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teaforthree
My Handsome Boy!
Member since 12/10 2549 total posts
Name:
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Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Get ahold of your anger. I know I'm not *yet* a mom, but will be in about a week.
Your two, sweet little boys came skipping into Dunkin Donuts with you. I looked at the scene and smiled, thinking it was such a cute moment for the three of them - father and sons.
Then... the earth shattering question was asked by dad... "What do you want?" Who knew this would turn into the end of the beautiful bonding moment they could have had? The little boy - maybe 4 or 5 - couldn't decide between a munchkin or a donut. You would think he just told the dad he wanted to rob the store or something disdainful. While I was handling my own transaction, I couldn't hear myself think over the dad yelling at the little boy, grabbing his arm  , telling him to make up his mind and stop being so selfish, telling him he ruined it now and isn't getting anything... all because he couldn't decide between chocolate munchkins and a jelly donut (a dilemna I've had myself at times!).
The dad would ask the kid "what he wanted" only to cut the boy off when he started saying "I want..." - and said to his son "I don't want to hear 'I want'."  Way to confuse the kid. The younger brother just had this look of fear on his face at his slightly older brother in tears. The three of them left - the once happy, skipping boy now holding his arm with the saddest look on his face.
I wanted to tell the guy off. I kind of regret not - but it's not my place. The best I could do was stare him down and hope he read the word "a$$hole" on my lips as I looked at him while getting in my car.
I know I'm not a parent. I know that sometimes parents don't act the ideal way. But it just saddened me if this is the way he always acts. Like a bully to his own son over what kind of donut the kid wanted. Disgusting. The kid's behavior (I feel) didn't warrant that, at all. So sad...
Thanks for letting me vent. I hope my feelings don't start any drama about how everyone parents differently... or how I don't understand because I'm not yet a mom. But I pray to never be like that and I thank God I'm married to a guy who is already a fantastic father before our kid has even been born and who has proven himself to be so great with kids, as he is with our nephews. I just wish he was with me in Dunkin Donuts to sock the guy. (half kidding...).
Message edited 8/5/2011 11:10:35 AM.
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Posted 8/5/11 11:09 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
ugh.. that does s*ck and I'm just hoping that you caught the dad at a "bad" time.. no one knows what could have triggered him to snap like that.. and I'm not making excuses but just sayin
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| Posted 8/5/11 11:16 AM |
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Ian&EmmesMommy23
My family is complete!
Member since 11/08 12970 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
a$$hole! reading that made my blood boil. a young child should not be talked to like that. flame me...i dont care. teach by example!!!
Message edited 8/5/2011 11:27:41 AM.
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| Posted 8/5/11 11:27 AM |
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Jonsgirl04
Love my two girls! xoxo
Member since 9/08 6079 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
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| Posted 8/5/11 11:33 AM |
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junebride06
love my boys!
Member since 2/08 3181 total posts
Name:
Robin
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Awww poor little guy, what a jerk!
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| Posted 8/5/11 12:20 PM |
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MrsBurtch525
Year for change!
Member since 1/09 6017 total posts
Name:
Taryn
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Just reading that made me think of the hurt on that that little boys face  he must have just been so sad, shame on that dad for making him feel like that all because of a freakin' donut....I hope he isn't like that all the time!
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| Posted 8/5/11 12:37 PM |
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Lina027
LIF Infant
Member since 8/10 331 total posts
Name:
Lina
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by Jonsgirl04
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
same.. part of me thinks i would tell him that I should report him to cps but then on the other hand, i wouldn't want to say that in front of the kids.. ahh ::sigh:: this is a sad sad story.
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| Posted 8/5/11 3:36 PM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by Lina027
Posted by Jonsgirl04
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
same.. part of me thinks i would tell him that I should report him to cps but then on the other hand, i wouldn't want to say that in front of the kids.. ahh ::sigh:: this is a sad sad story.
really, CPS for this???? Come on now...
This isn't like the other post going on.
Before you judge, you have NO IDEA what kind of day this dad had. Maybe all day long the boys weren't behaving, who knows. All I know is, while the kid was sad, I don't think this is out of line at all.
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:04 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by Lina027
Posted by Jonsgirl04
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
same.. part of me thinks i would tell him that I should report him to cps but then on the other hand, i wouldn't want to say that in front of the kids.. ahh ::sigh:: this is a sad sad story.
really, CPS for this???? Come on now...
This isn't like the other post going on.
Before you judge, you have NO IDEA what kind of day this dad had. Maybe all day long the boys weren't behaving, who knows. All I know is, while the kid was sad, I don't think this is out of line at all.
I agree. He didn't do anything that warrants CPS.
He was mean, yeah.
But we all have our days where we are pushed to our limits.
Making your kid cry or feel sad, is not child abuse.
Sometimes it's part of discipline.
Being a parent isn't always sunshine and roses!
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:06 PM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by Lina027
Posted by Jonsgirl04
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
same.. part of me thinks i would tell him that I should report him to cps but then on the other hand, i wouldn't want to say that in front of the kids.. ahh ::sigh:: this is a sad sad story.
really, CPS for this???? Come on now...
This isn't like the other post going on.
Before you judge, you have NO IDEA what kind of day this dad had. Maybe all day long the boys weren't behaving, who knows. All I know is, while the kid was sad, I don't think this is out of line at all.
I agree. He didn't do anything that warrants CPS.
He was mean, yeah.
But we all have our days where we are pushed to our limits.
Making your kid cry or feel sad, is not child abuse.
Sometimes it's part of discipline.
Being a parent isn't always sunshine and roses!
THANK YOU!! I swear, reality check is needed sometimes!!
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:09 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by Lina027
Posted by Jonsgirl04
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
same.. part of me thinks i would tell him that I should report him to cps but then on the other hand, i wouldn't want to say that in front of the kids.. ahh ::sigh:: this is a sad sad story.
really, CPS for this???? Come on now...
This isn't like the other post going on.
Before you judge, you have NO IDEA what kind of day this dad had. Maybe all day long the boys weren't behaving, who knows. All I know is, while the kid was sad, I don't think this is out of line at all.
I agree. He didn't do anything that warrants CPS.
He was mean, yeah.
But we all have our days where we are pushed to our limits.
Making your kid cry or feel sad, is not child abuse.
Sometimes it's part of discipline.
Being a parent isn't always sunshine and roses!
ITA, maybe the kid always does this and takes 10 mins to decide. Maybe the DW is in the hospital and they are on their way there, it's been a crazy stressful day.
Don't judge. You don't know what someone else's life is like just by one snippet of time in Dunkin Donuts.
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:09 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by Lina027
Posted by Jonsgirl04
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
same.. part of me thinks i would tell him that I should report him to cps but then on the other hand, i wouldn't want to say that in front of the kids.. ahh ::sigh:: this is a sad sad story.
really, CPS for this???? Come on now...
This isn't like the other post going on.
Before you judge, you have NO IDEA what kind of day this dad had. Maybe all day long the boys weren't behaving, who knows. All I know is, while the kid was sad, I don't think this is out of line at all.
the day you had shouldn't affect how you treat your kids. If you're having a bad day walk away for a moment and take a breather...go in another room and scream...but once you do something or say something to a child it cannot be taken back...and not even "sorry" can fix the damage once its done. so...yes maybe CPS is a bit much...but I don't care what kind of day he was having...his reaction was definitely out of line and uncalled for
ETA: i don't think taking time to decide between munchkins or a donut requires DISCIPLINE...running in the street, touching a stove, screaming all day and jumping on things, misbehaving...THOSE THINGS require discipline. i think in this case the parent needed discipline.
Message edited 8/5/2011 4:16:30 PM.
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:11 PM |
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annoyedTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3272 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Sad how many bad parents there are out there.
The father sounds like a real prick
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:12 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by Lina027
Posted by Jonsgirl04
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
same.. part of me thinks i would tell him that I should report him to cps but then on the other hand, i wouldn't want to say that in front of the kids.. ahh ::sigh:: this is a sad sad story.
really, CPS for this???? Come on now...
This isn't like the other post going on.
Before you judge, you have NO IDEA what kind of day this dad had. Maybe all day long the boys weren't behaving, who knows. All I know is, while the kid was sad, I don't think this is out of line at all.
I agree. He didn't do anything that warrants CPS.
He was mean, yeah.
But we all have our days where we are pushed to our limits.
Making your kid cry or feel sad, is not child abuse.
Sometimes it's part of discipline.
Being a parent isn't always sunshine and roses!
I sort of agree. But at the same time, if you call CPS, and report what you saw, do they automatically investigate, or do they have criteria and decide whether this is something that warrants investigation? If so, and you see something genuinely upsetting, why not allow it to the experts to decide whether it is something that warrants investigation. I think this example is bad or at least sad, but it could be an off moment for the dad for sure. At the same time, he could be a terrible parent, and maybe the kids are scared of him, and maybe the wife too. It is hard to decide when to intervene.
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:13 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Awwwww poor kid. Maybe dad was just having a bad day. How he treats his kids will be reflected when they treat him the same way in the future
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:15 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by Lina027
Posted by Jonsgirl04
That just made me cry.. I think i would have had to say something. Even if the guuy screamed at me. What a @sshole!
same.. part of me thinks i would tell him that I should report him to cps but then on the other hand, i wouldn't want to say that in front of the kids.. ahh ::sigh:: this is a sad sad story.
really, CPS for this???? Come on now...
This isn't like the other post going on.
Before you judge, you have NO IDEA what kind of day this dad had. Maybe all day long the boys weren't behaving, who knows. All I know is, while the kid was sad, I don't think this is out of line at all.
Exactly. You have no idea what was going on. Does it make it right, maybe not but it's also not right to judge. Until you have been there, you have no idea how short your patience can get. We're not perfect, we're parents; some moments aren't that great.
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:16 PM |
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Lina027
LIF Infant
Member since 8/10 331 total posts
Name:
Lina
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Whooa ladiesss.. i was just saying what was going on in my head! Geez yea it is extreme i agree thats why i didn't and wouldn't have said it. I agree with all of you that parents all have bad days and we shouldn't be judged on one bad moment.
It was a hypothetical thought in the head.
Overall still a sad story.
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| Posted 8/5/11 4:40 PM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Which DD? In the Waldbaum's shopping center or where Mulberry Street used to be? I would have probably said something to the guy if, in my opinion, the dad was being excessive. But then again, I get paid to do that. Calling cps for this as you wrote it- it would not be entertained.
Message edited 8/5/2011 6:32:11 PM.
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| Posted 8/5/11 6:16 PM |
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Michelle1123
Baby #5 on the way!
Member since 9/05 7919 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
When you have kids that cant make up their minds you will understand. I completely can see where the father was coming from. I have waited 10+ minutes for my kids to make up their minds sometimes. I'll be doing something nice by stopping and getting them a treat, but usually we are in a rush on the way somewhere and it can be VERY frustrating.
i seriously feel like might be the only *imperfect* mom on Long Island after reading this board. 
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| Posted 8/5/11 6:20 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by Michelle1123
When you have kids that cant make up their minds you will understand. I completely can see where the father was coming from. I have waited 10+ minutes for my kids to make up their minds sometimes. I'll be doing something nice by stopping and getting them a treat, but usually we are in a rush on the way somewhere and it can be VERY frustrating.
i seriously feel like might be the only *imperfect* mom on Long Island after reading this board.
ITA! I hate when I am trying to do something nice for my boys (Specifically Jack since he's older) and he turns it into a bad thing. It's so frustrating and that honestly upsets me the most when I am getting him a treat of some sorts - whether it's a donut, ice cream, a toy - and he has to turn it into a bad thing. No one knows the history behind this. Parents yell. Deal with it.
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| Posted 8/5/11 6:40 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by Michelle1123
When you have kids that cant make up their minds you will understand. I completely can see where the father was coming from. I have waited 10+ minutes for my kids to make up their minds sometimes. I'll be doing something nice by stopping and getting them a treat, but usually we are in a rush on the way somewhere and it can be VERY frustrating.
i seriously feel like might be the only *imperfect* mom on Long Island after reading this board.
ITA! I hate when I am trying to do something nice for my boys (Specifically Jack since he's older) and he turns it into a bad thing. It's so frustrating and that honestly upsets me the most when I am getting him a treat of some sorts - whether it's a donut, ice cream, a toy - and he has to turn it into a bad thing. No one knows the history behind this. Parents yell. Deal with it.
but they're kids!! thats like my DH...he gets annoyed and tries to reason with my newborn to stop crying when he gets into fits that we can't soothe. I tell him "look at urself...ur trying to reason with a NEWBORN!!! HE'S A NEWBORN...THEY CRY...IT'S WHAT THEY DO!!!" same thing with kids...they're not always going to be decisive on the spot...and they may say they want something and then change their mind once they got what they thought they wanted...it's what they do!!! we signed up for this gig, not them! so for us to lose our patience on that level with KIDS is ridiculous. I could understand sternly telling them that they have to learn to speak up for what they want & that once we get to the register it's decision time but for a parent to throw a fit like that? I hate when parents act like their whole life is inconvenienced because of typical childlike behavior. nobody told you to have a child if you can't handle the pressure.
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| Posted 8/5/11 6:50 PM |
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Celt
~~~~~~~~~~
Member since 4/08 7758 total posts
Name:
colette
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
I'm sorry I just cannot understand the point of this thread.
At all.
I mean is it upsetting to witness? Absofrickinglutely.
Is it abusive?
Absolutely not.
Not based on the tidbit you witnessed, not based on the kids reaction, and not based on ANYTHING in your post.
I mean granted you don't have a toddler/older child yet, but holy hell if you've ever been out in public before today you've seen this MOMENT (moment = operative word here) whether you chose to pay attention to it or not.
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| Posted 8/5/11 6:55 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by Michelle1123
When you have kids that cant make up their minds you will understand. I completely can see where the father was coming from. I have waited 10+ minutes for my kids to make up their minds sometimes. I'll be doing something nice by stopping and getting them a treat, but usually we are in a rush on the way somewhere and it can be VERY frustrating.
i seriously feel like might be the only *imperfect* mom on Long Island after reading this board.
ITA! I hate when I am trying to do something nice for my boys (Specifically Jack since he's older) and he turns it into a bad thing. It's so frustrating and that honestly upsets me the most when I am getting him a treat of some sorts - whether it's a donut, ice cream, a toy - and he has to turn it into a bad thing. No one knows the history behind this. Parents yell. Deal with it.
but they're kids!! thats like my DH...he gets annoyed and tries to reason with my newborn to stop crying when he gets into fits that we can't soothe. I tell him "look at urself...ur trying to reason with a NEWBORN!!! HE'S A NEWBORN...THEY CRY...IT'S WHAT THEY DO!!!" same thing with kids...they're not always going to be decisive on the spot...and they may say they want something and then change their mind once they got what they thought they wanted...it's what they do!!! we signed up for this gig, not them! so for us to lose our patience on that level with KIDS is ridiculous. I could understand sternly telling them that they have to learn to speak up for what they want & that once we get to the register it's decision time but for a parent to throw a fit like that? I hate when parents act like their whole life is inconvenienced because of typical childlike behavior. nobody told you to have a child if you can't handle the pressure.
I am going to assume that you only have a newborn and not a toddler also. I am not trying to be mean, or snippy here - but I can almost guarantee that your tune will change if/when you have a challenging toddler. Not all kids are like that - but some are. My oldest gives me a very hard time about certain things - and he is crazy stubborn. I say it's like negotiating with a terrorist. Some days are really really hard. Yes, I signed up for being a parent - I did not sign up for letting my child run the house and be the boss.
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| Posted 8/5/11 6:55 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
Posted by colette
I'm sorry I just cannot understand the point of this thread.
At all.
I mean is it upsetting to witness? Absofrickinglutely.
Is it abusive?
Absolutely not.
Not based on the tidbit you witnessed, not based on the kids reaction, and not based on ANYTHING in your post.
I mean granted you don't have a toddler/older child yet, but holy hell if you've ever been out in public before today you've seen this MOMENT (moment = operative word here) whether you chose to pay attention to it or not.
Thank you voice of reason! I really don't get the point of this thread.
If I see a child getting abused, I'd call CPS. If I saw something that wasn't abuse BUT that still upset me, I'd be upset...but realize that there is not much I can do about it. There are parents I see yelling at their kids or talking to someone else and swearing and I feel so badly that the kids have to hear that, but I can't go around being some kind of street vigilante. Now if I saw something that *I* believed to be real abuse and I was able to report who it was, I would.
This is just a hot mess 
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| Posted 8/5/11 6:59 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Dear "Jerk" of a Dad in East Islip Dunkin Donuts...
i do only have a newborn but i had to basically raise my little brother & I've taken care of children most of my life. I've had to deal with similar situations and I've NEVER handled it that way.
eta: nobody ever said let the kids rule. I DO NOT agree with parents who let their kids rule the roost and behave however which way they please...but on the other hand theres a way to handle things. young children are VERY impressionable and we have to really think twice & breathe before we react with them bc they pick up on everything. if you think it's ok to just speak to a child however which way you please because "mommy's frustrated" then what else is ok?
I've lost my temper...but i'd sooner walk to another room and punch a wall before taking it out on a child. like i said...maybe this could have better been handled by stating beforehand that once we get to the register a decision must be made...or instead of making a scene...why not suggest the child get the donut and 1 munchkin! 1 munchkin wouldn't make much of a difference and it would certainly be better than losing your cool.
Message edited 8/5/2011 7:13:28 PM.
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| Posted 8/5/11 7:01 PM |
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