Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

Background: Found out we were pregnant last september, complete suprise! We had just gotten married. Lost the baby and had a D&C Nov 3. Found out it was a partial molar pregnancy in December. Told I couldn't TTC until 6 months after D&C. So as I am approaching go time my husband drops the bomb on me the other day that he does not want to TTC again right now. I get his "pragmatic" point of view but emotionally I can't wait to be pregnant again. I am devestated....cries:

Message edited 2/7/2007 9:58:19 AM.

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

First I want to send you some

Second I voted other.....I think you both need counseling...not to "get over it" but to discuss how you are feeling. He needs to understand how you feel and how important having a baby is to you. And this is a serious part of your marriage and you both need to be on the same page.

Good Luck and we are here for you

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

i just wanted to say that i can almost relate to what you are going through and i am so sorry. i know what it is like to REALLY want a baby and the feeling takes you over. it's almost like you can't think of anything else. it is not an easy feeling to get over and honestly i have never been able to, even though i already have kids i still want another. for the longest time DH was saying no way, and it put our relationship into this horrible place. i would definitly recommend counseling and i hope that works for you. i think your DH also has to take your feelings into consideration. asking you to wait 5-7 years is a bit much when he knows how much you want a baby now. also, i think you are still greiving the loss of your pregnancy. for that i want to send

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

Posted by LovingLife

First I want to send you some

Second I voted other.....I think you both need counseling...not to "get over it" but to discuss how you are feeling. He needs to understand how you feel and how important having a baby is to you. And this is a serious part of your marriage and you both need to be on the same page.

Good Luck and we are here for you

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

I don't even know what to say. I can offer you some

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

I agree with what the other women were saying. I think counseling for you both would really help. After my second m/c I seeked out a therapist and it really has made a difference to me. I think it would help you both better understand where the other is coming from.

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

i think he's prob afraid and most men want to feel "financially" stable before parenting. Don't make yourself sick. You should get medical benefits if you're planning on having a baby. Does he have them?

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

I am confused on the benefits thing. Once you get a teaching job you will have benefits right? Tenure doesn't matter. How old are you? I kick myself now for not getting married sooner and trying sooner as we have had issues as you know. I think there is a compromise here somewhere. Maybe waiting until the end of summer so you can find a job and not be pregnant when you get hired. There are so many things teachers can do(tutor, after school programs-you could even do sales for an education company. If I was you, I would get all my ducks in a row, get all your options together and sit down with him. GL!

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

it's nice to know that you're financially ready, but you can find a way to get by even if you're not. you never know how long it might take, or if it will happen right away.

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

I figured I would have to wait to get tenured because I will probably want to take more than 12 weeks and need my job to be waiting for me. I just feel like getting pregnant during the first or second year looks bad.

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

I have an appt with a couselor on Wednesday. Thanks girls, I feel weak or something that I couldn't work this out on my own....

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

First of all

I think your husband has your best interest at hand and I think that maybe you should stop for a while and just focus on your carreer for now. This would clear your head and you'll see how quickly you'll get preggo after that!

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

My opinion is to live for today...you can't plan everything in life so take one day at a time...why don't you guys take the not planning not preventing route and see what happens....if it is meant to be right now then it will happen...if not...then it will happen when the time is right...it is all out of our hands anyway!

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

I voted counseling.. but I don' think thats your only option now.

I think you guys should talk.. realistically I don't think he can ask you to wait that long. I don't know how old you are, but age is defiinitely a factor that he needs to consider.

My DH doesn't want babies now.. but, he understands that biologically we probably waited long enough, and he will never be ready anyway, so it may as well be now. Maybe your DH would feel similar?

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

Thanks for the input. I am not going to force him into it, so I have accepted it and will start counseling tomorrow. Thanks so much though. I always like to get outsider insight. Even if it means I am wrong sometimes.

Good luck. I don't think I will be able to stay away from here so no need for a goodbye. I really care about everyone here and wouldn't want to miss a thing so...good luck, and for us we'll just have to see what happens.

Message edited 2/7/2007 9:59:53 AM.

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

OK so in a fight last night he says "If that baby was born it's whole life it would have just been 'a mistake'"....How would you handle that one???? I feel like I am going out of my mind here. It's like I don't know how can be seriously saying this stuff to me...

I hate coming on here and sounding so pathetic and needy but he makes me feel crazy sometimes...Ugh, thank goodness I start counseling TODAY!

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

You are not crazy or weak, you have been through a lot - so give yourself some credit. He is being a bit insensitive in my opinion, I don't pretend to know what you're going through - but I imagine it is quite different for men - and also maybe he also has feelings he should talk to someone about. I read that you are starting counseling, glad to hear it, it should be very helpful - having an impartial ear is great. Hang in there - things will get better and will work out at the right time.

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

I am so sorry!!!!!!

I think you DH is just stressed and upset and he is saying things he doesn't mean.
About waiting to get pg, give it time.

Hang in there sweetie!!!
We are all here for you!!

Re: Opinions please, help....sorry a little long

First off lots of for what you have and continue to go through. I don't think you are being "weak" at all. I think it is tremendously devastating what you went through and my heart goes out to you.

From reading all of your posts on this thread I think you and DH need to go to counseling together. From the things he has said it seems there is a lot more going on at his end then just being scared and nervous to ttc again. Also, don't deny yourself your desires and dreams. You two just need to find a way to work out all the issues behind this. Sorry I couldn't be of more help