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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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How to respond to comments....
If someone constantly (1 - 2 times per week at least) said to you: "You won't understand until you have children of your own" how would you react? This person is not aware that you are TTC just yet, but knows that you would like to have children in the near future. I need a good line to get her to stop saying it because it really gets me upset since i want nothing more than to have children of my own!
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Posted 3/30/07 10:47 AM  |
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secretly-ttc
LIF Infant
Member since 1/07 121 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
I have a coworker that says that to me all the time! I usually just  and say 'I guess I won't understand' and walk away. When I really just wanna scream at her that Im trying to have children of my own and it's not easy for me and then someday I will understand!!
I'm not really much help, but I understand how hurtful and frustrating it is to hear that all the time.
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| Posted 3/30/07 11:04 AM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Since TTC, it is a kick in the gut every time someone says that. The "You are not a parent" thing doesn't make me any less aware of human behavior. I may not yet know the selflessness of parenting yet, but I would love to.
Message edited 3/30/2007 1:30:13 PM.
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| Posted 3/30/07 11:05 AM |
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octoberbride
Big sister to be!
Member since 11/05 2174 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
It's hard dealing with other peoples comments. I keep on getting "are you pregnant??", everytime I say "I have a dr appt", or that I am tired. Maybe if I say - no, but I just had a miscarriage, so thanks for the reminder - that will shut them up.
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| Posted 3/30/07 11:28 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by secretly-ttc
I have a coworker that says that to me all the time! I usually just and say 'I guess I won't understand' and walk away. When I really just wanna scream at her that Im trying to have children of my own and it's not easy for me and then someday I will understand!!
I'm not really much help, but I understand how hurtful and frustrating it is to hear that all the time.
I think i am going to start responding with that - just a simple "yeah you are right, I guess I cant understand." and just walk away. the problem is - with this person she will not get it.
the one time she actually saw me get upset, she called me later on to apologize, however she completely missed the mark on what had upset me and apologized for something so ridiculous.
I just want to get it thru her thick skull that saying that is SO INSENSITIVE. and as you said Lesli, I understand human behavior. I do have a mother of my own and i see how much she loves me and worries about me.
I just hope that i never made any comments that were so insensitive to people TTC. Although some of this is just common sense to me.
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| Posted 3/30/07 11:35 AM |
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secretly-ttc
LIF Infant
Member since 1/07 121 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by lululu
Posted by secretly-ttc
I have a coworker that says that to me all the time! I usually just and say 'I guess I won't understand' and walk away. When I really just wanna scream at her that Im trying to have children of my own and it's not easy for me and then someday I will understand!!
I'm not really much help, but I understand how hurtful and frustrating it is to hear that all the time.
I think i am going to start responding with that - just a simple "yeah you are right, I guess I cant understand." and just walk away. the problem is - with this person she will not get it.
the one time she actually saw me get upset, she called me later on to apologize, however she completely missed the mark on what had upset me and apologized for something so ridiculous.
I just want to get it thru her thick skull that saying that is SO INSENSITIVE. and as you said Lesli, I understand human behavior. I do have a mother of my own and i see how much she loves me and worries about me.
I just hope that i never made any comments that were so insensitive to people TTC. Although some of this is just common sense to me.
It has gotten very hard for me to walk away from my coworker because she doesn't get it either but I feel it's better than making a problem. I try my hardest not to let it bother me. And like you and Lesli said, you understand that mothers worry and love their children. The way this woman puts things like this to me is very condescending and shes talking to me like I'm an idiot. I hate that.
I wish I had a good one-liner for her just to shut her up!
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| Posted 3/30/07 12:13 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by secretly-ttc
It has gotten very hard for me to walk away from my coworker because she doesn't get it either but I feel it's better than making a problem. I try my hardest not to let it bother me. And like you and Lesli said, you understand that mothers worry and love their children. The way this woman puts things like this to me is very condescending and shes talking to me like I'm an idiot. I hate that.
I wish I had a good one-liner for her just to shut her up!
That is exactly how it is for me too - so condescending! If you come up with a one liner - please share it - because i would love to have a snappy comeback!
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| Posted 3/30/07 12:21 PM |
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secretly-ttc
LIF Infant
Member since 1/07 121 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by lululu
If you come up with a one liner - please share it - because i would love to have a snappy comeback!
Will do!
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| Posted 3/30/07 12:24 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9537 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by lululu
If someone constantly (1 - 2 times per week at least) said to you: "You won't understand until you have children of your own" how would you react? This person is not aware that you are TTC just yet, but knows that you would like to have children in the near future. I need a good line to get her to stop saying it because it really gets me upset since i want nothing more than to have children of my own!
My reaction would seriously depend on how obnoxious I wanted to be (translation: how annoyed I was at the moment I opened my mouth to respond). At the moment since I just found out there is an office pool going as to when I am going to announce I'm PG I am feeling particularly obnoxious, so I might say something like . . . . . .
1. What makes you think I want to understand?
2. Why should I bother when I have you around to explain it all to me whenever I don't ask?
OR
3. Why don't you just shut up already? Your comment is highly insensitive and I've had just about enough. (this is the most likely thing to come out of my mouth - I have already said "oh geez, why on earth do people ask newlyweds when you're going to get pregnant?" and "it's none of your business" and "just because you pop them out like rabbits doesn't mean it is so easy for the rest of us" and "do you realize how obnoxious that question is")
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| Posted 3/30/07 12:27 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: How to respond to comments....
My SIL said this to me a couple times while on vacation, 3 DAYS after I had a D&C, which she knew about.
I would have loved to tell her this:
Someday you may understand to be more sensitive when your attempt to have another child ends in miscarriage.
AND it took her 8 months to conceive....***
Message edited 3/30/2007 12:53:24 PM.
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| Posted 3/30/07 12:49 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: How to respond to comments....
In the mood I've been lately, I think I would have the perfect one-liner:
F&*(*(&@ YOU
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| Posted 3/30/07 1:13 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by DancinBarefoot
Posted by lululu
If someone constantly (1 - 2 times per week at least) said to you: "You won't understand until you have children of your own" how would you react? This person is not aware that you are TTC just yet, but knows that you would like to have children in the near future. I need a good line to get her to stop saying it because it really gets me upset since i want nothing more than to have children of my own!
My reaction would seriously depend on how obnoxious I wanted to be (translation: how annoyed I was at the moment I opened my mouth to respond). At the moment since I just found out there is an office pool going as to when I am going to announce I'm PG I am feeling particularly obnoxious, so I might say something like . . . . . .
1. What makes you think I want to understand?
2. Why should I bother when I have you around to explain it all to me whenever I don't ask?
OR
3. Why don't you just shut up already? Your comment is highly insensitive and I've had just about enough. (this is the most likely thing to come out of my mouth - I have already said "oh geez, why on earth do people ask newlyweds when you're going to get pregnant?" and "it's none of your business" and "just because you pop them out like rabbits doesn't mean it is so easy for the rest of us" and "do you realize how obnoxious that question is")
I LOVE ALL OF THEM!
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| Posted 3/30/07 1:18 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by curliegirl
My SIL said this to me a couple times while on vacation, 3 DAYS after I had a D&C, which she knew about.
I would have loved to tell her this:
Someday you may understand to be more sensitive when your attempt to have another child ends in miscarriage.
AND it took her 8 months to conceive....***
Seriously - what is wrong with people?
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| Posted 3/30/07 1:19 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: How to respond to comments....
This is usually what I say when being told I am not an expert because I did not experience something myself.
"Do you think oncologists should have cancer to treat cancer patients?"
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| Posted 3/30/07 1:19 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9537 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by smdl
This is usually what I say when being told I am not an expert because I did not experience something myself.
"Do you think oncologists should have cancer to treat cancer patients?"
Great comeback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 3/30/07 1:24 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by DancinBarefoot
My reaction would seriously depend on how obnoxious I wanted to be (translation: how annoyed I was at the moment I opened my mouth to respond). At the moment since I just found out there is an office pool going as to when I am going to announce I'm PG I am feeling particularly obnoxious, so I might say something like . . . . . .
1. What makes you think I want to understand?
2. Why should I bother when I have you around to explain it all to me whenever I don't ask?
OR
3. Why don't you just shut up already? Your comment is highly insensitive and I've had just about enough. (this is the most likely thing to come out of my mouth - I have already said "oh geez, why on earth do people ask newlyweds when you're going to get pregnant?" and "it's none of your business" and "just because you pop them out like rabbits doesn't mean it is so easy for the rest of us" and "do you realize how obnoxious that question is")
I dont know how you are able to hold it together when an actual pool is being held. I think I would hurt someone or at least go to HR. You have a lot more restraint than I do.
Personally, as an older TTCer, I love the reminders of my age. Thanks, but my ovaries are not prunes yet - I saw the pictures.
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| Posted 3/30/07 2:46 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9537 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by Goldi0218
Posted by DancinBarefoot
At the moment since I just found out there is an office pool going as to when I am going to announce I'm PG I am feeling particularly obnoxious,
I dont know how you are able to hold it together when an actual pool is being held. I think I would hurt someone or at least go to HR. You have a lot more restraint than I do.
What am I going to do?? They're not trying to be malicious, and unlike whoever posted about a baby pool on the PG board it is not posted in the copy room! Frankly, I hope that someone actually wins and I do in fact make said announcement before the end of the year.
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| Posted 3/30/07 4:12 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by DancinBarefoot
Posted by Goldi0218
Posted by DancinBarefoot
At the moment since I just found out there is an office pool going as to when I am going to announce I'm PG I am feeling particularly obnoxious,
I dont know how you are able to hold it together when an actual pool is being held. I think I would hurt someone or at least go to HR. You have a lot more restraint than I do.
What am I going to do?? They're not trying to be malicious, and unlike whoever posted about a baby pool on the PG board it is not posted in the copy room! Frankly, I hope that someone actually wins and I do in fact make said announcement before the end of the year.
Of course!
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| Posted 3/30/07 4:41 PM |
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Re: How to respond to comments....
As someone who has worked with special needs children for years, and have been given the job of doing "parent training" I have gotten comments like that for years. What could I know, I'm not a parent, or when I'm a parent, I will understand...
I would try to respond as nicely as possible - that I am in a position where I am able to give an unbiased view of the situation, and have stated on many occasions that there are many parents out there who are completely clueless and have no understanding - so being a parent isnt a ticket to suddenly "get it"
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| Posted 3/30/07 5:31 PM |
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newmom
LIF Infant
Member since 3/06 142 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
I really think I would say "Oh God! ENOUGH with that already!"
Message edited 3/31/2007 4:01:11 AM.
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| Posted 3/31/07 4:00 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Well she actually did it again yesterday, going on and on about it. But for once she wasnt doing it in a condescending way so i was able to say back - yes, i really hope that i will be able to understand, but for some people it's not always as easy as just deciding to have kid's and having them. So now she thinks that we are having problems TTC which is fine by me because I think this will get her off my back. I think that you ladies all gave me the courage to say something back. SO THANK YOU!!!!!
Who knows - this may only work for a day though.....
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| Posted 3/31/07 8:15 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by lululu
Well she actually did it again yesterday, going on and on about it. But for once she wasnt doing it in a condescending way so i was able to say back - yes, i really hope that i will be able to understand, but for some people it's not always as easy as just deciding to have kid's and having them. So now she thinks that we are having problems TTC which is fine by me because I think this will get her off my back. I think that you ladies all gave me the courage to say something back. SO THANK YOU!!!!!
Who knows - this may only work for a day though.....
good for you!!! 
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| Posted 3/31/07 8:53 AM |
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Alli06
Baby #3 coming this June
Member since 8/05 6721 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: How to respond to comments....
My DH is a teacher and one of the women teachers told him that " The only good teachers, are teachers with kids of their own". I think that is the most ridiculous comment!!!
People can be very rude and stupid!
I am glad you stood up for yourself!
Message edited 3/31/2007 11:46:20 PM.
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| Posted 3/31/07 11:42 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: How to respond to comments....
Posted by Alli06
My DH is a teacher and one of the women teachers told him that " The only good teachers, are teachers with kids of their own". I think that is the most ridiculous comment!!!
People can be very rude and stupid!
I am glad you stood up for yourself!
I CANNOT believe someone would actually say that and mean it! 
People can be extremely rude and stupid...What's worse is that she IS a parent! 
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| Posted 4/1/07 11:32 AM |
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Re: How to respond to comments....
I FMd lululu with this as an answer, but figured I would share with you all -
How about, "having kids doesn't make you an expert on common sense!"
OR, "Oh yes, you are right, only geniuses have children - I forgot!"
I mean, for real - how many stupid people do you know have kids? Its frightening!
Message edited 4/1/2007 7:28:16 PM.
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| Posted 4/1/07 7:27 PM |
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