How involved is DH?

Last month, I told DH everything. When I was POAS to test for O, what pains I felt, what the CM was like, every little symptom, every little twinge. Around O time, he got really stressed and couldn't..... ahem...... finish He said that it was too much pressure and I shouldn't have told him anything.

This month, I am keeping my mouth shut about everything. He doesn't know it, but he will be away during O this month. I'm not telling him that, either.

I feel like everything is on me - my responsibility. He just gets to have lots of sex without the stress.

It's not fair, but if he's stressed, he freaks out.

Re: How involved is DH?

oh sweety - we have ALL been there.... I stopped telling dave all that stuff around month 3 of trying...because like you said - it became too much 'pressure to finish' for him....

he always 'knew' but the fact that i wasn't like, 'let's go - i'm o'ing' helped him mentally...

it is just as hard on them as it is on us....month after month of NOT being able to give your wife the thing she wants most in the world....

Re: How involved is DH?

Posted by davenjess

oh sweety - we have ALL been there.... I stopped telling dave all that stuff around month 3 of trying...because like you said - it became too much 'pressure to finish' for him....

he always 'knew' but the fact that i wasn't like, 'let's go - i'm o'ing' helped him mentally...

it is just as hard on them as it is on us....month after month of NOT being able to give your wife the thing she wants most in the world....

Re: How involved is DH?

you know what - they really just don't "get it" like we do. They aren't going through all of the motions that we are.

I try to talk about CM to my husband - and he looks at me as if I have 35 heads.

He knows the schedule that we are on - and he knows he must be ready and willing when I say so. That's about all the info he gets nowadays!

Re: How involved is DH?

Posted by Diana1215

...and he knows he must be ready and willing when I say so. That's about all the info he gets nowadays!

Re: How involved is DH?

Posted by Diana1215

you know what - they really just don't "get it" like we do. They aren't going through all of the motions that we are.

I try to talk about CM to my husband - and he looks at me as if I have 35 heads.

He knows the schedule that we are on - and he knows he must be ready and willing when I say so. That's about all the info he gets nowadays!

Re: How involved is DH?

Posted by davenjess



while they aren't going through our hormonal issues, they have their own things going on in their head....which directly affects their OTHER head...if you get my drift.

Re: How involved is DH?

Re: How involved is DH?

Re: How involved is DH?

My DH feels no pressure at all.. which is actuall annoying me!!! He's just whatever happens happens. He feels it will happen and has no worries about it at all. He never asks..did you test..it's like he just doesn't get it that it could take A LONG TIME!!
Not sure which I'd rather...dh feeling too much pressure or not at all!!

Re: How involved is DH?

Posted by scarletbegonia

Posted by davenjess

They DO get it....they get it and put so much pressure on themselves that they have their OWN issues.... Dave wasn't able to 'finish' all the time - because he was like, THIS IS IMPORTANT over and over in his head....

This was how DH was last month. He was SO upset with himself that he was in a funk for a few days.

This $h!t isn't easy on anyone.

Re: How involved is DH?

Posted by davenjess

Posted by scarletbegonia

Posted by davenjess

They DO get it....they get it and put so much pressure on themselves that they have their OWN issues.... Dave wasn't able to 'finish' all the time - because he was like, THIS IS IMPORTANT over and over in his head....

This was how DH was last month. He was SO upset with himself that he was in a funk for a few days.

This $h!t isn't easy on anyone.

that's EXACTLY what i'm saying! Then he beats himself up over it for a day or so and that's another wasted night....and if it's during O time...that makes it worse for US...and it's a terrible cycle...

that's why i stopped telling him and started bd'ing about a week before and kept going for about a week after...so he had no idea 'when' it was....

Re: How involved is DH?

the first time you 'keep it from him' - you'll notice it's different for him and you'll be able to do it MUCH easier....

Re: How involved is DH?

Jess - I don't think my DH gets it yet. LOL. I can see how other guys do - but I don't think he's there just yet. He def. wants more kids - but since we have our DS - I feel like he feels that I should kind of just be grateful for that - and it will happen when it happens.

He doesn't really understand the time constraint that I feel we are under - since he's not the one who's going to be home with two kids after major surgery.

I'm not saying he doesn't want this the same way I do - but I don't think he feels the urgency of it just yet. In his mind last month was only our first month of trying - since it was the first month using the OPKs.

Re: How involved is DH?

Re: How involved is DH?

I am in the same boat... hubby gets it to a degree but I am definietly stressing him out too much. To the point where he is having difficulty "finishing" (TMI) as well. I say each month that I won't do it to him, but it is too hard to keep it all in to myself- KWIM?

Message edited 11/18/2008 11:14:04 AM.

Re: How involved is DH?

My DH was always very involved. Whether I told him when I was Oing or not, he'd ALWAYS know... that part didn't really make a difference for us. To be honest, we really never have sex 3 days in a row BEFORE TTC, so he'd always know that I was Oing just based on that.

Now that we're not trying on our own, he's still very invovled. He comes to important RE appointments... calls after my bloodwork and sonos to see how things are progressing, etc.

Re: How involved is DH?

DH is now involved.. he wasnt before, he couldnt finish either...

but now that we talk about it more and say we need to have fun with it.. not BD so late at night, its all fine.. but some days BDing does feel like a chore.. but he will always finish..

Re: How involved is DH?

I don't think DH wants to hear about CM.


I tell him "next week is the week", to give him time to clear the work schedule to make sure he is home. That's about it.


I dont tell him everytime I test either.
I'll tell him once it's day before AF time when the test is negative.

Re: How involved is DH?

he is very involved but I don't think he's pressured by it - he's more of a whatever happens happens kind of guy and that drives me bonk bonk

Re: How involved is DH?

Posted by scarletbegonia


I feel like everything is on me - my responsibility. He just gets to have lots of sex without the stress.

It's not fair, but if he's stressed, he freaks out.

Re: How involved is DH?

I am careful what I tell him. I like to obsess over things & DH does not so I try not to overwhelm him with details.
But when I asked him to come home from work early to come to my RS appt, he said yes without hesitation so I was glad.

Re: How involved is DH?

he pretty much just shows up to the event.

The reason #1 is here is because dr told Leo not to hold off on making babies. We got pregnant on the first try and figured dr was being too overly cautious.

I know its in the back of Leo's mind that there is going to be an issue, and its going to be him.

So, as far as he knows, I have just been really attracted to him, more sex is happening and when AF comes I say maybe next month.

He has no idea I pee on sticks or anything like that.

The result: my pre-baby sex life is back. Its fun and not a mission. Its better then pre-martial since its unprotected

once I start clueing him in, its going to turn into a chore and a let down each month.

Re: How involved is DH?

Very involved, we are a team so we go through everything together.

We try to keep things light, saw too many marriages fall apart when one half pushed the other too far when ttc.

I'd rather have no children than lose him over this.

Re: How involved is DH?

I don't tell DH anything. I told me I could tell him when it's my most fertile week and he'll be glad to bd as much as I want, but if I start following him around with a thermometer he's done! That's what I have you guys for .