re: How would you feel about this?

I would certainly be disappointed . I do think you FIL is just clueless and meant no harm. Is it too late to let the kids have two desserts since it is a special occasion ?

Re: How would you feel about this?

I suppose it depends on how your in laws usually are. is there any history of awkwardness or resentment towards your religion? Or is this just your fil stopping at a bakery for the kids and getting so excited to spoil them with the bought trest that yours was unintentionally minimized? My inlaws always forget any detail I tell them when they watch my dd. I suppose it is hard to tell whether you are looking I to things too much without knowing your in laws.

How would you feel about this?

That wouldn't bother me- I would just give them the cookies for dessert tomorrow night. Not much bothers me though.

Re: How would you feel about this?

My in laws are great people, they mean well. But they often undermine things. It's not directed necessarily at my religion, it's just that they're not very considerate in general.

Re: How would you feel about this?

I'd be very upset. But I could see them thinking... they'll get your cookies later or tomorrow... and they felt like their cookies would go to waste

Re: How would you feel about this?

You have a right to feel sad and disrespected - heck I would be miffed if I made homemade cookies anytime of the year and someone substituted entemans!! Happy Hannukah

Re: How would you feel about this?

I can absolutely see why you were upset...
But I really don't think your FIL was doing anything intentionally malignant.
I'd explain to them the fact that you really wanted their special treat to be those cookies you baked them for Hanukkah.

How would you feel about this?

It's a cookie. Not worth it in the big picture.

Re: How would you feel about this?

Yes, I'd be annoyed. You did it bc of the holidays so you wanted them to have a little something that has to do with your holiday you celebrate. I don't think your FIL did it to spite you or anything unless he has an issue with your religion and has said something in the past. THen I'd think he did it on purpose. If he's just flaky and nothing to do with the holiday I'd be annoyed and maybe say something to them that you're a little hurt bc you wanted the kids to have the homemade Hanukkah cookies.
After that I'd let it go, complain to DH and add it to the list of things they've done and we laugh at.



Happy Hanukkah!

Message edited 12/17/2014 7:46:51 AM.

Re: How would you feel about this?

In my family, DC included, would interpret your meaning as "we can have one star cookie and one dreidel cookie".... as well as a couple of choc. chip cookies. DC are very good at looking for semantics and loopholes in everything....

Re: How would you feel about this?

Posted by GoldenRod

In my family, DC included, would interpret your meaning as "we can have one star cookie and one dreidel cookie".... as well as a couple of choc. chip cookies. DC are very good at looking for semantics and loopholes in everything....

Re: How would you feel about this?

i would be slightly annoyed, but i would look at it as an opportunity.

so they have choc. chip cookies after dinner. nothing special, just a part of their routine.

but then you get home, light the candles, open gifts, and have special Hannukah cookies. You do this each year on the first day, and it becomes a tradition. now your cookies are not just cookies but a special memory you get to share with your kids, and maybe someday your grandkids as well.

and choc. chip cookies? eh, an everyday snack and won't be remembered when the kids are all grown up.


happy hannukah!

Re: How would you feel about this?

I think it would only bother me if I had other, underlying issues with my in-laws. Otherwise, who cares. Give them the dreidel and star cookies on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th....nights!

Re: How would you feel about this?

Re: How would you feel about this?

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she thought you could give the Hanukkah cookies to them another night since there are 8 nights to celebrate.

I'm not going to lie, I'd be a little pissed even still.

Re: How would you feel about this?

Yes, I would be annoyed. Your MIL knew that you baked cookies for the boys and then you specifically named the cookies you wanted them to have. For them to completely disregard that is disrespectful. To replace special Hanukkah cookies on the first night of Hanukkah with chocolate chip cookies simply because they felt like it is rude. Honestly, I'm annoyed for you! Sorry they did that to you and I'm really sorry if that's how they usually treat you.

How would you feel about this?

It is just cookies so it's not so bad. But, I would be annoyed that I tried to do something special and it didn't happen, and that MIL didn't listen.