crying...do you? your thoughts please

do you ever cry or tear up at the re's?


got af..so i am out. again. and when dr was rushingly talking to me .. she said ...are you okay? your face looks puffy?

i said well i got af and i have been crying.


to which i was told...kindly but still

"try not to get your hopes up each cycle to the point of being devastated/depressed ( not sure what word was used)
have very very low expectation and hope for the best. we are trying to defy the odds here."

so then i felt foolish for being upset ya know?

so....how do you go through each cycle not putting your all or being hopeful? how do i do a cycle expecting nothing?

thats like.... working and not expecting a pay check or dating and never expecting to fall in love.

i dunno.

am goin back to talk to dr b .... i am broke but at least i feel...... more comforted by him.

just dont know how to DO infertility ...feel very very alone

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

sry not sure what this double posted

Message edited 11/4/2010 10:45:27 AM.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

i have cried uncontrollably to dr. B. it just happens. he is very comforting and supportive. i couldnt imagine any RE saying not to be too hopeful. Dr. B will tell it to you straight with odds, but he'll NEVER tell you not to be hopeful and he'll always tell you that he's solved a case tougher than yours!!

i think finding the line between hope and reality is one of the hardest things about IF, but its also one of the most important. its the difference between being depressed and unrealistically expecting a BFP. i find meditation and distraction help the most.

sorry about the bfn good luck!!

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

You are definitely not alone. I am sorry for the BFN and even more so for the RE making you feel guilty about being upset. You have the right to have hope and pray that this cycle is it, so please do not feel guilty. Having hope and faith helps to continue this process, or at least it does for me.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

thank you... i just feel i am losing my faith in general...and then when something like this is said to me.....its just makes it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
much worse.


ty for the huggies!!!

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

How dare she make you feel foolish for being upset! Of course you can't expect these things to be 100% guaranteed.. but you absolutely owe it to yourself to be optimistic!

I'm so sorry you had that experience and about AF


One thing you might want to ask the dr about though... why did you get AF at just 10dpo?!


ETA: To answer your question, I have never cried at the RE's office (thankfully have not yet had a reason to!! ) The time I found out about my loss though, I cried uncontrollably. That was at a fetal medicine dr- then the next day at the second opinion. I don't know how I held it together to lay there for those sonos- I seriously must have super powers!

Message edited 11/4/2010 2:21:26 PM.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

I think she should have kept her "thoughts" to her self. I am sorry she made you feel that way.

To answer your question, no I don't cry, but im not a criyER persay...its just not how I express my emotions. Its like I bypass the sad part and go straight to the angry part of the grieving process. But my point is, there is NO wrong way to be emotional, I think its important to "let it out" , its just TOO much to keep in.

As for "HOPE", its the ONLY thing we have control over in this journey, don't let ANYONE take that away from you! As my DH so eloquently says as long as no one is DEAD, there is always hope !!

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

The nerve of some people, I cant believe she said that to you. I am so sorry that she spoke to you like that.

Very happy to hear that you will be going back to to Dr. B, I love him. He has one of the most amazing bedside manner that I have ever encountered.

Good luck with your next cycle, hoping that it will bring you a bfp.

Message edited 11/4/2010 1:32:49 PM.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Yes I cry to dr b all the time! He always makes me feel a bit better even though the situation still stinks. I dint think that was a very nice comment made to you! I'm sorry! I'm here if you need to talk

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

thanks everyone...i wasnt even crying at the time...i was just puffy

she said 10 dpo is like 12d since trigger and not that far off and not a big deal.

i tried to ask about maybe progesterone issues but she stopped me right off cause she was rushed with a presentation to make.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

I'm not really a cryer myself, i tend to get upset and stew in private, then move on to being angry, then just defeated.
However, if i were to cry in front of my RE, i'd like to think they'd have the compassion to comfort me rather than make me feel foolish! i'm sorry that happened to you.

Honestly though.. i've sort of learned to not get my hopes up each month. I actually expect it NOT to happen each month now because its been so long.
For me, that works. I get disappointed, but its not as devastating as if i was pinning all my hopes each month on a BFP. I figure i'm on a journey, and i'll eventually get to my destination, just not sure when.

So rather than face such stress in the 2ww, then crushing heartbreak each month, i just have a pity party once a month and then pick myself up and move on.
But we all handle things differently and no dr should tell you what you're feeling is wrong. Try to think of it as her way of trying to make you feel better so you don't take it so hard if it happens again?

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Posted by prunepie

thanks everyone...i wasnt even crying at the time...i was just puffy

she said 10 dpo is like 12d since trigger and not that far off and not a big deal.

i tried to ask about maybe progesterone issues but she stopped me right off cause she was rushed with a presentation to make.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by prunepie

thanks everyone...i wasnt even crying at the time...i was just puffy

she said 10 dpo is like 12d since trigger and not that far off and not a big deal.

i tried to ask about maybe progesterone issues but she stopped me right off cause she was rushed with a presentation to make.

I don't like that she rushed you. Definitely take your business elsewhere! That's my opinion .. I don't like this person from your original post and this one!

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Honestly, I would leave that RE. I wouldn't want to see someone who had such little hope that I would get pregnant.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Posted by JavaJunkie

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by prunepie

thanks everyone...i wasnt even crying at the time...i was just puffy

she said 10 dpo is like 12d since trigger and not that far off and not a big deal.

i tried to ask about maybe progesterone issues but she stopped me right off cause she was rushed with a presentation to make.

I don't like that she rushed you. Definitely take your business elsewhere! That's my opinion .. I don't like this person from your original post and this one!

I agree. I think that when you are going through IF you need to be totally comfortable with your dr. When I was having my last meltdown dr b calmed me so much. He was telling me how 50% of his job is to get me pg, the other 50% is knowing how to deal with emotion. Honestly I felt like a crazy lady until he showed me that everything I'm feeling is normal! I think it's impossible to not have some hope each cycle, even if you tell yourself everyday that it's never going to work, a part of us will always have hope , if we didn't we wouldn't be putting ourselves through this ya know?

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

I was sobbing this morning at my RE...Sometimes it just happens and you have to let it out..For me I feel like every little thing lately brings me to tears.

Funny thing was I think one nurse thought I was crying today bc I was nervous getting blood taken so she gave me apple juice and a cookie!!

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

I haven't cried at the RE yet but I have teared up and shaky voice. But you know what your RE should know better. I feel like if you cannot cry their then where should you cry alone in your home? You want to be comforted by the person who is helping you. I would be so sad if my doctor told me not to get my hopes up. How do you not get your hopes up?

I am so sorry

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Dr B has amazing compassion and he is hopeful but realistic...def give him a try

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Oh yes, have I cried!! Once in the middle of an IUI...poor doctor thought he was hurting me. DH had to explain I was just an emotional mess. It happens. I'm sorry the doctor responded the way she did. That was uncalled for.
But, you're perfectly "normal" I'd have to say! It's a very emotional process.


ETA: It is a very isolating thing (IF). Even the support of a board like this deosn't quite fill the void. Unless you have someone in your life with the same experience, no one can truly get it. As for how to "do" infertility...well, I don't think there is right or wrong way. I think you just kind of feel your way through each step and figure it out as you go along. And I think with 4.5 years under my belt I can say I have delt well at times and other times not as much. There are way too many factors.

Message edited 11/4/2010 5:30:29 PM.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Are you kidding?????? I started bawling at my rheumatologist appointment which was just a follow up on some blood test results that all came back normal. My first time having CD 3 bw done, I almost passed out from all the vials they took and then I sat in my car and cried for 10 minutes before driving myself to the train station. Actually, EVERY time I had any sort of appointment, procedure, etc., I cried.

I don't care what anyone says - what you are going through and what many of us are going through is a very emotionally draining experience. If you keep it all bottled up inside, you will go even more crazy. The important thing is that when you finish crying, you pick yourself up and move on.

Hang in there

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Message edited 11/4/2010 5:35:25 PM.

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

Yes, I have cried numerous times. Happy tears and sad tears. I am a "cryer," an emotional mess sometimes too. I think it's ok because everyone has a different personality. At the same time, your RE, your Dr. is suppose to be your #1 fan. (or at least close to it.) I'm not saying they're suppose to give you false hope but be truthful, honest and give you the support you need.
Thats one of the reasons I left East Coast last year, no care or concern.
BTW, Dr. B would never say to "have low expectations and hope for the best." If anything, its all about being strong and positive. I have cried with everyone in that office!

Sorry you are feeling down. Hang in there

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

I'm SO sorry that you were so upset.. I completely understand and I think it's totally normal to get your hopes up and to be really disappointed when it doesn't work out. I think that if you don't have hope.. the negativity will take over and you can't have that happening. I'm happy to hear that you are going to try a more supportive dr

Re: crying...do you? your thoughts please

thank you all so much.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




feel a little better..going back to dr b monday. not expecting the world cause i know my issues are very very bad...but smile once in a while and dont make me feel like an a hole if i am dissapointed or if i get teary eyed.

oh gawd though...i am going to be broke again!!!!!!!!!!!!!


but thank you so much i really need your support big time today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!