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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Grudges?
Do you hold them?
I have gotten MUCH better at not doing this, but sometimes it's just hard to get over an offense...
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Posted 10/15/07 1:59 PM  |
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BikerGrl
Merry Christmas!
Member since 5/05 2875 total posts
Name:
It's not the destination....it's the journey!
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Re: Grudges?
I'm holding one right now.
Not sure if it's right or wrong, but it is what is.
We had a huge blowout with my inlaws (MIL, FIL & BIL) and I CAN'T seem to let this one go. It's been 3 months since I spoke to them and we live in the same house. DH understands & is not angry at me for it.
MAYBE, just MAYBE when this whole house ordeal is over, I will get past it.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:06 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grudges?
For me, it depends on the person's behavior afterwards. If we talk it out and they apologize AND change their behavior so it doesn't happen again, I can.
If the same thing happens again, I can't.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:08 PM |
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photoshopbabe
wow....
Member since 5/07 2197 total posts
Name:
linda
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Re: Grudges?
yes, i do..i got that trait from my mother-and its hard to get rid of...
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:09 PM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Grudges?
For me it depends on who it is.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:10 PM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Grudges?
I'm holding one now. I have been for a few years now. I won't talk to this person or let her see my son.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:11 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grudges?
I used to. I didn't talk to my brother or SIL from November 2000 to September 2001. As luck would have it we decided to just move past it (Thru my parents speaking w/ each of us b/c we wouldn't even talk to eachother), since neither side would ever agree w/ the other one--- on sept 10th. I worked in the world financial center then and the next morning no one in my family knew if I was alive until almost 1pm. I can still remember their messages on my voicemail (my cell phone didn't work that day) and the terror in their voices.
We all learned that day to try our best never to hold a grudge... and even if a grudge was to be held, that it shouldn't stop us from communicating.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:12 PM |
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BikerGrl
Merry Christmas!
Member since 5/05 2875 total posts
Name:
It's not the destination....it's the journey!
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Re: Grudges?
Posted by Shelly
For me, it depends on the person's behavior afterwards. If we talk it out and they apologize AND change their behavior so it doesn't happen again, I can.
If the same thing happens again, I can't.
This is part of the reason I am still angry. We tried to talk about it after with them & they blamed DH & I for what happened. Non of the other 3 took any responsibility for their own actions.
Plus, BIL did not apologize. Nor did my MIL. FIL gave me a 1/2 *** apology but I really didn't think apologizing for HIS behavior can negate BIL's behavior or MIL's either.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:12 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Grudges?
I'd love to say I never do, but I'd be lying. I'm a very, VERY loyal person, and I get hurt when people are disloyal. It really depends on the offense or the person -- but I have been known to hold grudges for varying degrees of time... I don't think I'm holding any grudges right now, but there are a couple of things I'm finding difficult to move past -- but I'm working on it.
Then when it comes to certain people / things I find it impossible to hold a grudge! I'm unpredictable! 
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:13 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Grudges?
I'm gonna say no.
b/c I have cut people out of my life, but I don't really hold any ill will. I don't let their existence bother me.
I write people off for transgressions, but once that happens, I let it roll off my back. and then I don't care about them or what they do.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:15 PM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Grudges?
I guess I would ask between long-term and short-term grudges.
I dislike my SIL, she is a mean and has been nothing but horrible to me. Never to my face either. DH and I stopped talking to her for two years before I encouraged a truce after Bella was born. I sucked it up and I dealt with her for a year and a half and she pulled some crazy shiznet on Bella's 2nd birthday a year after trying to pull some other stuff on her first b-day. DH pulled the plug and hasn't spoken to her in over a month now.
I hope he continues to not speak to her...but I will probably suck it up again...one day I will get tipsy enough at a function and tell her exactly what I think of her...
but for the short-term...
say X is in "your five" (five closest people to you that you love, talk to every day, can't live without. parents, sisters, SOs, BFFs that are like sisters)
X and you fight...and you are hurt by some things said. You obviously will speak to them again and get over it.
But do you hold a grudge???
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:22 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Grudges?
Posted by mommy2bella
I guess I would ask between long-term and short-term grudges.
I dislike my SIL, she is a mean and has been nothing but horrible to me. Never to my face either. DH and I stopped talking to her for two years before I encouraged a truce after Bella was born. I sucked it up and I dealt with her for a year and a half and she pulled some crazy shiznet on Bella's 2nd birthday a year after trying to pull some other stuff on her first b-day. DH pulled the plug and hasn't spoken to her in over a month now.
I hope he continues to not speak to her...but I will probably suck it up again...one day I will get tipsy enough at a function and tell her exactly what I think of her...
but for the short-term...
say X is in "your five" (five closest people to you that you love, talk to every day, can't live without. parents, sisters, SOs, BFFs that are like sisters)
X and you fight...and you are hurt by some things said. You obviously will speak to them again and get over it.
But do you hold a grudge???
I have a very similar situation.
i wouldn't call something like that a "grudge". she doesn't like you. you won't tolerate her treatment of you. so you don't get along.
to me, you need to like each other, and then do something to upset each other, to have a "grudge" to hold against someone.
otherwise, it's just dislike. which you are entitled to.
someone like that, I don't hold a grudge, I just can't stand. 
ETd:
in that situation, you can either be cordial, or opt not to speak. but don't let it ruin your time...or anyone elses. avoidance is best, and it's easier than it seems.
just don't leave yourself open for more maltreatment.
Message edited 10/15/2007 2:28:46 PM.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:27 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grudges?
Posted by Shelly
For me, it depends on the person's behavior afterwards. If we talk it out and they apologize AND change their behavior so it doesn't happen again, I can.
If the same thing happens again, I can't.
For the most part this is me - I give 2nd changes unless it was something over the top. Then I can hold them for years. Well not actively holding them but moving away from that kind of drama.
eta. in your scenario, no I wouldn't hold a grudge but I would tell X I was hurt. Something along the lines of conditional forgiveness.
Message edited 10/15/2007 2:57:12 PM.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:55 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grudges?
Yes I do...although I am slowly getting better.
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| Posted 10/15/07 2:57 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Grudges?
Well, if I have an argument with someone, but we make peace then no I don't hold a grudge to throw in their face at a later time.
However, if that person continues the behavior that we disagreed about in the first place, then it leaves a really sour taste in my mouth, so to speak, that no matter how much I attempt to move past it I can't.
So I guess my answer would be not on the first offense. But, once I get really mad, there is no going back and I could NEVER hang out with that person again. So I guess that would be considered a grudge.
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| Posted 10/15/07 3:03 PM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: Grudges?
Life is too short to hold grudges.
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| Posted 10/15/07 3:35 PM |
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