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Disneygirl17
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/16 496 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
All the time. I have a few issues with my mil but I bite my tounge. My mom does a lot too. My dad too.
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Posted 2/6/18 1:04 PM  |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Grandparents
My mom (used to be my mom and dad before he passed away a couple of years ago) watches my girls 3 days a week while I am at work. She does this willingly and lovingly- her grandkids are her life. She also would watch them for whatever other reason we may need-- but I try really hard not to ask her for going out on weekends etc unless I am in a total bind. My inlaws are ok too- they will babysit when asked but do it more begrudgingly and throw it in our face (mostly my FIL). They used to watch my kids 1x a week while i worked but all my FIL did was complain about it so they stopped and my mom (who is a saint) took over. My husband will occasionally ask them to babysit if we have to go out for an event for his friends or if he needs the day to do something but I pretty much refuse to since theyre jerks (not bc of the babysitting but bc of other reasons). Anyway, I know we are lucky when it comes to having our parents help with the kids.
Message edited 2/6/2018 1:31:15 PM.
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| Posted 2/6/18 1:25 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
My inlaws babysit about once a month I would say. sometimes more, sometimes less. My MIL was also coming to tutor my daughter once a week so I felt bad asking her to babysit on top of that. Sometimes we go thru periods where we are asking them all the time and it gets to be too much but they never say no. So right now we are giving them a little break and hiring babysitters!
My mother babysits NEVER. We don't have the best relationship though and I have three kids and she says it's too much for her to do alone (my father is deceased). She babysat when we only had one kid but not much since then (my youngest is 5).
I feel like every time this thread comes up people start going on and on about how they aren't under any obligation to babysit but I feel like with family you help one another out. I can't imagine not babysitting my grandchildren and helping out in any way I can. I consider myself lucky that my MIL thinks similarly to me and also genuinely enjoys spending time with my children.
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| Posted 2/6/18 7:33 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Grandparents
My in-laws live a couple of hours away so have babysat just a handful of times. Twice overnight when ds1 was a baby & it was just him & we had to go to weddings... and then they came down to our house a couple of times more recently when we had to work & didn't have anyone to watch our two younger kids who weren't in school yet.
My mom watches the baby while we work, weekdays during the school year, about 8 hours a day. So I feel bad asking her to watch the kids any more than that... but occasionally something comes up where we can't bring the kids with us so she'll come over & stay with them for a few hours.
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| Posted 2/6/18 11:02 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
My mom is my child care 3 days a week. My parents will also babysit for us for big events-like a wedding- 3-4 times a year. I don't like to ask because she does do much during the week. My MIL like 3-4 times a year. My FIL and his GF probably 5 times a year. My in laws are for small occasions- parties, accountant, meet the teacher night, etc.
Message edited 2/6/2018 11:52:30 PM.
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| Posted 2/6/18 11:51 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
My parents always watch my kids for me. My dad is retired but my kids still go to school and daycare.
However whenever I need them to grab them for me they do. During cheer season my mom commits to picking my son up 1-2 times a week for me so I don't have to bring him with me to practice ( I am team coordinator so I have to sit there the whole practice with the team).
If my DH is working or has plans and I need to be at party, one has to be a at party etc my parents will watch them. They also watch have my nephew every weekend too.
As for the inlaws FIL is out of state and MIL lives right by house however she is not allowed to watch my kids.
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| Posted 2/7/18 8:59 AM |
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
My mom did the same for me. Although when my DS was 3/4 my parents did watch him two days a week (it was supposed to be one and my sister do one but she didn't end up doing her one most of the time)
Now that my DS is older (10) they will help out on school vacations or on the odd day off
Message edited 2/7/2018 10:30:43 AM.
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| Posted 2/7/18 10:30 AM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids 
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| Posted 2/7/18 10:41 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by ml110
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids
do people really expect/think its an obligation for their parents to help them out? Not sure why anyone would ever think this.
Yes my parents help me when they can but I never expected them to watch my kids. I knew I would be shelling out tons of $$$ in daycare
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| Posted 2/7/18 11:22 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by ml110
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids
I can completely understand their mindset. I'm waiting, nervously, for when my mom drops that bomb on me. Right now, she doesn't care because she has to "watch" my elderly grandmother anyway but I think once she's gone, my parents are going to want to travel which I totally get.
That all being said. I already know that when my SD has a baby (she's 18 now so I have time), if she lives around here, I will go to part time so I can help her. I know what a tremendous help and comfort it is to have grandma as a babysitter.
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| Posted 2/7/18 11:22 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Grandparents
I agree that while no one is “obligated” to watch anyone else’s kid, it is very difficult to be working parents with a child in daycare and have zero backup. If I ever got into an accident on my way to pick DD up I literally have no one to get her. I honestly don’t know what would happen, I guess I would have to pay daycare $10 a minute or whatever it is until DH could get there from the city. There is no safety net. An emergency would break us.
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| Posted 2/7/18 11:24 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by blu6385
Posted by ml110
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids
do people really expect/think its an obligation for their parents to help them out? Not sure why anyone would ever think this.
Yes my parents help me when they can but I never expected them to watch my kids. I knew I would be shelling out tons of $$$ in daycare
I did, too. But that doesn’t mean emergencies don’t happen that would require backup child care. And before you say “take off work” that’s all fine and good if you have a job that allows for that. Not everyone does.
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| Posted 2/7/18 11:28 AM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6656 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by ml110
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids
I can completely understand their mindset. I'm waiting, nervously, for when my mom drops that bomb on me. Right now, she doesn't care because she has to "watch" my elderly grandmother anyway but I think once she's gone, my parents are going to want to travel which I totally get.
That all being said. I already know that when my SD has a baby (she's 18 now so I have time), if she lives around here, I will go to part time so I can help her. I know what a tremendous help and comfort it is to have grandma as a babysitter.
My grandmother was my babysitter from when I was born til I was old enough to not need one. It was wonderful for me and my cousin... and years later my brother and sister... to spend that time with her, for her to watch us grow, for my parents and aunt/uncle not to have to worry about who was watching us. When I got pregnant, that was what my mom was most upset about- that she wasn't in a position to do that for me. Luckily, my sister watches her part time and she goes to daycare part time. So my mom sees her every morning anyway and spends tons of time with her on the weekends. I'm extremely lucky to have a great support system. I hope to be able to provide it for my DD one day.
ETA: I also think it was great for my grandmother. She was retired and after my grandfather passed, it was a way to be with family and keep occupied. I think it kept her active. She stills lives on her own at 94 after a stroke and several months in a rehab facility. We kept her young!
Message edited 2/7/2018 11:38:15 AM.
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| Posted 2/7/18 11:35 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by blu6385
Posted by ml110
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids
do people really expect/think its an obligation for their parents to help them out? Not sure why anyone would ever think this.
Yes my parents help me when they can but I never expected them to watch my kids. I knew I would be shelling out tons of $$$ in daycare
I did, too. But that doesn’t mean emergencies don’t happen that would require backup child care. And before you say “take off work” that’s all fine and good if you have a job that allows for that. Not everyone does.
I am not talking about emerginceis etc. Like I said my parents do help me out often.
I am talking about people that actually really think there parents should be some what obligated to watch their children all time (be there prime day care provider) just because they no longer work. It boggles my mind if people really think this.
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| Posted 2/7/18 1:40 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by LuckyStar
I agree that while no one is “obligated” to watch anyone else’s kid, it is very difficult to be working parents with a child in daycare and have zero backup. If I ever got into an accident on my way to pick DD up I literally have no one to get her. I honestly don’t know what would happen, I guess I would have to pay daycare $10 a minute or whatever it is until DH could get there from the city. There is no safety net. An emergency would break us.
off topic but do you not have friends in the area that could help you out in an emergency?. Though I have my parents down I still have one friend listed in daycare and school as a person who is allowed to pick my kids up if need be. Also for my one DC that is in regular school I put neighbor down in case their is an emergency and they can get there before me.
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| Posted 2/7/18 1:43 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by blu6385
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by blu6385
Posted by ml110
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids
do people really expect/think its an obligation for their parents to help them out? Not sure why anyone would ever think this.
Yes my parents help me when they can but I never expected them to watch my kids. I knew I would be shelling out tons of $$$ in daycare
I did, too. But that doesn’t mean emergencies don’t happen that would require backup child care. And before you say “take off work” that’s all fine and good if you have a job that allows for that. Not everyone does.
I am not talking about emerginceis etc. Like I said my parents do help me out often.
I am talking about people that actually really think there parents should be some what obligated to watch their children all time (be there prime day care provider) just because they no longer work. It boggles my mind if people really think this.
it boggles my mind too and I would never even think to do that to my parents (nor would they) and I hope to God that when my DD gets older and has kids she doesn't look as me as her primary daycare provider.
My parents always said when we were getting married etc- they raised their kids, now was their time to enjoy life. And I 100% agree with them on that.
(My parents DO help out when they can and if I asked them to babysit they would to it of course and of course in emergencies they would)
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| Posted 2/7/18 2:11 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by blu6385
Posted by LuckyStar
I agree that while no one is “obligated” to watch anyone else’s kid, it is very difficult to be working parents with a child in daycare and have zero backup. If I ever got into an accident on my way to pick DD up I literally have no one to get her. I honestly don’t know what would happen, I guess I would have to pay daycare $10 a minute or whatever it is until DH could get there from the city. There is no safety net. An emergency would break us.
off topic but do you not have friends in the area that could help you out in an emergency?. Though I have my parents down I still have one friend listed in daycare and school as a person who is allowed to pick my kids up if need be. Also for my one DC that is in regular school I put neighbor down in case their is an emergency and they can get there before me.
No. We don’t have any family or friends on LI. My best friend is listed as my DD’s emergency contact because I know she will drop whatever she is doing and get here as fast as traffic will allow. She lives in Westchester.
My in laws are unreliable and my parents live in Queens but outright refuse to drive to LI. I know one of my neighbors and I suppose if I needed someone to pop over to the house in an emergency she would but I can’t imagine asking her to be an emergency contact.
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| Posted 2/7/18 2:28 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by blu6385
Posted by ml110
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids
do people really expect/think its an obligation for their parents to help them out? Not sure why anyone would ever think this.
Yes my parents help me when they can but I never expected them to watch my kids. I knew I would be shelling out tons of $$$ in daycare
i don't expect them to watch my kids day to day. in fact, thats what i said " I understand where she is coming from..." when my mom said she didn't want to be the day to day caregiver. and i wouldn't expect her to at all.
(in fact, my younger son goes to a part time preschool. and its A LOT of grandparents dropping and picking up the kids, because the parents are working. and i always feel bad for the grandmoms lugging the baby in the carrier while wrestling the 3 year old into school LOL like ' didn't they already do enough of this in their life?? HAHA BUT i'm definitely jealous of the people who have parents who WANT to do that for their grandkids.... its A LOT OF work and dedication!!!
its really the emergency thing that makes it really hard. and its a big reason why i'm a SAHM right now. We have absolutely no back up for things like snow days, unscheduled delayed openings, picking the kids up sick from school, one is sick but the other one still has an activity or somewhere to go... those kinds of things.
we have a few friends in the area we could call, BUT they all have their own kids and jobs and things going on, that we can't count on them to drop everything and go pick up our kids. so thats where it would be nice to have some help from our parents once in awhile. Or things like back to school night that we both want to go to, but don't want to pay a babysitter for.
Message edited 2/7/2018 4:16:37 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/18 4:14 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
Posted by blu6385
Posted by ml110
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by nycgirl
An older coworker once told me that while it is nice to have grandparents that babysit.... it’s certainly their life an not an obligation. It took me a while to come to terms with that.
My mom told me that my grandma told her when she was pregnant with me that she wouldn't babysit for her as daycare, however, she would be the back up. So like, if we were sick, she would watch us. And she said she was mad but realized that was a good deal as time went on
my mom told me the same thing when i was a teenager LOL that when i had kids, she didn't want to be the full time daycare. she wanted to be able to spoil her grandkids and just be a grandparent- and she said that would be hard to do if she was the full-time babysitter. it ended up being a moot point anyway, since we moved 2 hours away from where i grew up... but i can understand where she was coming from.
STILL a LITTLE bit of help once in awhile would be nice- they travel 6 months a year pretty much, and are definitely very "we did our time raising you guys, its your turn now" kind of thing. its frustrating when you feel like you can't even count on family. I already told my boys i will help them out however i can when they have kids
do people really expect/think its an obligation for their parents to help them out? Not sure why anyone would ever think this.
Yes my parents help me when they can but I never expected them to watch my kids. I knew I would be shelling out tons of $$$ in daycare
I definitely did not expect my parents to be primary care. I was hopeful they would do a day or two to lighten the financial burden but i certainly didn't have an expectation. I was grateful for whatever they were willing to do.
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| Posted 2/7/18 11:46 PM |
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Disneygirl17
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/16 496 total posts
Name:
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Re: Grandparents
My sister in laws mom watches her 2 grandkids full time My mil watches one on saturdays. She takes my 2 kids on Sunday’s. But not every Sunday. If she has plans, she has plans. And she’s a teachers aide so she takes her grandson on days that the other grandma doesn’t. It seems to work. My dad is retired but works part time. I try not to ask him unless we have no choice. And my mom has watched all 5 grandkids. Again not all the time but if we are in a pinch.
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| Posted 2/8/18 7:54 AM |
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