How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Looking for advice!

I have read "Happiest Toddler on the Block" and I try to use those methods but the 2 major problems are A) I feel like that book assumes that you always KNOW what the child wants and that's not always the case for us and B) I feel like it doesn't give you a good enough strategy for when the child CAN'T have what he is asking for (I tried their "fast food" or whatever way and it worked when I could give him what he wanted, but not when I couldn't).


We had family over yesterday which is kind of rare for us since we live in CA, but my ILs were staying with us and my BIL was staying with my local BIL so there were like 9 people over.

Loey was FLIPPING OUT over the smallest things! It's kind of embarrassing, KWIM? And then he would hit, throw himself on the floor, knock everything off the coffee table, pick up toys and throw them... etc. Sometimes I just don't know how to react!

What do you do during a tantrum?

Sometimes I think I am "too nice" but for example like with yesterday, Loey has been sick and is on medication... plus we moved his crib to our room and then he woke up at 5:30 am (but did take a 3 hour nap). But DH thinks I'm "making excuses" for his behavior.

ALSO - DH is the "yeller" and I'm just not and this becomes something that DH and I will disagree about too... When is yelling appropriate? I only "yell" for dangerous things.

Would love any/all parenting thoughts, ideas, comments, advice... whatever!

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Dev just posted a book about this.. It's called 123 Magic and it's for 2-12 year olds. I'm not sure it's specifically for tantrums though, but discipline in general. Maybe it would help?

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

I ignore him. I wont give him an audience or give attention to his bad behavior. If he throws himself on the floor i leave and he'll get up and follow me and finish screaming there. so i leave the room again. he then gets bored with it and eventually stops. Hes screaming to get a reaction out of me and I wont give him one. Sounds mean but it works for us.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

For tantrums what I GENERALLY do is ignore and redirect. I'll try a few things to get his attention on something I think he'll like (a toy, a game, throwing a ball, putting on Yo Gabba Gabba, stuff like that). When we're out somewhere, I completely remove him from the situation and put on a stern face but otherwise try not to react.

I TRY to yell only in dangerous situations (usually it's him climbing on something high that he's sure to fall off of), but if he gets in something that I've already told him 5 times not to do, I will yell (even though I would love not to, it's just a natural reaction by that point).

My DH puts DS in the play pen/room when he's misbehaving, but I've asked him repeatedly not to because that's his play area, not his punishment area. I started doing time out recently (1 minute) when he won't listen, but I haven't done that for tantrums.

I'm sure someone else will have better ideas too!

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Ooh something else too. Sometimes when he's about to throw one he'll start to cry, stomp his feet and I'll look at him with a super confused expression and say something like "what's wrong? why are you crying?" and it's sometimes enough to get him to chillax for some reason. I'll ask him, what do you want? Mommy help? Where's your XYZ (toy, sippy, whatever)? so that he'll look for it. Seems to work before it gets full blown.

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I have set up the pack and play in the living room so when she is throwing a fit I put her in there until she calms down. DD is a little younger, 17 months, but it gives her something to cry about, to get out and she forgets what she was crying about in the first place. Then I pick her up after a minute and calm her down.

I try to ignore it but it doesn't always work and dh can't ignore it for the life of him.

I want to try that book mentioned above 123 "something" haha can't remember the name

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

I don't really yell (unless it's danger) but I do speak sharply to him.

if he is doing something mean like hitting or swatting he gets a "LUCI_AN- que es eso...deja!" Lucian, what is that! stop doing it"

I will count to three, if he continues, he gets an immediate time out.

in the corner, facing the wall. he tries to escape I put him right back. I count to five...if he calms down he can get out.

he is ususally fine after the time out.

for things like not letting him have something he wants but can't have, I tell him no, explain why...tell him I am sorry he's sad but it's still NO and we move on. if he continues carrying on, I walk away or completely remove myself from his misery. he usually follows suit.

I find that when he is completely amok it is b/c he IS tired. and I really hate to dsicipline him when I know it's most likely my fault he's so tired lol then I'll throw him in the bath and let him mellow out in there...until it's a good time to get him to bed.

bath always works. it just does the trick. warm bath, his favorite toys and some time to just BE.

I HATE yelling. I grew up in a house of yellers and it's my natural instinct but I hate it, so I try to avoid it. and when I do yell, he stops immediately like "whoa...now I know it's bad" yelling too much decreases efficacy. it did for me and it's what I have witnessed with most kids in my family.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

If jack is throwing himself on the floor and crying I walk away and let him work it out. I will not give in to that. usually within 5 min he's back to himself. other times he'll still be crying and coming over to me mad and i have to ignore him. I'll gently push him into his playroom to try to distract him.

when the throwing or hitting starts, in time out he goes. and I have no problem raising my voice. Doesnt have to be yelling, but louder and more stern than normal, and he knows im not joking. when he's in his pack and play for time out, i walk into another room until he's done.

times when he's had metldowns in a store, i've been the mother that carries out the crazy crying kid..lol.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Message edited 10/31/2011 2:18:37 PM.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Thanks everyone!

I have been trying to do time outs - we started them at 12 months! But lately they have not been working as well. He doesn't want to stay there, so I have to physically hold him there and it gets really hard because I'm pregnant and he moves around so much that he will end up accidentally hurting me.

I do my own counting 1-2-3 and it works sometimes also, but not consistently. I tell him a consequence that will come when I get to 3 and I make sure to always follow through. Is that the right way to go about it??

I also try to ignore his tantrums, but sometimes I can't because he will do destructive things - he will hit our dog, throw something that can break, hit me/DH, etc. What do I do in that situation??

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

A child under the age of 2 is not "behaving badly" or "manipulating" IMO.

He/she is a BABY and is reacting to something. Either he/she is tired, hungry, scared, cold, hot, overstimulated, or just plan unhappy. There is no "dealing with" it... you remove the child from the situation, try to calm them down, and move on. Yelling or punishing at that age is a waste of time.

JMHO

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

I agree with you. I feel like DD who is 16 months is just too young to really KNOW what she wants or to be able to express it to me or to be able to understand when I do all those techniques.

I feel like it's just frustration on her part- because she KNOWS what she wants and can't tell us.

I am reading the responses on this thread though to see what everyone else does and what works!
I"ll try anything once!

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

in that specific instance where he is throwing things and being destructive.. I would remove him from the room. close the door but stay in there will him and have him calm down.. when he is calm enough to rejoin the group..then leave the room.. but while in the room let him calm down then explain why he's there..

eta: the granola bar issue.. I agree with Jess...he doesn't get one b/c he hit. when he asks daddy nicely..Please... then he can have one.. and you tell him that... he def has an issue with you vs DH...

Message edited 10/31/2011 2:50:26 PM.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Message edited 10/31/2011 2:53:17 PM.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Hayley, I just wanted to add that I am really super strict about sticking to what I say and what he can and cannot do and it is really HARD sometimes b/c it would be easier to let it slide BUT I feel like he needs to know that I mean what I saw when I say it and that there is NO room for negotiation.

I am a total mushpot sap with him. I snuggle and huggle and kiss him ALL.DAY.LONG...but I hop to and put him right in line when he starts up. It's harder on me I think b/c it is hard to say no and see him cry and be sad. but I do feel like (or at least I hope) that setting these rules as just facts of his life (when mommy says it, she means it, be nice, not listening is automatic "uh-oh") it is my hope that moving forward he will just know what I expect and I won't have to be so quick to discipline him.

my react very swiftly right now with justice, he never gets more than 3 chances (if that).

SO FAR he's really not a terror and although I think it's more his personality than any awesome parenting on my part, he seems to be getting the concept that "mami doesn't play"

it's so hard when they are so lovable and squishy and we just want them to be happy. just remember that you are only helping him by teaching him what not to do.

remember my mantra

No means I love you!

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Message edited 10/31/2011 2:58:32 PM.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Posted by Ophelia

Posted by mommyIam



"You want to go outside? Really? I want to go too!" "But we can't go outside its very cold and you might get sick and hurt, I don't want you to get hurt"

or

"you want to ride that big green garbage truck! wow its great truck! but its not for babies, its for men and ladies, no even mommy can go" ... he always just whine and cries after this "Wow you are really upset that you can't ride it! I know you really want to!" and I don't know why exactly, but its like instant calm after that.

I do this too, but I really think it's just a form of distraction, except you are doing it with your voice. they get so caught up in the description that they kind of get knocked off course...I did it a lot more when he was a young toddler....now I see when he is being more "let's see what mami will do if I do THIS"

it's really an amazing time in their brains...I think they are capable of a lot more naughtly than we give them credit for.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Posted by mommyIam

yeah I'm sure your right, I'm just at the tip of the iceberg now I'm sure.

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?

Re: How do you handle nearly 2-year old tantrums?