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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
So, my almost 5 year old DS has been completely acting up lately.
He was sent home yesterday with a note from his teacher about how bad his behaviour was, how he was interrupting and not listening all day.
We RSVP'ed for a friend's birthday party that is supposed to be this Saturday.
I don't think he should be allowed to go. This is not the first time he has been sent home with a note and he is not changing his behavior.
I think he deserves some form of punishment that will really make him think about the way he has been acting and I don't think he should be rewarded by being allowed to go to a party.
DH thinks I am being too hard on him, and also that it is rude to now not go to a party we RSVPed yes to. (it is in a bounce house).
Do think think the punishment fits the crime?
And, if you were the host of the party, would you be upset that we declined last minute? (I would send him to school with the gift we got the friend)
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Posted 3/12/13 4:46 PM  |
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Smileyd17
kids
Member since 5/05 20997 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
i just declined for a party this sat. she was thankful for the call and didnt question why we couldnt make it. I did RSVP the wk prior saying we could go. Plans changed.
As for the punishment, if you feel it would affect him and teach him that his not so good behavior at school hurt him from going- more power to you, Do it!
I agree with you.
Message edited 3/12/2013 4:56:29 PM.
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| Posted 3/12/13 4:55 PM |
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Ayne11
Yep
Member since 1/09 18021 total posts
Name:
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5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
I think you should do it, if you feel it would be effective. I don't think it's too harsh at all. My mom did this to me once when I was little & I was devastated. Lemme tell ya, I learned my lesson.
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| Posted 3/12/13 5:14 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
I think it's too harsh! He should not be acting up in school, but you shouldn't punish him based on what a teacher said. Talk to him about it, but don't keep him from the party. Maybe she was having a bad day, bad mood etc. maybe he was tired or upset about something etc. you weren't there so who knows what really happened
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| Posted 3/12/13 5:33 PM |
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AugustMom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 743 total posts
Name:
Christine
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5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
As I teacher and a mom I thank you for supporting the teacher's observations and not blaming the teacher for having a bad day as pp said.
Sometimes an example has to be made and if u feel this is what will do it, you go mama!! I bet you he will learn his lesson!
Good luck!!
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| Posted 3/12/13 5:41 PM |
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Traysee
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 652 total posts
Name:
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5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
I think I would probably do a different punishment at home, but let him go to the party.
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| Posted 3/12/13 5:44 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Posted by AugustMom
As I teacher and a mom I thank you for supporting the teacher's observations and not blaming the teacher for having a bad day as pp said.
Sometimes an example has to be made and if u feel this is what will do it, you go mama!! I bet you he will learn his lesson!
Good luck!!
Didn't mean to offend, but I've been in a classroom ( as an assistant) where teachers totally overreact to a slight thing because THEY are tired or in a mood. Then go on to complain to a parent about something that was so small
Message edited 3/12/2013 6:02:47 PM.
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| Posted 3/12/13 6:01 PM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
I feel like I have exhausted my other options. Taking away tv time, toys, Eric. Giving him timeouts. It's like none of those things are important enough to make an impact and this may hit him hard.
His teacher is a sweetheart. I don't doubt anything she wrote in her note. I asked him about it when he got home and he fully admitted to behaving badly and walked right into time out without a peep. But this morning was right back to having a bad attitude and not listening, so I feel something drastic is required.
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| Posted 3/12/13 6:04 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Posted by jambalady
I feel like I have exhausted my other options. Taking away tv time, toys, Eric. Giving him timeouts. It's like none of those things are important enough to make an impact and this may hit him hard.
His teacher is a sweetheart. I don't doubt anything she wrote in her note. I asked him about it when he got home and he fully admitted to behaving badly and walked right into time out without a peep. But this morning was right back to having a bad attitude and not listening, so I feel something drastic is required.
What if you tell Him in order to go to the party he needs to do what is expected of him? More like a reward , different then taking things away. I have an almost 5 yo boy, I know it's so hard.
Message edited 3/12/2013 6:16:17 PM.
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| Posted 3/12/13 6:15 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Going by everything you described, I would absolutely 100% keep him home. In fact, I wish there was a party coming up that I could keep MY 5 year old home from.  
I think it would be one if those "it hurts me more than it hurts you" type of deals (and I think *I'd* probably be the one crying!) but it sounds like a little tough-love is in order.
Message edited 3/12/2013 6:21:14 PM.
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| Posted 3/12/13 6:20 PM |
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babymakes3
Almost there!
Member since 7/06 7376 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Posted by Traysee
I think I would probably do a different punishment at home, but let him go to the party.
That's what I would do.
Take away something he likes for a day and have a talk. If reserve taking away the party for repeat offenses.
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| Posted 3/12/13 6:38 PM |
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mbg1007
LIF Adult
Member since 3/09 1247 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
I would keep him home, not going to a b-day party is not too harsh and he will remember it! When I was around his age I was acting up and called my father a bad name and my punishment was that I was not allowed to go to a friend's birthday party that day ( I also had to drop the gift off). You can bet that I never did that again
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| Posted 3/12/13 7:15 PM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
I think it's too close to the party date and the mom may have already bought goody bags , etc. jJust a thought- I would let him go but I would not let him have cake. If he doesn't go to the party, he will likely forget all about it as the says go on. (My DD would) But for him to see his friends eat cake right in front of him but he can't because of his behavior - I think that might be effective too. Or hold on to his goody bag until his behavior improves.
eta - For Superbowl - I was in the middle of making apps to go to a party - DD kept acting up so I decided we weren't going. She cried for a little , then forgot all about it. I was kinda annoyed that she didn't cry longer, lol
Message edited 3/12/2013 7:51:11 PM.
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| Posted 3/12/13 7:47 PM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
I would keep him home. I would call the mom and probably still give a gift.
Hopefully this consequence works for you and things improve
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| Posted 3/12/13 7:50 PM |
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cj7305
=)
Member since 8/05 12296 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Ugh, I totally feel your pain and recently posted about my almost 5 year old being an absolute nightmare lately. Luckily he is good in school, he saves up all his insanity for me! I'm not sure what I would do if I was you- very tough call. Do what you feel is right and if you think it will make an impact- go for it. I know that feeling when nothing seems to be working I want my sweet boy back!
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| Posted 3/12/13 7:56 PM |
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PregowithTwins
My boys turned 8
Member since 5/11 2451 total posts
Name:
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5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
I would not let him go to the party. It's a reward to go. It has to be earned
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| Posted 3/12/13 8:20 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Keep him. The behavior was bad enough that the teacher had to write a note to you about it...and since the incident he still isn't behaving.
this is the only way kids learn. I commend you for what you're doing, not enough parents follow through on punishments or they ignore it which is the worst thing you can do. he will get over it and I bet you anything his behavior improves!
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| Posted 3/12/13 8:28 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Posted by PregowithTwins
I would not let him go to the party. It's a reward to go. It has to be earned
Agreed!
Especially since this isn't a one time thing. It sounds like it might be time for a little tough love.
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| Posted 3/12/13 8:31 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
At 5 years old, i think it totally fits the crime. I would keep him home. I know Jacen would be devastated if we did that as a punishment and hopefully it would be enough to make him think twice before acting like that again.
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| Posted 3/12/13 8:38 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Posted by maybebaby
Keep him. The behavior was bad enough that the teacher had to write a note to you about it...and since the incident he still isn't behaving.
this is the only way kids learn. I commend you for what you're doing, not enough parents follow through on punishments or they ignore it which is the worst thing you can do. he will get over it and I bet you anything his behavior improves!
ITA!
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| Posted 3/12/13 8:39 PM |
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mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11
Member since 5/05 3133 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Posted by AugustMom
As I teacher and a mom I thank you for supporting the teacher's observations and not blaming the teacher for having a bad day as pp said.
Sometimes an example has to be made and if u feel this is what will do it, you go mama!! I bet you he will learn his lesson!
Good luck!!
ITA!! I wish parents followed through more and consequences have to be given, especially if it hasn't been the first time. However, I like to give 2 warnings before a consequence. So maybe this time say to him, if I get another bad report from your teacher this week, no birthday party.
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| Posted 3/12/13 8:39 PM |
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NASP09
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Member since 6/05 6030 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
IMO acting up on a Monday shouldn't get a consequence/punishment on Saturday. The consequence should be much closer to the behavior to be effective.
I would tell him he needs to behave in class Wednesday Thursday and Friday and he can earn going to the party . But don't let 1 small thing Friday ruin it- if he's really trying then I'd let him go.
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| Posted 3/12/13 8:51 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Posted by NASP09
IMO acting up on a Monday shouldn't get a consequence/punishment on Saturday. The consequence should be much closer to the behavior to be effective.
I would tell him he needs to behave in class Wednesday Thursday and Friday and he can earn going to the party . But don't let 1 small thing Friday ruin it- if he's really trying then I'd let him go.
I would normally agree with this...but she said that he also was acting out a lot today...and since it's wednesday i think that is close enough especially after all that happened on tuesday
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| Posted 3/12/13 8:55 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: 5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
Posted by NASP09
IMO acting up on a Monday shouldn't get a consequence/punishment on Saturday. The consequence should be much closer to the behavior to be effective.
I would tell him he needs to behave in class Wednesday Thursday and Friday and he can earn going to the party . But don't let 1 small thing Friday ruin it- if he's really trying then I'd let him go.
Ita
I also feel bad for the kid that wants your ds at his/her bday party
Ok I'll stop harassing you 
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| Posted 3/12/13 9:05 PM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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5 year - punishment and birthday party RSVP
For me it depends on whether he will understand the connection. My oldest is three and I know that's much different than five. He would make the connection because I'm saying it but not sure that the connection would be real enough bc of so much time between the bad action and punishment. If your ds totally "gets it" I think that's a great punishment that will be remembered. Considering the ten bazillio parties we attend I don't think it's too harsh and as for the host I think it's perfectly acceptable to change your rsvp now
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| Posted 3/12/13 9:21 PM |
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