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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I'm one of those who didn't really want kids until I met my husband...but to be honest, I never really saw myself growing old without having kids around me...my own kids I mean. I love kids and I especially love my pixieboy.
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Posted 1/17/08 11:19 AM  |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by greenfreak
One last comment... We love kids too. And I've heard time and time again how great I am with all my nieces and nephews. Our decision not to have our own does not preclude us from enjoying or loving them as much as we can.
Ok, now I'm done. 
I hear this all the time too. Oh but you are so good with your nieces and nephews.
Yes- I am good with them. I love them and think they are adorable and cherish the time I spend with them. However, they are not my children and at the end of the day I can give them back. I was told- oh once you watch babies and kids a few times it will either make you want one of your own or never want one of your own.
For me it was the latter. As much as I love children, I know that they are not for me in the long run…. And I am coming to realize that, it’s ok….
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| Posted 1/17/08 11:32 AM |
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I just finished the same book - very good!!!
I just knew I was meant to be a mother. I can't imagine my life any other way.
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| Posted 1/17/08 11:35 AM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I didn't know if I wanted kids.
I liked them. I was always the 'fun aunt'. I liked being around them. I thought I might like to have them. But I didn't have this BURNING DESIRE.
When I met Rob he called babies 'money sucking screamboxes" and made it clear that fatherhood was not for him. I wasn't sure I wanted to continue a relationship with him becuase I thought I might want kids and that our difference there would be insurmountable.
But I didn't want kids right away. And I did love being with him. So I went with it for a bit.
And then I was pregnant.
And the world shifted just a little.
Without going into details that you probably don't need and likely don't want - let's just say that the little cluster of cells growing deep in my belly made a decision for me.
And it was the best decision for me.
I didn't lose my boyfriend - he is now my husband. Having a child didn't make the relationship more FUN - but for US it created a bond that was undeniable. It strengthened us and changed us as a couple and as individuals. We love more deeply and we are far less selfish than we had been. I couldn't live without my sons. I couldn't imagine it.
I wouldn't want to imagine it.
This decision was ours. It was made with some unexpected divine intervention - but we are happy with the way things have turned out.
Message edited 1/17/2008 11:39:11 AM.
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| Posted 1/17/08 11:38 AM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
It was never really a thought for me, just an instinct, I guess. I have always wanted children. I am not a parent yet, b/c DH and I wanted to spend a few years married on our own before having the responsibility of children, but I cannot wait until the day that I have a little one of my own.
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| Posted 1/17/08 11:50 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I have always known that I wanted to be a mom. And DH couldn't wait for children...
With that being said...it's funny when people make references (not on LIF) to being carefree and no responsibilities and traveling all over without kids...b/c when we were childless it was tough and we didn't do all those things and we certainly don't do them now! Lol!
I have to admit....I am being honest here b/c this is something I used to think about..when I heard someone say that they never want children, I would think "if they had a child, they would feel so differently..they don't know what they're missing".
But I now realize that not everyone wants or needs a child. It isn't for everyone!! And I think that is great to know that you feel that way instead of talking yourself into thinking you want them, which I know happens. There are things I won't do because I have a child...at least I won't do them right now...we all give and take because of life choices.
For me, having children was a "must". In any form it entered my life (biological, adoption etc). I would feel very incomplete with my son, he definitely has only added to and enhanced my life.
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| Posted 1/17/08 12:00 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I have always wanted kids. I can't imagine a life without kids. I have never ever doubted those feelings. I've just alwyas known I'm meant to be a mother.
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| Posted 1/17/08 12:02 PM |
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CunningOne
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Member since 5/05 26975 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I just picked up that book last night while I was in the bookstore. Can't wait to read it now!
I've always wanted kids and it was important to me to marry someone who shared the same "wants" with me.
I am at the stage where I would love to have more, but certain issues and circumstances in our lives now make it better for us to stop at 2.....
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| Posted 1/17/08 12:14 PM |
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NS1976
My princess!
Member since 5/05 6548 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
We always knew we wanted kids. It was actually a part of how he asked me to marry him. He didnt say will you be my wife...he said I would make him the happiest man in the world if I were the mother to his children. It was all centered around having kids. It was beautiful and meant so much to me.
Then we came across some problems while trying to conceive. And it took us a while to get pregnant. Even though it was our dream and I had always wanted to be a mother, I was SO SCARED! I had an awful pregnancy (not physically.) I was nervous all the time, all the things I thought I would enjoy about being pregnant, I wound up HATING! I thought we had made the wrong decision and I hated myself for feeling that way.
Fast forward to the day I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I was finally complete. It was the happiest I have ever been and for the past 16 months, I have been walking on a cloud. Every day feels like a dream and although its HARD, I know being a mother is exactly what I needed to make me "whole."
As far as the dynamics between my husband and I? It has changed...we had a rough first year as a couple. There are so many changes, so many new routines, so many new schedules. As hard as you try to keep things the same, they are bound to change. But then you just fall into your new life. It takes time, you fight, you even sometimes hurt, but in the end, if you are strong as a husband/wife team then you will be strong as a mom/dad team. As far as changing your life in every way, in our situation, YES! But I think I was changed more than him. I became a sahm and his life went on the way it always did before. I think I was searching for something more within myself than he was, so I think I changed more, all for the better though.
You fall on common ground sooner or later. Of course you have hard times, of course its different, but you get through and you can only hope that it will make you stronger in the end. Sorry its so long, but this is a topic that is very close to my heart..and by the way, I read the same book! 
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| Posted 1/17/08 12:14 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by KittyTheStray
I like our dynamic of focusing on each other. I put him first and he puts me first. If we had children, the child would come first and I personally think our relationship would suffer. This is my opinion.
First, I just want to say that I really admire your introspection, and I don't think for a minute that having children is right for everyone (my mother, for example), and that one of the worst things a couple can do is to have children "just because".
But, I also wanted to add, that I think this part of what you said is a common misconception - or, if not a misconception, a common mistake that many parents make. I can say, at least in our family, while we do give a lot of attention to our daughter, I have made absolutely every attempt to keep much of our focus on our marriage and ourselves. I remind myself every day that the greatest gift I can give to my child is the example of a healthy, loving marriage where the parents are focused just as much on each other, as they are on their children. For us, at least, it makes for a much happier family dynamic.
Beth, I could have written this myself. I agree completely with you.
That being said, it was never a decision to have kids, we just always knew we wanted them.
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| Posted 1/17/08 12:31 PM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I just recently gave birth to my son and yes, it is a life-changing experience, but I would never change it for the world. We both always wanted children and planned DS. We couldn't wait for him to be born and when he was born, yes, our relationship changed...but for the better I have to say. We appreciate each other so much more, we are a lot more organized, we appreciate each moment we are able to spend with each other (alone ), we appreciate each outing with our friends, we appreciate our parents a lot more and of course, we are completely totally head over heels for our son. This whole experience has been amazing, although not always smooth. Yes, we've had our arguments and fights at the beginning, and yes there were a lot of things we didn't like to do, but we had to. We worked as a team and I think that bought us closer, although at the beginning I have to say we were distant from each other (but in a different way...we just didn't have time for each other). Now things are getting back to normal and we love our son more that anything in this world, we love each other more, respect each other more (as parents) and we're enjoying our life with our son.
I believe that not everybody is fit to be a parent...one of my friends is the most hard working and responsible people I know, but she doesn't want any children and I don't think that she'd be fit to be a mother. Its a personal choice, and I don't think anybody should be judged for it.
Message edited 1/17/2008 12:40:33 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/08 12:38 PM |
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RobeyMuse
my little man
Member since 5/05 1350 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I always knew I wanted children. I don't think I made a decision. My DH wasn't sure but after we got married he knew he did.
We have friends however that were adamant about not having children. Well it was more the wife than the husband. But they built their life around a child free life and they were married about 10 years, very happy.
I think for some people it is the right choice and couples can have very fulfilling lives without a child.
The weird thing is though now she is pregnant with twin girls. Last person I would ever expect to have twins.
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| Posted 1/17/08 12:41 PM |
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lilacwine
only love...
Member since 5/05 2034 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by greenfreak
One last comment... We love kids too. And I've heard time and time again how great I am with all my nieces and nephews. Our decision not to have our own does not preclude us from enjoying or loving them as much as we can.
Ok, now I'm done.
I hear this all the time too. Oh but you are so good with your nieces and nephews.
Yes- I am good with them. I love them and think they are adorable and cherish the time I spend with them. However, they are not my children and at the end of the day I can give them back. I was told- oh once you watch babies and kids a few times it will either make you want one of your own or never want one of your own.
For me it was the latter. As much as I love children, I know that they are not for me in the long run…. And I am coming to realize that, it’s ok….
just need to say that I've always read your name as "anon ttcer", not "a non ttcer"
now I get it! 
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| Posted 1/17/08 1:05 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by lilacwine
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by greenfreak
One last comment... We love kids too. And I've heard time and time again how great I am with all my nieces and nephews. Our decision not to have our own does not preclude us from enjoying or loving them as much as we can.
Ok, now I'm done.
I hear this all the time too. Oh but you are so good with your nieces and nephews.
Yes- I am good with them. I love them and think they are adorable and cherish the time I spend with them. However, they are not my children and at the end of the day I can give them back. I was told- oh once you watch babies and kids a few times it will either make you want one of your own or never want one of your own.
For me it was the latter. As much as I love children, I know that they are not for me in the long run…. And I am coming to realize that, it’s ok….
just need to say that I've always read your name as "anon ttcer", not "a non ttcer"
now I get it!
ME too!! so funny! I always thought it meant an anonymous TTC'er...lol...so when I read the response before I was so so confused, lol.
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| Posted 1/17/08 1:11 PM |
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by KittyTheStray
I like our dynamic of focusing on each other. I put him first and he puts me first. If we had children, the child would come first and I personally think our relationship would suffer. This is my opinion.
First, I just want to say that I really admire your introspection, and I don't think for a minute that having children is right for everyone (my mother, for example), and that one of the worst things a couple can do is to have children "just because".
But, I also wanted to add, that I think this part of what you said is a common misconception - or, if not a misconception, a common mistake that many parents make. I can say, at least in our family, while we do give a lot of attention to our daughter, I have made absolutely every attempt to keep much of our focus on our marriage and ourselves. I remind myself every day that the greatest gift I can give to my child is the example of a healthy, loving marriage where the parents are focused just as much on each other, as they are on their children. For us, at least, it makes for a much happier family dynamic.
This is SO well said, Beth!!! 
I completely agree... I knew I always wanted kids, but because my mom was mentally ill and abusive, I was always afraid of what type of mom I would be, so its something I never was sure was going to happen because I'd rather not be a mom at all than bring someone on this earth to treat them the way my mom treated me. That being said, I knew I would have to work on myself and be in a good reltaionship before even thinking about this...
So, I worked on myself a LOT. Met DH, and knew he was the one. And he already had kids, so I had the opportunity to see him as a dad.
Having Cailen in my life is like Christmas every single day. It is amazing. And although things with my DH and I have changed, I think its more due to his crazy work schedule than from the baby. But we also believe that Cailen must be surrounded by love and a good model of what love is everyday....
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| Posted 1/17/08 1:14 PM |
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
When I met Rob he called babies 'money sucking screamboxes"
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| Posted 1/17/08 1:18 PM |
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I have to admit....I am being honest here b/c this is something I used to think about..when I heard someone say that they never want children, I would think "if they had a child, they would feel so differently..they don't know what they're missing".
See, I always think the opposite...
when it's 4:45AM, and Cailen decides he doesn't want to sleep anymore, but still be awake, cranky, and tired, and 2 hours later as I'm getting ready he is following me around the house screaming and crying with snot running down his face, drool puddling all over the floors, and howling as I get dressed, put on my makeup, and trip over him every few minutes as he tries to wedge his wet, snotty head between my legs and get gunk all over my black pants, I think, "Wow - this is when you REALLY want to have kids...."
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| Posted 1/17/08 1:21 PM |
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by lilacwine
Posted by anonttcer
Posted by greenfreak
One last comment... We love kids too. And I've heard time and time again how great I am with all my nieces and nephews. Our decision not to have our own does not preclude us from enjoying or loving them as much as we can.
Ok, now I'm done.
I hear this all the time too. Oh but you are so good with your nieces and nephews.
Yes- I am good with them. I love them and think they are adorable and cherish the time I spend with them. However, they are not my children and at the end of the day I can give them back. I was told- oh once you watch babies and kids a few times it will either make you want one of your own or never want one of your own.
For me it was the latter. As much as I love children, I know that they are not for me in the long run…. And I am coming to realize that, it’s ok….
just need to say that I've always read your name as "anon ttcer", not "a non ttcer"
now I get it!
Me too - and when you posted pics of yourself in your avatar, I always wondered how you would manage to stay anonymous that way!
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| Posted 1/17/08 1:23 PM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
We're still not sure as of now. I suppose we'll probably be deciding in a the next couple of years if that is what we want. I love children but I feel like they're just not right for me at this moment. Neither DH and I are ready right now, so I think that is confusing us even more.
<---------- No help 
Message edited 1/17/2008 1:29:49 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/08 1:29 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by MrsB-07
So I know a lot of you girls have kids - how did you decide? Did a lot of the dynamics of your relationship with your DHs change? Do you feel it made everything more rewarding or just completely changed your life in way you never thought? DH and I are pretty sure we want kids, but I just wonder how you know for sure. And I guess I'm wondering how kids change relationships.
I never saw myself as a mom. I was always good with kids but felt it was because I could give them back to their parents.
We decided before we got married that we would wait a year before trying to have kids.
The dynamics of our relationship changed but for the better. Someone described as a secret between you & your husband. I agree. The cute things they do, the love that we feel...it's a special bond between us that no other person would have.
I think it's easier to throw in the towel on a marriage when you don't have kids. It forces you to really consider your life, your husband, everything you do because it's all about how it affects them. That's not to say you STAY in a marriage because of your children. It's that you work harder at it for them - and if it isn't a healthy marriage, you leave for them too. All kids look up to their parents as role models (at least initially). The last thing you would want is your child learn to have unhealthy relationships in their lives, accepting emotional crumbs, etc.
I think no matter how prepared to have kids, you are not prepared for the love you feel for them. It may not be right away - it can sneak up on you, but everything changes. Name your top 3 priorities in your life & after you have kids, you would give up all 3 if it was to the detriment of your child.
For me everything is all about my children - including the part where I benignly neglect them so they become self-sufficient. It took a long time before I could forgive DH for not feeding the kids lunch on time until he said "Don't you think they should tell me if they're hungry?" and he was right...
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| Posted 1/17/08 1:44 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by lilacwine
just need to say that I've always read your name as "anon ttcer", not "a non ttcer"
now I get it!
I never got that. At all, till just now. 
Thanks.
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| Posted 1/17/08 2:29 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
There was never a decision that had to be made.... We always new we wanted children. It was never "IF" just "WHEN" I would have them.
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| Posted 1/17/08 3:02 PM |
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anonttcer
BOOOO for fall!
Member since 7/06 10082 total posts
Name:
Meaning a NON ttcer!
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by greenfreak
Posted by lilacwine
just need to say that I've always read your name as "anon ttcer", not "a non ttcer"
now I get it!
I never got that. At all, till just now.
Thanks.
Glad it's finally all cleared up.
After I made up the name I was like- Hmmm- that totally can be read wrong and to be the total opposite of what I intended. But I was too lazy to change it.
Glad it's all clear now thanks to this thread!
I couldn’t be anonymous anyway since I posted pics as someone pointed out!
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| Posted 1/17/08 3:03 PM |
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Nicole728
My Happy Girl
Member since 7/06 8198 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
I've always loved kids....and I've always wanted to be a mom.
DH and I are both ready.
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| Posted 1/17/08 3:32 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: How Did You Decide - Kids VS No Kids
Posted by lilacwine
just need to say that I've always read your name as "anon ttcer", not "a non ttcer"
now I get it!
Me too!
Well, I always knew I wanted kids. It was part of the non-negotiable package for me. I babysat since age 11, I was a camp counselor or a mother's helper in my summers through high school and college. It was just something I always wanted.
That being said, its a huge sacrafice, mostly in time and money. DH and I sometimes look at our life and remember what it was like when we spend the weekend doing just what we wanted, spend our money just on ourselves, travel without worrying about DD or even just stay in bed on a weekend morning cuddling and focusing just on us.
But the joy she gives us outweighs any of that. And we still have "our time". We go out Sat. nights and have every evening together. We have been making efforts to do more than zone out of the TV. We went to Vegas just hte two of us and my mom will take DD for a night here or there so we have a night to ourselves. Plus, seeing DH as such a good father makes me love him even more!
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| Posted 1/18/08 2:17 PM |
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