How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

DH and I are moving to LI from Queens this summer. We are currently searching for a rental and one of our reasons for moving is to be closer to ILs for when the baby comes (my family lives in a different country). We want to be close but not TOO close. However, MIL will be helping and watching the baby when I go back to work, so we also don't want to make her life too difficult. If you live near any of your parents or your ILs, how far away are you and do you think it is a good distance? Or, a follow up question, what do you think is a good distance from parents (who can be a tad overbearing - i.e. my MIL keeps sending me and DH apartment listings in a town very close to her that we aren't really looking at), but we still get along super well with them and are very close.

I hope this wasn't too confusing. Thanks for any tips!

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

You need a buffer.

Seriously, my parents are about 29 minutes, my il's 10, close, but not close enough for the dreaded pop over. My il's did it once, and dh put a stop to it.

IMO, you need some space, just for your sanity.

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

We live in westchester, ILs (who watch ds) live in the bronx about 25 mins away and dh works in nj. So every day he drops ds off, then goes over the GW for work. When there is bad traffic, it is a nightmare! But on a normal day its not SO bad... Maybe and hour to an hour and 15mins door to door. I would say 30 mins or so is still an acceptable distance. More than that and it could definitely be a strain.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

Thanks! Right now we live about 35 minutes away from Ils. Our favorite apartment so far is 15-20 depending on traffic, but MIL wants us to be 5-10 minutes away. The problem is towns in that distance are quite a bit older demographically, with not as much to do, and also not as many rental units. So the place 15-20 minutes away seems ideal except that DH is giving in to the pressure of his mom a bit and asking me to consider places that I don't really like. Sigh. Too many cooks in the kitchen you know?

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

we live in westchester and my mom lives across the street and the in laws live in Bayside. So without traffic MIL is 25 minutes away and she watches DD two days a week - she comes to us - and its good. I think 20+ minutes is a good distance...

You should do what works for your family and hopefully your MIL will understand.

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

My parents and FIL are about 7 minutes away, MIL is about 2 minutes.y parents watch my DD while I work and it is perfect. They are on my way home from work and it is so convenient. I don't have to go out of my way to pick up or drop off DD, which is something to think about as well.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

my parents: 30-45 minutes
my in-laws: 2.5-3 hours

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

15-20 mins is nothing! I would go with the area you prefer... The ILs will have to get over it!

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

my parents-5 mins
il's-10
perfect

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

Posted by saraH

You need a buffer.

Seriously, my parents are about 29 minutes, my il's 10, close, but not close enough for the dreaded pop over. My il's did it once, and dh put a stop to it.

IMO, you need some space, just for your sanity.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

My parents and inlaws live less than a mile from each other and we live about 5 minutes from both of them...we chose to buy in their town because they are very involved in our kids' lives (babysit them and see them every day or two when they aren't watching them) and we are both very close to our parents. It works for us, but I can see how it could also be too much for people. My parents and my inlaws both seem to understand that we need our space while remaining very close to us...they call before they show up and never really overstep their boundaries.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

Thank you all so much for your replies. My fear is that if we live 5 minutes from my ILs we will have them....but not much else. They are in a very small village with not much happening. Just 15 minutes away, or 15-20 minutes, it is much more bustling and younger. I think it is the right choice for us but because MIL will be watching LO I also don't want to be TOO far. Of course, DH works right by his parents (so do they - it's a family business) so he will be going that way daily anyways, taking the baby shouldn't be much more of a hassle. Ugh. So much to think about.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

I live a few blocks from my parents, 45 mins from my in laws, to me this is ideal

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

200 miles from my parents and 2000 miles from my in laws. I wish everyone was closer

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

2 miles from my parents and 7 blocks from my IL's. Both sets of parents watch our DS and it works out best for us this way. It also helps if there is a last minute need for something, I can just run over to them and drop DS off, or grab a bag of flour since I ran out.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

We are one town over from both my parents and my ILs.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

I think 15-20 mins is perfect. We live 45 mins from my parents and about 1.5 hrs from ILs.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

We are less then 5 minutes from my in laws and about 10 minutes from my parents. It's perfect. We do get random drop ins, but not too often.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

I have both extremes, my parents live in Alaska, my fil lives in Florida, and my mil lives next door.....I really wish they all lived a reasonable distance! next door is a bit much but of course out of state is super hard!

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

We live 5 mins from in laws. I love it and would live closer. They help with our boys and we are all really close
We rarely get pop in visits, but I pop in with the boys unannounced a few times a month.

We are 30 mins from my dad. Would be nice if he was closer.

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

Both my mom and mil live 5 minutes away...it works perfectly for us. My mom watches DS during the week, so I don't have to leave that early to drop him off before catching my bus. My MIL will watch DS on Saturday nights if we want to go out, even if we get home later than we thought we would, she's a five minute drive away from us.

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

We're 40 miles from my ILs and 1500 from my parents. I wish we were closer, it stinks.

If your relying on your ILs to help you I would say 5-10 minutes away is ideal. Personally I wouldn't want to drive 20-30 minutes out of my way and if your ILs are helping you it has to be convenient for them too.

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

We are 25-30 mins from both my mom and my ILs. To me, it's perfect. Close enough, but not too close!

How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

I'm 30mins away from my parents and 5mins away from every. Single. Inlaw! I laid down the everybody loves Raymond rule REAL QUICK though. So we don't get many surprise or frequent visits.

Re: How far do you live from either set of (or single) parents?

We live 25 minutes from both sets of parents. It's a good distance for us.