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Re: Cheating
none for me thanks.
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Posted 11/1/07 12:12 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
dgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/07 1079 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Cheating
In your friends situation I wouldn't be able to trust the behavior, but as a poster above said, if the guy cheated in high school or played the field a little in the early years I could get over that.
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| Posted 11/1/07 12:13 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cheating
No, spots on a leopard don't change. Once a cheater, I don't think I'd be able to trust that person anymore. I know someone who left her husband of 18 years and has been living w/ a guy for 4 years who cheated on his 1st wife, married the woman and now cheated on her and left her for my friend. Honestly, I keep thinking it's only a matter of time... though I really hope he proves me wrong for my friends sake.
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| Posted 11/1/07 12:19 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Cheating
Nope. Not a chance.
No one can tell me that if a man cheats on his wife with me, he won't eventually cheat on me once the realities of life settle in.
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| Posted 11/1/07 12:25 PM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Cheating
I would always wonder.......
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| Posted 11/1/07 12:28 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Cheating
No -
I would NEVER even consider dating a man who was cheating on his wife/girlfriend with ME -
1. - I have no interest in being the 'other' woman
2. - If her ever leaves the GF/DW for me, he's just going to find another "other woman" to eventually leave me for ..........
I don't believe people should stay in a relationship if they are misearable - But you have to bite the bullet and break up FIRST - before you can move on and begin actively dating ......... at least in my book -
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| Posted 11/1/07 12:58 PM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: Cheating
I wouldn't marry someone who has been known to cheat on his wife. Even if he has changed, I would always wonder...did he really work late? was he really stuck in traffic? did he really go to the game with his buddies?
I don't think I could get passed my doubts and it would probably cause alot of problems within the relationship
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| Posted 11/1/07 1:12 PM |
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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: Cheating
no. once a cheater, always a cheater.
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| Posted 11/1/07 1:13 PM |
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GraciesMom
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 1636 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cheating
Definitely not! I would never be able to trust them completely and would hate to live my life like that.
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| Posted 11/1/07 1:19 PM |
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Re: Cheating
of course not..... that is a 'personality trait' of his, and isn't going to change.
I think you're right to not say anything... since she already knows of his history, she basically prefers to ignore all the obvious warning signs, and you re-iterating them will likely only harm your relationship.
I also think that your friend is naive, and is likely to get hurt in the future. Like you said, she's a big girl, and if, after passing her teens years ago, she still thinks that she is different from all the other girls, and can magically reform a repeat cheater, she'll unfortunately have to eventually suffer the consequences of her errors in judgement.
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| Posted 11/1/07 2:02 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Cheating
Posted by JennZ
NO, Once a cheat, always a cheat.
not true. soooo not true.
i was a cheater in HS and college, and have been 2 serious relationships since then in which i have not cheated. i saw what it did to me - and to my former partners - and made a conscious decision not to cheat, ever again, and i haven't.
that being said, if my DH knew about my history, he may not have started dating me, and i would not have blamed him in the slightest.
if my DH had a history of cheating, or if i met him which he was dating/engaged/married to another woman, i would not have gotten invovled with him in the first place, and i seriously doubt that i would have started dating him if he was a known cheater. i know the heartache of being the cheater, and being cheated on, and it's just not worth the pain.
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| Posted 11/1/07 2:06 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Cheating
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
I heard someone say this once and I think it's so true... "if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you!"
I’m not saying people can’t change, but again, it’s all about the trust factor, IMO.
ITA with this
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| Posted 11/1/07 2:08 PM |
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Re: Cheating
I wouldn't date, would certainly never marry, and probably wouldn't even be friends with someone like that.
I know love is blind, but how can she think that she's changed him?? She's setting herself up to be pained here. 
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| Posted 11/1/07 2:11 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cheating
I would not date or marry someone like this.
With that said though, if your friends feels that this is the right decision for her I guess all that you can really do is be happy for her...and there for her when she needs you. 
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| Posted 11/1/07 2:12 PM |
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imagin916
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 1826 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: Cheating
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by JennZ
NO, Once a cheat, always a cheat.
not true. soooo not true.
i was a cheater in HS and college, and have been 2 serious relationships since then in which i have not cheated. i saw what it did to me - and to my former partners - and made a conscious decision not to cheat, ever again, and i haven't.
that being said, if my DH knew about my history, he may not have started dating me, and i would not have blamed him in the slightest.
if my DH had a history of cheating, or if i met him which he was dating/engaged/married to another woman, i would not have gotten invovled with him in the first place, and i seriously doubt that i would have started dating him if he was a known cheater. i know the heartache of being the cheater, and being cheated on, and it's just not worth the pain.
I don't think anyone here would say in your situation that you are like this guy or that you are a "habitual cheater". I think most of us are saying though, that if someone cheated when they were young like in HS or college when there was no REAL expectation of marriage or a serious future together that is one thing, but once you are older and are married or in a relationship that could lead to marriage or a very serious commitment then the person cheats that is very different. JMO
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| Posted 11/1/07 2:14 PM |
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LuvMyBoys
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 927 total posts
Name:
MOMMY
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Re: Cheating
Nope I would not marry someone like that. As far as your friend goes as long as she knows his past history and still chooses to be with him, then there is nothing you can do, as you said she is a big girl, but I can see why you would be worried for her.
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| Posted 11/1/07 2:49 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cheating
No. I would never date or marry someone like that. You have to start out with trust, and I would never be able to trust someone like that.
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| Posted 11/1/07 2:55 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Cheating
Posted by imagin916
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by JennZ
NO, Once a cheat, always a cheat.
not true. soooo not true.
i was a cheater in HS and college, and have been 2 serious relationships since then in which i have not cheated. i saw what it did to me - and to my former partners - and made a conscious decision not to cheat, ever again, and i haven't.
that being said, if my DH knew about my history, he may not have started dating me, and i would not have blamed him in the slightest.
if my DH had a history of cheating, or if i met him which he was dating/engaged/married to another woman, i would not have gotten invovled with him in the first place, and i seriously doubt that i would have started dating him if he was a known cheater. i know the heartache of being the cheater, and being cheated on, and it's just not worth the pain.
I don't think anyone here would say in your situation that you are like this guy or that you are a "habitual cheater". I think most of us are saying though, that if someone cheated when they were young like in HS or college when there was no REAL expectation of marriage or a serious future together that is one thing, but once you are older and are married or in a relationship that could lead to marriage or a very serious commitment then the person cheats that is very different. JMO
ok, i see your point, and i would definitely agree with that. it does seem as though the OP was referring to the guy as a "habitual cheater" and not someone who was once "young and stupid."
i guess i have just heard that line one too many times and it still stings a bit.
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| Posted 11/1/07 3:00 PM |
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MamaMia
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/07 886 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cheating
Posted by GoldenRod
If he was cheating with his wife when he met her, why does she think it will be any different now? Women can't "change" men. The man *may* be able to change, but only if HE wants to. From his track record, it sounds like he'll stay with her until someone "better" comes around.... 
DITTO she'll be ex wife #2
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| Posted 11/1/07 3:19 PM |
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GenLCSW
Baby # 3 is here!!!
Member since 7/05 21138 total posts
Name:
Genna
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Re: Cheating
never!
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| Posted 11/1/07 3:20 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cheating
I don't know these people or their relationship, so I can't really say.
For instance, I don’t think it’s cheating if both the husband and wife are done with the relationship and moved on but their divorce is waiting on a court’s rubber stamp.
I think people can change. But he would have to prove he had gone through counseling or something to show he realized cheating is wrong and addressed what underlying reason was making him have that behavior… that’s how people can change. I've never know a cheater to actually DO that, but it COULD happen 
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| Posted 11/1/07 3:34 PM |
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poc53
LIF Infant
Member since 1/06 97 total posts
Name:
E and P
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Re: Cheating
SHE can't change HIM. He must want to change and do it himself. Sorry but she sounds doomed (and a bit clueless)
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| Posted 11/1/07 3:37 PM |
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Re: Cheating
Absolutely not. People like that never change. even if he was faithful for a year or 2 - could she really count on him being faithful FOREVER????
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| Posted 11/1/07 3:40 PM |
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JennasMom
?**?
Member since 11/05 3463 total posts
Name:
does it matter
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Re: Cheating
OH H E L L NO
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| Posted 11/1/07 3:59 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Cheating
Posted by KittyTheStray
I don't know these people or their relationship, so I can't really say.
For instance, I don’t think it’s cheating if both the husband and wife are done with the relationship and moved on but their divorce is waiting on a court’s rubber stamp.
I think people can change. But he would have to prove he had gone through counseling or something to show he realized cheating is wrong and addressed what underlying reason was making him have that behavior… that’s how people can change. I've never know a cheater to actually DO that, but it COULD happen
In this guys case he cheated on his first fiance with the chick who would become his 2nd fiance. He cheated on his 2nd fiance with a woman that he worked with and he cheated on his co-worker turned girlfriend with the woman he eventually married. He had several affairs while he was married and he met my girlfriend in a CLUB while he was still married. She started dating him and then he came clean about being married so she dumped him. He told her the usual "The marriage is in name only and for the kids..." blah blah blah. She told him that if he was truly miserable with his marriage than he should end it before they continued anything. About 3 months later he was caught cheating by his wife for the umpteenth time and she kicked him out. Then he called my friend and she told him he needed to be on his own for a few months first. He dated during that period and finally hooked back up with her. They have been dating for about 3 months and have decided to get married.
BUT he told her that he has changed and now that he is IN LOVE for the FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE - he will never cheat.
I say... sure.
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| Posted 11/1/07 4:21 PM |
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