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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
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Me
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Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
I have a wide variety of friends. I always have. People of different races, beliefs, careers, etc. I like having different friends, but now that my son is old enough I worry what I am exposing him to. Let me explain.
I have a group of noveau riche friends. We all went to school together, and stayed friends even though I did not marry the rich guy, decided to get married and have kids instead of pursuing law school right away, blah blah. Now it never "occured" to me that they began to see me as different, until I saw them with their "new" wanna-be society friends. So Friday night they have a dinner party, and I am surrounded by people trying to "keep up with the Joneses" and their children are the same. One little girl about 5 years old actually told another that her Fendi backpack was better so her mother loves her more. Then another girl was like, well I have LV so I win. I was 
The irony is that although I do not have a lot of money, my family does. Tons. More than these folks could fathom. I just never thought that I was entitled to it without working for it...KWIM? And we have stuggled, and took a huge blow not too long ago when I was out of work, etc etc, but in the long run I don't value my friends or my life by the amount of crap I accumulate, nor do I see my family as an ATM machine. I've had designer everything and I've shopped at Target...who cares?
So I am worried now that I do not want my son to even see this. I mean I know it makes me classist in a way, and I hate to think of myself as that, because it makes then doesn't it make me the same as them? Like I don't want to be around them because they have an obsessiong with money? Does that make sense?
So WWYD?
BTW DH almost laid a guy out last night because he made some very rude comments about us & what we "are used to." It was obscene.
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Posted 8/25/08 10:31 AM  |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
You are smart, you are savvy, you know what is good, bad, right and wrong... and YOU will teach that to baby G and Baby ?.
They will love you and respect your opinion above all others. When the day comes that some little twerp says "You don't have the newest X brand whatever?? Your mom doesn't love you!" to your kids, they will be the ones who will be intelligent enough to laugh at the comment.
Raise them with your values and the rest will take care of itself.
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| Posted 8/25/08 10:44 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
wow, can i be friends with the LV mom? 
but in all seriousness, i think now is the perfect time to be questioning your friendships with these people. G is getting older and soon he is going to start to understand the snarky comments about how much more $$ this one makes, or how this one's house is so much bigger/newer/fabulous than that ones... and if you see it between 5 year old girls, how much worse do you think it is between the moms??
i can understand having ties to these people from when you were younger, but if you have nothing in common with them other than the past, maybe now is the time to start cutting them out of your life.
at least before your DH gets thrown in jail
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| Posted 8/25/08 10:47 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
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me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Confession....my dad has LOTS of money. And I actually come from a "noble" family. Literally! Yet, I don't talk to him because I have nothing in common with him and since my parents divorced that did not help.
I have always worked to get what I needed. I NEVER asked for money.
DH was married to a woman and she went to Law school when they were married. He told me he saw her change. She no longer liked their "common" friends. They became beneath her when she talked to them. he was very unhappy with the person she had become.
DH and I do not associate ourself with anyone thinking they are better than anyone else. We don't care how much or how little money you have...
My theory is simple..... Everybody has to go to the bathroom.
I would separate myself from such "friends". Sometimes people grow apart. That's life!
ETA: I think it's not a good image I want DS to be in. I have worked with little brats with a huge sense of entitlement. Sad! The money is their parents, not theirs. I can't imagine their life if they money was gone.
DH and I want to spoil our son but not him being bratty.
Message edited 8/25/2008 10:54:19 AM.
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| Posted 8/25/08 10:48 AM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by headoverheels
at least before your DH gets thrown in jail
Oh so you know my DH
No really, it was so bad. He really wanted to kill the guy. He is a drunk and a loser anyway, and I told DH that getting into a fight (no matter how much the dipshyt deserved it) would only prove them "right."
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| Posted 8/25/08 10:54 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by headoverheels
at least before your DH gets thrown in jail
Oh so you know my DH
No really, it was so bad. He really wanted to kill the guy. He is a drunk and a loser anyway, and I told DH that getting into a fight (no matter how much the dipshyt deserved it) would only prove them "right."
When it comes to fighting, I mean.. it's time to count your losses and move on.
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| Posted 8/25/08 10:55 AM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by smdl
Confession....my dad has LOTS of money. And I actually come from a "noble" family. Literally! Yet, I don't talk to him because I have nothing in common with him and since my parents divorced that did not help.
I have always worked to get what I needed. I NEVER asked for money.
DH was married to a woman and she went to Law school when they were married. He told me he saw her change. She no longer liked their "common" friends. They became beneath her when she talked to them. he was very unhappy with the person she had become.
DH and I do not associate ourself with anyone thinking they are better than anyone else. We don't care how much or how little money you have...
My theory is simple..... Everybody has to go to the bathroom.
I would separate myself from such "friends". Sometimes people grow apart. That's life!
ETA: I think it's not a good image I want DS to be in. I have worked with little brats with a huge sense of entitlement. Sad! The money is their parents, not theirs. I can't imagine their life if they money was gone.
DH and I want to spoil our son but not him being bratty.
See this is exactly what I am talking about. I have what I have because of me, not b/c I ran to my family for it. And they have offered, and sometimes I kick myself and say, yeah maybe I should have let them buy me a house, etc etc. But then how do I look at myself in the mirror knowing I am a leetch? 
I don't want G to think things are just handed to you. It's just not reality.
And the funny thing is, the live in a middle class neighborhood and think they are the Trumps. It makes me
Message edited 8/25/2008 10:56:47 AM.
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| Posted 8/25/08 10:56 AM |
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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
I have ran with the richest of the rich in NYC and grew up in the projects.
I will take my blue collar friends over my richie riches. I can't compete with their trust funds and don't like being treated like the charity case, so this NYC PS teacher hangs with people like herself. It just makes life a lot easier!
The irony is though, that DH's family has tons of cash....and he is poor! LOL...
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| Posted 8/25/08 10:56 AM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by smdl
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by headoverheels
at least before your DH gets thrown in jail
Oh so you know my DH
No really, it was so bad. He really wanted to kill the guy. He is a drunk and a loser anyway, and I told DH that getting into a fight (no matter how much the dipshyt deserved it) would only prove them "right."
When it comes to fighting, I mean.. it's time to count your losses and move on.
I know. DH does not express himeself well with words. You've met him. He is a quiet guy, but when his family is insulted, he gets nuts. 
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| Posted 8/25/08 10:58 AM |
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lorimarie
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 5/05 3753 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
I definitely would distance myself from them. I've separated myself from friends for less LOL.
I think it just becomes about what is best for you - there is no reason for your DH, yourself and Baby G to put yourself in a toxic environment. If you were having fun maybe it would be one thing but it sounds like you couldn't wait to get out of there.
Life is too short to spend with people who don't love you for who you are - its not about what you have. Some of richest people I know don't have a lot of bank........
I think what it boils down to is: money doesn't buy class or intelligence.
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| Posted 8/25/08 11:00 AM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by lorimarie
I think what it boils down to is: money doesn't buy class or intelligence.
I could not have said it better myself.
And you are right...we were looking for an excuse to get out of there. It was absurd.
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| Posted 8/25/08 12:30 PM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by lorimarie
I think what it boils down to is: money doesn't buy class or intelligence.
You hit it right on the head sista...thats EXACTLY what it comes down to. A few of my friends are very well off and come from wealthy families, but you WOULD never know it...they are also the most down to earth and level-headed people I know.
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| Posted 8/25/08 12:51 PM |
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
I'm sort of in the process of cutting off a friend who always has to compare and mostly compares material things. It is almost funny how she twists things to make herself sound better and I have to wonder why she takes the time to think up half the stuff she says and why she wants to focus so much on who has what. Half the time I forget what kinds of cars my friends drive, but in some circles that's a major thing!
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| Posted 8/25/08 1:54 PM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
There are A******* in EVERY economic class. Assiciate yourself with people who share the same morals and views as you whether or not they have money.
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| Posted 8/25/08 1:57 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Your children aside for a moment -
If these people make YOU uncomfortable and unhappy, why would you continue to associate with them? You don't owe them anything -
Now add to that the fact that you don't want to expose your children to their arrogance and materialism - Well, it's not THAT difficult to break away from a group of friends. - People change and grow apart all the time.
And you're not going to be able to protect your kids from people like this forever, but you CAN control who you socialize with - I don't think it makes you hypocritical at all - It's not like you don't want to hang out w/ them b/c they 'have more' and you're simply jealous -
You couldn't care less what they have, you just don't like the way they treat you and each other - Seems like a valid reason to end a 'friendship' to me
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| Posted 8/25/08 2:08 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
If you like the people otherwise, I would still see them. DC will pick up your values over time.
If you don't like them, then don't waste your time. Honestly, I know people who spend tons of money on designer stuff who cannot afford it. One woman I worked with (I was her supervisor so I knew her income), only earned $35,000, lived in NYC and was a single mom. I don't think the dad was wealthy. Yet she and her children always had the latest designer clothing. Me, I shopped at Old Navy and Target back then--I was trying to save for a house and just couldn't see shelling out $$$ for clothes. So a lot of people who cannot afford it at all are status conscious also--no wonder our economy is such a mess now.
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| Posted 8/25/08 2:10 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by MarisaK
Your children aside for a moment -
If these people make YOU uncomfortable and unhappy, why would you continue to associate with them? You don't owe them anything -
Now add to that the fact that you don't want to expose your children to their arrogance and materialism - Well, it's not THAT difficult to break away from a group of friends. - People change and grow apart all the time.
And you're not going to be able to protect your kids from people like this forever, but you CAN control who you socialize with - I don't think it makes you hypocritical at all - It's not like you don't want to hang out w/ them b/c they 'have more' and you're simply jealous -
You couldn't care less what they have, you just don't like the way they treat you and each other - Seems like a valid reason to end a 'friendship' to me
I guess what it comes down to is that I never noticed it before until I started worrying about what G is being exposed to.
But you are right, I have no time for this kind of drama. And trust me it was drama. I'll spare you the details.
I swear I felt like I was in a Stanley Kubrick flick...just plain off. It was so weird.
Message edited 8/25/2008 2:15:06 PM.
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| Posted 8/25/08 2:12 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by MarisaK
Your children aside for a moment -
If these people make YOU uncomfortable and unhappy, why would you continue to associate with them? You don't owe them anything -
Now add to that the fact that you don't want to expose your children to their arrogance and materialism - Well, it's not THAT difficult to break away from a group of friends. - People change and grow apart all the time.
And you're not going to be able to protect your kids from people like this forever, but you CAN control who you socialize with - I don't think it makes you hypocritical at all - It's not like you don't want to hang out w/ them b/c they 'have more' and you're simply jealous -
You couldn't care less what they have, you just don't like the way they treat you and each other - Seems like a valid reason to end a 'friendship' to me
I guess what it comes down to is that I never noticed it before until I started worrying about what G is being exposed to.
But you are right, I have no time for this kind of drama. And trust me it was drama. I'll spare you the details, but let's jsut say one even made a comment about how "cute" my Coach bag is and "isn't that the one everyone has?"
I swear I felt like I was in a Stanley Kubrick flick...just plain off. It was so weird.
There were a lot of things I didn't notice about people until DH would point them out .....I am just the type that doesn't let things like that bother me b/c I don't care - so I can understand what you're saying about not noticing until you started to consider G -
And in my experience, people who need to build themselves up by looking down their nose at someone else know deep down that they're really not very impressive themselves -
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| Posted 8/25/08 2:16 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by MarisaK
And in my experience, people who need to build themselves up by looking down their nose at someone else know deep down that they're really not very impressive themselves -
You are absolutely right. And DH kept saying, "boy did they forget where they came from." And I think that is it...I remind them where they came from. And it bothers them. I don't know why but I guess they are insecure with who they are.
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| Posted 8/25/08 2:18 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by MarisaK
And in my experience, people who need to build themselves up by looking down their nose at someone else know deep down that they're really not very impressive themselves -
You are absolutely right. And DH kept saying, "boy did they forget where they came from." And I think that is it...I remind them where they came from. And it bothers them. I don't know why but I guess they are insecure with who they are.
ITA. There is nothing wrong with trying to do better for yourself. As long as it does not turn you into a total snob and you poopoo does not stink.
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| Posted 8/25/08 2:26 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by smdl
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by MarisaK
And in my experience, people who need to build themselves up by looking down their nose at someone else know deep down that they're really not very impressive themselves -
You are absolutely right. And DH kept saying, "boy did they forget where they came from." And I think that is it...I remind them where they came from. And it bothers them. I don't know why but I guess they are insecure with who they are.
ITA. There is nothing wrong with trying to do better for yourself. As long as it does not turn you into a total snob and you poopoo does not stink.
I heart you Sophie! I actually read this with your voice in my head and it made poopoo sound nice
SO PS this is the friend that we were going to try and do the massages at, so I guess that is out of the question.
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| Posted 8/25/08 2:28 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by smdl
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by MarisaK
And in my experience, people who need to build themselves up by looking down their nose at someone else know deep down that they're really not very impressive themselves -
You are absolutely right. And DH kept saying, "boy did they forget where they came from." And I think that is it...I remind them where they came from. And it bothers them. I don't know why but I guess they are insecure with who they are.
ITA. There is nothing wrong with trying to do better for yourself. As long as it does not turn you into a total snob and you poopoo does not stink.
I heart you Sophie! I actually read this with your voice in my head and it made poopoo sound nice
SO PS this is the friend that we were going to try and do the massages at, so I guess that is out of the question.
If you are willing to come to my 70's room upstairs.... Just close your eyes to relax....
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| Posted 8/25/08 2:32 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by smdl
If you are willing to come to my 70's room upstairs.... Just close your eyes to relax....
I love the 70's room. G had his first baby interaction there
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| Posted 8/25/08 3:15 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by smdl
If you are willing to come to my 70's room upstairs.... Just close your eyes to relax....
I love the 70's room. G had his first baby interaction there
I know... baby #2 will have an even earlier interaction with the room.
I will send you a FM.
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| Posted 8/25/08 4:10 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Friends issue.... need some thoughts & advice....
I'm sorry but I would have a tough time reconciling my own value system and having a friendship group like that. If you want to still be friends then I would definately point out to your son that these instances are certainly not the way YOUR family behaves or thinks.
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| Posted 8/25/08 4:13 PM |
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