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Message edited 6/15/2008 10:13:50 AM.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Let me preface this with I'm in an interfaith marriage. Also I can't stand my MIL, and we've had some major issues over the years.

That said, I don't see what the big deal is to take some pics in the outfit a day or 2 before or after the actual christening, and to put the bracelet on her after the ceremony at the party. I think it's nice that your dd is being included in the family traditions. That's the beauty of being part of an interfaith family, you get to learn about and embrace new traditions, in addition to the ones you are used to.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

It's your baby you call the shots. That being said, we also have a very old traditional christening gown in our family and i know that my mother would be heartbroken if one of her grandchildren was baptised and didnt wear it, same thing with the bracelet. I also think that these things are very important family traditions.

If I were you I'd put her in it for a little while after the ceremony (with the bracelet also). It sounds like a lovely tradition.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Let me preface this by saying I am Jewish, and no little about the intricacies of the Orthodox faith. I am also not in an interfaith marriage.

But I think when you do enter an interfaith marriage, you have to make compromises to keep the peace and respect your in-law's traditions. Now, I don't think you need to compromise on how you raise your child and what you teach her, but it seems like your MIL is asking for very small acknowledgments of her faith.

I too don't see the big deal about letting the child wear the gown for some pictures (not the ceremony) and the bracelet after the ceremony or for another time. I think that as long as these things are being incorporated into the ceremony, its a reasonable compromise.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Posted by CathyB

Let me preface this with I'm in an interfaith marriage. Also I can't stand my MIL, and we've had some major issues over the years.

That said, I don't see what the big deal is to take some pics in the outfit a day or 2 before or after the actual christening, and to put the bracelet on her after the ceremony at the party. I think it's nice that your dd is being included in the family traditions. That's the beauty of being part of an interfaith family, you get to learn about and embrace new traditions, in addition to the ones you are used to.

Message edited 3/18/2008 7:30:51 PM.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Posted by beckywecky

Posted by CathyB

Let me preface this with I'm in an interfaith marriage. Also I can't stand my MIL, and we've had some major issues over the years.

That said, I don't see what the big deal is to take some pics in the outfit a day or 2 before or after the actual christening, and to put the bracelet on her after the ceremony at the party. I think it's nice that your dd is being included in the family traditions. That's the beauty of being part of an interfaith family, you get to learn about and embrace new traditions, in addition to the ones you are used to.

as I said the big deal is , that the outfit is for a newborn to 3 months and my DD is 6 months old and a big baby, so as I said it won't even fit her , and even if it does, it's too small and I don't want to squeeze her into it just for pics, the problem with the bracelet is that it should be my choice to put it on her or not, instead of my MIL forcing it onto me, especially when it's a very catholic piece( I don't have anything against a Catholic religion) I actually told my MIL that when my DD is older she can take her to church with her. Just for the info ,I come from a very strict Orthodox tradition and culture.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Message edited 3/18/2008 7:31:24 PM.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

You are the mom! It's very pushy of your MIL to try to make you do all of these things when you have already compromised. It sounds as if your MIL doesn't really understand your own traditions.

All I can say is good luck! Try not to be bullied

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Posted by CathyB

Posted by beckywecky

Posted by CathyB

Let me preface this with I'm in an interfaith marriage. Also I can't stand my MIL, and we've had some major issues over the years.

That said, I don't see what the big deal is to take some pics in the outfit a day or 2 before or after the actual christening, and to put the bracelet on her after the ceremony at the party. I think it's nice that your dd is being included in the family traditions. That's the beauty of being part of an interfaith family, you get to learn about and embrace new traditions, in addition to the ones you are used to.

as I said the big deal is , that the outfit is for a newborn to 3 months and my DD is 6 months old and a big baby, so as I said it won't even fit her , and even if it does, it's too small and I don't want to squeeze her into it just for pics, the problem with the bracelet is that it should be my choice to put it on her or not, instead of my MIL forcing it onto me, especially when it's a very catholic piece( I don't have anything against a Catholic religion) I actually told my MIL that when my DD is older she can take her to church with her. Just for the info ,I come from a very strict Orthodox tradition and culture.

Well, then you shouldn't have asked for opinions, you should have said this was purely a vent and that you have no intention of including any of these things.

Message edited 3/18/2008 7:32:25 PM.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Message edited 3/18/2008 7:31:56 PM.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Message edited 3/17/2008 11:32:35 AM.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

I am Catholic and my DH is Serian Orthodox. For my DD#1 I tried to comprimise and we baptised her twice, once catholic and once at DHs church (not telling either church that it was being done twice). While that seemed like a good solution I was still very hurt becuase I was left out of the planning and explaination of everything surrounding the baptism in DHs church and I felt as her mother I was entitled to be included, since I was being opened minded to their faith

Well for DD#2, she was only baptised catholic since I was not happy with how everything played out the first time.

At first I agreed with all the previous posters about wearing the dress and braclet before or after, becuase it sounds harmless enough. However having been there I have learned you are the mom, make whatever chioce you (and DH) are comfortable with and stict to it, everyone else will have to just deal with it. It is hard to say not knowing how your ILs are, but I would sit down and explain your faith, its rules and traditions to them so they understand and let them know how important it all is to you that it be done right. The dress sounds to small to even be an issue, but I would offer to wear the braclet AFTER the ceremony for a picture. Good Luck

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Just an idea but what if you tell your mil that you would let her take pics in the outfit then show her how it is too small. Hopefully she wouldn't expect you to squeeze her into something that is really to small for her. About the braclet either you or your dh should just talk to her about how happy you are that she wanted to give your dd this family braclet however during the church she really can't wear it but would be more then happy to put it on her afterwards. I know it can be difficult when it comes to religion my first son was before my dh and his dad is jewish and I am catholic at the baptism his grandparents wouldn't come to the church but came out to eat afterwards. Also they gave us a gift at the next holiday for the baptism but wouldn't give it to us on that day since it would be like they were celebrating it. All I can say is good luck

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

We are an interfaith family, I catholic, DH jewish, both my girls were christened and will be raised catholic.

I think your DH needs to have a talk with his mom and explain to her wishes you guys have for her raising her orthodox. She might just not understand or know. And just wants DD to have piece of her faith as well.

But as a family gesture, i would put the bracelet on DD after the ceremony.
My DD's have menorahs, celebrate all the holidays and don traditional jewish items and symbols. I want them to appreciate the faith their dad was raised with.
But MIL needs to know there's a time and place for everything. And squeezing your Child into a gown that's way too small is over the line IMO, no matter what the religion.

GL

It's a hard road of understanding, but it helps if you guys are a united front and include IL's so they understand their grandchild's religion.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

I wouldn't compromise on religion, it's just to important to me.

That being said, I am not in an interfaith relationship so I don't know the compromises you have to make.

How does your DH feel about it? Is the bracelet important to him? How does he feel about the gown?

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Whatever happened to whatever the mother is...that's what the child is?

I don't understand the drama here...
You're orthodox...that's what your child is. It sounds like your MIL is just being pushy. She needs to step down and take her dress that's too small and her bracelet and relax herself. She had the chance to christen her kids...she needs to let you do what what you want.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean...I'm cranky today.

Good luck...

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Posted by Stefanie

Whatever happened to whatever the mother is...that's what the child is?

I don't understand the drama here...
You're orthodox...that's what your child is. It sounds like your MIL is just being pushy. She needs to step down and take her dress that's too small and her bracelet and relax herself. She had the chance to christen her kids...she needs to let you do what what you want.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean...I'm cranky today.

Good luck...

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Posted by Gatsbygirl

You are the mom! It's very pushy of your MIL to try to make you do all of these things when you have already compromised. It sounds as if your MIL doesn't really understand your own traditions.

All I can say is good luck! Try not to be bullied

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Posted by Stefanie

Whatever happened to whatever the mother is...that's what the child is?

I don't understand the drama here...
You're orthodox...that's what your child is. It sounds like your MIL is just being pushy. She needs to step down and take her dress that's too small and her bracelet and relax herself. She had the chance to christen her kids...she needs to let you do what what you want.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean...I'm cranky today.

Good luck...

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Posted by Stefanie

Whatever happened to whatever the mother is...that's what the child is?

I don't understand the drama here...
You're orthodox...that's what your child is. It sounds like your MIL is just being pushy. She needs to step down and take her dress that's too small and her bracelet and relax herself. She had the chance to christen her kids...she needs to let you do what what you want.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean...I'm cranky today.

Good luck...

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

Posted by beckywecky

I am not trying to be annoying or anything ,lol, I am just responding , just to let you know where I come from. I appreciate your reply, believe me.

Re: MIL vent, little long, but would like to get some opinions , please.

I am in an interfaith marriage too and DH and I are barely even religious. MIL is a church going Catholic. Little things have been said along the way, but ultimately DH and I make the final decisions. That being said, I do try to please my MIL whenever I can. Is there anyway you can put DC in the outfit soon and just take a couple of pictures? And as for the bracelt, explain that it goes against your church traditions, but since it's such a beautiful bracelt and means so much to her, that you would be honoerd to have DC wear it after the ceremony.