Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Age 3.5 through present has been a NIGHTMARE, esp. the last month or two. She's a BEAST. Irrational, moody, saying mean things when she's in meltdown mode....NOT my normally sweet, nice girl.

We just don't know how to best deal with her. We take things away (if it's before bedtime, say no books or stuffed friends in her bed), but nothing works....she doesn't care. Right now I'm listening to the second trantrum of the day....this one's been 30+ minutes right now....screaming, crying, foaming at the mouth practically. Usually she's throwing herself on the floor too.

She was very verbal as a toddler, and we didn't really have to deal with issues like these until the last few months. The strangest/dumbest things set her off (nothing consistent).

We just are at our wit's ends. I've read to ignore them, they'll get bored of not receiving attention....problem is, I don't want my 10-month-old subjected to her We take the baby into another room, but she can still hear.

Help

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

OMG...I just popped online to hide from MY DD's tantrum!

I too am at my wit's end. She turned 4 earlier this month and I thought it was supposed to start getting better. There's no end in sight!! It's exactly as you described--although I'd never have said she was ever "nice and sweet." Her older sister was NOT like this, so I have no frame of reference. (My DH and I often say to ourselves, "Katherine would NEVER have done "x.")

She was out of control yesterday and I gave her one warning and said if you look at me like that one more time, you're not having ice cream at the restaurant. Sure enough. So I told her no ice cream and she looked at me exactly like this and said, "I'm going to the restaurant and I AM having ice cream and YOU'RE not." Yeah, that didn't happen and all hell broke loose. The big problem is that she'll never remember this incident in the future and act accordingly. Sigh.

I have nothing to add and no advice.

Message edited 5/21/2011 4:50:07 PM.

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Posted by Eireann

OMG...I just popped online to hide from MY DD's tantrum!

I too am at my wit's end. She turned 4 earlier this month and I thought it was supposed to start getting better. There's no end in sight!! It's exactly as you described--although I'd never have said she was ever "nice and sweet." Her older sister was NOT like this, so I have no frame of reference. (My DH and I often say to ourselves, "Katherine would NEVER have done "x.")

She was out of control yesterday and I gave her one warning and said if you look at me like that one more time, you're not having ice cream at the restaurant. Sure enough. So I told her no ice cream and she looked at me exactly like this and said, "I'm going to the restaurant and I AM having ice cream and YOU'RE not." Yeah, that didn't happen and all hell broke loose. The big problem is that she'll never remember this incident in the future and act accordingly. Sigh.

I have nothing to add and no advice.

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Wow This is exactly what we are going through with ds! He's been a beast for a long time now and ignoring does not help. I also try to remove him bc I don't want my 2yr old to have to see the drama. I hope there's an end in sight!

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Oh for the love of GOD I'm not going to make it much longer if this doesn't get better at 3.5 to 4 years old!!!!!!!

To be fair, Elizabeth has been getting better lately - just in time for us to move an rock her world all over again - but a week ago she said something that made me really focus on her jealousy towards her little brother, and since then, her tantrums have been milder and not as long lasting... but DH and I finally realized that's at the core of her drama. And Elizabeth absolutely has foamed at the mouth! She turns red in the face and a vein pops out and everything, just like a juiced up college football player hell bent on destruction...

Maybe a little reassurance that mommy still loves the first as much as the second? Or third? It's this week's solution in the R household. Hopefully it will still work next week.

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Timeouts. The ONLY thing that worked for Jack the last couple of months. Most times he never has to go into time out now, I just threaten him with it, and count to 3. On 2 he is better.

I don't put him in a corner though.

If we are downstairs he goes in the office with the door closed. If he tries to open it I hold it shut.

If we are upstairs I put him in his room. Same goes if he tries to open the door.

I am not sure why this works so well, especially since you've seen all the toys he has in both of those rooms - but there is something about being put in another room, away from the family, that really gets to him - and it works.

I did it hardcore for about two weeks straight and now I just threaten with it.

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

My friends with girls all go through this. It seems to be a girl thing. All at the age of 4. I say continue with the time outs,and ignore them.... As hard as that is!

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

My DDs are 1.5 and 2.5 and you guys are scaring the shiit out of me!!

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Oh god I thought I just had to get through 3 and 4 would be better. DD is evil lately and nothing works.

If during a tantrum I tell her no books at bedtime then there is a guaranteed tantrum at bed time. I try to talk to her and explain why smashing her brother's face into the floor isn't nice and she looks at me like I'm the crazy one.

Today she was throwing books over the balcony down into the foyer......where DS was sitting She couldn't understand why I yelled at her. She told my mom on the phone " I was having fun but then mommy yelled at me!" Sorry I yelled at you for almost taking his head off.

So clearly I have no advice. I feel like all I do is yell all day.

Message edited 5/22/2011 1:16:42 PM.

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Don't girls get a fresh batch of hormones at 4 that make them a little more...."dramatic" (lack of a better term). I thought I had read a post about that. 3.5 has gotten better with Teddy to some degree and I am praying 4 is the best to be.

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Not cool...

AJ has JUST started with the melt downs now and she'll be 3 in 3m. Last night we took her outside the restaurant for time out. She didn't care. She came in after a long while and laid on the floor I left her there (she wasn't screaming, crying or speaking) but the owner said "The floor is dirty" and tried to pick her up.. well hell there goes the tantrum. The owner was really trying to be sweet, kept her distance after that, offered her a lollipop too. Nope AJ just WANTED to be a wench.

I hate it.

Oh and her new thing is to say "What?" to everything "AJ come here" "What?" "I said come here please" "What?" Pick up your toy please "What?" no throwing that AJ "What?" always with a question mark.. What? What? grrrr

AJ you going to be a good girl? Sideways glance then "No" and she almost LIKES time out!

I'm in for so much trouble then.

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Im hoping its the age....DD started this stuff too a little after she turned 4...its gotten worse throughout the year. She will be 5 next month and I hope it ends soon.

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

Re: Mega tantrums for my almost 4-year-old....need to figure out how to handle them better

I'm not intuitive when it comes to how to handle these things. I always turn to advice and books.

These two books helped me a TON. Their strategies really worked!! It took practice, and it still does but things got 50% better for us.

Kids, Parents and Power struggles

Positive Discipline for Pre schoolers

The 2nd I only partially agree with b/c it involves no time outs, punishments etc, and we still do that, but the advice about talking about why the behavior is happening etc has helped us SO SO much!