If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

How long and how often do they visit you? And do they rent their own car or are you together every waking minute? How often do you visit them?

Wondering how normal my situation is...

Message edited 8/28/2015 10:55:30 PM.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My parents and siblings all live in separate states. We try to plan trips where all of us are together, either at someones house or a true vacation. Generally speaking we see each other between 3-5 times/yr. Anywhere from a long weekend to a week. Generally if I go somewhere it's more of a long weekend. I have a business and can't really close for an extended period of time. When my family visits it's generally longer.

The car situation depends on the time frame. If its just a weekend and my DH is off then no they generally don't rent a car since they can use our second one. If DH is working then sometimes they do if they have plans to visit other people as well. We are together a lot when they are in. I love it though :) They have no problem renting a car I just try and save them the expense if I can.

Message edited 8/28/2015 11:08:38 PM.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My situation is slightly different, because my MIL is splitting her time between the U.S. and Hong Kong. She spends about a year in HK, then 3 months with my SIL and her family in Cali and then 3 months with us. She does not rent a car and relies on public transportation (she is very good at working the bus and train system).

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My parents and ILs live 3-4 hours away. We see both sides every 4-6 weeks. We/they drive so we have our own cars and stay at each other's houses. Visits are 3-4 days. We spend almost all of our time with them; usually I'll go for a run which I guess is my alone time.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

ILs live about 6.5 hours away. I'd say it varies but we see probably every 2-3 months & sometimes every month. They usually drive to see us & have their own car but we mare mostly "together" the entire time.

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My inlaws live 11 hours away. We see them 2-3 times a year. We drive down once or twice and stay for 4 days because that is all we can handle with them. We stay at dh parents house. Sometimes we stay at great wolf lodge to break it up a bit. When they come here they stay here for 3-4 days. They have drive so they have their own car.
We are together a majority of the time unless they watch out kids and we go out.

My sister lives in florida we drive there once a year and stay for 4-5 days. She come here twice a year and splits her time at my parents, her inlaws and my house

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My parents are in FL. They visit 2x a year for about 2 weeks. The stay with me for most of the time but they also stay withy sister in the city.

I work FT and DS is in daycare so we aren't around until 6pm and weekends.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My in laws live 4-5 hours away so they drive down here and have their own car. They used to stay with us at our house and it was very stressful to spend every waking moment with them. But we turned our guest room into a playroom for our DD because it works for us. So now my in laws stay at MIL sister's house. When they visit we see them for a few hours a day, which is so much better for us than being with them the entire day. They usually stay for 3-5 nights when they come down.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

Mine live in NC and visit about twice a year. They usually drive up and stay with my dads wife's family and only come see us once during their visit for an hour or so

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My parents are 6 hours away, they've always driven, but I sometimes fly there. We are usually together most of the time when they come, but I do work, and they will sometimes go shopping at outlets or in the villages, without me. We see each other maybe every month, with them coming up for extended weekends during the school year, then we do a week down there at Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer.
ETA: They do stay with us, and if they didn't have a car, they'd probably use one of ours still to do something on their own if they wanted, they wouldn't rent a car.

Message edited 8/29/2015 8:48:17 AM.

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

most of my siblings live in new york. my parents and in laws live in new york. one inlaw sibling lives on the west coast. we have not seen them since 2011, which i find weird since she did not see any of her side of the family since 2011.
my siblings live off the island and they come here to visit about every 3 months, more if there is a special occasion. my parents go visit them if the time span is very long.

my dh and i barely have any vacation time so we have not been to visit any one of state.

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My ILs live in FL. Together, they visit twice a year. MIL will visit another two-three times without her husband (total of 4-5 trips per year). Some of the visits are fairly short (4-5 days) but some are 10 days. They rarely rent a car (they will use ours) and DH and I give up our bedroom to them (we sleep in our playroom in the basement).


ETA It's definitely stressful when ILs visit. Not having my own car or bedroom is huge inconvenience. I really wish they would rent a car / stay at a hotel for part of their trip.

Message edited 8/29/2015 6:13:08 PM.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My inlaws have always been OOS. When we lived in NY, I made them stay at a hotel because our house was just too small to comfortably fit us and them. They've both rented a car and borrowed mine (which I only allowed that once, since I got stranded at the train station after work one day, when they swore they would make sure to be available to pick me up. Yeah, no). My FIL gets antsy so they almost always would spend half of their trip in NYC and half with us. They visited us once the first year we were there and then 2-4 times the next two years because we had DD and she's the only grandchild.

We moved to AZ last yr, so both sets of parents are OOS. Our house here is MUCH bigger, so everyone always stays with us. My inlaws live in CA, so they just drive over, they've come to visit many times since we moved here last yr. My folks, from NY, visited every 8 wks or so until this last May when they bought a house and they are, as we speak, driving cross country, to move in to their new place next week! My folks have never been one to put us out though - they have stayed with us since we bought this house, but when we lived in AZ for grad school, they never once stayed with us, always got a hotel, always rented a car and we would generally hang with them when we weren't at work/school but they'd occupy themselves the rest of the time. They used to visit once a year. Now, they'll be living 2 miles away, so I'll see them pretty much all the time :)

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My dad is in NY, im in NH. I never go back to NY. He comes to visit twice a year. He drives his own car, but stays with us. He stays for only 3 or 4 days.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My parents live in Las Vegas. But they lived in NY their whole lives until retiring in 2001 and moving to Vegas.
When they visit they always rent a car. They obviously know their way around. Sometimes they stay with me. Sometimes they stay at a hotel. They usually stay 7-9 days.
We usually do things together but sometimes they do their own things. They really just want to spend time with their grandchildren.

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

Hmm sounds like my situation is not so abnormal. Thanks. I'm just totally stressed. Every waking minute for 10-14 days is just too much for me and I begin to get resentful giving up more so much of my vacation time to them. My kids even start to resent it. I'd be happier if they came while I was working and rented their own car. Hats off to all of you.

Message edited 8/29/2015 10:03:00 PM.

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My mom comes up to visit about 4x a year. She will come for a week. Always stays with us. Brings her own car but typically unless I am working and she is here alone with my daughter, she travels with us. She prefers to be chauffeured around because when she comes up she likes to view it as her vacation. She typically comes with a list of things she would like us to do for her.

She wants to spend time with DD but not too much alone and typically doesn't want to feel like she is babysitting on her "vacation".

Before I went back to work, I used to go down every 2-3 months. I would stay with her, but typically spent a lot of time with other SAHM in the area and go out with my daughter. Since being back to work I go much less frequently. Maybe 2-3 times a year.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My FIL is in TN but can't travel for health reasons, so DH and DS fly down once a year. My mom lives in FL and we see her 1-2 times a year (either we go down or she flies up), my dad and brother lives in GA (dad drives up once a year and I rarely see my brother b/c they never visit us). I've been too afraid to fly for the past 8 years so us traveling to them is hard. We don't rent a car for my mom when she visits b/c DH & I carpool and she can use our other car.

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My MIL lives in Texas. She visits often because her whole family in in NY. When she comes she usually stays a while. Sometimes a month at a time. Especially now that Dh and I had twins (her first grandbabies). She will usually stay with us for a week and split the rest of her time between her sisters, mother and my BIL.
She always rents her own car and gets around on her own.
We would normally alternate Thanksgiving. One year in NY with my family and the next fly to Texas to be with her. (She comes to NY for Christmas each year). This year we were supposed to go to Texas but the Twins are only going to be 6 months and the last thing I want to do is fly during the holidays with infant twins. LOL

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My MIL and Step FIL live in Nashville. We see her 1-2 times a year. Him hardly ever. She comes without him. We are with her EVERY. WAKING. MOMENT. It's awful. She doesn't rent a car. We have a 750 sq ft living space and she sleeps on the couch. WHen DS was an infant I insisted she stay in a hotel because I was too overwhelmed. I don't have that excuse and she wants to stay with us. Worse yet.. DH goes to work and she comes on my vacations. And she is mentally ill. Needless to say its a very stressful time. We can't give her a car because I wouldn't trust her driving around here. She gets flustered easily and confused and the "frantic pace" up here gets her really upset as she says. So instead she stays glued to my side criticizing every word and action that I say/do.

My FIL and step MIL live in NJ. We see them several times a year. Maybe 10? It's never overnight and they have their own car. Very different.

Message edited 8/31/2015 10:50:20 AM.

If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

My inlaws live in Ca, I have never met them.
My brother lives in Floral Park, I live in Holbrook and we have not seen each other in a year.

Re: If you have parents or in-laws who live in another state

IL's live about 6-7 hrs away. They moved away from LI so many friends and family are still here. When they visit we don't always spend every moment together - they have other people they can visit and they do.

When we visit them it's usually just them that we are going to see, and only for a weekend (3 days at most) so yes we will spend the majority of the time with them and only break off to do some shopping or have the kids take a nap.

Nowadays we see them 4-5 times a year. It's split between us visiting them and them visiting us. It has gotten really inconvenient and expensive for us to go there, so trips to them don't happen as often as DH would like.