Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry-UPDATED in 1st post-She Txtd me

Ugh I don't know whats going on here. Yesterday at 6:30 in the AM I get a txt from my babysitter's boyfriend telling me she is very sick and will not be able to work for a "few weeks." She is with me every day usually(I work from home). We have a great relationship and the kids love her. So I called her boyfriend back and left him a VM saying Scott-that was a very cryptic message you left me and I am very concerned please call me. Then I txt her phone not sure if she has it or not. He responds a while later(on her phone) and says J is going through something very personal right now. I am not sure what is going on but we will know more tomorrow when she is home(I am assuming she is in the hospital )He also said she wiuill be staying with her parents(who live here in NC) for 3-4 weeks, after that he doesn't know. Then he said when she is "ready to talk" she would call me. Which leads me to believe rather than sickness that something happened to her.

So obviously I am concerned for her since I really do care for her. BUT I am also concerned about our childcare situation. I am imagining something horrible happened to her....its killing me not knowing what is going on and also what the future will bring.

I already called a woman on CL who advertised childcare(my husband or I are mostly home ) and will interview her on Friday. My son has food allergies and J knew everything that he could eat,Knew their schedules, their tired signs etc. I am almost crying writing this.

We have come up with a number of different scenarios none of them good and some of them impacting whether I would want her back I also feel guilty hiring someone and then telling them I don't need them if she does come back though I guess I could keep her p/t...

Anyone want to hypothesize with me?

My DH thinks she may have been attacked
Arrested?(does not seem like the type but who knows-DWI, pot etc.)
Wants to quit but can't tell me?

UPDATE: So she txtd me and said she had an "emotional breakdown" She profusely apologized and said she can't work right now. Said she understands if I need to find someone else. I told her I was just happy to hear from her and she "says" she will call me later this week.

I don't think I can really have her back after this so unfortunately I am going to have to find another sitter. Not that I think everyone can't have depression but I can't risk my kids.....This is why people prefer daycare situations I guess

Message edited 9/2/2009 1:41:58 PM.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

That really stinks...but as her employer, I think you have a right to know whats going on as her job right now is relying on whether or not she is coming back to work with you, also she has left you in the proverbial sh1tter.

I hope she is okay and you find an alternative as soon as you can.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Did you google her name? Maybe something will come up if it involved the authorities.

3 to 4 weeks is a long time. I would see who you find. You may love them just as much. I know you feel bad but you have to do what is best for you and your family.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Thats a tough one as you really like her and if she does come back you will probably still want her. How about interviewing the new person and explaining what is going on and in this economic climate she may be more than willing to start babysitting even if it turns out to be part time.

As for your babysitter I would not press her - obviously her boyfriend doesnt want to give you any more information for now so I would just ride it out. Do you think she may have had a miscarriage or something?

Whatever it is I hope your babysitter is okay and that you get some help sorted soon. I work from home too and know what a nightmare it is when your babysitter is gone.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

I agree, I would say to her, and if you feel badly saying it let DH say that as her employer, it's actually not fair to YOU guys and the children to hold her job open for 3-4 weeks and not know why, and you can't do that unless you know what is going on....

Sorry you're going through this!

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

I would want to know also.

Maybe she found herself PG and is NOT keeping it.

Maybe she was in an accident.

Maybe she is having a breakdown.

Im totally guessing, but you should know for sure.

Anyway you cut it, 3-4 wks is a long time.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

gosh i'm so sorry! that last line though "when she's ready to talk" for some reason just made me think rape. it's horrible but could be one possible scenario. God I hope not! please update us when you find out what it is and how she's doing....

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

My first thought was miscarriage, don't know why. Maybe they're going through a tough break up (moving back in with her parents?) IDK but you def have a right to know what's going on as her employer IF she expects you to hold her position for her.

I would send her another text or call her phone to say it's imperative that SHE contact you so that you CAN hold her position for her. She is not obligated to give you details, but she does owe you the courtesy of a conversation. jmo

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

I was thinking maybe she had a miscarriage. Perhaps she and her BF are thinking it will take 3-4 weeks to recover? And emotionally maybe it will and that is why she'll be staying with her mother?

Maybe she is having an emotional breakdown from something else.

Maybe she is an addict and spent a night in the hospital and will be entering a treatment program.

From what you wrote, I personally don't really trust the BF. I don't like that he has her phone and answering for her. I hope he didn't do something to her.

As her employer, you don't really have a right to know the particulars of what is going on. Really what the BF told you is all you're entitled to know. You do however need to nail down if and when she expects to be able to return to work. You then have to decide if you can hold her job for her or not. If you two were pretty close, she will probably divulge more information when you speak to her, which you definately need to do. Perhaps the next chat with the BF should be, "Have so-and-so call me as soon as she is able because I have to figure out if I can hold her job or not." Maybe that will convince him to let her talk to you.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Posted by bonitachyc

gosh i'm so sorry! that last line though "when she's ready to talk" for some reason just made me think rape. it's horrible but could be one possible scenario. God I hope not! please update us when you find out what it is and how she's doing....

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Posted by beachgirl

Thats a tough one as you really like her and if she does come back you will probably still want her. How about interviewing the new person and explaining what is going on and in this economic climate she may be more than willing to start babysitting even if it turns out to be part time.

As for your babysitter I would not press her - obviously her boyfriend doesnt want to give you any more information for now so I would just ride it out. Do you think she may have had a miscarriage or something?

Whatever it is I hope your babysitter is okay and that you get some help sorted soon. I work from home too and know what a nightmare it is when your babysitter is gone.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

My first reaction was maybe an ectopic pregnancy or something along those lines....Really strange, hoping it isn't rape or something of that nature

Would you happen to know her parents names , maybe you could look them up ?

You have to do what you have to do for your DS's as far as finding alternate arrangements, especially with the BF being so vague...Maybe reach out 1 or 2 more times and see what happens and I would be relatively honest with her replacement ( many times there is a probationary period anyhow with child-care situations so a new sitter might be okay with it being possibly a temporary situation)

Good luck and keep us posted

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

I guess I'm way off from everyone else's predictions, but my first instinct was maybe she was the victim of an attack.

The next thoughts to me were pregnancy, illness, and breakdown.

I hope she is OK. But I've learned the hard way, you need to take care of yourselves. I would text her and/or boyfriend that you would like to talk to her to find out if you should be lookiing for a temporary replacement or a permanent one. If you don't hear back, look for a permanent replacement.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

My first thought was maybe she was diagnosed with cancer or some other illness and will need surgery. I know when DH was diagnosed with cancer, he had to take 3-4 weeks off to have surgery and recover. It was a lot to take in in such a short period of time.

I agree, though, that you do have a right to know what is going on. Try to contact her or her boyfriend and let them know that you need to speak to her regarding this.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

such a tough situation. I hope you get some answers soon and can find someone to help with the boys in the meantime

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Posted by Bops

My first reaction was maybe an ectopic pregnancy or something along those lines....Really strange, hoping it isn't rape or something of that nature

Would you happen to know her parents names , maybe you could look them up ?

You have to do what you have to do for your DS's as far as finding alternate arrangements, especially with the BF being so vague...Maybe reach out 1 or 2 more times and see what happens and I would be relatively honest with her replacement ( many times there is a probationary period anyhow with child-care situations so a new sitter might be okay with it being possibly a temporary situation)

Good luck and keep us posted

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Now that someone brought it up-how do I know she's safe. I mean something could have happened to her because of her BF and he's covering it up. I think I am going to call her parents tonight if I don't hear anything back. I just texted his phone and her phone with the same message

ETA: Not the message that I am going to call her parents-that will be a surprise. I sent a message just saying that I've been thinking about her and asking if ahe was in the hospital.

Message edited 9/2/2009 10:40:22 AM.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Hmmm I'm *leaning* towards thinking it's something health-related... since you mentioned she had some issues in the past? While it certainly could be *anything* I think you would've had some sense if she were unstable or having substance issues, especially since you guys are home with her most of them time while she's watching DC. If the health issue has any impact on her reproductive "stuff", the emotional fallout may be greater than the physical, and it just might be really hard to jump back into that particular line of work for a few weeks? I don't know obviously but, just from what you've posted it might be something along those lines...
I really hope she's OK, I'm inferring that she's young, so I think it's totally within reason to call her parents, and you can get a bit of clarity on her plans without invading her privacy, I wouldn't worry about that too much.
Good luck, I really hope she's OK though!!!!

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Message edited 9/2/2009 10:43:59 AM.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Posted by DRMom

Posted by beachgirl

Thats a tough one as you really like her and if she does come back you will probably still want her. How about interviewing the new person and explaining what is going on and in this economic climate she may be more than willing to start babysitting even if it turns out to be part time.

As for your babysitter I would not press her - obviously her boyfriend doesnt want to give you any more information for now so I would just ride it out. Do you think she may have had a miscarriage or something?

Whatever it is I hope your babysitter is okay and that you get some help sorted soon. I work from home too and know what a nightmare it is when your babysitter is gone.

That was one of my ideas but we didn't think she would stay with her parents in that case-probably want to be with her boyfriend ya know?

Oh also forgot to mention that she had cervical cancer in the past BUT she was here the day before until 5PM and seemd fine ...

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

wayyyyyy too shady to be near kids. Sorry but that is the way I feel.

You are a good person for being concerned. Good Luck.

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Re: Babysitter Troubles-LONG sorry

Have you ever met this boyfriend? Something doesnt sit right with me. If I were you I would definietly call her parents. You dont have to ask what her "personal" issue is but that you want to make sure she is ok since you did not hear from her directly. Also I would ask that she contact you when she is up to it that you need to make child care arrangements and would like to know if she has any intention of returning to work. Obviously you can then decide if you want her or not.