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Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3

Member since 1/06

19197 total posts

Name:
Michelle

Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

DH and I are totally disagreeing on this.

I've posted before about my neighbors, but the short story of the long story is that:

I have one neighbor to the side of me, the front of their house faces our backyard, so their driveway is basically in our backyard. - there is NO privacy, and they have a VERY active driveway.

I have another neighbor that lives behind us.

I've had "issues" with both neighbors and an altercation with my behind us neighbor. Their girls are friends and they use our backyard as a go between whenever they want regardless if we are outside and regardless if we entertaining outside. Our behind us neighbors have also in the past used our backyward when going over to socialize with our next door neighbors. Again regardless if we are outside or not. Never did they talk to us, introduce themselves etc. In fact, I once asked they NOT go through the backyard, especially if we were outside eating dinner (yes, they have done this).

The altercation I had with the wife was when she came banging on my backdoor one morning at 8 am yelling in my face that her daughter said my husband and I yelled at her.

A. My husband was actually out of town on business then

and

B. The only thing I had EVER said to her kid was "good morning" as she's walked through my yard hiding behind the trees so I shouldn't see her.

The people next door to us, are just complete snobs. We've had a total of 2 conversations with them in the 5 years we've lived here.

ANYWAY... we decided to put a fence up between us and our immediate next door neighbors (oh, and I've seen their kids on more than one occassion with their nanny, playing on our backyard swingset when I've come home from work) We've never said anything to them in order to "keep the peace" Chat Icon

So now....I don't feel we HAVE to or are required to tell them we are putting the fence up... it's very obvious anyway since the materials have been dropped of and are sitting right on our property line. BUT my husband feels we should and that we owe them a reason why.

I have agreed to let them know the fence is going up, but I don't feel we need to give them the why... I mean, they KNOW. I had told the neighbor behind us we were putting a fence up, and I'm 100% sure she told the next door people.

There's alot more "history" with the neighbor. DH wants to keep it friendly in case one day down the road we all become friends (which will NEVER happen, as I don't associate with people like them).

Given the strained relationship with your neighbors, would you feel obligated to talk to them about putting the fence up, or would you just go ahead and do it.

ETA: I did compromise with DH though and instead of putting up a 6 foot fence, I agreed to go with the 4 foot fence.

Also, one of the other reasons we are putting a fence in, is that my DD is all over the backyard, and they have a very active driveway, as well as a pool which while they have a gate around it, there's always the chance someone could forget to close it. I'm 8 months pregnant and my DD is FAST, I can't chase after her.

If you got this far... thank you!

Message edited 7/1/2010 12:30:33 PM.

Posted 7/1/10 12:28 PM
 
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Bugaboo
Relax!

Member since 5/05

2133 total posts

Name:

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Given the strained relationship, I wouldn't say anything, unless the workers will need to be on your neighbors' property. You especially don't need to give them a reason as to why you're putting the fence up. Heck, I would've went with a 10 ft fence. Chat Icon

Posted 7/1/10 12:37 PM
 

jgl
Love my little boys!!!

Member since 8/07

7060 total posts

Name:
g

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

That is ridiulous! as a corner house across from a chuch I completely understand how you feel. we have people walking across our lawn constantly and we have no privacy either. We recently put up a fence. We have no issues with our neighbors and we still did not let them know. I do not think you need to let them know, you are already not friendly and they obviously do not respect you enough by how they behave. I don't know how your house is situated but given how your neighbors are I'd go with the 6ft fence. All te 4ft is going to do is stop tem from walking through your yard but not from being in your business!

Posted 7/1/10 12:41 PM
 

Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!

Member since 5/08

9818 total posts

Name:
Jenn

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

I wouldn't say anything and I would have put up a 6 ft fence. These people have some ***** nerve. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Even if the workers were on their property I wouldn't say a damn thing - if they said anything to you I'd say - "well since you're always using my yard as a road, as well as MY SWINGSET, I figured anything goes in this place."

eta: I said "effffin" nerve, not the f bomb. I can't believe that's starred out. Chat Icon

Message edited 7/1/2010 12:44:34 PM.

Posted 7/1/10 12:43 PM
 

greenfreak
.

Member since 9/06

11483 total posts

Name:
greenfreak

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

If DH wants to tell them, I'd tell him to have a ball but you're not going over there. Chat Icon Based on their past behavior, I don't feel they are owed any explanation and although you need to coexist (peacefully if possible), they seem self centered and disrespectful. Telling them a fence is going up isn't going to fix that. But *not* telling them might fuel their fire, right or wrong, maybe that's what DH is thinking.

Posted 7/1/10 12:45 PM
 

alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!

Member since 5/09

18388 total posts

Name:
Allison

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

I have a great relationship with my neighbors and didnt tell any of them when we put up our fence. Its none of their business no matter what type of relationship you have with them.

Posted 7/1/10 12:46 PM
 

MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3

Member since 1/06

19197 total posts

Name:
Michelle

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Posted by greenfreak

If DH wants to tell them, I'd tell him to have a ball but you're not going over there. Chat Icon Based on their past behavior, I don't feel they are owed any explanation and although you need to coexist (peacefully if possible), they seem self centered and disrespectful. Telling them a fence is going up isn't going to fix that. But *not* telling them might fuel their fire, right or wrong, maybe that's what DH is thinking.



This is exactly what I told DH!!! If he wants to tell them, he's welcome to go knock on the door and talk to them.

However, he always wants to "make nice" and invite them and the other neighbors over for a BBQ. I told him when he learns how to use it and actually cook, then to feel free. I'm too afraid of what will come out of my mouth!!! LOLChat Icon

But I'm happy to see that I'm not alone in thinking this way! I was beginning to think that I really AM acting like a b!itch!!!

Posted 7/1/10 12:50 PM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Given your relationship, I see no reason to tell them why you're putting up a fence - it only opens you up to more arguments.

As for telling them you're putting it up - I probably wouldn't tell them because they haven't ever shown any courtesy toward you. If they had, I'd let them know.

And I would make absolutely certain that:

#1 - all town permits were solid for the fence.

#2 - I took pictures of the fence in the event that someone tries to deface or ruin it.

edited to add - I would go with a 6 foot fence if it's not too late.

Message edited 7/1/2010 12:55:34 PM.

Posted 7/1/10 12:54 PM
 

greenfreak
.

Member since 9/06

11483 total posts

Name:
greenfreak

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

They've had plenty of opportunities to be a good neighbor to YOU but haven't done so, from what you're saying.

Once the fence is up a while, and things have settled down, maybe that's when you invite them for a bbq. Once. If they don't come, that's the end of that.

I just get nervous sometimes because people are friggin crazy. I've heard horror stories of feuding neighbors, property damage, the town called for every little thing, etc. It's definitely better to be on good terms, but with a reasonable amount of effort from BOTH parties. Doesn't sound like you're getting any.

Posted 7/1/10 12:56 PM
 

Andrewz00
Look! I changed it!

Member since 4/10

1789 total posts

Name:
Andrew

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

ABSOLUTELY NO EXPLANATION IS NEEDED! PERIOD.

i believe the fence going up would be enough of a statement saying "STAY THE F OUT"....

i would put up at LEAST 6ft!!! 4 ft is too easy to climb over..... we have 7ft stockade fencing around the ENTIRE perimeter of our backyard!

Posted 7/1/10 12:56 PM
 

debsabourin13
LIF Toddler

Member since 4/10

465 total posts

Name:
Debra

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

It's YOUR house and you have NO obligation whatsoever to tell your neighbors that you are putting up a fence...let alone WHY you are putting up a fence. As long as all town codes are met have a ball...I would definitely get the 6ft if you can...that way you wont have to see them making stink faces at you for putting up your fence!! Chat Icon

Posted 7/1/10 1:01 PM
 

JldDolphin

Member since 1/07

6929 total posts

Name:
Jen

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

I would not give them a reason at all. If your DH wants to tell them it's going up that is fine, but I would end it there.

We are completely friendly with out neighbors and when we put up our stockade fence in the backyard (where on one side it was like a 5ft fence) our nice neighbor said "What did we do?" We felt so bad. We told them we just wanted more privacy and with the pool in the yard, extra. Plus we didnt' like their ugly fence. Chat Icon We will put up a 6ft PVC fence over the next few years, but I'm sure everyone will be happy in the end when we do it. Chat Icon

GL with your neighbors. It's not easy some times. Chat Icon

Posted 7/1/10 1:56 PM
 

evenedan
Need a little sunshine

Member since 9/05

3843 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

You owe them no explanation! I wouldn't say a thing to them.

Posted 7/1/10 2:05 PM
 

evnme
My little lamb

Member since 8/05

12633 total posts

Name:
aka momma2b

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

you don't owe them any explanations.
put up the fence.
and like barb said, make sure your permits are solid and take pics.

Posted 7/1/10 2:18 PM
 

headoverheels
s'il vous plaît

Member since 6/07

42079 total posts

Name:
LB

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

I agree with you you don't own them an explanation.

However, this:

Posted by MrsRbk

The people next door to us, are just complete snobs. We've had a total of 2 conversations with them in the 5 years we've lived here.




made me sad. DH and I are very shy and while we would love to socialize with our neighbors we are not home enough to do so, and when we are we don't know what to say. We have been in our home 9 months and I've spoken to our next door neighbors exactly twice. I don't think that makes us snobs, and without knowing your neighbors, I don't think that makes them snobs either. Some people just aren't social with nothing to tie them together (like having daughters who are friends).

Anyway, I digress from the original question, but I did want to put that out there in case that was part of the reason for you not to want to attempt to be friends with them - in which case I would offer an explanation as to why the fence was going up.

Posted 7/1/10 2:23 PM
 

tara73
carseat nerd

Member since 11/09

3669 total posts

Name:
Buttercup

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

I don't think you owe them an explanation or any warnings that the fence is going up. If they cared at all about what you thought they would have been considerate enough to not use your property as a cut through or use your swingset without permission.

Posted 7/1/10 2:30 PM
 

MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3

Member since 1/06

19197 total posts

Name:
Michelle

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Posted by headoverheels

I agree with you you don't own them an explanation.

However, this:

Posted by MrsRbk

The people next door to us, are just complete snobs. We've had a total of 2 conversations with them in the 5 years we've lived here.




made me sad. DH and I are very shy and while we would love to socialize with our neighbors we are not home enough to do so, and when we are we don't know what to say. We have been in our home 9 months and I've spoken to our next door neighbors exactly twice. I don't think that makes us snobs, and without knowing your neighbors, I don't think that makes them snobs either. Some people just aren't social with nothing to tie them together (like having daughters who are friends).

Anyway, I digress from the original question, but I did want to put that out there in case that was part of the reason for you not to want to attempt to be friends with them - in which case I would offer an explanation as to why the fence was going up.



They are not shy people. They have HUGE parties every weekend, especially in the summer. We've never once been invited over (the majority of the neighborhood is always there, as THEY have given permission to the neighbors to use OUR yard to get to their house. We've waved at them, said hello, say hello when we see them around town and get the cold shoulder. We've never done anything offensive towards them except I guess move in. (They moved into their house only a couple of months before we did).

He is a BIG SHOT attorney and she owns a small business that profits millions of dollars a year. They LIVE that lifestyle. I'm not saying the fact they have money make them snobs, but it's how they act and the sense of entitlement you can SEE that they have.

The two conversations we've had with them regarded a tree that fell. They wanted us to take care of it and insisted it was on our property line. We showed them in the plans it was theirs and even offered to split the cost.

Posted 7/1/10 2:31 PM
 

Andrewz00
Look! I changed it!

Member since 4/10

1789 total posts

Name:
Andrew

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Posted by evnme

like barb said, make sure your permits are solid and take pics.



if you honestly think this will cause an issue, get the land surveyed to be 100% sure the fence is completely on YOUR property... you could even sacrifice 6" so there is not a single question that the ENTIRE fence falls within the boundaries of your property.

Its a bit extreme but with that and the proper permits and documentation, they would NEVER have a case if they did attempt to have it removed...

Posted 7/1/10 2:37 PM
 

Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan

Member since 10/09

5796 total posts

Name:
MB

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

In the interest of keeping peace, I would mention to my neighbors that we were putting up a fence but I dont think you owe them an explanation
Chat Icon

Posted 7/1/10 2:45 PM
 

MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3

Member since 1/06

19197 total posts

Name:
Michelle

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Posted by Andrewz00

Posted by evnme

like barb said, make sure your permits are solid and take pics.



if you honestly think this will cause an issue, get the land surveyed to be 100% sure the fence is completely on YOUR property... you could even sacrifice 6" so there is not a single question that the ENTIRE fence falls within the boundaries of your property.

Its a bit extreme but with that and the proper permits and documentation, they would NEVER have a case if they did attempt to have it removed...



We actually have copies of the land survey and all the property lines that was given to us by the town as part of all the paperwork we got when we closed on the house.

I don't think it's going to cause an issue at al. Honestly, I'm pretty certain they will not care one way or another that we put a fence up.

We're actually not putting it right on the property line because there are trees right on the line.

Posted 7/1/10 2:47 PM
 

headoverheels
s'il vous plaît

Member since 6/07

42079 total posts

Name:
LB

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Posted by MrsRbk

Posted by headoverheels

I agree with you you don't own them an explanation.

However, this:

Posted by MrsRbk

The people next door to us, are just complete snobs. We've had a total of 2 conversations with them in the 5 years we've lived here.




made me sad. DH and I are very shy and while we would love to socialize with our neighbors we are not home enough to do so, and when we are we don't know what to say. We have been in our home 9 months and I've spoken to our next door neighbors exactly twice. I don't think that makes us snobs, and without knowing your neighbors, I don't think that makes them snobs either. Some people just aren't social with nothing to tie them together (like having daughters who are friends).

Anyway, I digress from the original question, but I did want to put that out there in case that was part of the reason for you not to want to attempt to be friends with them - in which case I would offer an explanation as to why the fence was going up.



They are not shy people. They have HUGE parties every weekend, especially in the summer. We've never once been invited over (the majority of the neighborhood is always there, as THEY have given permission to the neighbors to use OUR yard to get to their house. We've waved at them, said hello, say hello when we see them around town and get the cold shoulder. We've never done anything offensive towards them except I guess move in. (They moved into their house only a couple of months before we did).

He is a BIG SHOT attorney and she owns a small business that profits millions of dollars a year. They LIVE that lifestyle. I'm not saying the fact they have money make them snobs, but it's how they act and the sense of entitlement you can SEE that they have.

The two conversations we've had with them regarded a tree that fell. They wanted us to take care of it and insisted it was on our property line. We showed them in the plans it was theirs and even offered to split the cost.



Okay, I take it back... just trying to offer another POV, that's all Chat Icon

Posted 7/1/10 2:47 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

They will assume that they know why you are putting the fence up (to keep them out). Let them assume. I would NOT NOT NOT admit why you are putting the fence up, you do not owe an explanation. And the reality is your most important reason should be keeping your DD safe anyway, so that is why you are putting up the fence.....

I am so sorry you are having a tough time with them. I would not be ok with people walking through my yard either. Times change, these neighbors have to accept that you own your property and you don't want anyone on it. Bottom line. And honestly, if you WANT a 6 ft fence, you should be putting it up.

Posted 7/1/10 2:56 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Posted by MrsRbk

They are not shy people. They have HUGE parties every weekend, especially in the summer. We've never once been invited over (the majority of the neighborhood is always there, as THEY have given permission to the neighbors to use OUR yard to get to their house. We've waved at them, said hello, say hello when we see them around town and get the cold shoulder. We've never done anything offensive towards them except I guess move in. (They moved into their house only a couple of months before we did).

.



I am quite sure you hit the nail on the head. You did NOTHING except move in. If they wanted to own YOUR house and PROPERTY too, they should have bought it. I can't stand this sort of thing....they gotta get over it, they dont own your land and they are trying to push you out by not becoming friendly with you. But surprise surprise, even if you moved, SOMEONE else who OWNED that land would move in. Sour grapes it sounds like...they want your property and theirs. I am sorry, I can relate.

Message edited 7/1/2010 3:00:36 PM.

Posted 7/1/10 2:59 PM
 

Shorty
.

Member since 5/05

30390 total posts

Name:
really

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

Posted by nrthshgrl

Given your relationship, I see no reason to tell them why you're putting up a fence - it only opens you up to more arguments.

As for telling them you're putting it up - I probably wouldn't tell them because they haven't ever shown any courtesy toward you. If they had, I'd let them know.

And I would make absolutely certain that:

#1 - all town permits were solid for the fence.

#2 - I took pictures of the fence in the event that someone tries to deface or ruin it.

edited to add - I would go with a 6 foot fence if it's not too late.



agreed on all counts

Posted 7/1/10 3:36 PM
 

JennZ
MY LIFE!!

Member since 8/05

25463 total posts

Name:

Re: Fence and neighbor situation... how would you handle..(sorry, long).

F them, you owe them nothing. Who the hell does that.

Posted 7/1/10 4:06 PM
 
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